So bizarre !
- Thread starter Ann Mac
- Start date
Lovely hat @2jays, glad you were well enough to enjoy the wedding, but sorry you missed your holiday, hopefully you'll enjoy following the cruise just started on Amethyst's thread and rebook it for next year. Also sorry about your badger problem - you must plant just what they like in your garden. (I know I'm jumping threads)
Ann - sorry about MIL, and end of life, glad your oldest had a nice visit. The system is so damned frustrating - but I guess in terms of the meeting if there is only one person coordinating it they can't fit it all in at once. I hope you get the 1 to 1 required.
I think Amy is right and you can get single dose tablets for vaginal thrush, I'm sure I've seen them advertised on the telly, although I realise if she is refusing meds that might be difficult, but probably easier than applying a cream to lady bits if she is refusing personal care.
I'm with slugsta on 'Harold Shipman has a lot to answer for' and the use of morphine has now swung the wrong way in end of life care, but I think many solo GPs thought they were God and a shake up was needed (FIL was a GP covering a deprived area, his comments about his patients in the late 80s were certainly inapproriate - he was definitely of the school of I'm a Dr and I am right and don't question me - mind you plenty of Drs Ann Mc has come across have been like that - just wrong).
Sorry I've been a bit absent, busy with half term, getting on with mum's paperwork (finally) and not been on TP as much, got sidetracked on another thread when I was on (Spamar knows which one). Also managed to get some bits of garden properly weeded as well - finally caged white and red currants, to protect from birds, only 23 years after we moved in. In some ways lots of bits of life came to a standstill when things went pop with mum, and trying to kick myself up the backside to sort out.
Also left TP logged in and dau saw some posts (not anything too ranty about her thankfully) which accounted for an edited post on this thread a couple of weeks back.
I will try and catch up and post soon.
Ann - sorry about MIL, and end of life, glad your oldest had a nice visit. The system is so damned frustrating - but I guess in terms of the meeting if there is only one person coordinating it they can't fit it all in at once. I hope you get the 1 to 1 required.
I think Amy is right and you can get single dose tablets for vaginal thrush, I'm sure I've seen them advertised on the telly, although I realise if she is refusing meds that might be difficult, but probably easier than applying a cream to lady bits if she is refusing personal care.
I'm with slugsta on 'Harold Shipman has a lot to answer for' and the use of morphine has now swung the wrong way in end of life care, but I think many solo GPs thought they were God and a shake up was needed (FIL was a GP covering a deprived area, his comments about his patients in the late 80s were certainly inapproriate - he was definitely of the school of I'm a Dr and I am right and don't question me - mind you plenty of Drs Ann Mc has come across have been like that - just wrong).
Sorry I've been a bit absent, busy with half term, getting on with mum's paperwork (finally) and not been on TP as much, got sidetracked on another thread when I was on (Spamar knows which one). Also managed to get some bits of garden properly weeded as well - finally caged white and red currants, to protect from birds, only 23 years after we moved in. In some ways lots of bits of life came to a standstill when things went pop with mum, and trying to kick myself up the backside to sort out.
Also left TP logged in and dau saw some posts (not anything too ranty about her thankfully) which accounted for an edited post on this thread a couple of weeks back.
I will try and catch up and post soon.
Thanks so much for the lovely photo. You both look marvellous. Proud Mum and very happy son! Congratulations all round!
Think that makes it a work of performance art as well as vintage.@Izzy Thank you
It’s vintage. Seen a few weddings but this time I fluffed it up a bit with feathers.... which got loose and floated around and stuck in the most obscure places for most of the day
--Looks fab, as do you both. x
Morning all,
2jays, both you and your son look fabulous - what a lovely picture - and I love that hat
I hadn't thought of vaginal thrush - thank you for mentioning that, 2jays - I will ask today, when I visit. So appreciative of these suggestions from you guys - anything that I can be checking out at the moment to try and ease her obvious discomfort is a massive help xxxx
Slugsta, that link is brilliant! I can't be sure that its the condition that Nurse D repeatedly referred to, but my God - all of the symptoms listed there fit so well. It explains the tongue and mouth movements, the writhing, the sudden 'spasms' where she arches back and makes the gutteral noise, the sudden jerks - everything. I had no idea that anti-psychotic drugs could cause this as a possible side-effect - we sure as hell were never warned about it. And apparently the parkinson like gait and jerks she developed when taking resperidone, over 4 years ago, were early warning signs that she was at risk of developing this condition. Just so sad (and cross) that it was never picked up on. Its not like I didn't raise concerns again and again about the Parkinsons like symptoms and the link with meds, with CPN, consultants and Mil's own GP . The latest development with Mil is that when she does try to walk - usually when agitated - she is bending to the side and arching her back so her head is sort of thrown back - and again, that fits with what I've just read about TD.
