So bizarre !

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
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Morning everyone,

Thank you, all of you, for listening to me moan and offering support (as always) xxx

2Jays, you're actually 100% right about the adhd affecting the way we have responded at times, and it hasn't helped her (or us) in the long run. She can focus and concentrate, but its hard for her, and so she only makes the effort when its things that matter to her (like work) - it doesn't matter to her, however, if her room resembles a landfill site or if she has left a trail of debris behind her as she moves through the house that I've just spent hours cleaning! When it comes to her room, I guenuinely think that when we make her face the state of it, she is totally overwhelmed and has no idea how or where to start. At the same time, she hates anyone in her space (room) and so fights against and refuses any help we offer.

Oldest has pointed out that youngest has developed a 'coping' stratagy of going straight into meltdown and attack, when faced with anything she doesn't like - be it critiscm, or requests to help or being told to clean her room. And we have chosen to avoid the meltdowns far more often that we should have done. Anything for a quiet life, at times, I guess. Which is how we have ended up in this situation. As Slugsta says, sometimes the quiet life has been more important and necessary for us that tackling her.

Hi Charlie :) If she had been moving into college accomodation or uni halls, I would have actually welcomed it. Because that would be an environment where she could learn to be more independent, but with a safety net of support there too. Without some form of support to ease her from being cosseted at home to independance, I know its likely she will get herself into real problems, potentially serious ones - and thats the worry.

We have had a better week with her - she has tried, but its the sort of stituation I described above. A large proportion of her belongings were spread across the landing area, whilst her room was being sorted - that bit of the house still looks like a junk shop. She has spent time 'sorting it', but watching her, she just doesn't know where to start. Sghe starts on one pile, sorting things out, but then gets distracted and moves onto something else - in the end, all she is doing is moving things around, and getting upset when its not getting any better. She's completely overwhelmed. So, despite her (for once rather muted) objections, today I am getting stuck in - she doesn't want help, but she clearly is struggling without it, so I'm not giving her the choice. I know its not fair, that she should do it herself, etc - but that isn't going to happen - she can cause chaos, but she can't sort it. The fact that she is working today, then off to a concert is a bonus for me - because if she isn't here, then I won't have to also put effort into walking on eggshells and avoiding another tantrum. The trick then is to make sure that once everything is under control, to not let the meltdowns stop us making her keep on top of it all and having it get to the stage where she can't sort it herself.

Spamar - I hope you are having a lovely time in Cornwall - yesterday, temps hit 20 here, with lovely sunshine - fingers crossed you are getting similar, or even better!

Yesterday was Mil's 78th birthday. She hasn't been too well these last few days - nothing definite, off her food, very sleepy and one episode of sickness, and the GP has now organised blood tests, as he is stumped too and can only agree with the staff and us when we say that she 'just isn't right' :( However, she did seem a bit brighter yesterday when OH and I went to see her. As is mostly the case now, she was in her room - she is rarely in the lounge at the moment, as over the last few weks, its been found that she quickly gets agitated in there. To my amazment, after weeks of me asking, the toy dog that had gone missing at Christmas had been found - and Mil spent a lot of the visit cuddling it, totally ignoring the previous favourite, a baby doll. Last Christmas, it was clear that she no longer has any idea what to do when presented with gift wrapped packages - no idea what they are, no idea what to do with them and even when shown, she couldn't work out how to unwrap anything. So yesterday I put the new tops and chocolates we had bought her into a simple gift bag. She lifted some of the gifts out, but 'told' the carer to 'do it' after just a few minutes and the only things that she showed any pleasure in were the small box of chocs and a bar of turkish delight - which she identified straight away, with a squeal of pleasure.

We had lots of the 'help, help me cries' throughout the visit, and both OH and I ended up refusing to let her hold our hands, as she persisitently twisted and squeezed our fingers, very deliberately - she has a trick with me of fiddling with my engagement ring, so the stone is turned towards the next finger, and then she squeezes my fingers so the stone digs in - very painful, and as I said - very deliberate! She didn't seem to quite 'get' the idea that it was her birthday - although she did say a cuple of times that she was '17 today', mostly she seemed very bemused. When the staff carried in her birthday cake, and several gathered round to sing happy birthday, she sang along - but stumbled when it came to putting her own name into the song, that totally confused her. When asked to blow out the candles, she was again seemingly unable to work out what was being asked of her - and solved the dilemma by just shouting 'NO' in the carers face. Hard to make out a lot of what she said, but the word 'home' featured several times.

