So bizarre !

[Spamar]

Hi Amy,
My gut feeling says don't take her out. You might be lucky, you say she's better around mid day, but you might not and that would not be good! If it's just you and OH, she might cope, but I wouldn't risk more people, she will just get confused and upset.

Can't solve you other problem, OH was only in care April to July! I think maybe cos it was evening, lots of other people around and that equals confusion. I know the last couple of years OH was alive he had little idea of all the things we normally do at Christmas. Thought a pile of cards were birthday cards for him! I guess someone will have a better take on it!
Hope you have a good day!

 

[Ann Mac]

Hello all,

Red, massive well done on getting your course work submitted for your degree - is that the last of it? I well remember the feeling of going over and over work and re-doing it, finally thinking it was up to scratch and putting it in - then waking in the wee small hours either realising I'd made some silly mistake or that I could have done soemthing differently and better Can totally relate to the doing anything to avoid a stressful situation, regarding your Dad's memorial and your brother, even if it means that you are the one doing 'everything' - it may not be fair, but sometimes you have to do what is easiest and less stressful for you to cope with xxx

Slugsta, that must have been such a worrying time before your Mum was found safe and well! Having had Mil go walkabout and having had the police involved on at least two occasions, then I can tell you that yes, the police did most definitely inform SS. Both occasions generated a phone call from 'Adult Services', but as Mil was un-harmed, that was about the extent of their response. I can't say I saw the point, TBH. It wasn't like they could do anything about Mil's then current phase of chanelling Houdini and escaping whenever she could, they certainly didn't offer any additional support or suggestions - the phone calls were just something they had to do as a response to the police being involved. Another 'lets tick the box and cover our backs' response, as far as I was concerned.

Amy, I am so sorry that your Mum got so distressed when you and your OH left after visiting her. We get that most visits, but its not something that is ever easy to deal with and it always leaves you feeling a little sad and stressed. You and the staff did exactly the right thing, I think - quick reassurance, and get out as fast as you can. That might sound harsh, but I think the longer you take to leave, the more effort and time you put into reassuring, the more scope there is for the distress to build for our loved ones. Mil will forget - sometimes literally in seconds - that we have been there, but the emotions left over from a long drawn out 'goodbye', where she has had the time to get herself really worked up, could then last hours, and cause her more upset in the long run. It feels wrong to walk away when she is upset - but the alternative will cause her more long term unhappiness, so I feel its the best way for us to handle it. Hopeful, it was a combination of all the factors you described that caused the upset for your Mum, and it won't be an issue that you face again - fingers crossed, because its not nice, I know xxxx

The present dilemma is a hard one. For the last few Christmasses, the situation you describe, with (in our case) Mil fretting over and over and over about not having bought presents, not having wrapped them , can she go shopping, when will I take her shopping - exactly as you have described with your Mum - was absolutely exhausting and upsetting and stressful to deal with. And I honestly don't know the answer. 2 Christmasses back, I took her with me to buy the presents - she was left exhausted and then forgot anyway, so within a very short time we were back to the fretting - had several weeks then of producing the presents she had bought, dozens of times each day to try and ease her worrying and within sometimes minutes she would have forgotten and the 'What shall I do? I haven't got any presents' would start again. After that, I did all her shopping for her - made no difference. We even (last year) tried to 'do' Christmas almost by stealth - decorations didn't go up till just before Christmas, I avoided mentioning it, didn't wrap gifts in front of her, or discus anything to do with it - but with TV programmes and Xmas songs on the radio, with the constant advertising, and Christmas tree's shining from every window she saw on her way to and from DC or wherever, I don't think it made much difference. I tried writing a list - printed clearly - of all the people she had bought for, with the presents she had got listed by the side of the names, and I put it in her handbag - but she forgot it was there, or she would struggle to read it at times, or she would (most difficult of all) suddenly announce that 'so and so's name' wasn't on the list (usually someone from her distant past who was no longer around) and then kick off about either not having bought for them or accusing me of losing the gift she had bought for them. On the day itself, we unwrapped everything in front of her, thanked her, I took photographs that I could show her - and she forgot within moments and we had the fretting about how she hadn't bought anything for anyone, on and off all day.

