1. DianeW

    DianeW Registered User

    Sep 10, 2013
    Lytham St Annes
    Anne, I don't think I have ever posted on here but I read every day and just want to say how wonderful you are doing managing all of this - your MiL is very lucky to have you all on her side.

    Of course you can't help but feel for all the poor people who are facing this alone and are not up to the tremendous fight it takes when dealing with these people.....so sad.

    I'm crossing everything now for a good outcome and news she is in and as settled as can be x
  2. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Yes, Ann, all digits and extremities are so firmly crossed my husband will come home to find me in a twisted heap tonight. Hooray for the straight talking manageress; sounds like she will be MUCH better to deal with than the hospital. Not that it's much of a comparison.

    JM, I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

    RedLou, sending a big squishy hug and I'm so sorry. I don't know why this stuff has to be so difficult, but it is. I imagine this stirs up all sorts of emotions for you. Sigh.
  3. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning everyone - and thank you to you all for the crossed fingers and good wishes! Amy - I hope that your DH didn't come home to find you in too much of a twisted heap! :) And Hello Diane - nice to talk to you x

    PC has been repaired, thank goodness - simply the 'button' to turn it on needed re-setting. Very glad - having to constantly check the auto correct was a pain!

    At last, Mil is at the home (Can hardly believe that I am finally typing that!). We phoned just after 6pm last night - the home having asked us to give her just a few days to settle before we visit - to find that she had been very tearful initially, but that she was now busy 'looking after' one of the other ladies there and seemed quite calm. Its possible that you heard mine and OH's large sighs of relief - given the behaviour of the last couple of weeks, we were both worried that she might really kick off from the start. The plan is to phone daily for the first few days, visit Saturday or Sunday, then try and establish a routine of visiting 2 - 3 times a week. I have no idea what belongings she took with her from the hospital, I don't know if the missing items have been found, so I guess after Saturday/Sunday, one of the 'to do' items will be chasing that up.

    Oddly, both OH and I are just feeling relief. There is no guilt and not even much sadness at this point - I think its because we both feel that this has to be better than her being in the hospital, that it has to be an improvement. Whether we will stay feeling like that once we visit, is anyones guess. (Not that I'm having a go at the hands on staff at the hospital, btw - as I've said before, 99% of the time we found them really great with Mil - its all the other issues, primarily the poor communication and organisation that are glad to say goodbye to!)

    JM, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend xxxx. Yes, I think school uniforms are acceptable - certainly that's what my daughter wore to my Mum's funeral - though we did swap the deep redyy-purple uniform jumper for a plain black cardigan.

    Red, so sorry to hear of the hassle your older sibling is putting you and your OH through over your Dad's ashes. I hope you guys are able to stand firm and not be dumped with all the stress and expense xxxx

    Yesterday afternoon, we hovered around the phone till after 2pm, just in case there was yet another last minute hitch. Once we were sure that the move had gone ahead, we decided to head out for a couple of hours - I think we both felt that being busy would help - and I actually made a start on the dreaded Christmas shopping. OH and I did a lot of talking, and we both realised that we felt that this was finally the start of a new chapter. We don't kid outselves that its plain sailing from here on in, but by comparison to the way we were living this time last year, we both acknowledged that the current situation has to be better for us - and that its probably better for Mil too, as for her to be cared for by people who are not constantly on edge and exhausted has to be an improvement. We are actually making plans - including talking about the possibility that we (as in OH, youngest and I) may be able to get abroad for a holiday next year, for the first time since before Mil's diagnosis. Thats a very giddy thought, not something that we believed would be possible for probably several years to come . I know Mil hasn't been here for several months, but its only now we have her safe in the home that we feel we can accept that things have changed permenantly. I don't know if that makes sense - but we both feel like a massive weight has lifted, that we have made the right decision, for everyone involved.

    Supposed to be my day off today, but I'm going to have to put in an hour to sort out a couple of things that I want to get finalised before next week, when it looks like I am going to be extremely busy. Then I intend to tackle the mallen streak (yup - again - had my hair cut earlier in the week and it really needs doing!), pick up my train tickets for next weeks gallivanting - and chase up the school issues.

