So confused and torn...

[clio_7]

So..

Its been a bad week on and off for my dad. He went out his SH ,alarm went off,he ignored it so I got called out.. no wardens on during the night. Got him in and settled. That was last wkend sund night. ..

Tonight was terrible. He did the same,but when the last carer left abd locked doors and out his alarm on etc , he called me at home not even an hour after, hysterical saying he was locked in a doctor's surgery and to phone the police. . I can usually calm him down over the phone but there was no reasoning. . The community alarms lady also tried to speak to him but he was extremely agitated and hallucinations were bad. When I got there he was in tge front garden. Said hed been locked in a doctors surgery and would've been left there until Monday. . When I tried to get him to sit down take off his coat he was really angry I was angry and frustrated but he was worst ive seen. He said as soon as I leave he was off. So.. I had to take him to my house. 6 yr daughter in bed, husband and me slept on couch etc downstairs. . We're on our last legs marriage wise, so you can imagine it..

He x doesn't have a social worker has a key worker at men clinic. I don't know if its time I got dad more care.. I promised him I wouldn't at the start but now its scaring me. Its confusing as he does all his own personal care , is quite bright on days still. think a home would put him back? Im in Scotland lanarkshire. What kind of care is good for this stage? He always hated idea of home's. He was in respite when we were on hol a week and created to get home. He has carers 4x a day. Seems his anxiety etc getting worse. He cant get meds for it due to other conditions

Any suggestions and advice please

C

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[kingmidas1962]

I'm not in your area so I can't recommend or suggest anything particularly but it sounds like the simple answer is yes - its time to get more help. He is very vulnerable due to the wandering and the hallucinations, and I think I'm right in saying the general consensus is that sheltered housing isn't enough for someone at the stage it sounds like he is at now.

He definitely sounds like he needs a social worker - but I don't know if the system is different in Scotland. I think what you might have promised him becomes unworkable when his safety is at risk ... and so are your family relationships.

A home would not necessarily set him back -with the right care many sufferers are less agitated and feel safer be as there is always someone around to calm and check on them. It sounds as if there is a risk of him wandering off completely.

Hopefully someone from your area will be along soon with more specific advice and I hope you find some help soon xxxx

 

[Katrine]

What a scary and frustrating time for you all. With regard to the wandering, is there something in particular about weekend nights I wonder, or is that just 'law of s*d'

With my MIL, it was the wandering that was the trigger for us to plan her move to a secure environment in a CH. She became frightened to be home on her own but managed to control her anxiety in the daytime as long as she had regular visits from family members. At night she began to wake up and not recognise her surroundings, so she would go out to check out the neighbourhood, to see if she could work out how to 'get home'. The second time it happened she had a fall and ended up in hospital, and never returned home thereafter.

In the CH she took a while to settle, and it isn't the ideal permanent place for her, but we are hoping to move her to another CH where she will have more space to wander around, but within a secure environment.

 

[clio_7]

Thanks for the replies..

I was told by memory clinic to get him checked out at gp. Gp says he has lower chest infection. Gave him prescription. If there's a uti said it'll help also..

I hope that's all there is to it for now. . But im not convinced . They won't do anything further until chest is cleared. I feel exhausted. Dad on the other hand is singing away chirpy!

C x

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[Il Gufo]

Hi Clio_7, I have just posted about the very same thing this morning! So I know how very worrying it is when your Dad goes wandering off at night. With my Mum it is invariably around 8:15 at night. Even if she has had a relatively 'normal' day, she seems to go completely off the scale at that time. She sees people in her home, then when they 'disappear' she goes out looking for them I am terrified she will have an accident or get mugged etc. My sister and I think it is definitely time for a care home, my brother who has not a thing to do with caring for Mum thinks not. My dear sis has found a lovely place very near where she lives in Beds, which is also where my brother lives. I would have a hour - hour and a half drive to visit Mum, but I truly don't mind so long as she would be safe. My'invisible' brother had the greatest excuse for Mum not moving into this care home, (bearing in mind he would have little or no excuse not to visit mum there). He said to my sister "Mum has lived all her life in the Midlands, the change of regional accents would confuse her even more" !! My Mum's closest three friends come from Essex, Ireland and London. She has not been into Birmingham for about three years, and probably never hears a proper Brummie accent. You have to laugh or you would cry!!

 

[clio_7]

Hi guffo


You sound like you're in the same boat. .my dads the same.. wakes up totally disorientated and confused and started the dreading wandering. Just got him settled for the nite... I have a brother 2 but he doesn't bother. . Waste of space.. anyways. . Getting dad an appointed social worker tomorrow and if hes going off again maybe emergency respite care. . I hope ur mum gets on ok with the new CH sounds like your bro doesn't get it... do what you know is best. . your brother shouldnt contest if he doesnt help. .

Take care

C xx

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