So bizarre !
- Thread starter Ann Mac
- Start date
At the end of her life my mum kept being very sick too. The care home called an ambulance to take her to hospital, but they didnt do anything else except give her IV fluids and then send her back again. My mum was not as aggressive as your MIL, Ann, but nevertheless it was not good and afterwards I talked to her GP and said I didnt want mum to go back to hospital again. He agreed that this was the best thing and mum was put on palliative care.
I am sure that you and your OH are making the best decisions by saying that you dont want MIL to go to hospital.
((((((((hugs)))))))))
I am sure that you and your OH are making the best decisions by saying that you dont want MIL to go to hospital.
((((((((hugs)))))))))
Oh, Ann, here are more (((((hugs))))) for you, Mister Mac, and the kids, especially youngest Miss Mac.
Thinking of you…
Thinking of you…
Seem to have missed a bit somehow.
Ann so sorry to hear about MIL. Thinking of you all.
Out on bike as half term so post more once home.
Ann so sorry to hear about MIL. Thinking of you all.
Out on bike as half term so post more once home.
Afternoon all,
Ann, you are all in my thoughts. It is hard to know what to say at times like these, so I will content myself with sending lots of squishy (((hugs))) I hope the labyrinthitis has settled, you certainly don't need that on top of everything else at the moment
I guess funeral attire has simply followed the rest of the changes in society, people are less formal in all respects. I would rather someone attended to pay their respects than stay away for fear of being incorrectly dressed. I also think there are times when a cartoon character, for instance, might be represented as being a favourite of the deceased or such like. I went to the funeral of an aquagymmer recently and there was a hot cross bun on the casket - that being something of which Tony always nabbed seconds when everyone else's back was turned. They also played 'row row row the boat' as that is what he used to sing when on the rowing machine. Other people might not have understood our apparent levity but it certainly was not done to be disrespectful.
Ann, you are all in my thoughts. It is hard to know what to say at times like these, so I will content myself with sending lots of squishy (((hugs))) I hope the labyrinthitis has settled, you certainly don't need that on top of everything else at the moment
I guess funeral attire has simply followed the rest of the changes in society, people are less formal in all respects. I would rather someone attended to pay their respects than stay away for fear of being incorrectly dressed. I also think there are times when a cartoon character, for instance, might be represented as being a favourite of the deceased or such like. I went to the funeral of an aquagymmer recently and there was a hot cross bun on the casket - that being something of which Tony always nabbed seconds when everyone else's back was turned. They also played 'row row row the boat' as that is what he used to sing when on the rowing machine. Other people might not have understood our apparent levity but it certainly was not done to be disrespectful.
Morning everyone,
I agree, Slugsta, totally, especially with the bit that I have made bold. And with the rest too. My best friend, H, lost her husband M, very suddenly. He was diagnosed with and passed away from cancer within the space of 6 days. M was a science fiction and science fantasy fan, and at his funeral, many wore superman and super hero tops, including his two young step children, who adored him. The eulogy, delivered by one of his best friends, contained well known references and lines from Star Trek, finishing with the words 'Go Boldly, M'. It wasn't at all disrespectful - it was personal and warm and just right for him.
Thank you to all of you lovely people for the warm wishes and support. My boss was really, really supportive, and OK'd me taking last minute AL, with no problem at all, so after today I have a week off, to concentrate on Mil and the rest of the family. I am to meet, at some stage with Nurse L and nurse D to discus a care plan for Mil regarding palliative care, about her wishes, our wishes, and about the personal things that will be put in place to make everything as comfortable as possible for Mil. And it may be that the best interest meeting will happen, so that if she does perk up (perk up sounds wrong, but you guys know what I mean) then it will be easy to put into place any changes that will, hopefully, bring her relief from the agitation.
We both went to see her yesterday, after I finished work (I started very early, so I could go with OH, before his late afternoon shift started) and found her sitting in the lounge. The staff told us that the injection given by the GP seemed to have stopped the sickness overnight, and that she had even managed to take a weetabix at breakfast, though she is being fed now, she seems to have lost the ability to feed herself completely. She was - as one staff put it - a bit 'shouty and hitty', a couple of staff having been clouted by her already. They were just preparing a small bowl of her soup for her. While OH was giving her the soup (and it was the same scenario as when I had given her some a few days ago, swallow and mouth open for the next spoonful) I spoke to the staff. Despite her seeming to have rallied a little, they all feel that it isn't going to be long, that the physical deterioration is worsening, as well as the psychosis, and that end of life care is appropriate now. I sort of knew that, but seeing her sitting up and eating, I did wonder if she was going to prove everyone wrong again?