    Hope everyone has a good day xxxxx
  4. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    So pleased to read this. Let's hope the majority of the hassles have done a runner and things start to become less stressful and tiring.

    Here's to a good new chapter for all of you xx
  5. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    Hi Ann - been following this ridiculous bureaucratic rollercoaster and just wanted to say YAY.
    I hope you have an enjoyable weekend x
  6. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Ive got one of those....

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  7. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    I echo the yay! Fantastic that you are feeling relief and a sense of moving on. Cheerleaders united are shaking their booties. :eek:

    2jays -- I'm fond of both my siblings but lordy! is my brother officious and bossy sometimes! He loathed our mother and I do believe it's because he fears he might be like her. :) --However, if anything goes wrong with our arrangements I am telling him to take over!
  8. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands

    Me too

    Sorry, I missed this "good" news Ann

    Hugs xx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  9. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    NW UK
    AnnM, I'm so happy for the Mac family. I hope MiL settles in a few days.
    I'm cross on your behalf with all the missing laundry. Careless that sooo much is missing.

    JM, sorry from me too about your friend.

    Wellll.... I'm still ignoring 'begging' messages / calls from family for me to apologise to SiL.
    .....'sigh, oooohhhh, You know what she's like.... do us all a favour, and just apologise' ....
    SiL is still pestering brothers/ SiLs about my being 'off hand' with her.

    I had a similar problem when she was snooping in my cupboards looking for 'evidence' of a man...
    (For those if your who don't know, Sil thinks I'm hiding a man in my home).

    I told SiL off for snooping, and she 'flipped'.
    Forget about the fact she was going into wardrobes and cupboards.... 'on a mission'...
    She complained to her family, who then rang me asking me (several messages) to apologise.

    Anyway..... the other day I didn't know it was going to be SiL when I opened the door.
    Thought it was someone else who rang to say they were on the way.
    My heart sank when I saw her, but hard to turn her away when she is over the threshold.
    Pharmacy are still delivering me meds till my knee is better.
    They knock the door, SiL jumps up.... I think she thought she was about to meet my man.

    I'm staying strong, though yesterday felt lousy. Not sure if I had a bug, or was just sick with stress.
    I still feel drained, really really tired, and now I've got a bit of a cold....
    I did nothing yesterday. Nothing at all. Even having the TV on irritated me.

    I don't think I have much choice other than to step back from doing anything with, or for MiL.
    InLaw family are not capable of hearing 'no from me'.

    I'm sure the ONLY reason they want her to move in with me is to preserve their small inheritance.
    I have 5 Bil/Sil (plus spouses) = 10 angry people , that without me giving into bullying will most definitely lose out on any inheritance.

    MiL is going to be one of those EMI residents that has to give up their home.
    There is no other way, they wont have Mum live with them, neither will I .

    In law relationship breakdown. No other options. I am the 'key' to them receiving inheritance money.

    I've not said anything to anyone else (not even my sister at this point), but it looks like that is it ....
    I do not need the stress, bullying, trying to control me.
    There are a few more things they have tried, I've not told TP about.

    My dear late husband would be so sad at his family 'fighting' over money, MiL is not even in a care home yet.

    Its not even New Year and I'm thinking about starting a new chapter in my life.

    Take care xxxxx
  10. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Grace, it's amazing how people count on "their inheritance" and manage to overlook the fact that there is no inheritance until someone actually dies. Until then, it's their money, not their kids'! (There is an old saying about not counting your chickens in advance of the eggs hatching, which is applicable here.) Such a strange mentality, but then, nothing you can tell me about your outlaws shocks me any longer.

    Ann, massive cheers and much relief that the move happened. I know it likely won't be completely smooth sailing but I feel that anything has to be better than the stressful limbo of the hospital. I also feel that visiting the care home is likely to better, at least from the standpoint of parking. I think it's smart not to visit for a few days.

    While the care home will still likely misplace some clothing now and then, I can't believe it will be on the scale of the hospital. I hope they will be doing the laundry and that will be one less burden for you, Ann.

    Go ahead and make those plans for a holiday, Ann. It will give you something to look forward to and build some good memories for you and OH and youngest.