JM, I can imagine the fall out if your dau saw anything on TP, even if it wasn't too ranty! I hope it didn't let you in for too much grief from her. Things are tough here with youngest - she is over-reacting to just about everything, frequent outbursts and a lot of unacceptable back-chat. And I know its all about her being upset about her Nan. She had a tearful meltdown when her big sis was here, and it brought home even more, the extent to which all this is upsetting her. To make matters even worse, one of her workmates, someone she was really good mates with, has tragically died whilst on holiday - he was only 19, on his first 'lads holiday' abroad, and it appears he fell from a balcony. They closed the leisure centre early and broke the news to the staff a couple of days ago, and it has just devastated her. There is just 'too much dying' for her to cope with at the moment - its just all so very overwhelming for her.
Son has decided that he is coming down this weekend, he want's to see his Nana. So he, his GF, Bert the Tortoise and my granddog Patch are all arriving on Friday afternoon. Along with my latest Grand-pet - they have aquired another dog. Another sort of 'rescue' - this one was bought originally by a couple who then split up, poor Jess (thats her name) was left living with the ex GF's Mum, and the GF, and none of them really wanted her. She hasn't been badly treated, but a little neglected, no walks or real interest shown, and now the girl's Mum has said she has to go. In steps my son (who works with the girls Mum), Jess went to them for a trial last weekend - trial, my foot - I knew darn well that once the doggy was in the house, no way would they not keep her! She is a 6 year old westie, and apparently a 'bit of a princess' - so this weekend is going to be interesting with 4 dogs in the house!
I didn't go to see Mil yesterday, I'd had a bad night on Monday night, just the fibro flaring up and causing the awful 'restless legs, arms and everything else' that stopped me sleeping for more than 2 hours. So, I decided to have a break. I spent a lot of the day sat on the patio, photographing the starlings, the 'Jackdaw 5' and 'Jimmy the Rook'. I'm finding my bird-watching is the best stress buster going at the moment, there is something very soothing about watching their antics. I'm becoming very fond of Jimmy the Rook in particular. He is still quite skitty, but as long as I am sat on the patio with camera to hand when he arrives, he is no longer flying off in a panic when I move to take a photograph. He is so wily! It takes him only one or two visits to finish off a coconut suet feeder, so to make sure that the smaller birds get a share, I added a suet block feeder, made of metal, with a lid and hanging from a chain - silly me thinking he wouldn't work out how to get at it. He uses his claws and beak to haul on the chain and lift it up so he can reach it. The fact that the block was enclosed in the metal cage initially stopped him getting more than a smallish mouthful at a time, but he got round that by simply ripping the metal 'lid' right off the cage, and now he just reaches in and takes his usual huge beakfuls. Such a character.
And a couple of the starlings - the bird table is like a battle field when they all descend, I've counted up to 34 at one time - its like a scene from 'The Birds'!