I joined OH and Mil, and she really looks dreadful, poor thing Her colour is so pale, and she seems tiny, as though she has shrunk.. Her arms and even her legs are really bruised and they stand out against her pale skin, looking I guess, worse than they actually are because of it. Speech was awful, her trying to talk, but mostly mumbles coming out. Her tounge keeps coming out of her mouth as she is trying to speak , its almost like some sort of tic, which makes it even harder to try and make out what she is saying. The writhing and wriggling in her seat and the sort of rigid jerks weren't as bad as I have seen, but still present. She did manage one or two clearer comments, she said the soup was 'nice', but then surprsingly had both OH and I laughing as when he told her that the soup was 'all gone', she said very clearly 'I didn't want it anyway'!. Just before OH had to leave for work, she managed to tell him 'I love you' - that was a moment for me, because she hadn't given any indication that she knew him at all up to that point, so for her to say that left me feeling quite tearful.
After OH left, I stayed for another half hour or so, and she also managed a tiny bowl of semolina. She was very 'grabby', gripping onto my arms and at one point, seeming to be very deliberately pinching me - but actually, I am not sure if there was any intent behind that, or if it was almost involuntary, if that makes sense? Then she said 'I want my Mum' - another out of the blue, very clear sentence. I told her that 'Mum' was shopping, would be back soon, but we then got several minutes of her just saying 'Mum, mum, mum' over and over and her getting upset. Rightly or wrongly, I quietly told her that if she wanted to go to her Mum, that it was OK, she could go. She went quiet straight away and smiled at me. I went to leave about 10 minutes later, and she put her arms out to me, so I gave her a hug and she slathered semolina covered kisses all over my face, and again, came out with 'love you' very clearly.
It's like being in limbo at the moment. Find myself thinking I wish it was all over for her, then feeling awful for thinking that. Feels strange knowing we are preparing for her to die, whilst at the same time we are sat talking to her, even laughing with her at times. Sneaking suspicion that she won't die at all (or at least, not for a while) that she will surprise everyone again - and at the same time hoping that I'm wrong, which I know sounds terrible, but dreading seeing her continuing to live with the agitation and upset that she currently is existing with. Oldest two are on pins, not knowing if they should be heading home or not. OH and I wondering if its time to warn Mils friends and the Irish family or not, could it be that we will worry and upset them for no reason? Its all uncertainty and being on edge, and I suppose if I'm being honest, I also wish it was all over for our sakes too.
I have a long day ahead, with me having to tie up a lot of end of month admin stuff before having a week off, and I also have a meet with one of my groups this afternoon. I'm going to concentrate on that today, and then not even think of work for the next week. Unless the home call me, I'm not going to see Mil today, but I will go tomorrow.
Take care everyone, and much love to all xxxx
I agree, Slugsta, totally, especially with the bit that I have made bold. And with the rest too. My best friend, H, lost her husband M, very suddenly. He was diagnosed with and passed away from cancer within the space of 6 days. M was a science fiction and science fantasy fan, and at his funeral, many wore superman and super hero tops, including his two young step children, who adored him. The eulogy, delivered by one of his best friends, contained well known references and lines from Star Trek, finishing with the words 'Go Boldly, M'. It wasn't at all disrespectful - it was personal and warm and just right for him.
Thank you to all of you lovely people for the warm wishes and support. My boss was really, really supportive, and OK'd me taking last minute AL, with no problem at all, so after today I have a week off, to concentrate on Mil and the rest of the family. I am to meet, at some stage with Nurse L and nurse D to discus a care plan for Mil regarding palliative care, about her wishes, our wishes, and about the personal things that will be put in place to make everything as comfortable as possible for Mil. And it may be that the best interest meeting will happen, so that if she does perk up (perk up sounds wrong, but you guys know what I mean) then it will be easy to put into place any changes that will, hopefully, bring her relief from the agitation.
