1. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Ooh- er JM. Hot bath or ice?
    --Slugsta, that looks great - fingers crossed.
    Ann - fingers crossed for MiL's move. (You can get those deep frames with window doors that hold both photos and small trinkets, if that's any good?)
    Amy, hope you are okay -- OH being under strain just adds to your own. Sending every good vibe.
    Spamar, I have so many must-read books piling up, like you - I'm now deeply into the Spanish course: really enjoying it as it's gone beyond the basic daily stuff and we're into literature and literary criticism. I can't say my speaking is good, and just when I think I'm getting better at listening an Argentinian accent pops up to confound me. (I think a bit like an English learner listening to a Geordie.) But the reading is fab - involving a bit of history, some modern novel extracts and some food culture at the moment.
    Grace, hope you are mending and out-laws not being too pesky!
  2. gulabo

    gulabo Account on hold

    Oct 30, 2016
    really greatful to read all this
  3. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    STrained thigh - still...er strained - hurts to walk, and sit down, movement of sitting down. I have been stretching and massage has been applied. And anti inflammatories taken.

    Took mum for memory check, waste of time, just asked me how she is, and told me she is being discharged back to GP now. Mum asked me about 20 times to organise her flu jab, and at one point told me did I know I was entitled to one as her carer - quite sweet. I said I'd had mine already, and she was quite put out, obviously forgotten and asking about flu jab within minutes:rolleyes:

    Dropped son off for Scout camp at 9.45 - they are getting a train somewhere and walking to camp site, but all kit went in trailer.

    Oh took dau for blood tests as I was doing mum's appt, dau is on inset day so after spending all week either cycling or sleeping to recover she is carving her pumpkin now and back to school tomorrow, different half terms as different LAs.

    Off to work now.
  4. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    NW UK
    Had a few days off 'TP'.... I will try and get back to posting again.

    Spamar... I'm thinking of you too. xxx

    Jugglingmum.... I hope you are feeling better xxx

    Slugsta.... That's a quick move . Love the new flat, very modern.
    When mine goes up for sale I hope it sells as quick as yours. I need a 'no chain'.
    Sister is already sending me links to property she has seen ....

    AnnM.... I'm trying to follow what has been happening to MiL , I hope the move goes smoothly.

    I've been feeling a bit down. SiLs giving me a hard time. (esp. nieces mum).

    She was asking when I'm going back to visiting mum, as she cannot 'cover for me' forever !!
    Yup, she used the words 'cover for me'.....
    SiL has barely seen her mum and is certainly NOT covering for me.
    I challenged her, and she went a bit 'loopy' (sorry, not PC, but don't know other way of saying it).
    She ranted (all lies), how she has been popping in , doing xyz for her mum...and its about time I did my bit.

    Anyway... I told her to leave if she was going to talk to me like that.... She refused.
    She sat on the couch and glared at me. I left the room, went to kitchen, she followed ..
    No words, just glares, trying to get me to 'break the silence' ....
    Felt like forrrr-ever . Eventually she got the message and left.

    Hour or so later, SiL no2 rings, and says she has just had a visit from SiL no1.
    SiL must of gone straight over to her.
    SiL no2 then demanded I ring an apologise as I upset SiL no1.
    Day later , SiL rings again to ask if I have phoned SiL no1.
    No I had not. I made it clear that I had not done anything to apologise for.

    Since then, I've had SiL no4 ring several times, I've not answered the phone.

    About my knee recovery....
    I've been allocated extra time at the hospital physio, which is good news.
    Good knee occasionally still 'locking' , causing me to have little stumbles.

    Don't need family in/out laws giving me hassle, they are not helping with my recovery.
    I'm waking up , worrying, not able to switch off.
    Oooo, a new thing I've discovered is having a little nap :) from 1-2 , does me the world of good.
    Not every day, just a couple of times a week, especially after physio or a shopping trip.

    Take care everyone xxxx
  5. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    Way to go Grace..... Well done you!:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
    Keep up the good work, I love the silent treatment.....they don't know what to make of it, obviously.;);)

    Nothing wrong with a short power nap...I often employ this practice.....in fact most days, given the chance:rolleyes::rolleyes:
  6. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    She is their mother.She is not your mother.What part of that don't they understand??
  7. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    Love a power nap !!
  8. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Grace - talk about bullying! Why do you need these people in your life? They are ghastly. (Apologies - don't mean to upset your feelings as they're OH's relatives, but honestly.)