Slightly - no, make that VERY - annoyed with oldest two, who didn't even send a card for their Nan. Oldest dau apologised profusely and within minutes of me saying, she text to say gifts were on there way. Son, I actually reminded last week - no idea what his excuse is. Youngest gave me money, and asked me if she could go 'shares' with our gifts to her - tbf, she had taken a trip into town, but came back saying that she really couldn't find anything Nan would like. I get that, completely - other than chocolates or fluffy socks, Mil doesn't seem interested in anything. We bought her tops more as something useful, rather than for her pleasure - she glanced at them, but then just handed them to the carer with no signs that they pleased her. As I said, she doen't 'get' the whole concept of presents now at all.

Work - hmmmmm, best I don't go there. Suffice to say, over my hours already this week and still with a trip to mid-Wales for meetings tomorrow. Exhausted doesnt come close at the moment.

Right - youngest has left and I am going to get stuck in.

Love to all xxxxx
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
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0
Chester
a 'coping' stratagy of going straight into meltdown and attack, when faced with anything she doesn't like -

definitely recognise that - although has got a lot less here - causes were stress and anxiety with root cause to that being the bullying and other factors - including the long illness - which both triggered loss of self confidence

I hope you get the room tidied. I think it is something that has to be learned - and encouraging dau to tackle a small area at the time enabled her to move forward. She is now very pleased with her tidy room, can use it for yoga as there is floor, and there will also be less to bin in the summer as she had a big sort out as she went.

I'm off to Cannock to meet up with Amy in the US today - so desperately trying to get chores done now
 

Slugsta

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Aug 25, 2015
2,758
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South coast of England
Ann, I'm sorry that MIL is out of sorts. So hard when there is nothing concrete to investigate/treat! Also very hard to think of things to get for her that she will enjoy, so I'm glad that they toy dog has been found.

I would also be upset at the oldest ones forgetting Nana's birthday :mad: Our son never had any excuse for that as his and Mum's are the same date. He was less good with other Grandma, but she didn't bother with his birthday anyway . . .

Yes, youngest has clearly got into the habit of attacking anything unpleasant. Possibly subconsciously, possibly deliberately, who knows! I think you are being pragmatic in getting her room sorted, as long as you then make it clear that you expect her to keep it reasonably tidy. I know our son went through that stage of being completely overwhelmed and not knowing where to start - I don't think it really improved until her left home. It always amazes me to see how tidy his own room in London is when 'his' room here quickly looks like a jumble-sale once he has arrived!

When are you off on your hols? I know it can't be long now :)

Spamar, I hope you are enjoying Cornwall.

Jm, if you see this in time, please give my love to Amy. I am really sorry that I can't make it to any of the meetings :(

I have some sort of bug again. Feel generally achy and 'off', have slightly sore throat, a tickly cough and no voice again. I'm very frustrated as my voice hadn't recovered properly from the previous laryngitis :( Anyhoo, I'm lucky in that I don't feel awful and I know this will pass eventually.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
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Suffolk
Hi, here I am, back in circulation!

Slugsta, sorry to hear you feeling rotten again. Hope it clears up soon!

My cousins wife was urgent in that I have some new clothes, my trousers are all too long! She’s worried I might fall over! We drove miles only to find the shop had closed down! Cousin had bought a trumpet with slightly sticking valves, but the music guy couldn’t do it there and then! We found solace in a very nice lunch at a favourite pub!
It was my cousins birthday on Monday, the family came for tea, but only high tea was on offer! ( they should have said, not just turned up!) Wednesday was his oldest granddaughters 14th birthday. Luckily she loved her present from me! I don’t think I’ve been in the company of so many children since oldest granddaughters 1st birthday! She has loads of cousins! Tomorrow is another of his granddaughter s birthday, she’s 8, I think glad I came home today!