We both went to see her yesterday, after I finished work (I started very early, so I could go with OH, before his late afternoon shift started) and found her sitting in the lounge. The staff told us that the injection given by the GP seemed to have stopped the sickness overnight, and that she had even managed to take a weetabix at breakfast, though she is being fed now, she seems to have lost the ability to feed herself completely. She was - as one staff put it - a bit 'shouty and hitty', a couple of staff having been clouted by her already. They were just preparing a small bowl of her soup for her. While OH was giving her the soup (and it was the same scenario as when I had given her some a few days ago, swallow and mouth open for the next spoonful) I spoke to the staff. Despite her seeming to have rallied a little, they all feel that it isn't going to be long, that the physical deterioration is worsening, as well as the psychosis, and that end of life care is appropriate now. I sort of knew that, but seeing her sitting up and eating, I did wonder if she was going to prove everyone wrong again?
I joined OH and Mil, and she really looks dreadful, poor thing
Her colour is so pale, and she seems tiny, as though she has shrunk.. Her arms and even her legs are really bruised and they stand out against her pale skin, looking I guess, worse than they actually are because of it. Speech was awful, her trying to talk, but mostly mumbles coming out. Her tounge keeps coming out of her mouth as she is trying to speak , its almost like some sort of tic, which makes it even harder to try and make out what she is saying. The writhing and wriggling in her seat and the sort of rigid jerks weren't as bad as I have seen, but still present. She did manage one or two clearer comments, she said the soup was 'nice', but then surprsingly had both OH and I laughing as when he told her that the soup was 'all gone', she said very clearly 'I didn't want it anyway'!. Just before OH had to leave for work, she managed to tell him 'I love you' - that was a moment for me, because she hadn't given any indication that she knew him at all up to that point, so for her to say that left me feeling quite tearful. After OH left, I stayed for another half hour or so, and she also managed a tiny bowl of semolina. She was very 'grabby', gripping onto my arms and at one point, seeming to be very deliberately pinching me - but actually, I am not sure if there was any intent behind that, or if it was almost involuntary, if that makes sense? Then she said 'I want my Mum' - another out of the blue, very clear sentence. I told her that 'Mum' was shopping, would be back soon, but we then got several minutes of her just saying 'Mum, mum, mum' over and over and her getting upset. Rightly or wrongly, I quietly told her that if she wanted to go to her Mum, that it was OK, she could go. She went quiet straight away and smiled at me. I went to leave about 10 minutes later, and she put her arms out to me, so I gave her a hug and she slathered semolina covered kisses all over my face, and again, came out with 'love you' very clearly.
It's like being in limbo at the moment. Find myself thinking I wish it was all over for her, then feeling awful for thinking that. Feels strange knowing we are preparing for her to die, whilst at the same time we are sat talking to her, even laughing with her at times. Sneaking suspicion that she won't die at all (or at least, not for a while) that she will surprise everyone again - and at the same time hoping that I'm wrong, which I know sounds terrible, but dreading seeing her continuing to live with the agitation and upset that she currently is existing with. Oldest two are on pins, not knowing if they should be heading home or not. OH and I wondering if its time to warn Mils friends and the Irish family or not, could it be that we will worry and upset them for no reason? Its all uncertainty and being on edge, and I suppose if I'm being honest, I also wish it was all over for our sakes too.
I have a long day ahead, with me having to tie up a lot of end of month admin stuff before having a week off, and I also have a meet with one of my groups this afternoon. I'm going to concentrate on that today, and then not even think of work for the next week. Unless the home call me, I'm not going to see Mil today, but I will go tomorrow.
Take care everyone, and much love to all xxxx
Ann - the emotions you express bring it all back to me; it's absolutely normal and a common experience, I imagine. From my own experience, when the crisis, rallying, crisis, went on for months, I would not wish that on anyone, including the person at the heart. I am glad OH and you got to hear her say she loves you. {{{massive hugs}}}
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Ann
I remember the limboland very well - even used the same word to describe it.
I think it was the right thing to do to say that if she wanted to go to her mum then she could.
My mum didnt look like she was dying either - I have a photo of her with her great-grandson (about 12 m old at the time) and they are both banging teaspoons on the table and laughing. It was taken 3 days before she passed away.
I remember the limboland very well - even used the same word to describe it.
I think it was the right thing to do to say that if she wanted to go to her mum then she could.
My mum didnt look like she was dying either - I have a photo of her with her great-grandson (about 12 m old at the time) and they are both banging teaspoons on the table and laughing. It was taken 3 days before she passed away.
Sending supportive hugs to all of you Ann. Such difficult times but she couldn't have asked for a better, more supportive and caring daughter in law.
I hope the days ahead are not too distressing for any of you and you all get the support you need.
