1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,111
    Kent
    This was my husband to a `T` @pevensey

    Because of this I told my husband visitors from all disciplines had come help me and asked them to talk to me in the kitchen. Just this request helped them realise the difficulties I was having.

    I`m pleased your son is able to be with your husband for part of the time, especially overnight. It`s the best compromise.
     
  2. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    970
    Female
    cornwall
    #22 TNJJ, Dec 3, 2019
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2019
    Hi! That is good that you used the lifeline.That is what it is the for. Brilliant that someone is coming to reassess him .Whether he has capacity or not . But if he has then as lady from SS says any decisions that he makes ,he will have to accept the consequences.

    I’m glad you are getting somewhere and I’m DELIGHTED that you are definitely going with your daughter.

    Dad is now staying another week at the home.What a palaver that was.. “ Fun and games with dad “ is about right.:confused::(
     
  3. pevensey

    pevensey Registered User

    Feb 14, 2012
    215
    Female
    South East Coast.
    SO, I'm getting nervous now, I know everyone is telling me I must go and I KNOW I need to be with my daughter who by the way has been my rock since hubby was diagnosed 4nyrs ago. Even a lovely lady rang from adult social care and told me I had to support my daughter, she wasnt happy with hubby at all, said he was being belligerent and hes chosen what he wants to do and I know that BUT hes now playing the hard done by poor me card, saying how am I going to do this how am I going to that. I reminded him that I begged him to go to respite just for 1 night 2 days but he gave me abuse, or that I would get extra carers in during the day, said that he wouldn't let them in, but I've booked them anyway. When I reminded him of this he said I was being vindictive!!!! I know hes scared now of thought of being on his own although the max time he will actually be alone is about hour n half before my son gets home from work ,hes stopping overnight, and about
    hour n half in morning as son has to go to work early 6 am. Carer coming at 7_30 . But I'm worried and feel guilty, even though hes given me such a hard time over this. Quite looking forward to a long
    4 hour car drive though will make sure we have music on really loud, will make me feel better. Just wish these colliwobles would go away.
     
  4. Pink-geranium

    Pink-geranium New member

    Nov 27, 2019
    7
    Female
    london
    Hi Pevensey,
    I manage to go away for 24 hours almost every week, and every time I feel guilty and a bit anxious even though our son comes in in the day I'm not there. The sky doesn't fall in, the sun doesn't darken, my OH may be a bit cross when I get back but he's resigned to it.

    Go! you will still feel antsy like I do, but you owe it much more to your daughter than your OH, and you've put so much support in place. Try not to feel guilty, think about your daughter.
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    Your Daughter is scared & you are her Mum. Go help her, she’s been there for you. your husband has made your life difficult if you don’t go he’s always going to behave like this - sorry but it will just get worse!
     
  6. charlie10

    charlie10 Registered User

    Dec 20, 2018
    390
    Your husband obviously knows which buttons to press, whether subconsciously or on purpose.....we women tend to spend our lives trying to please other people, putting ourselves after our loved ones. Well now it's a different loved one who needs you, you're not even doing this for yourself so time to pull up your big girl pants and ignore the button pressing

    Sorry if I'm being a bit of a bully, but this is a speech I have to give myself occasionally.....and my husband is usually a sweetie but does sometimes railroad me.....and I usually let him cos I like a quiet life! I'm sure your daughter will be thrilled to have your support, and will also see that you can put her first when she needs you. I hope the news is good and you enjoy your time together
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    that saying “ time to pull up the big girl pants” it’s a mantra I daily use!
    Need to keep reminding ourselves that we are people with needs as well.
     

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