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So bizarre !

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Ann Mac, Jul 31, 2014.

  1. emp

    emp Registered User

    Jun 27, 2018
    Well done Ann! Hopefully you've well and truly put her in her place now. Who does this woman think she is?!
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    I think that everyone else has already said exactly what I am thinking.

    She picked the wrong person to fight.......
  3. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    I have just read this. It's beyond belief. Thank goodness your MIL has you to fight for her, Ann. But what a toll it must be taking on you. Thinking of you. xx
  4. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Morning all,

    Ann, it is you who is amazing! I really don't think I would have had it in me to fight for Mum in the way you have for MIL :( Of course, you shouldn't have to fight to get basic human needs met, to get a vulnerable person the care they so clearly need - but thank goodness you did!

    As has been said, you have helped so many other people, as well as MIL. It is thanks to you that some sort of respite care was put into place in your area and now, thanks to you, the minister is aware of how a senior manager is mis-managing. Please give yourself a huge pat on the back - when you have the energy.

    This whole business clearly has taken a lot of mental and physical energy, and that is not in limitless supply - especially considering your commitment to your job on top of everything else. Please don't under estimate how much this will have taken out of you. Try to avoid situations that will drain you further and do everything you can to build those supplies up again.

    (((hugs))) to all.
  5. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Ann, I'm so impressed by your fight and resolve. I hope you can feel just a bit better about MIL receiving the one to one care.

    Wishing all the best to you and your family.
  6. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    Wow!! Well done Ann:) X
  7. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning everyone,

    I am struggling to know how to start this post - tempted to say 'thank you' (again!) for the support that you all give me, but it doesn't seem nearly enough. All I can do is keep telling you all that every word of encouragement and reassurance, and all the hugs, really do make a difference and help me so, so much xxxxx

    2jays - thank you for that quote - I've saved it, I think it may well come in very useful x

    reedysue and Spamar - yeah, there is a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of how the HBM is treating others too. Even S at the care home said something similar, that it was frightening to think of how many people were being failed because this woman is so budget driven and operates without any compassion or consideration for the needs of the people who really need CHC. As S said, imagine if the person needing the care either had no one to speak for them, or if they perhaps had a spouse who may be a lot older than me, and possibly dealing with their own health issues and simply couldn't fight this woman. It really is frightening.

    I am still waiting to actually hear from the Minister, Red - so far I've just had the bog-standard auto-type response acknowledging receipt of my email from his office - but once I do, and I've had chance to doble check that the HBM definitely did not say anything about how she was only removing the 1-1 to 'see if it worked and would put it back if needed' to anyone, then yep - your suggestion is one I'll definitely follow. Thank you x

    Ludlow is lovely, JM - but yesterday all I saw was the outside of the trainstation, and the inside of a coffee shop across the road from it, lol. 3 and a half hour meeting, then an hour and half back home. New line manager, seems lovely and competent and supportive. Have my fingers crossed that she will make a difference.

    Slugsta, yep - I am so, so tired and struggling to switch off and rest. Sleep is poorer than usual, had a lot of pain from the fibro this week, which I know is probably down to me being stressed. The big 3a.m. concern that is keeping me awake is wondering what the HBM will try next, and a sneaking suspicion that she may go for insisting that Mil's needs can't be met by the home, and it would be 'better' if she was admitted to some sort of mental health/psychiatric hospital facility. I have no idea of the costs associated with admitting someone to a place like that, all I know is that if it is cheaper than providing 1-1 care, then I'd be a fool if I didn't anticipate her pushing for it. Especially given her wanting to include Dr R in the review, because when the home pushed for him to actually do something to help Mil, his response was that if meds didn't help, then a hospital facility was the only option.

    Amy, emp, Moggymad, Marcelle, Canary, Celia, bunpoots, Herewego, Sarasa and everyone else who has given me fantastic advice and such support - thank you, thank you, thank you - if I repeat 'thank you' a few thousand times, it may give you some idea of how much it means and how much I appreciate it xxxx

    Got a long day ahead, my lovely bunch of young people are tackling the Cadair Idris climb today and I am not in the best place this morning. Youngest woke us very late last night to say that son had just phoned. My wee Granddog Patch became very ill last night, and the vet had just advised that it was time to let the little fellow go. Son phoned just as they were taking him in, youngest said he was 'in bits'. He just wanted to let us know, said not to phone as they were taking Patch. I've half dozed through the night, no more calls, but will be phoning him soon. So, so sad, even though Patch has been so poorly lately and it was obviously the kindest thing to do for him - but such a lovely old doggy, and son and his GF will be devastated. Really proud that he and his GF chose to give a home to such an old rescue dog, because I know they made Patch's last few months so happy and loved him so much. Very glad that have wee Jess, their other rescue doggy, to comfort them. And worrying about my old boy Busta, who at nearly 17 is now starting to lose weight, though he is eating, and playing and not showing any signs of pain or specific ill-health. These furry family members are loved such a lot - I can't imagine life without my old Busta-boy around :(