Take care, hugs xx
I hope the days ahead are not too distressing for any of you and you all get the support you need.
Take care, hugs xx
Morning all,
Ann, I can only echo what has already been said. Your mixed feelings at this time are completely natural and certainly nothing to let the GM get hold of. Wishing for someone's torment to be over, even though you will miss them terribly, is far from selfish.
I also told Mum that she could leave us when she was ready. In fact, in those awful last days, when she seemed to be hanging on by the thinnest of threads, I said it often! In the end I cried, told her I was exhausted and needed to go home now - and she went within a couple of hours. Coincidence? We will never know.
I am so glad that MIL was able to tell you both that she loves you.
It is good that work are being understanding and supportive. I hope that today goes well and you are then able to clear it from your mind for a few days, at least.
(((hugs))) to all xx
Ann, I can only echo what has already been said. Your mixed feelings at this time are completely natural and certainly nothing to let the GM get hold of. Wishing for someone's torment to be over, even though you will miss them terribly, is far from selfish.
I also told Mum that she could leave us when she was ready. In fact, in those awful last days, when she seemed to be hanging on by the thinnest of threads, I said it often! In the end I cried, told her I was exhausted and needed to go home now - and she went within a couple of hours. Coincidence? We will never know.
I am so glad that MIL was able to tell you both that she loves you.
It is good that work are being understanding and supportive. I hope that today goes well and you are then able to clear it from your mind for a few days, at least.
(((hugs))) to all xx
Morning everyone,
Thank you again for all your reassuring and wise words - and especially for the hugs xxx
Still in limboland, as Canary very, very appropriately calls it. Oldest has come down for a flying visit, just an overnighter, as she had decided she needed to see her Nan, and I'll be speaking to son today, just to check if he wants to do the same, absolutely no pressure though, all 3 have to do what they feel is right and what they can cope with. Youngest is very definite that she doesn't want to see Nan - she is tearful and we have had some issues with bad behaviour from her, which isn't helping at the moment, even though we understand it. A big part of it is that she is 17 - and scared of seeing someone die or dying. Just lots of reassurance and lots of developing patience to deal with currently not infrequent kick-offs!
We went to see Mil shortly after oldest arrived yesteray lunch time. Mil had had another fall, again by some miracle, no injury other than brusies. But she is intent on almost throwing herself out of whatever chair she is sitting in, removing the cushions and writhing her way to the edge of the seat, then sort of throwing herself forward and landing on the floor. So when we arrived yesterday, she had been placed in one of the reclining chairs, in the hope that it will help stop this happening, and reduce or get rid of the risk of her potentially breaking a bone or sustaing some other sort of painful injury. Whilst OH and oldest went to Mil, Nurse M and N, a senior carer, had a quiet word with me. She has been sick several times again, and is back to refusing more than the odd mouthful of food and drink. And the issue with the falls is really worrying them - she can still, at times, walk unaided (usually when her agitation pushes her to get up and bang on doors, though at other times she needs a massive amount of support to walk) and they hate restricting her the way they are currently doing to reduce the falls risk, especially with the worry of pressure sores also now creeping in. I suggested intervention from an OT or physio, and added that whatever equipment or aid that was needed, we would get it for her straight away. They were very kind, bless them, but basically it boils down to they don't think that there is enough time left for doing those things, for either getting anything in place or for anything to make any difference. She is deteriorating so quickly that any aids bought one day would possibly be redundant the next. She is also, they added, getting increasingly resistant to any sort of personal care, even getting dressed, despite her fragility, still able to 'land punches like flipping Mohammad Ali', as one staff put it (with an almost admiring grin on her face as she said it!). They asked would we try her with a little soup - its not so much food that they are concerned about, but rather that dehydration at this stage could add to her discomfort, so for the moment, they want to make sure that she gets enough fluids to avoid that. I'd just brought in some more, so one staff went to heat a little up for her.