 

jugglingmum

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Jan 5, 2014
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Chester
Spamar - glad you had a good trip.

slugsta - hope you are feeling better now

We currently have no heating and after warm few days midweek, it was colder yesterday and even colder today here (max forecast temp was 9 even though it was sunny). At one point house thermostat said 15.5 deg C, but now front and back doors are shut it has gone up to 16.5. There was an leakage issue with valve joint where pump is fitted just above boiler, so both doors were open to drain radiators and boiler - when OH thought it was all working, something wasn't - it lots of water leaked out, through boiler area. Everything is back together, but OH has a fan on boiler to dry out electrics before he turns it back on.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Morning all,

Welcome back Spamar - so glad you had a nice trip, though a shame about the shop being closed down! Were you able to find anywhere else to buy the new clothes?

JM, hope your boiler is working properly now - despite a couple of OK-ish days lately, the evenings are still so nippy at the moment.

Things a little calmer here, thankfully. I'm making a real effort to make dau keep on top of her room - but, not trusting her to do it, I am also going in there every other day and doing myself! Have already removed clothes from under the bed and towels from the floor. I got an indignant "I was going to do that!", but she knows she is on shakey ground, so hasn't blown. OH has repaired some of the furniture (one wardrobe door still clamped up in his workshed, as I type) but a new chest of drawers is definitely essential - though she has now asked us to buy her a 'nice desk/work station' for her birthday, and I suspect that will be in place of the drawers, saving her having to buy them! She has a smaller drawer set for undies, t-shirts, etc - but not entirely sure where she intends to keep her spare bedding sets if the big chest goes.

Mil seems better, though we are none the wiser about what, if anything, caused the 'dip' we saw last week. She is incapable of telling us accurately whats going on with her, even physically - her speech is now so garbled a lot of time, she starts a sentence sayng one thing and ends it talking about something completely different because she can't keep track, and often you realise that she has 'lost' the word or words she needs to make any sense when she is talking. Its worrying - I hate to think of her being in any discomfort, and not able to tell us. But although I get the impression that paracetamol is given regularly 'just in case', for obvious reasons, the home are reluctant to give her anything stronger on that basis. We are going to see her tomorrow afternoon, taking in her Mothers day present and the 'belated' presents from oldest, as we are away for Mothers day this time.

We fly off on Saturday morning at the very early time of 6.30 a.m. - meaning we are at the airport for 4.30, meaning we are leaving the house at about 3.15, meaning we will have to be up at 2a.m.! I guess for me, thats only getting up an hour or so earlier than usual, but OH is going to struggle. He finishes at lunchtime on the Friday and the plan was that he would head to bed for a few hours then - unlike me, he needs his sleep. However, as he hasn't even packed yet, I suspect he isn't going to be able to do that! As for me - I'm working till after 8pm on Friday night! A one off project, 6 - 7pm, that I have been trying to set up for a group of young carers for a long time, this was the only date that they could make and as they are so looking forward to the session, I won't let them down. Once thats finished, I have the journey home then about 30 minutes worth of admin that I have to complete (but can't till I finish the session!), and that will be me done! March marks the end of our 'year', target wise, so I can't not do the admin. I have met, and exceeded all targets this year, btw - by quite a good margin. However, as I told one of the very senior bosses at last weeks meeting, this year, I have NO intention of working the sort of additional unpaid hours I have worked this year again, so the target reach may be very different in March 2020!

I took most of yesterday off to claim back some of my owed hours, but with another big all day project on today, I couldn't resist just checking the emails to make sure that there were no last minute spanners in the works - just as well, as I had news that the group size for today has grown from 10 young people to sixteen, which meant I had to notify the Nature Reserve where we are spending the day, make sure the additional paperwork would be done by the teacher and sort additional transport too - took about an hour or so, so not quite the full day off I was hoping for. I am actually quite looking forward to today - we are building nesting boxes this morning, then setting up wildlife cameras along the various badger trails at the site. I think the young people are going to love it too.

