Morning all,
I've had awful trouble trying to get on to TP for the last 2 or 3 days - its been just loading for ages and then timing out on me. Which combined with work and trying to sort out Mil, is why I haven't been around! No idea why its loaded without any problems this morning, but making the most of it and going to try and catch up now!
Slugsta - that flat looks lovely, so bright and a good size - love it
Got fingers and toes crossed that the whole process goes as smoothly as possible and that you are in and settled quickly
re:the fecal incontinence with your Mum - when Mil was having bouts of fecal incontinence, I spoke to the continence clinic and the nurse there looked at Mils medication list - she didn't mention donepezil, but immediately pointed to resperidone as being a major factor in causing fecal and urinary incontinence. Once resperidone was stopped, so did the fecal incontinence - and though she was still wet at night, she wasn't flooding the bed as much. Now they have reintroduced resperidone as a prn (and she seems to be having it quite regularly) once again, the night time incontince has become excessive and she seems to be (judging by the washing I get) to be soaked every single night
I don't remember you mentioning if your Mum was on resperidone, but there may be some other regular med that could be contributing to the problem? I hope that you hear from SS soon, too x
Spamar, I think I'd be inclined to get my eyes checked out by the consultant, if I were you - worth it, just in case there is something that can be done that will bring about a massive improvement for you, hun xxxxx
Hiya Red - as always, lovely to see you xxxx I'm really getting back into my books now, when Mil was here I found it so hard to get the time (and peace) to read and went from ploughing through at least 2 books a week to being lucky if I managed to finish one after 3 or 4 weeks. I so appreciate the luxury of curling up on the sofa after tea and having an uninterupted hour or two to enjoy a book now
gulabo - welcome to TP
I'm so glad if anything you have come across on here has helped you. When you are dealing with dementia, in whatever capacity, the support from others on TP is a massive, massive help, I've found xxx
Grace - every time I think that those horrible out-laws of yours just can't get any worse, they go and prove me wrong! How blummin' dare they treat you like that! Proud of you for staying strong and refusing to give in, but I also want to say that I echo what Amy has said, and like her, I do so because I am concerned for you Hun. Its obvious you are a lady with a big heart and a big conscience, and the toxic in-laws are doing their very best to take advantage of that. And I don't think that they will ever change. You don't deserve to be treated so badly, even if you never give in, its still stress and misery that you really don't need. Cut them out of your life completely, Hun xxxx
Amy, glad you found going back to the support group useful, hun. I hope that your OH is OK too - I feel for him (and C) - dealing with the pressures of work whilst still struggling with the loss of his Dad must be so hard. And hard for you to see him struggling too {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}. I hope the apple cooking has gone well - hot apple pie and ice cream - mouth watering just thinking about it
I'll add a pic of the 'melon brain' at the end of the post - takes all of 10 minutes to carve, very easy, yet sat on a bed of red jelly (I think you would call it jello?) it makes for a very effective Halloween party food
We took some of Mils clothes and belongings to the home on Sunday. The room she has now been allocated isn't the same room as we saw when we first visited, this 'new' room is in an area that has still to be decorated (or at least, I hope its still to be decorated - its not as bright and nice as the 'nature-theme' of the first one). But the room is a fair size, en-suit loo, and its all obviously been freshly painted and decorated, in a nice, restful shades of blue. Her window over-looks the garden area too, which is a better view than in the first room. A good sized wardrobe, two sets of drawers and a comfy arm chair are in place. I made sure that I had 4 complete changes of clothes ready to hang in her wardrobe, and we dotted several of her photographs and smaller ornaments about the place. It seemed very little and looked not at all cosy
We are going to buy her a nice fleccy/soft throw and cushion for her chair and have decided to buy her 2 or 3 nice pictures to hang on the walls. I really hope that will make it nicer for her.
When we got there, the staff told us that they were expecting Mil to arrive the next day - Monday. That was the first we had heard of it, the hospital had told us that she wouldn't be reviewed till Monday morning. I explained this to the staff - got exasperated sighs and eyerolls and comments about 'that flipping hospital' in response. They were adamant that they had been told she would move in the next day . . .
From there to visit Mil. Found a level of chaos on the ward that I hadn't seen before. Only 2 familiar staff, the rest appeared to be agency and bank, and not as many staff as usual, either. And I'd say that 2 of the agency/bank staff, at least, didn't have a clue - one was sat working on what appeared to be some sort of maths 'homework', oblivious to the patients. The other was just sat in the lounge area. As the senior on duty - one of the regular staff - let us in, I asked about Mil moving the next day. Similar level of exasperation to that shown by the staff at the home in response. Big sigh and we were told no, she was being reviewed the next day, that the home had been told this - and he added that personally, he didn't think she would be OK to go, as her behaviour was still really bad and he was certain that she still had some sort of infection that was causing it.
No sign of Mil in the lounge, we found her in her room, in tears, with a nurse trying to comfort her - another new face to us, but it emerged that she was a nurse from the another ward in the MH unit, covering for staff shortages on Mil's ward. To be fair, she was cuddling and trying to reassure Mil in a lovely manner. OH took over and I - still not knowing when and if Mil could move to the home - collard this nurse as I was absolutely determined to find out what the situation was as regards Mils clothes and belongings on the ward. I know,
I know. that they were busy - but I'd been asking politely and repeatedly for two weeks for this information, a list of what she has there and what she may need - and after being promised time and again that it would be sorted (it hadn't been) with the move potentially imminent, I felt I couldn't leave it any longer.