One of the Jackdaw 5 - I have a family of 4 jackdaws, and one solitary chap, who regularly visit - this is the solitary boy - obviously called Michael Jackdaw
And finally - one of my robins, a blue tit - and an adorable baby blackbird
Will let you all know how the meeting goes tomorrow, much love to all of you - and again, thank you xxxx
2jays, both you and your son look fabulous - what a lovely picture - and I love that hat
I hadn't thought of vaginal thrush - thank you for mentioning that, 2jays - I will ask today, when I visit. So appreciative of these suggestions from you guys - anything that I can be checking out at the moment to try and ease her obvious discomfort is a massive help xxxx
Slugsta, that link is brilliant! I can't be sure that its the condition that Nurse D repeatedly referred to, but my God - all of the symptoms listed there fit so well. It explains the tongue and mouth movements, the writhing, the sudden 'spasms' where she arches back and makes the gutteral noise, the sudden jerks - everything. I had no idea that anti-psychotic drugs could cause this as a possible side-effect - we sure as hell were never warned about it. And apparently the parkinson like gait and jerks she developed when taking resperidone, over 4 years ago, were early warning signs that she was at risk of developing this condition. Just so sad (and cross) that it was never picked up on. Its not like I didn't raise concerns again and again about the Parkinsons like symptoms and the link with meds, with CPN, consultants and Mil's own GP . The latest development with Mil is that when she does try to walk - usually when agitated - she is bending to the side and arching her back so her head is sort of thrown back - and again, that fits with what I've just read about TD.
JM, I can imagine the fall out if your dau saw anything on TP, even if it wasn't too ranty! I hope it didn't let you in for too much grief from her. Things are tough here with youngest - she is over-reacting to just about everything, frequent outbursts and a lot of unacceptable back-chat. And I know its all about her being upset about her Nan. She had a tearful meltdown when her big sis was here, and it brought home even more, the extent to which all this is upsetting her. To make matters even worse, one of her workmates, someone she was really good mates with, has tragically died whilst on holiday - he was only 19, on his first 'lads holiday' abroad, and it appears he fell from a balcony. They closed the leisure centre early and broke the news to the staff a couple of days ago, and it has just devastated her. There is just 'too much dying' for her to cope with at the moment - its just all so very overwhelming for her.
Son has decided that he is coming down this weekend, he want's to see his Nana. So he, his GF, Bert the Tortoise and my granddog Patch are all arriving on Friday afternoon. Along with my latest Grand-pet - they have aquired another dog. Another sort of 'rescue' - this one was bought originally by a couple who then split up, poor Jess (thats her name) was left living with the ex GF's Mum, and the GF, and none of them really wanted her. She hasn't been badly treated, but a little neglected, no walks or real interest shown, and now the girl's Mum has said she has to go. In steps my son (who works with the girls Mum), Jess went to them for a trial last weekend - trial, my foot - I knew darn well that once the doggy was in the house, no way would they not keep her! She is a 6 year old westie, and apparently a 'bit of a princess' - so this weekend is going to be interesting with 4 dogs in the house!
I didn't go to see Mil yesterday, I'd had a bad night on Monday night, just the fibro flaring up and causing the awful 'restless legs, arms and everything else' that stopped me sleeping for more than 2 hours. So, I decided to have a break. I spent a lot of the day sat on the patio, photographing the starlings, the 'Jackdaw 5' and 'Jimmy the Rook'. I'm finding my bird-watching is the best stress buster going at the moment, there is something very soothing about watching their antics. I'm becoming very fond of Jimmy the Rook in particular. He is still quite skitty, but as long as I am sat on the patio with camera to hand when he arrives, he is no longer flying off in a panic when I move to take a photograph. He is so wily! It takes him only one or two visits to finish off a coconut suet feeder, so to make sure that the smaller birds get a share, I added a suet block feeder, made of metal, with a lid and hanging from a chain - silly me thinking he wouldn't work out how to get at it. He uses his claws and beak to haul on the chain and lift it up so he can reach it. The fact that the block was enclosed in the metal cage initially stopped him getting more than a smallish mouthful at a time, but he got round that by simply ripping the metal 'lid' right off the cage, and now he just reaches in and takes his usual huge beakfuls. Such a character.
And a couple of the starlings - the bird table is like a battle field when they all descend, I've counted up to 34 at one time - its like a scene from 'The Birds'!
One of the Jackdaw 5 - I have a family of 4 jackdaws, and one solitary chap, who regularly visit - this is the solitary boy - obviously called Michael Jackdaw
And finally - one of my robins, a blue tit - and an adorable baby blackbird
Will let you all know how the meeting goes tomorrow, much love to all of you - and again, thank you xxxx
Fabulous pictures once again, Ann. Made my morning!
A day with no visitors or appointments! I foresee coffee at favourite cafe coming up!