    I have another project tomorrow morning, a shed load (as always) of work related admin to get through this week, and a project of Friday, down the coast, which will make for a 7 or 8 hour day. Next week was supposed to be my last full week before we go to Ireland, but I explained to my new boss yesterday about how many hours I was owed, and so to try and claim some back, I am only working 3 days next week, finishing on Wednesday afternoon, plus am taking Tuesday afternoon off for the CHC meeting. I - having cancelled 2 appointments already, due to a combination of work and Mil - am hoping to get a hair cut on Thursday, have a day to sort the house, and then focus on packing and so on for Ireland. I am so looking forward to the break, and just hoping that the HBM doesn't throw anything at me at next weeks meeting that is going to interfere with us going. I wouldn't put anything past that woman.

    Sending much love and some grateful hugs to you all xxxx
  8. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    Good morning Ann

    Glad to hear you have a hopefully good new boss who will be more realistic about workload as you obviously enjoy and are good at your job. It would be a shame if you had to leave and I am sure your groups provide a much needed contrast to the stresses re MiL and her care.

    I hope you get a response from the minister. It might be worth mentioning that you know your much needed break in Ireland will be spoilt by concern over not just MiL but what that b****y woman might try to do whilst you were away. I would ask for an assurancre that she will not be allowed to do or start anything re moving MiL or 1 to 1 in your absence. Not only would that give you a bit more peace of mind but would further highlight the perceived and actual problems with her.

    It all is very dreadful for MiL (and Mr Mac) but the one gleam of light in all this is they have you determined to get the best and right care. Just don't let it destroy you in the process, physically or mentally.

    Take care, big hugs xx
  9. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Ann, I am sorry, but not surprised, to hear that the fibro has flared again :( That certainly won't be helping you sleep either. I would love to tell you that it is not the HBM's place to say MIL should be moved - but I have already seen that she seems to have far more power than is healthy for one person to wield.

    I am also so sorry to hear that Patch has crossed Rainbow Bridge :( It is lovely that your son and his GF took on such an elderly dog, knowing that they would not have him for long, and made his last months happy - but I also know that Patch will have worked his way into their hearts very quickly and the pain they will feel at his loss will be out of proportion to the time they have had him. It is natural that this will make you look at Busta and worry about him remaining time with you (((hugs))).

    I hope the climb goes well and you are able to take your time off as planned.
  10. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Just popping in to top up the (((hugs))).
  11. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Squishy hugs xx
  12. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Even more (((((Hugs)))))
  13. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    I call a group hug! :)
  14. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands

    Group Hug :)
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Like it!

    Just heard that the last of my friends and relations who are having operations are fine. Today’s op, cataract, she was home not long after 10:00! Big relief all round.
  16. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    2Js, that's lovely :)

    Great news Spamar! And I love your new avatar.
  17. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Thanks, Slugsta! Someone complained ferns weren’t in season now! It I like ferns! I had to walk around the garden taking photos!
    Five friends / relations have had operations in the last three or four weeks. I’m wrung dry! Everything is fine with everybody so far, anyway.

    Wonder how Ann and mil are getting on, and how Ann’s week turned out.
  18. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning all,

    I may not have had chance to get on here for a few days, but I'm sure the many {{{{{hugs}}}} have still made there way to me and helped - sending {{{{hugs}}}} right back, with yet more thanks to all of you xxx

    Love the avatar Spamar and glad to read that all the ops for friends and relations are over and that everything is OK for all of them. No wonder you are wrung out, hun - a lot of worry xxxx

    All quite on the Mil front - until yesterday! I had to leave for my project on the coast before the postman arrived, and when I got home, I forgot to check the lettter rack and just cracked on with some admin work. It wasn't till later that OH pointed out that there was a letter for me there - from the HBM. She has changed the date of the meeting to next Friday, from Tuesday. Annoying, but if the intention was to make it difficult for me to attend, then she is out of luck, because I am on AL - and I'll be there! No mention of Dr J being invited, just a comment that 'in line with guidence a registered nurse' must be there (?) and of course, I now can't chase that up until Monday. No response from the Minister, either, yet.