The list of missing items is ridiculous - no sign of the two brand new nightdresses I'd taken in just 2 weeks before, plus another older nighty; The bottoms from one of the new pj's and the top from another couldn't be found, and 2 pairs of pj's missing completely, along with a dressing gown. I think a conservative estimate of missing trousers would be about 4 pairs. Tops are mssing too, but to be honest, although I know that some are gone, there are only 2 that I can give a clear descripton of - she has (had!) so many plain, short and long-sleeved T-shirt type tops, that were all similar, that I honestly can't remember. 6 or 7 bra's, including the 4 brand new ones I'd taken in were also gone. Paddy the cuddly leprachaun couldn't be found - we hadn't seen him for several weeks but had been told that she was now keeping him in her small suitcase in her room, but no sign of him. And despite me taking two full sets of brand new toiletries in, in the preceding 3 weeks, all that could be found were 3 roll on deodorants, one bottle of shampoo and one of conditioner - toothpaste, toothbrushes, shower gels, soaps, hairbrush, combs and even 2 of the 3 toiletry bags that I'd bought were missing. Laundry, bathrooms and 'storage' rooms were checked - that turned up the older nighty and Mils coat - but nothing else.
I listed everything and speaking to both the nurse and the senior staff, I made it clear that I wasn't happy. They assured me that they would look, that they couldn't understand it, they just didn't know what had happened - I told them that considering how many bloody times I'd found other peoples clothes mixed in with Mils washing, that I had a darn good idea what might have happened
I left Mil with 3 days worth of nighties and clean clothes - and brought all other garments home. I remarked that if they looked and found the missing stuff, she shouldn't go short - should she? Can't say they seemed particularly impressed with my attitude - but then I wasn't impressed with them either - at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether Mil can afford to replace the missing stuff - the point is, she shouldn't have to!
I joined Mil and OH in the lounge, where Mil was verbally nasty to one particular chap several times - no idea why, he only had to walk past for her to shout at him
When we went to leave she got really upset, begging us to let her
'go home, because I can't, I just can't do it here' - no idea what 'it' was, she couldn't explain, but it was awful to have to leave her crying and so distressed.
Monday lunch time I phoned the hospital to be told that they were still waiting for the doctor to review. I asked for them to please contact us when they knew what was happening. I got the impression that I was being a considered a nuscience - I was told several times - with a sigh - that they were doing their best. Just after 5pm, a phone call - they were now looking to discharge on leave to the home on Wednesday. I asked why the delay? More bloods had been taken because of her behaviour - the nurse explained that the night before Mil had had to be isolated from the other patients, taken to her room with a nurse over-seeing her one to one, as she was being quite 'aggressive verbally'.
Tuesday mid-day, another call from the hospital - another pova issued. Mil had struck a male patient in the arm - and he had struck her back, in the face. No injuries sustained by either (thank goodness) - but the hospital were just 'letting us know'. Thats the 3rd (I think) such incident in the last 2 weeks.
We went to visit her just after 4pm, and she was in a very dicey mood. The lady that she has clashed with quite a lot was wandering round, demanding to be allowed to go 'over the road' to every member of staff she passed and Mil was constantly chipping in, shouting at the woman to 'shut up', telling her that no, she couldn't go over the road - OH and I both tried to calm her, with Mil insisting that if the woman went, then she was 'likely to murder someone'. She was tearful and rude by turn, whilst talking to us, lots of talk about seeing her Dad, her Mum and going home, and lots of half formed comments about people who we didn't know and her getting cross because we guenuinely couldn't follow what she was trying to tell us about them. A lot of 'whats that mans name?' and 'Oh what was that woman called? You do know her Ann!' - and though we tried guessing at possible names, every time we were wrong, and she was just getting naggier. At one point she slapped OH quite hard on the leg. We stayed for about 40 minutes, but were glad to leave.
But, before we left I asked about the misisng clothes and possessions - none found. And about was Mil likely to be moving the next day? No mention of blood tests, this time we were told it was about ensuring that all the paperwork was done, that the SW was 'doing her best' and that they on the ward were 'trying'. Again, I felt like I was pestering, but lets face it - this paperwork should all have been done weeks ago, when we met with Mils consultant and we were told to start looking for homes for her. It really annoyed me that they were now acting as though we were being unreasonable that they were taking so long to sort things that should have been done ages ago.
So - today, another day of waiting to hear what's happening. I'm so furious and think its totally unacceptable that this whole thing is such a shambles. Anmd more annoyed because of the attitude that we are somehow being unreasonable or a pain for wanting to be told whats going on. Surely this isn't the norm - is it?
I've got an important meeting today, and a lot of work stuff to get through - I've been flat out working every day this week, more minor niggles with IT to sort, and I've completed some of the mandatory training. A ot of travel coming up this month, so trying to get ahead of myself - between that and Mil, I'm shattered
Will try ande let you all know if the move actually does happen today - got an awful worry that if it doesn't, if the hospital havent finally sorted the paperwork, that we could well lose this place for Mil
Love to you all, hope you have a good day xxx
And Amy - here's the infamous 'melon brain' that I made for the pumpkin party, lol