Sorry to post again as a seperate subject matter but I wondered if anybody had any tips about how to handle absolute rejection and animosity. I still have no diagnosis for mum as she won't go to the doctor but I also feel like I have no prospect of persuading her to go to the doctors either, she has evolved from a load of confusion but still calling me to today accusing me of doing her wrong and wanting her dead and this has only been in last few days culminating in her asking me to leave her alone, genuinely last week I thought that she was OK in that didn't even consider she was not well. The issue I have is that I do think that whatever is hapening with her she has firmly connected to me, she admits to being stressed but that I am the cause of the stress which in turn is making her forget things and if I'm honest I do see her point but in reality it is also me that is likely going to have to be her caregiver and me pushing for the gp to see her etc. I didn't know if anyone had any good "arms length" tactics for me to make sure that she is OK because at present she sees she has one problem but that that problem is me!
So concerned but Mum won't have anything to do with me
- Thread starter worriedson77
- Start date
I`m afraid the only answer is to back off and wait until your mother is ready to ask you for help. It`s easier said than done I know but the more you show you care, the more she is likely to see your caring and your suggestions as intrusion.
I would tell her you will be there when she needs you, then step back.
My mother was a bit like this. Every time I tried to help I just seem to make things work and ended up feeling totally useless. She certainly didn't think there was anything wrong with her. In the end I just tried to get things sorted behind her back, piggybacking doctor's appointments for something was the start. Mum too refused to go to the memory clinic, but in the end thing progressed and after she had a meltdown in the doctor's surgery they got the psychiatrist to visit her at home. As by then she was getting unsafe I organised a care home and moved her there.
If you can I'd step back, sooner or later the GP's surgery, Social Services, Paramedics, her friends or neighbours will be contacting you about there concerns.
It's tough, and I can't say it gets better, but it does maybe get a tad easier as things progress.
If you can I'd step back, sooner or later the GP's surgery, Social Services, Paramedics, her friends or neighbours will be contacting you about there concerns.
It's tough, and I can't say it gets better, but it does maybe get a tad easier as things progress.
Just as an update my mums neighbour who was my childhood friend has been an absolute star, she is a carer by trade and so essentially achieved everything I hoped for with like you said me pushing behind the scenes, honestly amazed at how well she calmed mum, so much that she got her to the drs this morning. He said it was clear diagnosis and has made referrals so pleased but even more pleasing that my neighbour has got me back in favour with mum, she called me after and I called round as well basically said she was stressed as she knew things weren't right and had lashed out.i know it's just the start and there will be ups and downs to come but just relieved that she is not stuck at that point of distrust for me.
