Hi everyone,
Laughing my socks off at the pill advice canary - definitely dogs are easier - though JM, no way would mine just 'take a pill' - in this house, doggy pills are pushed into a small cube of cheese, and so far they have never cottoned on that the only time they get cheese is when its either worming time or when its one of the (thankfully rare) occasions that they are poorly!
Hiya Silverfoxice - welcome to TP x I honestly don't believe that there is any point in telling your Mum that she has dementia - you must have had a good reason to ask the hospital not to tell her, perhaps you felt that it would be too frightening or upsetting for her to know? If thats the case, then nothing has really changed now for her and it may even be that if she is worried about the dreams/hallucinations/delusions, then her worries and any fears may be made much worse by the knowledge that she has dementia - that is, if as Amy says, she is even able to comprehend the news. The other reason I would be inclined to keep quiet is that my Mil was told, at the point of diagnosis - and she simply went into flat denial, tempered with a lot of anger - caused by fear. It made her very resistant to any sort of outside support, and a lot of her anger was directed at me - because I was the one who was most likely to go on medical appointments or sort out various things for her, then I became the one who was (she claimed) trying to convince everyone that she was 'mad'. Supporting your Mum is going to be very tough for you, hun - if telling her carries even the slightest chance that she may react as my Mil did, then all it will do is make it harder for you and her. Paranoia and anger at close family members sadly seems to be pretty common with dementia, and both those aspects can make caring so much more difficult.
There is no point either in bringing up hallucinations/delusions that she forgets quickly. Very early on with Mil, she rang me one day absolutely furious because her 'dresser' had gone from the dining room. She had actually got rid of it about 19 or 20 years before, and replaced it with two corner cabinets - when I tried to tell her this on the phone, she got really angry with me, accusing me of taking the dresser to sell because (she said) I must have known she paid a lot for it and then she ended the call by telling me she would tell her husband (who had died about a year after she got rid of the dresser) what I'd done when he came in from work, and hung up on me. One of the first times I'd experienced such a strong delusion from her, made me scared and OH and I went shooting up to visit her, only to find she had absolutely no memory of the call she had made to me, or of what she had said - and it led to her accusing me of lying and getting really angry with me yet again.
I would be tempted to tell your Mum that she ought to see the Doctor about her 'jumpy legs' and (if she is able to talk about the bad dreams/delusions) about the dreams, make the appointment but send in a letter to her GP in advance, explaining the situation, asking him/her not to mention the diagnosis but asking for help with the delusions/hallucinations. If she is on any other meds, like aricept or whatever, it may be that they are not mixing well with the sleeping tablets, so the sleeping meds may need to be changed. Or the GP may be able to prescribe something that may help her besides what she already takes. At the same time, in case it is an infection brewing - because as Amy rightly says, an infection, particularly a UTI can cause massive deterioration in a pwd - ask for the GP to check that out. And if it isn't an infection, if its not the sleeping tablets and if the GP can't prescribe anything that helps, then you know its the illness worsening and hopefully, you can begin to start to work out what the next step will be. Mil was able to stay in her own house for I think about 2 years after the delusions started - but it wasn't easy, and sadly, you have to remember that this illness can progress differently in every individual who has it - they say if you have seen one person with dementia, thats all you have seen - just one person. Its impossible to predict how anyone will be affected or how long the various phases and stages will last, and at every turn all you can do is try to react quickly to the changes.
I hope the above helps - and I hope you keep posting too, and asking questions - TP has been my biggest source of advice and support since I found it, and I know that everyone will be glad to support you too xxxx
I did the first 'mega-present-wrapping' session last night - Oh, how I loathe that job! But, I am determined to get stuck in this week, and have it all done by the weekend - and at the weekend I have 3 gifts to pick up, and that's me done so far as my gift buying is concerned! Then, I have to buy small gifts for all from Mil, just in case us visiting on Xmas day with gifts sends her into a spin about not having gifts for us, I will have them there for her to hand out and hopefully forestall any agitation for her.
Hope you all have a peaceful day xxxx