Tomorrow is my 'rest day', so last minute cleaning and sorting - packing wise, I'm done, just need to add my camera, which I'll be using today and Friday for work, to the otherwise sorted hand luggage - and work out what I'm actually going to wear to travel in! As I have a skype meeting when I get back from todays project at 4pm(ish) I am going to try and restrict my hours to the 2 projects I have Friday afternoon and evening, and the 30 minutes essential admin, otherwise I am going to go over, yet again.

So - a busy few days ahead, before we have our holiday. Looking forward to it sooooooo much. I used a large chunk of leave this current work year, taking time off to sort the kerfuffle with the HBM and Mils care when they put her on 'end of life', meaning I havent had a proper break since our last holiday in September. This coming year, I've taken advantage of a scheme to buy an extra weeks leave - just in case. I don't want to be in that situation again. Having said that, I am off to the Isle of Man in August, for a week with my best friend, and mid-Sept, OH and I are off for an 11 day break with my sister and husband (the Irish gang) - which leaves me bank holidays and about another 8 days leave till the following April, lol.

Not sure that I'll get on here again before we go, so sending you all lots of love, as always xxxx
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
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West Midlands
Lots of love to you Ann

Sounds manic your last week before your holiday :(

Enjoy my favourite island and relish in the (hopefully) warm weather

We had planned to take a trip ourselves but 1J being under the weather, it doesn’t look possible yet but it’s on our Do very soon list, so leave the place tidy please :D
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
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Morning all,

Thank you for all the holiday wishes - I can't believe we go tomorrow! When we booked, it seemed ages away - now, we have both been so busy, its almost like its crept up on us! Only my camera and the lens I'll be using today to go into my hand luggage - and me to work out what I'm wearing to travel in tomorrow - and all set. Thank Crunchy - the last couple of days have been manic, and today is likely to be the same.

I had such a lovely, but exhausting, day on Wednesday, in my one-off project with a very large group of young people. We spent the day at a nature reserve, building bird boxes in the morning, and on a wildlife survey in the afternoon. The group were so nice - great fun and just got stuck in, and they clearly had a ball. Very proud of their bird boxes, but the afternoon was even better. We spotted buzzards, tree creepers and - to my amazement, in the space of an hour, we also found two nests of baby field voles, a common lizard - and 3 slow worms. me being me, I was so thrilled to see these creatures - first time I've seen a common lizard in the wild, so to speak - but even better was the look on the faces of the group. For them, it was the first time some of them had ever seen these animals, the fascination and amazement and delight they expressed was just so nice :) However, a lot of walking- including some hiking up very steep inclines that I had to bow out of in the end and take a 'flatter route - and I was sooooooo tired and sore when I got home.

Ms Mac - hmmmmmm - OK, no major melt downs, but back on the slippery slope. I've been into her room twice and found clothes and papers scattered over the floor, along with snack wrappers and empty cans/bottles. I've simply cleaned it up - and you can see she is starting to get wound up that I'm doing that, she has a real thing about us 'staying out of HER room'. However, no way am I risking the sort of mess we faced last time, so its a case of tough - and now I am starting to worry about about what sort of mess we are going to face on our return. because clearly she isn't making the sort of effort she promised she would.