I headed over to Mil, and again, though it was only a couple of days since I'd last seen her, the downturn was very evident just in how she looks. Her wee face is so sunken, and her lips were 'crusty' - the senior carer had come over with me and said that they had been trying to clean her mouth, and put vaseline on, but Mil was 'fighting them'. She said she would try again, whilst we were there, on the off-chance that Mil would be a 'little more' cooperative. I'm not sure if what followed could be discribed as 'cooperative' in any way, shape or form, as I held Mil's hands and the carer managed to clean around her mouth, whilst Mil went from inarticulate mumbers to very clear yells telling the carer where to go and calling her some extremely rude names. But, she looked so much better when her mouth was clear and I noticed she stopped putting her tongue out to lick at her lips, so I am pretty sure it was more comfortable for her. Oldest had been greeted with a big smile, OH told me, and she had looked at OH and said 'My brother' very clearly when she saw him. The soup arrived, and I offered her some, and though she opened her wee mouth, as soon as the first spoon went in, she swallowed, yelled 'NO!' - and thumped me. How on earth someone as frail as she is can manage to hit so hard is unbelievable. OH took over, and as he did so the carer suggested that we could maybe try some of the little pots of chocolate mousse, or trifle, or similar (as Mil is famed even in the CH for her sweet tooth) - she also suggested that perhaps a lip balm of some sort might be more acceptable to Mil than staff actually trying to smear vaseline around her mouth. OH took over with the soup, and I said I would go and buy both, right now. I also decided that I would get her some joggers - the stretchy material would make dressing her quicker and easier and hopefully reduce her distress when she needed changing, for example. So I shot off, picking up some pots of desserts that I knew she liked, a selection of good lip salves and a pair of joggers.
She had taken 2 or 3 spoonfuls of soup for OH, but then refused any more. But, she reached out for the trifle pot when dau held it out to her, taking it and putting it straight to her mouth. So, we tried her on that, and she ate about half before again becoming suddenly aggressive - though this time I managed to avoid the thumps. Dau told me that whilst I was gone, she had played Mil some music on her phone and that Mil had belted out the first line or two of 'Moon River' when dau put it on, really clearly, and hummed along to Tom Jones and the Beatles too. I offered her the lip salve, asking would she like some lippy on? She grinned, nodded - and pursed her lips for me to apply it, as though it really was lipstick. We stayed with her for over an hour, before she got very sleepy and we decided to make our move.
It all seems contradictory, if that makes any sense. She is so frail, mostly mumbling inaticulately away, often writhing in her seat and twitching, and you look at her and think that she can't possibly survive like this for very much longer. Then, in the blink of an eye, she suddenly becomes a little tiger, hitting out and cursing with an amazing clarity and a strength that doesn't seem possible - and you then think that nope - she isn't going flipping anywhere!. When you talk to staff, they all without exception, talk about her being a 'fighter' and 'feisty' and about how she is so strong. And then there are odd times, when she reaches out for you and smothers you in kisses or she will sing along to a song she likes, again clearly (at least for a line or two) and with obvious enjoyment. Its so up and down, even over the short hour or so that we are with her.
We went out, after the visit, and I bought Mil some more joggers and some more fluffly bedsocks - the staff say that its only when it comes to putting socks on her that she cooperates, that she seems to like the feel of them, and as socks like to disappear into the depths of the laundry, I wanted to make sure she has plenty. Dau has asked can we go and visit today before she has to head back home, so we will be going later this morning.
I have also contacted Mil's friend, Shirl, and her family in Ireland, to let them know how things are. It felt like it was time to do that.
Sending love to you all, as always xxxxx
Thank you again for all your reassuring and wise words - and especially for the hugs xxx
Still in limboland, as Canary very, very appropriately calls it. Oldest has come down for a flying visit, just an overnighter, as she had decided she needed to see her Nan, and I'll be speaking to son today, just to check if he wants to do the same, absolutely no pressure though, all 3 have to do what they feel is right and what they can cope with. Youngest is very definite that she doesn't want to see Nan - she is tearful and we have had some issues with bad behaviour from her, which isn't helping at the moment, even though we understand it. A big part of it is that she is 17 - and scared of seeing someone die or dying. Just lots of reassurance and lots of developing patience to deal with currently not infrequent kick-offs!