I agree with you daughter, Ann, too much dying. I don’t mind when people are older, but when they’re younger, and fitter, that’s when I get worried.
The latest with a problem is a friend who has a lump in her neck. Lumps in neck are classified 1-5, 1 being no problem, probably cyst and 5 being thyroid cancer. Hers is a 3. In other words, the medics don’t know until they operate! The op is Friday week, so I’m in full worry mode. I know people survive and it’s not one of the major killers ( remove and take the tablets), but I still worry for her!
JM, tell me about it! I ve spent so much time there!
Aching well. My shoulder is really itchy and sore, much worse than when shingles was in full flow. Various aches and pains elsewhere. As I wrote yesterday somewhere, I was well and truly paracetamol-ed!
Today is sunny! For a while mornings have been very misty and cold. Much warmer today. No wind either, which is good for all us with allergies to pollen, dust etc.
Looking forward to a better day, hope it’s good for everybody!
A day with no visitors or appointments! I foresee coffee at favourite cafe coming up!
I agree with you daughter, Ann, too much dying. I don’t mind when people are older, but when they’re younger, and fitter, that’s when I get worried.
The latest with a problem is a friend who has a lump in her neck. Lumps in neck are classified 1-5, 1 being no problem, probably cyst and 5 being thyroid cancer. Hers is a 3. In other words, the medics don’t know until they operate! The op is Friday week, so I’m in full worry mode. I know people survive and it’s not one of the major killers ( remove and take the tablets), but I still worry for her!
JM, tell me about it! I ve spent so much time there!
Aching well. My shoulder is really itchy and sore, much worse than when shingles was in full flow. Various aches and pains elsewhere. As I wrote yesterday somewhere, I was well and truly paracetamol-ed!
Today is sunny! For a while mornings have been very misty and cold. Much warmer today. No wind either, which is good for all us with allergies to pollen, dust etc.
Looking forward to a better day, hope it’s good for everybody!
Afternoon all,
Great photos Ann, the birds obviously bring you a lot of pleasure
I hope the meeting goes well and MIL gets the 1:1 that she clearly needs.
Sorry that it took me so long to think of the TD, I really don't know why I didn't pick up on it sooner
What a terrible shame about your daughter's colleague! No wonder she is upset - but that is no excuse for bad behaviour. after all, you and Mr Mac are upset too!
2J's that is a lovely photo - although your son looks terribly young!
Spamar, I'm sorry you are in so much pain Hope you enjoyed your coffee out.
The sun is shining here again
Great photos Ann, the birds obviously bring you a lot of pleasure
I hope the meeting goes well and MIL gets the 1:1 that she clearly needs.
Sorry that it took me so long to think of the TD, I really don't know why I didn't pick up on it sooner
What a terrible shame about your daughter's colleague!
No wonder she is upset - but that is no excuse for bad behaviour. after all, you and Mr Mac are upset too!2J's that is a lovely photo - although your son looks terribly young!
Spamar, I'm sorry you are in so much pain
Hope you enjoyed your coffee out.The sun is shining here again
Ohhhhmmmmm ohhhmmmmm
Ann I’m sending vibes that the meeting goes like a dream and you get the 1:1 and any other request is immediately dealt with satisfactorily
@Slugsta - Son is 28 - did I just admit I’m old enough to have a son that old??
looks young, acts like a teenager and is an absolute pest. But he’s a lovely pest
Ann I’m sending vibes that the meeting goes like a dream and you get the 1:1 and any other request is immediately dealt with satisfactorily
@Slugsta - Son is 28 -
did I just admit I’m old enough to have a son that old??looks young, acts like a teenager and is an absolute pest. But he’s a lovely pest
What great photos...I love watching the birds on my feeder...the baby sparrows wings flapping still waiting cheekily to be fed by mum then feeding themselves trying to balance. The greedy starlings...visiting chaffinch...blue and great tits. .blackbirds...the naughty magpie searching for nests to raid...and recently a woodpecker ground feeding. A cheeky squirrel takes it's opportunity. Also the birds dipping in and out of the bird bath. Really is a joy to watch and time just flies by...sorry for the pun!