Nearest to a big melt down was last night. Yesterday morning, s0ds law just before we go away, the bathroom sink began leaking really badly - and the boilder stopped working. OH started the day with a shower that turned freezing half way through! He was working all day, and I was up to my neck in a lot of stuff, so he contacted BG, and also tried to fix the sink when he got home. Sink leak is due to the number of cotton buds, hair bobbles and hair clips that were jammed in the pipes, which have damaged some sort of seal - all down to Ms Mac. He deserves a medal for not losing it with her, instead he calmly pointed out what had caused the problem and let her know she has to be more careful. He will have to pick up a replacement seal when he finishes work at midday today, and finish fixing the sink then. As for the boiler - well, we are insured, so it was just a case of paying the excess and setting a date for them to come and fix it. We did get hot water back later in the day, but this is about the 4th time its just stopped working over the last few weeks, though previously its just been a for a short time, and so it needs sorting. Only of course, we are going away. OH explained this, that our dau would have to be here for the engineer to access the boiler - but that she works. A tentative date was set for Monday. OH explained this to dau, telling her the date could be changed if she was working - and she went into strop mode, telling him repeatedly that she wasn't going to 'miss any work to suit him!'. How he kept his patience, I don't know - it was me who ending up jumping in and giving her what for. Cue her disappearing to her room for the evening - and the date for the boiler being fixed STILL hasn't been set as she wouldn't spend the time letting us know when it would suit her - because she was 'busy'. Part of me is worrying that she will be left with no heating and hot water while we are away - another part is thinking 'serves her right'. We had - not an argument - but an 'exchange' over food and so on for when she is away. Usually, I leave freezer/fridge well stocked, and money for her. This time she is just knocking money off next months keep - the comment was something along the lines of 'I'll knock £40 off, because I doubt if what I eat comes to that much'. So - I think this is the lead up to her trying the old chestnut of her insisting that the £50 a week she pays is too much (she earns about £250 - £300 a week!!!) . I mildly pointed out that her keep includes bills, cleaning products and often, toiletries, and that we also run her here , there and everywhere, so its petrol too. She wasn't convinced. So this time I havent stocked up on anything - including laundry products - and we'll see how she goes!

I'm working till about 7.30 -8 tonight - occasionally I have one off projects that take place in the evening - so we went to see Mil after work yesterday. And again, she isn't too well. A tummy upset, so she was on 'bed rest' when we arrived. Didn't stop her being fiesty - again, both OH and I had to watch out because the old 'lets sqeeze your fingers till you scream' trick was very much in evidence - and the nurse had to move pretty quickly to dodge a thump when she tried to give Mil her meds. A few times she yelled out as though in pain, and there was a lot of 'Help me', but she actually seemed on reasonable form most of the visit - one very strange conversation, when OH left the room to answer a call from BG, though.

"I've hardly lived", she suddenly announced, and then repeated it again when I answered with a confused 'Pardon?'. She followd that up with a very sad "And I've hardly been alive". Not sure what I would get, I asked what she meant?. "Well, I'm only just born" she replied, " Just 2 or 3 days ago". All I could say was 'Oh - really?" . "Yes, she said "and so I've hardly lived". I have no idea where that came from, but it seemed to make her awfully sad. I gave her a hug - which stopped very rapidly when she went for my fingers again, and cackled like a flipping witch - but what an odd notion to have.

I have an hour of admin this morning, then a last minute tidy round and sort out before heading out for my first project of the day, early this afternoon. Then when thats finished, an hour before I have to head out to the next one, then the very last bit of admin on my return. And thats me done! Hoping that I can get off to sleep very early tonight, so I get at least a couple of hours before we have to be up, washed dressed and heading for the airport.

Promise I'll leave Fuerteventura all nice and tidy for you, 2jays - hope 1Jay is well enough for you have a break there soon. Everyone else, sending much love, and I'll see you all when I get back xxxxx
 

jugglingmum

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Jan 5, 2014
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Chester
Ann I hope you goto away ok. I certainly wasn't awake to wave as you went past. Can hear the m56 in summer as it goes over the a41.

Teenage daughters are hard work! Ours has had 3 flashes in the last week although as I pointed out to OH at least one of them would have been room trashing less than 6 months ago. And she has apologised each time pretty quickly.

I hope you don't come home to a mess.

I am in London with son so alarm set for 7.30. No mothers day lie in.

I'm slowly very slowly getting better. My friends rode worlds end and the horseshoe on Fri. I was very upset and jealous when I saw the photos wishing I was fit enough.

Took pressies to my mum this morning. Her short term memory has really deteriorated. She understood mothers day but couldn't remember it to have a conversation. She read card from kids twice in 3 minutes and laughed at what they had written both times. But couldn't retain information to know why I had got her flowers and chocolates. But she was really pleased with them.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
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Hello, everyone - as you can see - I'm back :)

I hope everyone is OK, and that none of you have been poorly, or had any unpleasant drama's whilst we have been away!