We went to see Mil shortly after oldest arrived yesteray lunch time. Mil had had another fall, again by some miracle, no injury other than brusies. But she is intent on almost throwing herself out of whatever chair she is sitting in, removing the cushions and writhing her way to the edge of the seat, then sort of throwing herself forward and landing on the floor. So when we arrived yesterday, she had been placed in one of the reclining chairs, in the hope that it will help stop this happening, and reduce or get rid of the risk of her potentially breaking a bone or sustaing some other sort of painful injury. Whilst OH and oldest went to Mil, Nurse M and N, a senior carer, had a quiet word with me. She has been sick several times again, and is back to refusing more than the odd mouthful of food and drink. And the issue with the falls is really worrying them - she can still, at times, walk unaided (usually when her agitation pushes her to get up and bang on doors, though at other times she needs a massive amount of support to walk) and they hate restricting her the way they are currently doing to reduce the falls risk, especially with the worry of pressure sores also now creeping in. I suggested intervention from an OT or physio, and added that whatever equipment or aid that was needed, we would get it for her straight away. They were very kind, bless them, but basically it boils down to they don't think that there is enough time left for doing those things, for either getting anything in place or for anything to make any difference. She is deteriorating so quickly that any aids bought one day would possibly be redundant the next. She is also, they added, getting increasingly resistant to any sort of personal care, even getting dressed, despite her fragility, still able to 'land punches like flipping Mohammad Ali', as one staff put it (with an almost admiring grin on her face as she said it!). They asked would we try her with a little soup - its not so much food that they are concerned about, but rather that dehydration at this stage could add to her discomfort, so for the moment, they want to make sure that she gets enough fluids to avoid that. I'd just brought in some more, so one staff went to heat a little up for her.
I headed over to Mil, and again, though it was only a couple of days since I'd last seen her, the downturn was very evident just in how she looks. Her wee face is so sunken, and her lips were 'crusty' - the senior carer had come over with me and said that they had been trying to clean her mouth, and put vaseline on, but Mil was 'fighting them'. She said she would try again, whilst we were there, on the off-chance that Mil would be a 'little more' cooperative. I'm not sure if what followed could be discribed as 'cooperative' in any way, shape or form, as I held Mil's hands and the carer managed to clean around her mouth, whilst Mil went from inarticulate mumbers to very clear yells telling the carer where to go and calling her some extremely rude names. But, she looked so much better when her mouth was clear and I noticed she stopped putting her tongue out to lick at her lips, so I am pretty sure it was more comfortable for her. Oldest had been greeted with a big smile, OH told me, and she had looked at OH and said 'My brother' very clearly when she saw him. The soup arrived, and I offered her some, and though she opened her wee mouth, as soon as the first spoon went in, she swallowed, yelled 'NO!' - and thumped me. How on earth someone as frail as she is can manage to hit so hard is unbelievable. OH took over, and as he did so the carer suggested that we could maybe try some of the little pots of chocolate mousse, or trifle, or similar (as Mil is famed even in the CH for her sweet tooth) - she also suggested that perhaps a lip balm of some sort might be more acceptable to Mil than staff actually trying to smear vaseline around her mouth. OH took over with the soup, and I said I would go and buy both, right now. I also decided that I would get her some joggers - the stretchy material would make dressing her quicker and easier and hopefully reduce her distress when she needed changing, for example. So I shot off, picking up some pots of desserts that I knew she liked, a selection of good lip salves and a pair of joggers.
She had taken 2 or 3 spoonfuls of soup for OH, but then refused any more. But, she reached out for the trifle pot when dau held it out to her, taking it and putting it straight to her mouth. So, we tried her on that, and she ate about half before again becoming suddenly aggressive - though this time I managed to avoid the thumps. Dau told me that whilst I was gone, she had played Mil some music on her phone and that Mil had belted out the first line or two of 'Moon River' when dau put it on, really clearly, and hummed along to Tom Jones and the Beatles too. I offered her the lip salve, asking would she like some lippy on? She grinned, nodded - and pursed her lips for me to apply it, as though it really was lipstick. We stayed with her for over an hour, before she got very sleepy and we decided to make our move.
It all seems contradictory, if that makes any sense. She is so frail, mostly mumbling inaticulately away, often writhing in her seat and twitching, and you look at her and think that she can't possibly survive like this for very much longer. Then, in the blink of an eye, she suddenly becomes a little tiger, hitting out and cursing with an amazing clarity and a strength that doesn't seem possible - and you then think that nope - she isn't going flipping anywhere!. When you talk to staff, they all without exception, talk about her being a 'fighter' and 'feisty' and about how she is so strong. And then there are odd times, when she reaches out for you and smothers you in kisses or she will sing along to a song she likes, again clearly (at least for a line or two) and with obvious enjoyment. Its so up and down, even over the short hour or so that we are with her.
We went out, after the visit, and I bought Mil some more joggers and some more fluffly bedsocks - the staff say that its only when it comes to putting socks on her that she cooperates, that she seems to like the feel of them, and as socks like to disappear into the depths of the laundry, I wanted to make sure she has plenty. Dau has asked can we go and visit today before she has to head back home, so we will be going later this morning.