Morning everyone,
Spamar, I hope the aches, pains and itchy shoulder have eased for you now. Is the shoulder being sore and itchy related to the shingles? You poor thing - it's really taking an age for the effects of that to go - sending {{{{{hugs}}}}}}. Also sending best wishes for your friend - fingers crossed that the 'lump' is nothing to worry about and that all is OK xxx
love.dad.but , glad that you (and others) liked the photographs. I'm with you on the time 'flying by' They keep me entertained for hours, and I find it so relaxing to watch them.
Slugsta, don't apologise, for heaven's sake! I am so appreciative for you sharing that link - it gave me a much clearer insight into what is happening with Mil, and is such a help, hun xxxxx
Thanks everyone for the good wishes for todays meet. However, it looks like 1-1 may no longer be on the table. I went to see her yesterday morning, and was met by staff who told me to 'prepare' myself, as she had gone downhill overnight. In her room, in bed, not wanting to get up, and very sleepy. One staff, bless her, expressed real concern that Mil hadn't even resisted personal care that morning, 'She didn't try to thump me even once', she said, clearly worried and seemingly upset by this.
As soon as I walked in the room, I could hear that her breathing was 'off' and even though I've said about how frail she looks and how her colour has changed over the last week, I was quite shocked by the difference in her, though for the life of me, I can't quite pin down what the change in her appearance was exactly. She opened her eyes, and smiled when she saw me, reached out her hand and when I took it, she raised my hand to her lips and kissed it - but it was clearly a huge effort for her. Two of the carers had accompanied me into the room, it was so touching how worried they were about her. I mentioned her breathing and both confirmed that they had thought the same - one said that she was going to fetch the nurse. I stroked Mil's head, she was quite cool, so even though there was a sort of 'gurgle' accompanying her breathing every few minutes, I honestly didn't think that there was any infection. The nurse agreed - all the obs were OK, but she said she was calling the GP anyway. She said if there was a chance of infection, then she wanted to make sure that Mil had ab's, but only to alleviate any discomfort that an infection might cause her. One of the staff came in with a drink for Mil, thickened - she told me that though Mil had said yes when offered food and drink, they felt she was having trouble swallowing, so they were trying her on thickened liquids. The only thing she had seemed comfortable with eating so far that day was one of the mousses I had brought in for her. She asked would I like to try Mil with a drink, but although Mil opened her mouth eagerly, after 3 or 4 spoonfuls, she was too exhausted for more.
OH was in work till lunchtime, so I couldn't contact him by phone - for obvious reasons, staff are not allowed to bring them into the prison, if we need to contact each other, it has to be via his work email, which he can check at fairly regular intervals. I emailed him, from my phone, saying no panic, but I thought he should come and see Mil asap, so not to say yes to any overtime (lots of requests for staff to do OT due to holiday cover at the moment, and he's been doing what he can). One of the staff brought an ice pop and suggested that maybe Mil might like to try that, and she actually roused enough to take the whole thing. But mainly, she had her eyes closed, no writhing, just very occasional 'spasms' and jerks, accompanied by soft moans, and quite a few coughing fits. She asked for her Mum again at one point and again I told her she could go to her Mum if she wanted to, that it was OK. Now and again she opened her eyes and pointed to the corner of the room, beyond the foot of her bed - that was quite odd.
I stayed for an hour and a half, before heading off to the shops to pick up some jellys and soft mousses for her, and then to head home so I could meet OH and we could go back to the CH together. When we got back the GP had been. No infection (though he had prescribed abs, again, I was told to make sure she wasn't in any discomfort) but the manager gently told us that the GP had felt that this was it, that we are talking only a matter of days at most. That wasn't a surprise, I think I knew the minute I'd seen her that morning. She said that she didn't feel that 1-1 was now appropriate, that Mil was beyond that now. I'd pretty much figured that out too. We sat with her for a couple of hours. She smiled when she saw OH, and held his hand for much of the time. She was also still doing the 'pointing' to the corner of the room, every so often. Staff said she had been offered pureed food at lunch, and had eaten 'some', and had also drank a tumbler of thickened milk. The staff were checking her every 10 -15 minutes, sometimes more often. it was so touching how often 2 staff, who actually didn't have Mil on their 'list' for the afternoon, were also popping in and out, just to see how she was. She had another ice pop, which she took quite eagerly again, but shortly after she finished it, she began coughing and was violently sick. Staff came flying, and I stayed in the room and helped to clean her up, simply because she was reaching out for me the whole time, obviously quite distressed. For the first time, I saw some agitation, and she hit out at the staff - but I honestly think that moving her caused some pain, and thats why, it wasn't just the 'aggression'. Once she was clean and comfy again, OH came back in and sat next to her again. She was actually a tiny bit more alert, and we got a few mostly unintelligle sentences from her, and then - completely out of the blue - she said quite clearly 'I won't be here long'. It sort of took mine and OH's breath away, especially when she then repeated the same thing a minute or two later.