    Keep it up. Don't answer the phone. Don't answer the door. Keep yourself to yourself or only mix with people/talk to people on phone who buoy you up and care for you. This shower doesn't give a d*mn about you, just about shuffling off their own responsibilities. :mad:
  9. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Grace, I am glad you are having the extra physio sessions at the hospital. I hope you continue to recover after your surgery and make progress with the walking, stairs, et cetera. I also hope you are not having too much pain. I would imagine you are still tired/tiring easily, it was a big deal for your body!

    I am going to apologise in advance as I fear I will offend you. Please understand I am motivated by concern for you and your well-being.

    I do not understand why you continue to have contact with your in-laws. That is to say, I understand that they are your husband's relatives, of course. But they are clearly toxic and do you much harm and no good at all--I am speaking particularly of the sisters-in-law, especially SIL 1. I don't know if she has (un)diagnosed mental or physical illness, is a narcissist, has dementia, or if she is JPN (Just Plain Nuts), but she is clearly way out of line. You do not need people like this in your life. Their mother is not your responsibility, but they are clearly happy to shove the work off on you.

    I cannot imagine your husband would countenance you being treated in this manner and as he is not here to stand up to his family for you, you will have to do it yourself.

    Don't invite them over. Don't call them. Don't answer the phone when they call. Don't answer the door if they arrive. Just don't!

    If I had a relative who treated me in this manner, then genetic ties or marital ones, I wouldn't give them the time of day. (As a matter of fact, I do have a sister-in-law who is about as nice as yours, and I don't have a relationship with her, and never will, unless she has a personality transplant!) If you had a friend in the same position as you, meaning the roles were reversed, what would you advise that friend to do? Continue to take abuse from her in-laws, or change the situation?

    It seems clear that if you continue to have contact with them, they will continue to behave in this appalling and unacceptable manner. They will always treat you like dirt for as long as you permit them to do so. They are never going to change. Your only option, to change the situation, is to change how you interact with them.

    Again, Grace, I am sorry to be so blunt, and likely incredibly offensive, but fear they are going to damage your health and happiness beyond repair.

    Please feel free to tell me exactly where to get off, publicly or privately, as I richly deserve it, but I am sorry for any upset or distress I have caused you. Very best wishes to you.
  10. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    Well done Grace, stay strong xx.
  11. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    Well done Grace - stay strong.

    Good they've given you extra physio - hope all is going well with your knee.

    Maybe now is the time to put your flat on the market. I guess you need to wait until your knee is fit enough to let you look for a new one/pack up the old one.
  12. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Grace, I share the general disgust at the way your SILs are behaving! :mad: I know you feel a sense of responsibility for your MIL on your husband's behalf but there are limits! To suggest that they are 'covering' for you would be laughable if it wasn't so out of order.

    I also share the general opinion that perhaps this is time to turn your back on them all and look after yourself. Do you remember the poem 'Desiderata'? It exhorts us to avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit'. I believe that these people are vexations to your spirit.

    I hope that the extra physio is proving beneficial for you.

    (((JM))) hope the soreness settles soon.

    Ann, I hope that today has gone well for you however you have spent it.

    Took Mum to get new hearing aids this morning, they have turned up the sensitivity as she wasn't hearing well with the previous ones. Mum said she was perfectly happy with the volume while she was there. Once we left she was grumbling that everyone was shouting at her, music too loud etc. So she is currently wearing just on of the aids and seems to be happier - I have the other at home for safe keeping.

    No word from SS yet. I emailed them 1 week ago, filled in an on-line form yesterday (people currently on their books aren't supposed to need to do a new form but that seems to be the way they want to work it). The staff at Mum's flat have said they will also submit a form if we haven't had any contact by the end of the week.

    It appears, from their records, that this morning's carer had to deal with another episode of faecal incontinence. Each time this has happened, Mum has had a very loose stool. I wonder if the donepezil might be to blame? I think I might try to speak to Mum's GP and see what he thinks. It certainly doesn't seem to be doing any good, so I don't think that stopping it would have any unfavourable results.

    It's been grey and damp here today, such a change from yesterday :(:(
  13. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    Grace - your SIL x4 :eek::eek: words fail me. THEIR mother not yours. I can't believe she refused to leave your home.

    I think I would say they are detrimental to your recovery (if pushed) and you are taking Dr advice to step back (for about 2 years) by which time you won't live locally.