I couldn't find an answer Amy - and I'm not sure that there is one in that situation, I'm afraid. This year, the main gifts to family from Mil will be gift envelopes with cash - that's been a tradition for the last 5 years or so, the kids then have spends for the sales - and I've bought jumpers/cardigans for us all, wrapped them from Mil, and we will take them in when we go see her on Xmas day, hoping that if she starts to get upset, they can be produced and stop her getting stressed. I haven't discused it with her at all - when Christmas has been mentioned, I've tried to steer the conversation to what she would like (everything from a bicycle bell to chocolate coins to 'one of those nice red things for my fireplace' (?), apparently) and that's worked quite well. And we are all prepared to have to leave after possibly a lot less time than we would like with her, should she start getting upset, on the day. We would have loved to have her home for Christmas Dinner, or to take her out - we even had the discussion that we should, because its probably the 'last time we'll be able to do it'. But that's about what we would like - not what would be best for her, and we have had to accept that the 'last time' for having Mil here has sadly been and gone, we just didn't realise that at the time. To try bringing her here, or taking her out, would be so distressing for her - and for us - and there would be absolutely no benefit to her at all. If you are worried that your Mum won't cope with going out, what about your idea for having a meal delivered? I thought that was a cracking idea, still something special - and it will probably be a lot less stressful and a lot more enjoyable for both your Mum and for you and your OH. And that's what matters, isn't it? xxxx

I've had an email from the school, telling me that finally, the BOG are prepared to move to the next stage of the complaint procedure re what happened to youngest at school, and hold a complaints panal, this Friday. This stage should have been reached within 4 - 6 weeks maximum of the complaint being made - its actually taken 9 months, repeating some stages several times at the schools insistance, and the threat of the Education Workforce Council and the involvement of the Ombudsman to finally get them to do what their own policy says they should. I have no great hopes that they will be honest and actually deal with the situation, even now - and have the complaint prepared to go to the Ombusmans if that turns out to be the case. I don't want to - but a teacher who swears at and threatens his students isn't something that I can ignore or just brush aside - even if that's how the school would like to deal with it

Meanwhile, I am pretty up to date with admin, will spend today chasing up on several people I need to speak too, and in getting ahead on prep for future projects in work - so a lot of printing and assembling project packs (which actually takes hours!). Just OH's pressies to wrap now, and the gifts from Mil to the family - and I'm done. This weekend, I want to buy the cards for family and best friends (no one else, I've let it be known that I have donated to a charity instead) and perhaps do the freezer/store cupboard shop. I've bought a pretty (and inexpensive) basket, filled it with chocolates and biscuits for the staff at the home, and added tinsel to make it look festive, so that's sorted too. I may see if I can find the time to visit Mil this afternoon - otherwise, it will be probably Thursday before I can get there.

Hope you all have a good day xxxxx

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Just popping in to say hello, having missed so much I don't think I'll catch up for ages...

You mentioned MIL's confabulations in your very first post on this thread, AnnMac, and it's amazing to see that she's still doing it so convincingly. Now that I'm visiting Rob in his care home, reading this thread taught me so much that I can apply to some of his fellow residents, and confabulation is one thing I can now recognise. I always think of your MIL.

The business of wanting to go home from a care home, or anywhere else for that matter, seems universal with Dementia, doesn't it? I'm so sorry, it's so upsetting. I've learnt to say I'm just popping along the corridor, or to get a towel, or something, and quietly disappear.

Over Christmas I will be quietly disappearing to France for a few days, but I'm sure Rob won't notice.. It's SO SAD..

 

[CeliaW]

Spamar, re the problem with your nails. If you are unable to get/use the lanolin RedLou suggests then sweet almond oil works very well (with the usual caveats about sensitivity or allergy) You can buy a small bottle of it at the pharmacy counter of most high street chemists.