    I havent seen Mil since Monday - I really haven't had the chance - but OH has been, and found her in 'fiesty' mode - the aggressive behaviour is vey much to the fore at the moment :(

    Work has been so hectic, I haven't had time to breath - or at least thats how it feels. Tuesday, out from 8 - 5.30 for a meeting, followed by me picking up the last of the supplies for the Cadair Idris Climb. Wednesday, out by 7.30 for the drive to Cadair and the climb itself (which my crew absolutely smashed :D ) Thursday, a project in the morning, admin till late on in the afternoon, Friday admin from early, followed by a trip down the coast for another project - then more admin! I am totally exhausted, and the fibro has been awful this week. Monday, there is a meeting in London that I am supposed to attend, but my new line manager has arranged for me to Skype in, which at least removes the 5 hours of return travel, something I am very grateful for. I had arranged to take some time off in lieu on the Tuesday (because the CHC meeting for Mil was supposed to take place then), Wednesday I have Snowdon - and the intention then is to get all essential admin done on Thursday morning, before I start my AL.

    Some nice news though. OH and I have been talking about dogs. Specifically that our old boy, Busta, is definitely winding down - which at 17 years old, you would expect, though that doesn't make it any less heartbreaking to consider. A big concern for us is the younger dog, Seamus. He came to us at about 3 months old, a rescue, like Busta. And we have no idea what happened to him in his first 3 months, but its clear he had had a rotten time, poor mite. He is one very neurotic and needly little fellow, though very affectionate and loveable. And he would be lost without Busta. If we say 'walk', first thing he does is go and let Busta (who is pretty deaf) know. Throughout the day, he checks repeatedly on where Buzz is, whether we are in the house or out and about. Its like he needs to 'touch base' with him, all the time. And because of this, we are worried about the impact on him when we lose Busta. He likes having another dog around, that's obvious - but if we lose Buzz, we don't know how he would react to the introduction of another dog at that point. So - a lot of discussion, and we have decided to become a 3 dog household, both of us feel it would be better for Seamus to get used to another dog now, so that he has a familiar 'friend' to help him when its needed.

    We have been looking at the local rescue centres. We are happy to take a dog up to 4 years old, but we need one that doesn't have any major health issues and which is OK with other dogs - and its the last bit that has been a stumbling block. So, so many of the rescue dogs need to be the 'only pet', they are not good with other dogs. We have had no luck, so far.

    Last Wednesday, son phoned. He knew we had started looking and he told us that his girlfriends Mum knows of a 2 year old wee dog who desperately needs re-homing, a little cockerpoo. Her owner has developed severe asthma and has been told by his GP that the dog has to go. He is not happy to advertise her for sale or put her in a re-homing centre - he wants to be sure she goes to a good home, and that he knows something about her 'new' people. But - he had been looking and not had any luck with finding her a new family, and had got to the stage where a re-homing centre looked to be the only option - in fact, she was due to go to a re-homing place today. She is good with other dogs, spayed, no health problems, good with kids and very sociable. Son's GF's mum had told son and GF about her , thinking I guess, that after losing Patch, they might be interested, but its too soon for them - so son thought of us.

    GF and her Mum passed on all the info about us to this chap - and we were told for definite yesterday that if we want her, she is ours. And having made the decision, the owner has asked could we take her asap. (Bless him - I can imagine how hard this is for him :( ) The GF's Mum is coming to visit son and his GF today, and bringing the doggy with her and we are picking her up this evening :D

    Meet Luna - our new fur baby


    She isn't known as Luna at the moment, we are changing her name (after checking that dogs apparently are quite happy to accept name changes up to the age of about 5!) and I can't wait. Nothing like a new fur baby to bring a big smile to your face and make you feel happy. We didn't get to see a pic of her until after we had been 'approved' as her new owners, it doesn't matter to us what a dog looks like to be honest - but isn't it lovely to find she is such a cutie to boot :D We are hoping that with a lot of love and reassurance, she will settle quickly and be happy with us - it's going to be a big change for her too, so we need to make it as easy for her as we can.

    So - that's me up to date! I have been 'doing my homework' ready for Mil's CHC assesment, but am fully prepared for HBM to pull some nasty tricky out of her (witches) hat at the last minute. Or at least, she will try to. If she hasn't invited Dr R, then I will ask the home to issue an invite asap and just hope that Dr R can make it - if not, well I have the written statement that I asked her for, strongly supporting the continuation of 1-1 care. And if all else fails, I have the images and the videos - though I am dreading having to use them, I will if I have to.

    Sending love to you all, along with even more thanks and lots of {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} xxxxx
  19. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands


    She is soooooo cute :)

    Hope you like her first name.... we tried changing our dogs name when we got him but nope, he wasn’t keen on the one we chose :D

    Sorry can’t help it..... Have to say it

    Awwwwwwww :)
  20. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Change of dates eh? A spanner thrown and well done you caught it


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