    If I lived locally I would come round and shout st them for you.
  14. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning all,

    I've had awful trouble trying to get on to TP for the last 2 or 3 days - its been just loading for ages and then timing out on me. Which combined with work and trying to sort out Mil, is why I haven't been around! No idea why its loaded without any problems this morning, but making the most of it and going to try and catch up now!

    Slugsta - that flat looks lovely, so bright and a good size - love it :) Got fingers and toes crossed that the whole process goes as smoothly as possible and that you are in and settled quickly :) re:the fecal incontinence with your Mum - when Mil was having bouts of fecal incontinence, I spoke to the continence clinic and the nurse there looked at Mils medication list - she didn't mention donepezil, but immediately pointed to resperidone as being a major factor in causing fecal and urinary incontinence. Once resperidone was stopped, so did the fecal incontinence - and though she was still wet at night, she wasn't flooding the bed as much. Now they have reintroduced resperidone as a prn (and she seems to be having it quite regularly) once again, the night time incontince has become excessive and she seems to be (judging by the washing I get) to be soaked every single night :( I don't remember you mentioning if your Mum was on resperidone, but there may be some other regular med that could be contributing to the problem? I hope that you hear from SS soon, too x

    Spamar, I think I'd be inclined to get my eyes checked out by the consultant, if I were you - worth it, just in case there is something that can be done that will bring about a massive improvement for you, hun xxxxx

    Hiya Red - as always, lovely to see you xxxx I'm really getting back into my books now, when Mil was here I found it so hard to get the time (and peace) to read and went from ploughing through at least 2 books a week to being lucky if I managed to finish one after 3 or 4 weeks. I so appreciate the luxury of curling up on the sofa after tea and having an uninterupted hour or two to enjoy a book now :)

    gulabo - welcome to TP :) I'm so glad if anything you have come across on here has helped you. When you are dealing with dementia, in whatever capacity, the support from others on TP is a massive, massive help, I've found xxx

    Grace - every time I think that those horrible out-laws of yours just can't get any worse, they go and prove me wrong! How blummin' dare they treat you like that! Proud of you for staying strong and refusing to give in, but I also want to say that I echo what Amy has said, and like her, I do so because I am concerned for you Hun. Its obvious you are a lady with a big heart and a big conscience, and the toxic in-laws are doing their very best to take advantage of that. And I don't think that they will ever change. You don't deserve to be treated so badly, even if you never give in, its still stress and misery that you really don't need. Cut them out of your life completely, Hun xxxx

    Amy, glad you found going back to the support group useful, hun. I hope that your OH is OK too - I feel for him (and C) - dealing with the pressures of work whilst still struggling with the loss of his Dad must be so hard. And hard for you to see him struggling too {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}. I hope the apple cooking has gone well - hot apple pie and ice cream - mouth watering just thinking about it :D I'll add a pic of the 'melon brain' at the end of the post - takes all of 10 minutes to carve, very easy, yet sat on a bed of red jelly (I think you would call it jello?) it makes for a very effective Halloween party food :)

    We took some of Mils clothes and belongings to the home on Sunday. The room she has now been allocated isn't the same room as we saw when we first visited, this 'new' room is in an area that has still to be decorated (or at least, I hope its still to be decorated - its not as bright and nice as the 'nature-theme' of the first one). But the room is a fair size, en-suit loo, and its all obviously been freshly painted and decorated, in a nice, restful shades of blue. Her window over-looks the garden area too, which is a better view than in the first room. A good sized wardrobe, two sets of drawers and a comfy arm chair are in place. I made sure that I had 4 complete changes of clothes ready to hang in her wardrobe, and we dotted several of her photographs and smaller ornaments about the place. It seemed very little and looked not at all cosy :( We are going to buy her a nice fleccy/soft throw and cushion for her chair and have decided to buy her 2 or 3 nice pictures to hang on the walls. I really hope that will make it nicer for her.

    When we got there, the staff told us that they were expecting Mil to arrive the next day - Monday. That was the first we had heard of it, the hospital had told us that she wouldn't be reviewed till Monday morning. I explained this to the staff - got exasperated sighs and eyerolls and comments about 'that flipping hospital' in response. They were adamant that they had been told she would move in the next day . . .