I don't have the problem but one of my team on a convoy had really badly affected nails and cracks in his hands and as I used that oil a lot on and following my massage diploma training, I took a bottle with me for him to try. He used it twice a day for the fortnight we were away and his wife couldn't believe the difference to his hands /nails on his return to the UK. He then maintained the condition by using it 2 3 times a week.

Hope that helps x

 

[Ann Mac]

Hi Anne - nice to hear from you I think its a lovely idea that you are having a ew quiet days away at Christmas - with Rob being in the home now, as it is for us with Mil being in a home, this Christmas is one of very different circumstances and changes. Easier for me, because I still have 3 kids (who I don't think will ever grow up when it comes to Christmas!) around, which will obviously keep things busy and it will still be very 'Christmassey' - but the idea of going away doing something completely different, especially as you know that Rob is unlikely to notice, is a great way to try and deal with all the changes and hopefully ease the sadness. I so hope you have a peaceful and happy time xxxxx

The confabulations have always been the main thing with Mil, haven't they? I don't know if they will ever stop, unless and until she loses her speech - and even then, well who knows? They were one of the earliest signs, when she would several years ago, give us all sorts of tales which sometimes sounded unlikely - but were delivered with such assurity that we initially believed them every time. Even now, 90% or more of what she says and believes is delusional, based on her ever changing reality. Often paranoid or scary - which is the worst aspect. Still often very complex and detailed, still with the power to stun me with the fluency and conviction of the delivery. I've worked in nursing homes and with dementia patients, but I honestly don't recall encountering anyone who could spin tales like Mil - lots of people who were clearly living very much in their past, but none who confabulated in the way Mil does. One of the ward managers at the hospital said that what makes Mil particularly difficult is her fluency and her ability to take part in a conversation so convincingly - its only when you have some knowlege of her circumstances and what her reality actually is, that you realise that she is actually, extremely impaired by the dementia. It really is bizarre , isn't it? xxx

 

[Batsue]

The ironing board was a brilliant idea for wrapping presents, I have just got to figure out how to get all of the glitter off before I do my ironing.

 

[RedLou]

Amy - I may have told this story before, so if so, please ignore/tell me to stop wittering on. However -- my brother took my father out for Christmas lunch in his last year, against my advice. My niece tells me my brother was in a foul mood because of the palaver of getting my father ready. My father seemed to enjoy bits of it at the time but afterwards complained he'd had to sit for nine hours in the restaurant. (It was a long meal but not that long - however, clearly a bit of a physical ordeal.) & of course a couple of nights later, he got a bleed in the gut, and while I tell my brother it was entirely unrelated to spare him the guilt, it was very possibly connected.

So, sometimes your instinct is dead right and the ones who don't know the person with dementia quite so well are possibly misguided for the kindest of reasons. I would 'trust your instincts' as Obi Wan Kenobi would say. & not feel guilty. (I know, I know.)

Ann, glad to hear the school has crawled slowly towards correct procedure. Let us know if they surprise us all by actually not attempting to brush it under the carpet.

R-Anne - I do hope you manage to relax and have a restorative time in France.

 

[Spamar]

Sue, do you think there's more glitter this year? I seem to have glitter everywhere! More cards with glitter on, I bought a dried arrangement ( mainly because it had silver( glittery) fern in it and it reminded me of NZ!) I have a red wreath which hangs in the porch, red glitter everywhere from one end of house to the other!
Having said that about the cards, 4 have just come. No glitter, but all featuring the wise men!
Very cloudy here, misty inland ( just been shopping). This is definitely not one of my better days, lots of little things going wrong!
Hope you all have a good day.

 

[Batsue]

Spamar, I think you are right the wrapping paper moulted glitter every where, even my dog is sparkling at the moment.

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon all,.