I have also contacted Mil's friend, Shirl, and her family in Ireland, to let them know how things are. It felt like it was time to do that.
Sending love to you all, as always xxxxx
Morning Ann.
It’s sad hearing about mil, can only hope she calms down a little! I know all about the strength. When OH was in his delusional/hallucinatory phase, with his hands around my neck and thinking how has a frail old man got so much strength? Fortunately that phase didn’t last long! Quetiapine, and later memantine, saw to that!
The last words I said to him were the title of the thread I wrote then, Good night, sweethearts sleep tight. That can be taken in several ways, he had been given hours to live 8 hours previously. He lasted another 7 hours.
Cleared out one of those drawer where you put things no longer wanted. Most of it is going to the dump. But I found some odd pieces of jewellery, my mothers wedding ring, a gold signet ring I had as a child and a silver bangle which was a christening present. Feel I need to visit the jewellers next week! I had forgotten I had these things!
Misty again this morning. The weather forecast has stopped forecasting mist! We have only had one peal of thunder, that’s it! Have had a bit of rain, just enough for the bedding plants not to need watering! .
I haven’t seen many sparrows either, but there was a gaggle of them on the front lawn yesterday morning. Good to see! The feeders are round the back btw.
It’s warm enough, still misty. Not sure what’s going to happen weather wise. Or even what I’m going to do today. May be a cup of coffee somewhere?
Hope you all have as good a day as possible.
(((( Hugs all round))))
It’s sad hearing about mil, can only hope she calms down a little! I know all about the strength. When OH was in his delusional/hallucinatory phase, with his hands around my neck and thinking how has a frail old man got so much strength? Fortunately that phase didn’t last long! Quetiapine, and later memantine, saw to that!
The last words I said to him were the title of the thread I wrote then, Good night, sweethearts sleep tight. That can be taken in several ways, he had been given hours to live 8 hours previously. He lasted another 7 hours.
Cleared out one of those drawer where you put things no longer wanted. Most of it is going to the dump. But I found some odd pieces of jewellery, my mothers wedding ring, a gold signet ring I had as a child and a silver bangle which was a christening present. Feel I need to visit the jewellers next week! I had forgotten I had these things!
Misty again this morning. The weather forecast has stopped forecasting mist! We have only had one peal of thunder, that’s it! Have had a bit of rain, just enough for the bedding plants not to need watering! .
I haven’t seen many sparrows either, but there was a gaggle of them on the front lawn yesterday morning. Good to see! The feeders are round the back btw.
It’s warm enough, still misty. Not sure what’s going to happen weather wise. Or even what I’m going to do today. May be a cup of coffee somewhere?
Hope you all have as good a day as possible.
(((( Hugs all round))))
Mum was a fighter too and went 17 days with no food or fluid at all, although we had been told it would probably be a week.. Up until her last 3 days she insisted on getting up and going to the lounge. Looking at her you would never believe that she had exceeded everyones predictions. I have a photo of her and her great grandson (12 months old) banging spoons on the table and laughing. I realise that mums fighting went in a more positive direction than your MIL, Ann, and I so wish she could find some peace, but it amazed me then (and it still does) that they can find so much strength
((((hugs)))))
((((hugs)))))
Morning all,
Ann, I am sorry that you are all going through this, I know how hard it is (((hugs))).
Mum always hated personal care, I know she would grab and pinch when it was carried out - although I never knew whether the pinching was deliberate! For those awful last days, she would clamp her lips shut if anyone even attempted to clean her mouth, let alone give her fluids. During this time I found lip balm really helpful for her. I do remember how MIL loved her lippy, so I hope she will co-operate and find the lip balm helps her too.
Canary - my Mum went for 19 days with no food or fluids too, although she was pretty much comatose for most of that time. It was one occasion when I wished she was not so strong!
Ann, I am sorry that you are all going through this, I know how hard it is (((hugs))).
Mum always hated personal care, I know she would grab and pinch when it was carried out - although I never knew whether the pinching was deliberate! For those awful last days, she would clamp her lips shut if anyone even attempted to clean her mouth, let alone give her fluids. During this time I found lip balm really helpful for her. I do remember how MIL loved her lippy, so I hope she will co-operate and find the lip balm helps her too.
Canary - my Mum went for 19 days with no food or fluids too, although she was pretty much comatose for most of that time. It was one occasion when I wished she was not so strong!
