1. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,272
    Female
    Chester
    I'm glad you now have a plan of action, although it seems not a date.

    An op to hopefully remove it sounds good option.
     
  2. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,330
    Yorkshire
    Glad that the meeting finally went ahead.
    Best wishes for more news of the date and for a very successful outcome of the op. xx
     
  3. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
    Thank you Marcelle. My stepdaughter brought me home and stayed most of yesterday. At least we managed to do some shopping. After nearly 4 weeks away, the cupboards were bare!
    Another friend coming today!
    Weather not nearly so nice today, blowing wind, rain and grey skies!
    I think date news is Monday, but with my bad writing and scribbled notes, it’s guesswork!
     
  5. Amelie5a

    Amelie5a Registered User

    Nov 5, 2014
    90
    Scotland
    So pleased to read that you've made it out of hospital for now and that you have good support at home.

    Hopefully, your scribbled notes are right and you'll get news of the op date soon.
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
    Have a meeting tomorrow with urologists. D D is once again giving me a lift. Should end up with op dates.
     
  7. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
    One clinic sorted, next is anaesthetic clinic, the day after tomorrow. If they think I’m fit, the op will be on wed 23rd, and I should be in hospital 3-4 days, barring accidents and emergencies .

    The tumour was/is very slow growing, probably had it for years. Which might explain why my walking has been affected for years. Or might be nothing to do with walking! A surprise for me post-op!
     
  8. Amelie5a

    Amelie5a Registered User

    Nov 5, 2014
    90
    Scotland
    It sounds as if 'things' are falling in to place for you now - hopefully, despite the op ahead, you're feeling a bit more reassured than last week.

    Wouldn't it be great if the op help improved your walking too!
     
  9. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
    It would be fantastic, but I’m not banking on it!
     
  10. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,984
    Suffolk
    Everything confirmed for 23 rd, after 4 1/2 hrs of assessment!
    So think of me at 06:00 on the 23 rd, leaving for the hospital! By 08:30, I should be going into theatre for a 4 hr op.
     
  11. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    360
    Female
    South East
    Hope op goes well and you have a speedy recovery. Warm wishes to you .
     
  12. Amelie5a

    Amelie5a Registered User

    Nov 5, 2014
    90
    Scotland
    Here's wishing you all the best for Wednesday. Thinking of you...
     
  13. charlie10

    charlie10 Registered User

    Dec 20, 2018
    333
    Will be thinking of you Spamar, if I can work out the time zones! Hope all goes well and you have a speedy recovery
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,712
    Female
    South coast
    Hope all goes well tomorrow and the only shock is the 6:00am wake up call!
    Much love
    xxx
     
  15. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,272
    Female
    Chester
    @Spamar I hoping all goes well today. Fingers crossed you are almost on way to theatre.
     
  16. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,624
    Scotland
    Thinking of you @Spamar, I hope all has gone well.
     
  17. CandyCrushed

    CandyCrushed New member

    Apr 6, 2019
    9
    Hoping that all went smoothly for you yesterday @Spamar, and wishing you a speedy recovery.
     
  18. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2015
    4,330
    Yorkshire
    Very best wishes for your post-op welfare. Thinking of you. xx
     
  19. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,272
    Female
    Chester
    As I've always posted in this thread this seems to be the place to vent.

    Not a big issue yet, but it's worrying me. Long long post so don't mind if you pass.

    I am on TP as my mum has dementia and I've posted before on here re MIL, who is now 92 and worrying signs, dau and I can both spot, but OH doesn't like the D word and wouldn't listen if I mentioned it. He has never really understood mum's dementia, and thinks I see dementia in all old people. I can see a potential car crash, but not sure if there's anything I can do to avert the crisis.

    So odd things have been happening for a couple of years, which if I'd never come across dementia I'd have thought nothing of. First 'big' thing was she hadn't paid her electricity bill for 12 months, she brushed it off to SIL as she wasn't happy with the readings and thought bill was too high, we had had phone calls about this, and not managing to read the meter etc. I think she'd forgotten how much things cost, and just got very confused about it, she had phoned the electric co multiple times. SIL sorted out paying it and set up direct debit and that was sorted.

    On a couple of our visits over last few years MIL has seemed noticeably confused if things aren't what she expects from time to time but not all the time.

    She gave up driving earlier this year, after bumping her friends brand new car in the car park. Neighbours had commented to SIL about MIL's driving but SIL was 'well I haven't seen any issues' despite SIL always driving when she stayed. OH said she'd have to decide herself and wouldn't say anything, despite us deciding about 4 years ago we weren't going in the car when she was driving. Many of her friends no longer would go in the car with her. OH and SIL head firmly in sand.