    It must feel disorienting, MIL's sudden move, after all the waiting and let down and frustration. I do think it's a positive for everyone, including MIL, but it's still a massive shift. You have had a lot going on, with MIL, and the job change for OH, and the new job for you, and your youngest at school, and your older daughter moving into her own flat, and, well, that's just a lot to be coming to grips with.

    I think we are all very pleased and relieved for you that MIL finally has a placement, and at least in my case, it's hard to articulate how pleased and relieved, because there has been so much stress and waiting!

    Someone tell me where to line up for the cheering section!!
  11. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Im joining it too!

  12. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Another one here for the cheering section :) I am so very glad that MIL is finally in the home, after all the fuss and false starts. I hope she settles quickly and is as happy there as she can be.

    Ann, I'm not surprised that you feel relieved. You have had so much messing around, false hope and broken promises :mad: I am also relieved. I'm also glad that the home has some sensible, down to earth staff who will be open and honest with you.

    I wonder if you will ever find the lost belongings??

    Grace, I guess you must feel sad that things have come to this with the outlaws. I truly believe that you have done more than any reasonable person could ask to help MIL and appease the others. The thing is that they are not reasonable! Please allow yourself to rest and heal, your body has gone through a lot.

    Red, I'm sorry that your bro is making things difficult for you. We had something similar with regard to some sort of memorial for my MIL.

    We took Mum to the dentist today for 3 fillings. She was very stoical but it can't have been pleasant! She seems to have accepted me going into the loo with her. Before we went to the dentist I said we should go and she insisted she was fine. We went anyway and she was both wet and soiled :( I really need to get my head around how much time we need to locate Mum, take her to the loo, do any clean-up and changing needed before we go out. We were a minute or two late for our appointment which I find very stressful.

    Ann, thanks for your comments about respiradone. Mum isn't on anything else that might be causing the problems - but thanks for thinking of it. She has nearly 5 weeks of meds in blister packs, so nothing is going to happen quickly but I do think it is worth a try.

    No word back from SS, the staff where Mum lives are going to put in a referral form too. Can't remember how long it is since the pull-ups were ordered from the continence service, buying them is costing Mum a fair amount :(

    I'm wondering what on earth to get Mum for Christmas :confused: I'm wondering about one of the dementia specific jigsaws that we could do together. Not sure what level to pitch it at though - I don't want to insult her with one that she considers far too easy. On the other hand, there's no point in upsetting her with something she can't manage . . .

    Hope you all manage to do something that you enjoy over the weekend xx

    It's hubby's birthday on Monday, son is coming down for the day on Sunday. Son is off to New Zealand then for 2 weeks with work - lucky lad!
  13. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    #6393 Ann Mac, Nov 5, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2016
    Hi everyone,

    2jays, hun - no apologies, you have more than enough to think about at the moment - sending you massive {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} and thinking of you xxxxx

    Believe me guys, I so appreciate the cheerleader boogies - thank you:D Its odd, but there's this feeling that she is 'safe' now we have a permenant place for her, and its a weight lifted. OH phoned again yesterday evening, she'd slept well the night before, no major problems during the day and when we rang she was 'having a cup of tea and nattering with one of the other ladies'. And we were told how lovely she is. Which was great to hear. But, OH and I are both very aware that Mil's ability - even now - to turn on the hostess mode when she finds herself in a new situation or meets new people, is still pretty good. We're not being pessimistic (I don't think) rather just realistic. It took a while for the staff at the hospital to start commenting about how difficult Mil can be, ditto with each of the two day care centre's she attended before that - we are prepared for it to be the same with her new home. Just hoping that the 'hostess mode' lasts long enough for the staff to see glimpses of the lovely lady that she was and (sometimes) still can be, as I think if they see that, then perhaps it will be a little easier to deal with her if/when we do see the paranoia, aggression and demanding behaviour return. Though wouldn't it be fab if it didn't? Can't help but hope.

    Grace, I wouldn't be surprised if you feeling 'lousy' didn't have a lot to do with the awful pressure those foul out-laws of yours are currently putting you through - Oh, I would love to give them a piece of my mind, I really would! Glad you are staying strong, and think you are right to step back entirely. I will be so glad when you are fit enough to tackle moving away from that poisonous bunch! xxxxx

    I'm not holding my breath over Mil's lost possessions, Slugsta. I've been through all her clothes now, weeded out anything at all tatty looking or now unsuitable, and she has about 8 pairs of trousers, a dozen tops, approx 8 bra's, a couple of cardies and about 10 sets of nightclothes, even if the missing stuff doesn't turn up. I will chase it up, but even if they don't appear, she has enough there that she shouldn't be short.