The holiday was amazing! We had got a bargain on a very nice hotel - one that would usually be a bit out of our range - and it was fantastic! Right on its own beach, extremely clean and comfortable, with an unexpected upgrade to a sea view room, and wonderful food. The early start before travelling was a killer - especially as I barely slept the night before - but so nice to have a long first day there. As expected, the weather wasn't perfect - March/April tends to have a few showers, but in between, the sun shone and we have both come back very tanned and feeling rested :)

Highlights - a rainy, but still enjoyable, day at the Oasis Park Zoo on our wedding anniversary - including a lemur encounter, which I loved. The hotel - as I said, it was fab - and so relaxing! We did less exploring than usual, we were both so exhausted we needed a peaceful time - but the biggest highlight was making a trip to the 'Wild' west side of the Island, and discovering La Pared ! @2jays - have you ever been there? It was heart-stoppingly beautiful - we visited first during a morning - but then returned there twice for sunset - an amazing place!

Only a couple of 'low lights' - mosquitoes - despite investing heavily in repellent, and never having been troubled with them in the Canaries before, apparently this is a bad time of year for them - and I can testify to that! The little so-and-so's made a meal out of me, and for the first time I had a bad reaction to them - nothing dreadfully serious, just them forming into big, purple blisters which were painful; and maddeningly itchy, and which required a visit to a pharmacist, connected to a GP clinic, as they were bad enough to have us both a bit worried. Nearly 60 euros on creams and tablets, but no infection or reaction serious enough to need a GP to check, thankfully - but it has put me off going thee at that time of year again!

The other low light was a phone call from the home, half way through our anniversary meal - thank God, not too serious, but Mil had had a fall. Nothing broken, but bruised and battered, poor thing :( Despite the manager, the senior nurse and sundry staff having been told we would be away, the staff who called was unaware of the fact that we were abroad - 3rd time this has happened during a holiday for us - and they apologised profusely when I explained, admitting the call was 'just for information' rather than because there were any concerns. Hey ho - one of those things! Just grateful it wasn't more serious, and that Mil is OK!

Came home to a bomb site - not completely trashed, but youngest had not done ANYTHING while we were away. Dishes piled in kitchen, washing basket over-flowing, worktops in kitchen filthy, bathroom bogging, thick dust and floors neither mopped or hoovered. She had also 'forgotten' to put the bins up for collection - for the two collections days we were away for. Furious doesn't come close - suffice to say, strong words, followed (eventually) by an apology :(

However, Post-holiday blues have now been banished by us booking to go again - in September, with my lovely sister and BIL from Ireland :D Not the same hotel - no bargains to be found for there this time - but a 4 star we have stayed in before and really liked. I can't tell you how excited I am - this sis and I are so close, my BIL is lovely and he and OH get on really well - we don't get to spend nearly enough time together, so this is going to be such a treat. They haven't been to any of the Canary Islands before, and OH and I are looking forward to sharing one of our favourite places with them :) Youngest - who adores my sister, who is also her God Mother - has announced she is coming too! We've agreed to pay something towards the holiday for her, as part of her 18th birthday present - but she has been warned that she has to cover everything else! There is a slight feeling of relief that this means we won't come home to a huge mess, too!

I'll finish by adding some of the (literally) thousands of pictures I took whilst away - love to all, as always xxxxx

Sunrise from our balcony
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One of the family of chipmunks on 'our' beach

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This baby chipmunk was chasing a sibling - and fell in a rock pool! Felt very sorry for itself!

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From the zoo
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And - La Pared, during the day and at Sunset

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Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Welcome home Ann and thanks for more lovely photos :) I'm glad you had a lovely, relaxing time but sorry that you returned to find the place in such a mess (reminds me of the time we went away and left our son, at a similar age, with similar results) :mad:

We had a lovely weekend away, although the weather had turned rather cold again. Our hotel was 'quirky' and comfortable with doggies also being welcome. We couldn't have afforded it without our Tesco points, so doubt we will go again anytime soon!
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Absolutely beautiful pix, Ann, thank you for putting them up for all to see! Though sorry about the state of the house when you got home!
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
0
Chester
Lovely pics Ann. Sorry to hear you came home to such a mess - and I hope she did some of the clearing up.

slugsta - glad you had a good trip, even if cold (bitterly cold here).

I do need to update but need to finish supermarket shop first so will try later.