Just before we left, Nurse M came in and told us gently that they were going to see what the next 24-48 hours brought, but that they didn't expect her to pick up this time, and that they would like to talk to me/us and place Mil on pathways. We said we were fine with that. I suspect that this afternoons review will mainly be about that now, actually.
I am so grateful that yesterday, she was so much calmer - I am hoping and praying that she remains calm, after everything she has been through, surely she deserves peace for the last part of her journey. I'm a little concerned about the jerks and spasms - I hate to think of her having any discomfort, and especially as moving her to clean her up seemed to be painful for her. I am going to ask the staff about morphine for her, ahead of todays meeting. I am also concerned about the vomiting causing her distress, but whilst she is indicating that she still wants food and drink, even if only a little, I don't know what they can do about that. She is already having regular medication to prevent sickness. I hope that our son gets to see her, this weeekend, because he really wants to. I am so relieved for her sake, and for OH's, that it looks like the end of her journey is close. We are sad, obviously - I just can't imagine my life, our lives, without Mil in it - but at the same time, we are glad, for her, if that makes sense?
I'll let you all know later about how the meeting goes. As always, thank you all for your kindness, and love to you all xxxxx
Spamar, I hope the aches, pains and itchy shoulder have eased for you now. Is the shoulder being sore and itchy related to the shingles? You poor thing - it's really taking an age for the effects of that to go - sending {{{{{hugs}}}}}}. Also sending best wishes for your friend - fingers crossed that the 'lump' is nothing to worry about and that all is OK xxx
love.dad.but , glad that you (and others) liked the photographs. I'm with you on the time 'flying by'
They keep me entertained for hours, and I find it so relaxing to watch them.Slugsta, don't apologise, for heaven's sake! I am so appreciative for you sharing that link - it gave me a much clearer insight into what is happening with Mil, and is such a help, hun xxxxx
Thanks everyone for the good wishes for todays meet. However, it looks like 1-1 may no longer be on the table. I went to see her yesterday morning, and was met by staff who told me to 'prepare' myself, as she had gone downhill overnight. In her room, in bed, not wanting to get up, and very sleepy. One staff, bless her, expressed real concern that Mil hadn't even resisted personal care that morning, 'She didn't try to thump me even once', she said, clearly worried and seemingly upset by this.
As soon as I walked in the room, I could hear that her breathing was 'off' and even though I've said about how frail she looks and how her colour has changed over the last week, I was quite shocked by the difference in her, though for the life of me, I can't quite pin down what the change in her appearance was exactly. She opened her eyes, and smiled when she saw me, reached out her hand and when I took it, she raised my hand to her lips and kissed it - but it was clearly a huge effort for her. Two of the carers had accompanied me into the room, it was so touching how worried they were about her. I mentioned her breathing and both confirmed that they had thought the same - one said that she was going to fetch the nurse. I stroked Mil's head, she was quite cool, so even though there was a sort of 'gurgle' accompanying her breathing every few minutes, I honestly didn't think that there was any infection. The nurse agreed - all the obs were OK, but she said she was calling the GP anyway. She said if there was a chance of infection, then she wanted to make sure that Mil had ab's, but only to alleviate any discomfort that an infection might cause her. One of the staff came in with a drink for Mil, thickened - she told me that though Mil had said yes when offered food and drink, they felt she was having trouble swallowing, so they were trying her on thickened liquids. The only thing she had seemed comfortable with eating so far that day was one of the mousses I had brought in for her. She asked would I like to try Mil with a drink, but although Mil opened her mouth eagerly, after 3 or 4 spoonfuls, she was too exhausted for more.