    Around Christmas time SIL and OH decided that MIL no longer could make high level financial decisions - SIL is fairly concerned MIL has no grip on her finances (POAs are in place - at my suggestion) and has slowly tried to assist. This wording is glossing over the problem, but an admission by them both that there is a problem at a level.

    SIL phoned the other night and is concerned as MIL is 'getting more confused' and is struggling with anything 'new'. OH's comments were she doesn't have to deal with anything new so what's the problem. This is ringing alarm bells for me, but OH isn't interested.

    We are meant to be 'keeping' MILs car at ours, for SIL to use, but so far OH hasn't gone to collect it (she lives 200 miles away in rural Scotland in a hamlet so small it isn't on google maps), as we've been busy - SIL used it the week before A levels started and we've barely had time to think since then, getting dau sorted for her hols (took a lot of effort to pack 2 panniers), our hols, dau sorted for uni, and only 1 free weekend since we got home from holiday and we used that to replace our dying car. (dau races cycling, son fences). We both work and as you'd expect with kids competing all over the country we are stretched. In the next 7 weekends I have 2 trips to London, bath and Bristol, all over 3 hours away. Dau is racing near Glasgow, gatwick, south wales and york before Christmas, so we just can't fit it in. OH isn't prepared to use his holidays to collect a vehicle we don't really want sitting on the road outside our house. SIL lives in Colorado and it is cheaper to keep the vehicle than hire apparently, although I don't know if she's got an insurance quote. MIL is complaining about the cost of car tax and insurance, when OH told her to SORN it and cancel insurance as car is worth so little - MIL thinks it's worth £2k - but on a quick google max £500 and prob less. Insurance for MIL is more than this. SIL has annoyed OH over this as she thinks we can run around and sort it out, she didn't work, her ad her ex never had plans for the weekend, and didn't do much and she doesn't understand how stretched we are.

    So ignoring car issue, there are issues with MIL which are only being slowly addressed. SIL has visited MIL twice a year for a while, but now she has a new partner is only coming once a year. OH's relationship with his mum is fairly strained as well. FIL was not a pleasant person to know, and decided when we got engaged in 89 he really didn't like me and never wanted to see me again (same pattern as for his other 2 children), I was 'allowed' back in 2002, partly as we had a child by then, and he died in 2003. OH saw his parents once a year in that time at my insistence. Since his death we have seen his mum mainly once a year, we normally go for a 24 hour trip but one xmas OH decided he really couldn't be bothered, and sometimes we have just gone for lunch (7 hours of driving) as we just couldn't face staying over. I don't know how old the beds are but I refuse to sleep in them as the ancient mattress is so worn out it sags and I end up with a back so sore it takes weeks to recover, so we sleep on the floor or take our campervan. OH had a very dysfunctional childhood with a very controlling father, so whilst he knows his mum was caught up in this as well, he finds it hard when he feels she didn't look after him, and hasn't tried to reach out to him since his father's death when he has tried hard to reach out to her - we invited her to stay a couple of times, but she was very awkward, and wanted us to behave in her life pattern. She has always taken the attitude of frail old woman, expecting us to run to her, and being severe in her attitude, I think from the way her husband expected to behave. I don't think she is like this with her friends as you can tell from comments and her behaviour towards them she is a nicer to be with person for them, there was clearly a lot of warmth towards her from the people we met at her 90th a couple of years ago.

    Not expecting any answers, just worrying about the crisis that is coming, I have feeling following latest call that is could all accelerate quite fast. MIL relies heavily on friends and their patience must be wearing thin, the main friend who has done a lot of the support is moving soon, she currently lives 5 miles away but will be 15 or more (so rural that there aren't many properties in that 5 miles so it is close for that area). MIL has a good friendship group but likes living in the rural isolation and doesn't want to live in a village let alone a town, so wouldn't contemplate moving to somewhere she could access services without relying on others (nearest supermarket is a 40 mins drive away for instance), local town has a small coop and londis, as is common in rural Scotland, although MIL favours shopping in a town further away that she used to live near (it does have more butchers etc). Of OH's siblings, his brother has walked away due to childhood and MIL's lack of being prepared to acknowledge effect on the children and any acceptance they suffered in life - BIL was thrown out of house at 17 as FIL didn't like his girlfriend. His sister has spent a lot of time with her mum but when a US resident she won't be on hand when things need doing. OH really doesn't want to have to do anything.

    Thanks for reading, I feel better for writing it down, I know I am worrying about what might be and much of the problem is the strained relationships and distance.
     
  20. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,179
    Nottinghamshire
    I’m glad you feel better for writing it down @jugglingmum

    It’s like watching a slow car crash...
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.