I wonder why she is throwing herself out of the chair? Could it be that sitting upright just isn't comfortable anymore? --So maybe reclining is the right thing to do for her comfort, not just as a safety mechanism? Just rambling, out loud...
Thinking of you. Love to all. xx
Thinking of you. Love to all. xx
So sad to read what’s happening in Macland
Apologise for not being around for a bit. Another dreaded virus attacked me..... the week before our sons wedding.
I did make the wedding, just, and I’m so glad I did as it was the most magical, unbelievably relaxed weekend.
The wedding photographer was amazing and keeping in mind your tales of taking wedding photos Ann, I told them so, and thanked them in advance for all the proof checking of the enormous amount of photos they took. They (photographer and a student photographer who was being mentored) were there the whole day, from 11am to about 9pm. I know I shall be buying as many as I can afford
Hugs to all. Squishy ones to the Mac family xxx
Apologise for not being around for a bit. Another dreaded virus attacked me..... the week before our sons wedding.
I did make the wedding, just, and I’m so glad I did as it was the most magical, unbelievably relaxed weekend.
The wedding photographer was amazing and keeping in mind your tales of taking wedding photos Ann, I told them so, and thanked them in advance for all the proof checking of the enormous amount of photos they took. They (photographer and a student photographer who was being mentored) were there the whole day, from 11am to about 9pm. I know I shall be buying as many as I can afford
Hugs to all. Squishy ones to the Mac family xxx
I am sorry I haven't been around much. No excuses, but things have been busier than usual. I am working part time (will explain more over on my own thread if I ever get round to posting an update).
Ann, I am so sorry to hear of MIL's recent and rapid deterioration.
I hope you are able to visit as often as you feel you need to. The staff do sound understanding and supportive and I am grateful for that for MIL and for you and your family.
The chocolate and fluffy socks and anything else you can do, to bring MIL a bit of comfort, are a very good idea (both for her and for you).
I have heard many other stories of the contradictory seeming strength shown by otherwise frail and unwell patients, with or without dementia. I have no idea if there's an explanation for that, or if you care, but it does seem to be "a thing," as my teenage and young adult nieces and nephews would say. I have heard several nurses (including a dementia specialist nurse and a hospice nurse) discuss this, in a few of my dementia workshops, in fact.
The wanting to throw herself out of the chair is very worrying and I don't know if there is any way to unpick that and see what might be going on. Given MIL's history, it is reasonable that it is just an expression of her general agitation and distress, or that she wants to "go somewhere" other than where she is. Of course there could be a physical cause, such as a blood pressure problem, making her feel unwell and perhaps wanting to get down or be flat rather than sitting up--on a subconscious level, I mean. But now doesn't seem to be the time to be investigating that sort of thing. I think your and the facility's instinct to mitigate, and make her as comfortable as possible, is a good one.
None of this can possibly be easy and I am so sorry for all of you and wish you all the best. You know we are here, when you want us.
Ann, I am so sorry to hear of MIL's recent and rapid deterioration.
I hope you are able to visit as often as you feel you need to. The staff do sound understanding and supportive and I am grateful for that for MIL and for you and your family.
The chocolate and fluffy socks and anything else you can do, to bring MIL a bit of comfort, are a very good idea (both for her and for you).
I have heard many other stories of the contradictory seeming strength shown by otherwise frail and unwell patients, with or without dementia. I have no idea if there's an explanation for that, or if you care, but it does seem to be "a thing," as my teenage and young adult nieces and nephews would say. I have heard several nurses (including a dementia specialist nurse and a hospice nurse) discuss this, in a few of my dementia workshops, in fact.
The wanting to throw herself out of the chair is very worrying and I don't know if there is any way to unpick that and see what might be going on. Given MIL's history, it is reasonable that it is just an expression of her general agitation and distress, or that she wants to "go somewhere" other than where she is. Of course there could be a physical cause, such as a blood pressure problem, making her feel unwell and perhaps wanting to get down or be flat rather than sitting up--on a subconscious level, I mean. But now doesn't seem to be the time to be investigating that sort of thing. I think your and the facility's instinct to mitigate, and make her as comfortable as possible, is a good one.
None of this can possibly be easy and I am so sorry for all of you and wish you all the best. You know we are here, when you want us.
2jays, sorry to hear you have been unwell again! I am glad you made the wedding and hope we will hear (and see) more about it when you get a chance.
