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Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by LadyA, Aug 22, 2015.
Hi Lady A just checking in as today has probably been a really tough day. Been thinking of you. X
A difficult day for you LadyA, I know what you mean about the emptiness stretching ahead. It doesn't really matter how much you fill your days, there is always that one special person missing that you want, more than anything, to be beside you and share your life as before. Huge hug. xxxxx
Thanks, all. I was back to work today, having been laid off for a few weeks because my client was in hospital. I only work four hours a week, divided into two mornings. I was very reluctant to go back, but with the roof repairs costing so much, the annual car tax due (€200), and the house insurance due (almost €300), I do need the money at the moment, so I'm glad to have the work. At least my car is at the lower end of the tax scale. The roofers were here at 8.20 this morning!
After work, there was the usual Thursday job of taking mum to the bank and shopping. And then lots of work waiting at home. Early bed again tonight.
Well done for getting back to work today, even though I'm sure it was the last thing you felt like doing. Sleep well x
I'm reeling from bills!
A couple of years ago, my chimney stack developed a crack. I got some guys to repair the crack, and they put mesh around the chimney, and replastered it. As the roofer and I were looking up at the roof last week, we noticed that the plaster had all cracked and was falling off! So he said he'd take a look and see what the problem was, although he had an idea they hadn't used the correct mesh. Turns out that not only had they not used galvanised mesh, so the mesh has all rusted out, but they didn't do the chimney cap properly either. So, it all has to be hacked off and redone. So, although they saved about €200 on doing the original job of fixing the ridge tiles, the chimney itself is going to cost about €750 in all! I'll be doing well to get away much under €1,900 in total.
I`m not surprised.
I hate anything going wrong with the house, it takes away my feelings of security. Also I do think we are prey to `cowboys` as I have learnt to my cost. It`s another thing which really gets my goat , as an independent woman still being seen as easy money.
I hate the fact that so much we get tradesmen to do for us has to be taken on trust!
I am also another one that wonders if being a woman on her own makes us more vulnerable
I'd feel depressed too Lady A.
Finding tradespeople who won't rip you off or do a substandard job is such a lottery isn't it!
We bought our house a bit over 3 years ago and things like the roof which didn't show as a problem on the survey have needed replacing. I love the house, but it has proved to be a bit of a money pit. I dread what's going to go wrong next.
You honestly have all my sympathy. X
Well, exactly. So, when I knew the roof was leaking, I contacted my brother who knows a lot of people, and has had a lot of work done on his own house, including having to have his kitchen re roofed. He called this guy himself, because he said he knows this man is very straight, and has no time for "cowboys", and my brother knew he does very good work. My brother told me that if this guy says something is needed, then I can be sure that it is.
I used to work for a Conveyancing Solicitor one time, Lavender. So we dealt with Surveyors and buyers/sellers of property all the time. At one time, we had buyers come back to us about a HUGE hole in a wall in the house they were buying, that the surveyor had missed! It was apparently behind a door when the door was opened, so he never saw it! That's why their reports always say something along the lines that the survey was "visual only and takes no account of defects or work covered up or hidden"!
I do feel like we just cannot win.
One of my friends rents her house from a housing association and always bemoans the fact that she doesn't own the house as she really loves it. My answer is always the same. If we have high winds and your roof is damaged the housing association will get the repair done ASAP (hers is a really good one). If my roof is damaged I have to hope the insurance covers it, or else find the money for the repair and the roofer who will do a good job as well. She admits I have a point. X
Well, yes. Housing Associations are very thin on the ground here! And rents are outrageous. There's no way I could afford rent on my pension. I saw an absolutely TINY little house in town recently, a very old house, but fully "refurbished". 2 tiny bedrooms, shower room (too small for a full bath), living room/kitchen. €950 per month!! That's more than my entire income!
Good old Google converted your euros to pounds sterling for me. Crikey!!! X
Exactly. Average rents around here start at €650 for the lower end of the market. So I will have to try and get any repairs done, and keep the home I have in relatively good nick!
Absolutely agree with you Lady A. Upkeep of house is expensive but it is your house. My house is over a hundred years old!! The latest excitement was floor sinking in sitting room!! That is sorted now. Bills seem to come together and if one thing goes wrong this is followed by something else! A merry go round.
I still have last years tax to sort out. I haven't the will or inclination to start it yet. A friend used to help me with it but his wife doesn't want him to visit me anymore. Ce la Vie!!
Take care of yourself,
Oh, isn't it weird, how even now, over two years since William's death, a wave of grief and tears can still strike, out of the blue? Sitting, reading on the couch last night, and as I shifted position, my eye caught the photo of us both that's on the mantlepiece. The last pic that was taken of us, just before he became ill with the aspiration pneumonia that killed him ten weeks later. I see that pic every day. But last night, for some reason, it reduced me to a flood of tears.
And this morning, I've woken up ill, with horrible cramps and diarrhoea! Some sort of bug I suppose. Let's hope it's very short lived!! A day for the couch and a blankie.
So sorry to hear this. Yes, the grief can just seem to strike out of nowhere, but to bring you down physically today is horrid. Maybe this is nature's way to force you to take a break and get under the blanket to recharge?
Hope it's a very fleeting bug x
I'm so sorry to hear this LadyA. I know only too well how grief can strike. Being ill makes the defences low too. Take care of yourself today.
Yes grief can strike when you least expect it. I think sometimes I have come to terms with my mums illness and feel more able to accept it but the out of the blue a piece of music, something someone recalls about mum or even a glimpse at a photo can reduce me to a bubbling wreck. Please take care of yourself LadyA and hope your duvet day will help you feel better soon. Xxx
some days need to be devoted to just being still and quiet - be gentle with yourself and be well soon