So confused


Registered User
Aug 31, 2005
Hi everybody

As I am sure most of you know my mom was diagnosed with AD about fifteen months ago. She eventually went into a care home because her main symptom was continual crying plus short term memory loss.

She was initially diagnosed when she went into a psychiatric hospital following the death of my dad. At that time we went to weekly meetings with the consultant psychiatrist and mentioned the fact that mom had always had bouts of severe depression and maybe especially we had just lost dad she was suffering from depression. We were told by the consultant that mom wasn't depressed because she was fine when she was there and only cried when she saw family which reminded her of dad's death, but that she had AD and would progess so that she would probably not recognise us by Spring 2005. This has not happened even though her short term memory is worse. Anyway mom eventually went into care and we sadly had to let her house go. Mom doesn't know this and doesn't know that she is in care for good. The crying has continued, in fact it has got worse, but again when we are not about she is quite cheerful and only cries occasionally. Because we haven't told her that she is there for good she is now continually asking when she can come home.

Anyway she has been seen by another consultant because she is in another area of Birmingham and he is now saying that mom has depression and maybe not AD even though he did say that sometimes the one masks the symptoms of another. We saw him yesterday and he told us that mom was okay and that it was us that had to stop feeling guilty and to understand that he probably couldn't help mom and that mom would always be unhappy.

We are so very down because even though we know that mom could not look after herself now maybe if she was treated for depression fifteen months ago she would be better than she is. Other family are saying not to beat ourselves up over this but it is hard not to and also I find the thought of going to see mom and to have her continually crying just too hard to bear. This crying is so bad that we canot take her out because she cries everywhere, shops, cafes etc. She is on anti depressants but the consultant has lowered the dose because she was having dizzy spells. What do we do.

Also do we tell her that she is in the care home permanently.

Thanks for reading this long post.



Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex

I am not going to be much help, but I feel so very sad for you all, it must be awful to see your Mum so sad each time you visit her.

One comment I would say is that to be told your Mum would not recognise you by spring 2005, seems wrong.

My own Mum was diagnosed over 4 years ago and still recognises us at times, each sufferer seems unique in the course the disease takes, with early middle and late stage symptoms occuring at different stages and some never appearing.

I can't offer any practical help, but send you my full support and sympathy, for the time ahead, let's hope it will pass very soon.