Oh Amy! ((huggs))) How terribly upsetting for you As to the gift conundrum, I was going to suggest that you wrap up some big, empty boxes and leave them in a prominent position, pointing them out whenever mum starts to fret about getting you something. Then I thought - would she remember them for long anyway? Would she unwrap them herself and be totally confused on finding them empty? So perhaps not such a great idea after all

As to taking mum out for Christmas lunch - I would say that you know her best and should listen to your instinct. If you suspect it would be too much for her, I suspect you are right!

R Anne, the idea of you going away to somewhere completely different for Christmas is a good one. Sending you some (((huggs))) too cos I know it will be hard, whatever you do.

Reedysue, I love the idea of a glittery dog

Ann, I'm glad that you are on top of the admin, that's one thing that can really get me down if I don't deal with it quickly. Your Christmas is also going to be very different this year - although I guess that each year has been different in its own way

Like Red, I hope that the school actually extract the digit and do something at long last!

Spamar, I'm sorry that you are not having a good day

I am hugely thankful to each of you here who have shared your trials, tribulations - and triumphs. This has helped me, to a small degree, to anticipate potential problems and already have some tools to deal with them.

I told Mum that she didn't need to worry about cards etc - she said she hadn't been! I am hugely glad that her dementia does seem to be causing anxiety (well, it's causing me anxiety but she's OK )

I am rather hoping that Adult Services do ring me as I had only just sent them another email asking when they might get round to reassessing Mum!

Celia, thanks for the almond oil trick, I will try it on my nails and see if it will help with the chlorine related problems.

Choir for me this evening, we will be singing outside, so I hope the weather is kind to us - it's grey and miserable at the moment, but not cold.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

I may give the almond oil a try too, I think. Its awfully sore whenever my one dodgy naill splits vitically - splitting that way, rather than across, it tends to rip downwards, sometimes badly enough to bleed - anything that might improve the condition of the nail and make it a little stronger is worth a go - thanks Celia x

Lol - I've avoided any glittery paper this year. Last year, I got one 'sparkly roll', thinking it was very pretty - and my poor dogs also sparkled for a week or so, as they (as well as everything else) got covered

Maybe the incident with your Mum may push Adult Services to pull their finger out over the assessment, Slugsta - sliver lining, perhaps? Its also good to read that your Mum seems to be mostly spared the awful frettung and anxiety that is so much a part of dementia for some - I'm glad for both your sakes. This illness throws enough at both the pwd and the carer without having the awful anxiety to deal with too.

Hope the choir performance went well, and that you didn't end up frozen! We are getting a combination of very cold weather combined with a lot of rain at the moment - very unpleasant

I went to visit Mil yesterday, and not a nice visit, sadly When I arrived I was told that she had taken herself to bed for a sleep - she had, apparently been 'very snappy' with everyone and was getting herself very worked up - so I think the staff were quite relieved when she said she was tired and wanted to go to bed! She had been there a while, so the staff suggested that we 'put our heads' round the door, to see if she was awake. She was - and in her little en-suit loo. So the staff left and I waited in Mil's room for her. A bit of a 'thump' and Mil calling for help had me shooting into the loo - not fallen, but it appeared that she had tried to get up and walk after only pulling up her incontinence pants, leaving her trousers around her ankles - and she had stumbled sideways, hitting the wall - though thankfully had remained upright. I steadied her till she was standing straight and suggested she pull her trousers up. She looked at me blankly -I had to repeat it 2 or 3 times before she responded - and then, all she did was sort of stretch one arm downwards, without bending at all, making 'groping' motions with her hand and telling me she 'couldn't reach'. I went to try and pull the trousers up, and discovered that she had the right leg of the trousers the right way out, but the left leg was inside-out, so instead of turning it the right way, she had sort of twisted the trousers and put her leg through the bit that was still inside out, leaving the trousers twisted at the crotch so they couldn't be pulled up. No wonder she stumbled!