    Ouch for your Mum at the dentists, bless her for being so brave x Its a hard balance, allowing enough time to get somewhen ready for an appointment or outing, I used to find - had to leave enough time 'just in case' there were any problems, but not so much time that you have the person ready so early that they then had time to get wound up :rolleyes:

    Mil spent a small fortune on pull ups as it took the clinic here so long to amend her order - I found buying in bulk off the internet was far, far cheaper.

    Had a busy day yesterday, which included me putting in an hour or so at work, running errands etc. The tumble dryer also died on me - beyond repair, so OH and I had to go buy a new one - not what we needed with just a couple of months to go till Christmas, but hey-ho:rolleyes: Now I'm not going to be doing Mil's washing, lets hope this new one lasts a lot longer! In the middle of all that, I was determined to take an hour for myself and head to Moss Valley, a near-by nature reserve, where you can always count on the Autumn colours being spectacular - so me and my camera had a lovely hour wandering round the lake and through the trees - Mother Nature has outdone herself this year, I think!
    Adding a few pics - hope you all enjoy and have a peaceful day xxxx

    Attached Files:

  14. Lorna44

    Lorna44 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2016
    Wow! What stunning pictures x
  15. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Beautiful photos, Ann. After our house fire, the one place I found peace was in the woods around Wimpole Hall (we were close by in a holiday rental for the first two weeks) and that took me right back.

    Grace -- like Ann, I would like to give your outlaws a piece of my mind. You do not need this and I'm sure it is adding to your feeling of exhaustion. Why wouldn't you be emotionally exhausted with that lot and their demands? I'm glad you have made the decision to step back from MiL -- if you're moving someone else has got to step up to the plate. Seems SiL no 1 thinks she's already doing it, so that's good! ;)

    Slugsta - oh, I remember that feeling, too. But time and a sense of urgency or desire not to put others out goes out of the window with dementia and it's stressful to try to haul it back in. Take care.
  16. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    Ann, brilliant news that Mil seems happy in her new home, long may it continue.

    Grace, you are doing the right thing, your in-laws will never be able to see your point of view while their eyes are on the money.
  17. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Afternoon all,

    Ann, I'm so glad that MIL is calm and happy. I do hope it continues but, if not, at least she has had some respite from the awful delusions. I'm also glad that you don't have to chase around getting more clothes for her :)

    Grace, it does seem that bowing out from your Outlaws completely is the only way to go. They are never going to see your point of view, they will continue to moan at you if you just step back a little so going the whole hog is the only way you will free yourself of their toxic presence.

    Stunning photos, thanks for posting them! I hope that the time in that lovely location lifted your spirits. Our heath is looking particularly lovely at the moment, dressed in her autumn finery.

    As I said yesterday, it 's hubby's birthday on Monday, son is coming down for the day tomorrow. Hubby has decided that we will eat 'nibbly' things at home rather than going out, we will bring Mum over for a while but I doubt she will stay long. She veers from 'I wish I could stay with you all the time' to 'I've got to get back now' in moments :rolleyes:

    We haven't told her about the house move, don't know whether she will notice the 'sold' sign outside! My dear husband has decided that she won't notice the difference even if we do move. Now, I know Mum is getting less anchored to reality. However, I feel that even she will notice the difference between a 3 bedroom house I mile away from her and a 2 bedroom flat 3 miles 3 miles away! We will cross that bridge when we come to it.
  18. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning all,

    Thank you Laura, and everyone, glad you liked the pics :) Its a gorgeous place, this time of year especially - hard to go worng taking pictures there. And yes, Red - it did me so much good to spend that hour there - I know that we often head off to the zoo or the coast as a family, and I love that - but I'd forgotten just how nice it sometimes is for me to be by myself, just ambling along and concentrating on the photography and what's around me.