OH was in work till lunchtime, so I couldn't contact him by phone - for obvious reasons, staff are not allowed to bring them into the prison, if we need to contact each other, it has to be via his work email, which he can check at fairly regular intervals. I emailed him, from my phone, saying no panic, but I thought he should come and see Mil asap, so not to say yes to any overtime (lots of requests for staff to do OT due to holiday cover at the moment, and he's been doing what he can). One of the staff brought an ice pop and suggested that maybe Mil might like to try that, and she actually roused enough to take the whole thing. But mainly, she had her eyes closed, no writhing, just very occasional 'spasms' and jerks, accompanied by soft moans, and quite a few coughing fits. She asked for her Mum again at one point and again I told her she could go to her Mum if she wanted to, that it was OK. Now and again she opened her eyes and pointed to the corner of the room, beyond the foot of her bed - that was quite odd.
I stayed for an hour and a half, before heading off to the shops to pick up some jellys and soft mousses for her, and then to head home so I could meet OH and we could go back to the CH together. When we got back the GP had been. No infection (though he had prescribed abs, again, I was told to make sure she wasn't in any discomfort) but the manager gently told us that the GP had felt that this was it, that we are talking only a matter of days at most. That wasn't a surprise, I think I knew the minute I'd seen her that morning. She said that she didn't feel that 1-1 was now appropriate, that Mil was beyond that now. I'd pretty much figured that out too. We sat with her for a couple of hours. She smiled when she saw OH, and held his hand for much of the time. She was also still doing the 'pointing' to the corner of the room, every so often. Staff said she had been offered pureed food at lunch, and had eaten 'some', and had also drank a tumbler of thickened milk. The staff were checking her every 10 -15 minutes, sometimes more often. it was so touching how often 2 staff, who actually didn't have Mil on their 'list' for the afternoon, were also popping in and out, just to see how she was. She had another ice pop, which she took quite eagerly again, but shortly after she finished it, she began coughing and was violently sick. Staff came flying, and I stayed in the room and helped to clean her up, simply because she was reaching out for me the whole time, obviously quite distressed. For the first time, I saw some agitation, and she hit out at the staff - but I honestly think that moving her caused some pain, and thats why, it wasn't just the 'aggression'. Once she was clean and comfy again, OH came back in and sat next to her again. She was actually a tiny bit more alert, and we got a few mostly unintelligle sentences from her, and then - completely out of the blue - she said quite clearly 'I won't be here long'. It sort of took mine and OH's breath away, especially when she then repeated the same thing a minute or two later.
Just before we left, Nurse M came in and told us gently that they were going to see what the next 24-48 hours brought, but that they didn't expect her to pick up this time, and that they would like to talk to me/us and place Mil on pathways. We said we were fine with that. I suspect that this afternoons review will mainly be about that now, actually.
I am so grateful that yesterday, she was so much calmer - I am hoping and praying that she remains calm, after everything she has been through, surely she deserves peace for the last part of her journey. I'm a little concerned about the jerks and spasms - I hate to think of her having any discomfort, and especially as moving her to clean her up seemed to be painful for her. I am going to ask the staff about morphine for her, ahead of todays meeting. I am also concerned about the vomiting causing her distress, but whilst she is indicating that she still wants food and drink, even if only a little, I don't know what they can do about that. She is already having regular medication to prevent sickness. I hope that our son gets to see her, this weeekend, because he really wants to. I am so relieved for her sake, and for OH's, that it looks like the end of her journey is close. We are sad, obviously - I just can't imagine my life, our lives, without Mil in it - but at the same time, we are glad, for her, if that makes sense?
I'll let you all know later about how the meeting goes. As always, thank you all for your kindness, and love to you all xxxxx
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It sounds like her body is closing down
Mum did the same thing with pointing at something.
It sounds like her body is closing down
Mum did the same thing with pointing at something.
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Just waiting for now. Exhausted. (26F)
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