As an aside here, one of the things that both I and a couple of staff have noticed, is that Mil's ability to walk almost always deteriorates when I or OH visit. As one staff put it 'It amazing - when you are not here, she speeds round like Hussain Bolt - as soon as you walk through the door, she can't stand up or sit down without support, and appears so unsteady on her feet that she either leans on you or can't seem to walk without her frame'

And that's how she was yesterday. I asked her to sit back down on the toilet so I could sort the trousers, and she was demanding to hold onto my hands to lower herself. I refused, pointing to both grabrails and asking her to use them. Instant tears, sobbing 'I can't - please let me hold onto you' I felt awful, but refused and after 2 or 3 minutes, she eventually grabbed the handrails and managed to sit back down. It was a struggle to get the trousers off then, because she planted both feet firmly on the floor - as she used to do here when I tried to get socks or tights on her feet when she was here - and didn't respond when I asked her to lift them. It took several minutes to get the trousers off, straightened and then back on her again.

Then we had the performance of her demanding that I give her my hands so she could pull herself up, and again it took quite a few minutes and me insisting that I wouldn't let her hold onto me, for her to even try to use the rails, with tears and pleas throughout for me to take her weight. It was all so frustrating! And despite how much she has gone downhill, I am convinced that this was a deliberate 'playing up' for my benefit. Thankfully, her frame was in her room, so when she wanted to lean on me to walk, I was able to give her that. We headed back to the lounge, where once again, she wanted me to support her as she lowered herself into a seat. Again, a few minutes of tears and 'I can't Ann - oh help me, oh please, help me' and she managed herself!

Then I had 20 minutes of tears, stories of how she was in trouble, she had done something bad, she was going to prison - which moved onto going home and a confabulation/delusion that she had bought herself a nice big house in Chester, so wouldn't I please take her there? . A combination of firstly pleas and begging, then a quick turn into nasty and I was advised to 'stop talking like a stupid b****h' - I eventually suggested that I leave, as she clearly wasn't happy to see me? More tears, a promise to 'be good now' and she did calm a bit. I stayed for another 10 minutes, before 'home' started creeping back in and I told my usual tale of having to 'go back to work now' as an excuse to leave. Once again, she wanted me to help her to her feet - I burbled on about her staying nice and comfy sitting down, and shot towards the exit at the far end of the lounge - and looked back just in time to see her get to her feet, absolutely no problems at all

That visit was a very sharp reminder of when Mil lived here, and the daily struggles to get her dressed and undressed - so many times, she wanted me to support her and was so uncooperative, and of how I sometimes (often) felt that she was being deliberately difficult. The fact that staff have now commented on how she suddenly becomes so much less mobile when we visit would seem to confirm that she can and does still 'play up' !

Getting on top of my admin has proven a waste of time, as once again the IT demons have struck, and I am going to have to spend this morning re-doing a lot of work, with some additional steps which should have been done automatically by the system now having to be done manually - I could scream The others who started the same time as me have all had the same issue, so I'm not alone - but so flipping frustrating!

Bad night last night, sleep wise, a combination of stressing over admin (which I know was stupid - its not like it can't be put right!), back and hip pain - and worrying over this BOG panal tomorrow. The back and hip - and some other joints - have been noticiably worse lately, so finally, I have agreed to try a visit to a chiropractor - I'm going tomorrow afternoon. That's something that would have been on the 'can't afford' list prior to me working again, tbh, but I have actually wanted to try it for a while, and I am so hoping it will help.

The stressing over the panal business is partly because I haven't been able to access all my notes yet, to prepare - bad timing, but my hardrive (all 2 terabytes of it) was getting extremely full, so a 4 terabyte hard drive has been purchased, and we had started to transfer everything over to that - not calculating that the file size of several thousand photographs meant that it would take nearly 3 days to actually complete! And while thats been going on, apart from everything on the pc being so slow, its also meant that the notes (which were on the old hardrive) have been inaccessable. It should complete the process in the next few hours - which means that I will have a late night tonight, getting everything sorted for tomorrow morning. I also had an email telling me that the 'panal' have decided that all 'evidence' will be given in front of all involved parties - which means that dau and I are going to have to 'face' all the teachers involved whilst we give 'evidence'. That has sent daughter into a panic, she is finding the whole idea so intimidating, saying they will all 'gang up' on her - she has good reason to feel like that, in my opinion - and her behaviour has been appalling this last week, and I can't help but think that a lot of it is down to stress for her. Makes it hard - I won't accept certain behaviour, but balancing dealing with that against the stress of what she is going through, is tough.

