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So difficult

Missy Molly

Registered User
Not seen dad for a few weeks as last time I ended up in tears.
He is in the mid to later stages and last time he told me not to bother coming again!
His usual greeting of "F*c# off and die," has disappeared as not speaking much now and he is sleeping most the day.
Dad is in a care home several miles away. It is just so difficult watching him go further down hill.
And to top it all, I have just started a job as a carer in an old peoples residential home and feel quite guilty that I'm not looking after my own dad!! Please don't judge me.
My brother told me that neither of us would have been able to cope with dad, as he can still be aggressive, mainly verbally, though he did lash out at me last time I saw him.
I know it's the dementia and I do understand that, though it is heartbreaking to see our own dad go down hill like this.
Meanwhile, job wise, I'm still finding my way round the home (closer to home and not where dad is), am actually enjoying it.
Yes there are residents with dementia and am so pleased I became a Dementia Friend last year.
Am planning to go visit my dad tomorrow, shall be taking some cds to play him, we use to enjoy the sing-a-longs and shall see if that helps again.
His sight isn't good so hasn't read for some time. He gets irritable very easily.
Just needed to get back on this forum, where others understand what it's like to see a loved one with this cruel illness.
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Meanwhile, job wise, I'm still finding my way round the home (closer to home and not where dad is), am actually enjoying it.
Yes there are residents with dementia and am so pleased I became a Dementia Friend last year.
Am planning to go visit my dad tomorrow, shall be taking some cds to play him, we use to enjoy the sing-a-longs and shall see if that helps again.
His sight isn't good so hasn't read for some time. He gets irritable very easily.
Just needed to get back on this forum, where others understand what it's like to see a loved one with this cruel illness.
So good to read that you are putting your experiences of dementia with your father in helping others when you became a dementia friend, now working with people with dementia .
I am now finally doing that .

sorry to read how your dad is towards you with his challenging behaviours

Hope your Visit to your dad this time around, is a positive one :)
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,051
Yorkshire
Miss Molly, no-one on TP will judge you - in any other way than to say you have done and are doing a grand job for your dad.
He's safe and looked after, which is down to you and your brother (listen to him, he sounds very sensible) - and you are still intent on visiting your dad in quite trying circumstances and thinking of ways to help him.
What more do you expect of yourself!
Enjoy your job - it's great that you have found an outlet for your knowledge and experience. It may also help put your personal situation in context - you'll see how much support is given to residents in a good home.
Best wishes :)
 

Missy Molly

Registered User
So good to read that you are putting your experiences of dementia with your father in helping others when you became a dementia friend, now working with people with dementia .
I am now finally doing that .

sorry to read how your dad is towards you with his challenging behaviours

Hope your Visit to your dad this time around, is a positive one :)
Thank you for your kind words Margarita.
 

Missy Molly

Registered User
Miss Molly, no-one on TP will judge you - in any other way than to say you have done and are doing a grand job for your dad.
He's safe and looked after, which is down to you and your brother (listen to him, he sounds very sensible) - and you are still intent on visiting your dad in quite trying circumstances and thinking of ways to help him.
What more do you expect of yourself!
Enjoy your job - it's great that you have found an outlet for your knowledge and experience. It may also help put your personal situation in context - you'll see how much support is given to residents in a good home.
Best wishes :)
Shedrech, thank you for your kind words. I am so pleased to have found this forum last year. Knowing that there are lovely people like yourself, here to help support others, like myself. Thank you.
 

Babymare01

Registered User
Apr 22, 2015
309
Hun don't be hard on self. Hold that head of yours high and be proud. Your dad is safe,cared for and loved by you and you now are using your knowledge and understanding to help others. Be proud.
Like you I'm going ahard time with m Mum. She mostly sleeps and needs help eating. But when she is awake she can be quite violent. I suffered a left hook(bloody hell for a frail woman she has a good punch) on my chin and numerous slaps to face on Friday. Yes I cried but I hold in my heart its not my lovely Mum but this awful illness and just hope a peaceful release will come soon.
Take care of yourself and be proud of what you are doing big hug xxx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,206
South coast
Hi Miss Molly, no no-one is judging you - you are doing your best in very difficult circumstances.
I think your idea of playing music is a good one - people with dementia often respond well to familiar tunes. Mum also likes me to read some of her favourite childhood stories - Winnie the Pooh is popular.
I do hope the visit goes well.
 

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