    Slugsta, Happy Birthday to your Hubby for tomorrow - getting the birthday wishes in early, as I'm off to South Wales at just after 5.30a.m. in the morning, and doubt I'll get chance to post then! I hope he has a lovely day and enjoys his nibbles at home :)

    I wonder if your Mum will notice the move when it happens? I doubt Mil would - even before she went into hospital, it wasn't unusual for us to bring her home from DC, or even just a trip to the shops, and the house that we have lived in for over 20 years, that she had lived in for nearly 3 years, was completely unfamiliar to her and she would ask 'Where is this place? Why are we stopping here?'. In the hospital, even after she had been there for several months, she would often be certain that she was there for her first day in a new job, that she had never been there before. I can't imagine how disorientating and scary that must have been for her at times :(

    We phoned the home yesterday afternoon and got the all clear to visit. She had been a 'bit tetchy' before lunch, but they told us, she seemed very settled and calm now, so off we went. Found her sitting in the large lounge area, watching the rugby. She was pleased to see us, but no really big reaction - which is always good, actually - if she is at all 'over-emotional', tearful, overly-relieved or overly-happy to see us, then going on how it was at the hospital, we sort of know that she will be edging towrds agitated for the whole visit. OH suggested - as the telly was very loud - that we move over to the dining area so we could chat. Mil informed us that she would have to get someone to 'watch her', gesturing to a lady sat next to her, saying that she 'couldn't just leave her, you know!'. She was quite bossy, ordering a near-by staff to 'keep and eye' - but fair play, straight faced he played along and assured her he would take care of the other lady. Mil seemed to struggle getting out of her seat, and leaned heavily on her frame when walking, but we got her settled at a table in the dining area. I have no idea where she thought she was, or why she thought she was there. The first thing she did was tell us off, asking sternly 'And where did you two vanish to this afternoon?'. OH told her we had to run a few errands, and she seemed content with that. Her conversation was all over the place, lots of confabulation (as per usual) but all quite disjointed and some things she said were quite nonsensical - about how she had had to style her own hair that morning, before she had even woken up, because everyone else was busy. She kept looking towards the telly - she used to religeously watch rugby if Ireland were playing, but I don't think she ever really understood the game, often talking after a match about how many 'goals' Ireland had scored, lol - but she seemed quite fascinated. OH asked her who she was supporting, Austrailia or Wales? Australia, she said, because they had been singing Irish songs and saying Irish prayers before they played - so clearly, watching rugby was still somehow associated with supporting Ireland in her head. She talked about how she had decided to go back to college/school. She told me that she liked the way I had 'back combed' her hair for her earlier, then switched that to what a good job my Mum had done, setting her hair. Lost count of how many times she asked us about 'Ann and S***' - had we seen them? Did we hear what they said earlier? Had we been to their house? Did we know if her Dad was at their house? OH got his phone out and took a selfie of himself and Mil - when he held the phone out, to show her the picture, she looked at it and called him a 'Daft s*d' - that woman looked like May Mullan, not her, she said - and hadn't May gone to look old? She absolutely did not recognise herself. OH asked her how old she was. She very firmly told us she was 16 last birthday.

    She was quite 'detached' with us - we've noticed this several times lately - its as though she still realises she knows us, but not that we are related or close to her, more like we are just aquaintences. In a way, this is better for her - we think it reduces the odds of her getting upset when we leave. But, it is a bit of a sucker punch, to realise that she is losing that sense of us being family.

    While she was chatting to OH, I went to her room - I'd said that I'd like to check her case before it was unpacked, explaining how much of her stuff seemed to be missing from the hospital. The case contained 1 nighty, the bottoms to 1 pair of pj's and the tops to 2 more pairs. Only one dressing gown, only one of her new bra's, 2 bra's that didn't belong to her, 4 tops and just one pair of trousers. Thankfully, Paddy (the leprachaun toy) turned up, wrapped like a mummy in loo paper, in one of her toiletry bags - but the two other teddies she had taken to the hospital were gone, as were about half the new toiletries I'd bought (no way could she have used them all since I'd taken them in). Two really nice cardigans are also missing, approximately 5 pairs of trousers and I think around half a dozen tops. :mad:

    I went back to join OH and Mil, bringing the now empty case - I hoped that it not being there will discourage Mil's 'packing' - and she never even commented on it. In total, we stayed for about an hour, before she started on the 'Are you going to miss your bus?' and we decided to leave. At this point, the anxiety kicked in and she thought she was coming with us. OH gently explained about her being in 'sheltered accomodation' and she sort of accepted it, but she was clearly very confused. We made a quick exit. As we left the lounge, despite the difficulties she seemed to have walking when we arrived, we saw her leap up like a ruddy spring lamb and start after us - minus frame and moving like Zola Budd! The senior very quickly directed another staff to intercept, pointing out that Mil didn't have her frame - and we left. We needed to check that the hospital had sent the 'This is me' document for Mil, as they were supposed to, as I'd been asked about it, so headed for the office. We could hear Mil shouting our eldest daughters name, sounding quite frantic - we also heard a member of staff reassuring her, thankfully.

    The hospital hadn't sent the 'This is Me' stuff, so I said I'd email a copy when I got home. The assistant manageress said that Mil hadn't been too difficult. She had been demanding home before lunch and when she found she couldn't get out, she had been banging on tables and shouting - however when the lunch came out, she had tucked into it - albeit she insisted on eating standing up! After that she had calmed down. Once again, we were quite reassured that she seemed to fully understand just how difficult Mil can be - and is very confident that they can handle it at the home.

    So - all pretty good, I think, so far, in terms of her settling. We are prepared for her to kick off at some stage, when the hostess mode wears off completely - but the home are also prepared for that and their confidence in their ability to cope with that happening is very reassuring.

    Seeing Mil in that setting was difficult for us both. The staff we saw were lovely with the residents, seemed very competent and there has clearly been an effort to make the place cheery and comfy - but there is no getting away from the fact that its a residential home. And thats the last place we ever wanted to see Mil - which I guess is pretty much the case for each and every one of us who have had to accept that residential care is the best and only option for the person we love. We know fully just how 'impaired' (the hospitals rather blunt term) Mil is because of the dementia, but seeing her amongst some 20-odd other people, all similarly affected (or worse) and realising that she doesn't stand out, that she is really that ill now, was somehow another one of those 'kicks' that you think you are prepared for, but aren't really. I guess we have to stop looking at it through our eyes, though, and look at it through Mil's - all the things that we find 'awful', the institutional feel, the obvious impairments around us, the lack of privacy, the enforced routine, the lack of independence - Mil is oblivious to all that, she actually finds 'normal' family home life harder to cope with and her needs are now best met by 'professionals' who won't be as exhausted as we were, trying to care. OH and I just have to make the adjustment and come to terms with all that in our heads.

    I'll probably visit again On Tuesday afternoon - OH is back on a week of nights, and with everything else I have on this week, if I don't get there on Tuesday, it will be either Friday or Sunday before i get a chance to visit again. We have agreed that the aim will be to vist twice a week , 3 times if we can manage it - but iof there are weeks wehn we only get there once, we are not going to beat ourselves up about it (Yeah - right :rolleyes: )

    Hope you all have a good day xxxxx
  19. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    Ann great she is settling. She does remind me so much of mum.
    Especially with the job part. I am glad they are confident of coping with her and any issues.
    BTW it is flipping freezing in London :)
  20. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Ann, it does sound as if MIL is settling really well, which is very good to hear! I can understand that seeing her there is very difficult for you - as if the knowledge that she no longer realises your relationship to her :(

    I'm glad that Paddy the leprechaun turned up - but still very angry, on your behalf, about the other missing belongings :mad: Let's hope that things are less prone to disappear in the home.

    I really hope you will be able to keep that promise to not beat yourself up if you are not able to visit as much as you would like. It doesn't seem as if MIL would be distressed by your absence - which is both good (for her) and upsetting (for you).

    Many thanks for the birthday withes for hubby. We had a nice time with son, we also had Mum here for a couple of hours and she did very well. I thought we had got away with it but, at the very last minute as we got into the car to take her home, she noticed the 'sold' sign outside and commented. I made a non-committal reply and changed the subject. Knowing Mum, this is something she will remember! :rolleyes: The way she is at the moment, I believe she would notice if we were in a different house - but I know it will not always be that way :(

    Spamar, I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow (((hugs)))

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