To add to it all, a meeting that should have happened on Tuesday was cancelled and instead of being rescheduled for today as I'd requested, apparently the only time it can be done is tomorrow, wedged between the panal and the chiropractic treatment, on my day off - arrggghhhhhhh! I need this meeting done before Christmas, for the sake of work - but talk about bad timing!

So apologies for the long post - head totally mashed (as my kids would say) at the moment, and after several weeks of feeling increasingly 'good'. the last couple of days I've crashed again and am back to wading through treacle and feeling overwhelmed

Grace - we haven't heard from you for a while - I do hope you are OK?

Hope you all have a peaceful day - will let you know how the panal goes xxxx

 

[CeliaW]

Hi Ann Would it be worth talking to your education board regarding your daughter having to give evidence in front of the teacher? I don't think that can be right and would count as intimidation of a minor. Trying to think where any guidelines on that might be, I know Izzy worked in Scotland but it might be worth pm'ing her to ask for her thoughts? (I can't recall if I have seen her on this thread). I will also have a Google to see if I can find anything relevant.

Hope the almond oil works for everyone - its nice sitting there taking the time to massage each individual nail then your hands - very relaxing. Does need to be done regularly initially (at least once ideally twice a day for a couple of weeks then 1-2 times a week to maintain ) and I will be interested to hear how everyone does.

Interesting how capabilities change. Mum always struggled up and down stairs needing encouragement and support yet one night managed down a flight of stairs, out the front door, down the front steps and off down the street on her own. Luckily spotted by a neighbour as it was in the night, freezing cold and she was only wearing a vest and pyjama bottoms ...

Hope things start to run more smoothly for you soon Ann xx

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[Izzy]

Good morning.

I just popped into this thread and noticed that Celia felt I might have some thoughts regarding a school situation. I apologise that I'm not really up to date with what has happened. I can only assume your daughter is being required to give evidence in front of an accused teacher. I have no experience of this myself but did a quick Google. I found the document in this link and I'm sorry if it isn't relevant.

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploa...sciplinary-Procedures_-_updated_July_2016.pdf

Page 23 para 4.71 refers to 'Children and Vulnerabke Witnesses'. I hope it's of some relevance to your situation.

 

[CeliaW]

Thanks Izzy!x

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[canary]

Oh Ann, youve got an increadible time table ATM. I do hope that something useful comes of it all

Morning all,

I may give the almond oil a try too, I think. Its awfully sore whenever my one dodgy naill splits vitically - splitting that way, rather than across, it tends to rip downwards, sometimes badly enough to bleed - anything that might improve the condition of the nail and make it a little stronger is worth a go - thanks Celia x

May I add a suggestion here? As a temporary measure, when your nail splits and to prevent the edges snagging causing bleeding - glue the split edges back together with a line of superglue.

 

[Amy in the US]

Not completely caught up, but wanted to say hello and thank you all for support, reassurance, and advice. I suspected there was no good answer to the "presents" loop. Still no decision about Christmas dinner, but I will keep you posted.

As always, much appreciated.

I will watch out for that sparkly wrapping paper! My cats would not like being glittery!!

The tree is still naked, but perhaps today it will get some more decor. We got the wreath on the door last night. I did some decorating in the house yesterday. I don't understand how, but I'm feeling mostly cheerful and Christmassy this year, and am determined to run with it!

Ann, sorry MIL was so difficult, and what a stressful reminder, indeed. So very sad and upsetting.

Thank you all again and more later.

 

[Slugsta]

Evening,

(((Ann))) things always seem to come at the same time for you, don't they? With the combination of work, school, MIL and pain, I'm not surprised that you have found it difficult to sleep. Of course, tiredness then conspires to make everything else harder to handle and so things spiral

It is interesting that staff in the CH have noticed what you have suspected - that MIL plays up her difficulties when you are there. It's hard to understand how that is possible, given the state of her memory and cognition! I'm glad that you did not let her lean on you, taking her weight really would not be good for your back!

Amy, I'm very glad that you are feeling a bit of seasonal cheer - long may it continue!

The choir event went well. It has been grey and damp here but not terribly cold. Even outside at 8pm I was comfortable without lots of layers. We will be outside again on Sunday evening so I hope it is equally mild.

I have had no contact from SS, I thought the police report might prod them into action (maybe the police have not been in touch!). I sent an email at the weekend asking when we might expect Mum's reassessment - they have not responded to that either When I see what many other people are going through, I know that I have it easy - but even so, I don't feel that SS are fulfilling their responsibilities

 

[Amy in the US]

Just wanted to say I used the ironing board tonight for wrapping presents while I watched embarrassingly mindless telly. Brilliant! It was great and I thank you for the tip. My husband was impressed by my ingenuity, but I gave credit where it was due. Thanks!!!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Celia - thank you for the suggestion - and Izzy, thank you so much for the advice. Really appreciated x

Canary - thats a great idea with the superglue - I think I will try that one - even if it just holds long enough for the nail to grow to the point where I can trim it without it being sore, that would be good

Glad the choir performance went well, Slugsta - fingers crossed that on Sunday, the weather is just as mild

So annoying the way that so many services take so darn long to respond - I honestly wonder if the reason is that they figure if they keep you hanging on long enough, you'll give up and sort everything yourself!

Evening,

It is interesting that staff in the CH have noticed what you have suspected - that MIL plays up her difficulties when you are there. It's hard to understand how that is possible, given the state of her memory and cognition! I'm glad that you did not let her lean on you, taking her weight really would not be good for your back!

The bit I've put in bold is the bit that throws me, Slugsta. I really can't get my head round it. When she now often isn't sure exactly who we are or what we are to her, how come she is consistently able to alter her behaviour so specifically for our benefit? I wonder if it could it be a sort of trigger type situation? Like when she lived her, and when putting her shoes on and me finishing doing her hair would trigger the 'coat loop'? I doubt it was a deliberate decision on her part to switch into that very anxious and repetative state each morning. So could this sudden inability to walk, sit or stand without assisstence be caused subconciously by her seeing us, even if she isn't sure who we are? Its the only explanation I can think of

Amy, the ironing board suggestion is great, isn't it? Much less 'achey' after wrapping presents like that the other day!

Thankfully, the hard drive switch over finished in plenty of time for me to be able to get at and print all the paperwork I need for today. I had replied to the email they sent about dau having to face the teachers whilst she gave evidence, saying that I thought it would incredibly intimidating for her, but had had no email response. However, yesterday afternoon, the post arrived with a letter stating that the panal had now decided that dau and I would only have to address the panal - and to my utter amazement, after quite literally months of asking, it also contained copies of the statements made by other children in the classroom during the incident that started all of this, that absolutely tally with what my daughter had also reported. Up until I had received that letter, the school had refused to even confirm that the statements exist! Other 'evidence' they sent also serves to high-light a lot of inconsistences in information previously given to me by the school. The vast majority of what they sent was in Welsh, so I had to sit with dau last night and translate most of it - this morning, I need to make some notes on it all, ready for the meeting at 10.

Its a really full on day today - the school, followed by a work related meeting, followed by the chiropracty appointment - but will update you as soon as I can.

Hope you all have a good day xxxx

 

[CeliaW]

Hoping all goes as well as possible today Ann - you certainly deserve things to start going the way you want / need / deserve. Good wishes for your daughter too - glad to hear about the change of meeting style but still very daunting and upsetting for her. Take care x

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