    From there to visit Mil. Found a level of chaos on the ward that I hadn't seen before. Only 2 familiar staff, the rest appeared to be agency and bank, and not as many staff as usual, either. And I'd say that 2 of the agency/bank staff, at least, didn't have a clue - one was sat working on what appeared to be some sort of maths 'homework', oblivious to the patients. The other was just sat in the lounge area. As the senior on duty - one of the regular staff - let us in, I asked about Mil moving the next day. Similar level of exasperation to that shown by the staff at the home in response. Big sigh and we were told no, she was being reviewed the next day, that the home had been told this - and he added that personally, he didn't think she would be OK to go, as her behaviour was still really bad and he was certain that she still had some sort of infection that was causing it.

    No sign of Mil in the lounge, we found her in her room, in tears, with a nurse trying to comfort her - another new face to us, but it emerged that she was a nurse from the another ward in the MH unit, covering for staff shortages on Mil's ward. To be fair, she was cuddling and trying to reassure Mil in a lovely manner. OH took over and I - still not knowing when and if Mil could move to the home - collard this nurse as I was absolutely determined to find out what the situation was as regards Mils clothes and belongings on the ward. I know, I know. that they were busy - but I'd been asking politely and repeatedly for two weeks for this information, a list of what she has there and what she may need - and after being promised time and again that it would be sorted (it hadn't been) with the move potentially imminent, I felt I couldn't leave it any longer.

    The list of missing items is ridiculous - no sign of the two brand new nightdresses I'd taken in just 2 weeks before, plus another older nighty; The bottoms from one of the new pj's and the top from another couldn't be found, and 2 pairs of pj's missing completely, along with a dressing gown. I think a conservative estimate of missing trousers would be about 4 pairs. Tops are mssing too, but to be honest, although I know that some are gone, there are only 2 that I can give a clear descripton of - she has (had!) so many plain, short and long-sleeved T-shirt type tops, that were all similar, that I honestly can't remember. 6 or 7 bra's, including the 4 brand new ones I'd taken in were also gone. Paddy the cuddly leprachaun couldn't be found - we hadn't seen him for several weeks but had been told that she was now keeping him in her small suitcase in her room, but no sign of him. And despite me taking two full sets of brand new toiletries in, in the preceding 3 weeks, all that could be found were 3 roll on deodorants, one bottle of shampoo and one of conditioner - toothpaste, toothbrushes, shower gels, soaps, hairbrush, combs and even 2 of the 3 toiletry bags that I'd bought were missing. Laundry, bathrooms and 'storage' rooms were checked - that turned up the older nighty and Mils coat - but nothing else.

    I listed everything and speaking to both the nurse and the senior staff, I made it clear that I wasn't happy. They assured me that they would look, that they couldn't understand it, they just didn't know what had happened - I told them that considering how many bloody times I'd found other peoples clothes mixed in with Mils washing, that I had a darn good idea what might have happened :mad: I left Mil with 3 days worth of nighties and clean clothes - and brought all other garments home. I remarked that if they looked and found the missing stuff, she shouldn't go short - should she? Can't say they seemed particularly impressed with my attitude - but then I wasn't impressed with them either - at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether Mil can afford to replace the missing stuff - the point is, she shouldn't have to!

    I joined Mil and OH in the lounge, where Mil was verbally nasty to one particular chap several times - no idea why, he only had to walk past for her to shout at him :( When we went to leave she got really upset, begging us to let her 'go home, because I can't, I just can't do it here' - no idea what 'it' was, she couldn't explain, but it was awful to have to leave her crying and so distressed.

    Monday lunch time I phoned the hospital to be told that they were still waiting for the doctor to review. I asked for them to please contact us when they knew what was happening. I got the impression that I was being a considered a nuscience - I was told several times - with a sigh - that they were doing their best. Just after 5pm, a phone call - they were now looking to discharge on leave to the home on Wednesday. I asked why the delay? More bloods had been taken because of her behaviour - the nurse explained that the night before Mil had had to be isolated from the other patients, taken to her room with a nurse over-seeing her one to one, as she was being quite 'aggressive verbally'.

    Tuesday mid-day, another call from the hospital - another pova issued. Mil had struck a male patient in the arm - and he had struck her back, in the face. No injuries sustained by either (thank goodness) - but the hospital were just 'letting us know'. Thats the 3rd (I think) such incident in the last 2 weeks.

    We went to visit her just after 4pm, and she was in a very dicey mood. The lady that she has clashed with quite a lot was wandering round, demanding to be allowed to go 'over the road' to every member of staff she passed and Mil was constantly chipping in, shouting at the woman to 'shut up', telling her that no, she couldn't go over the road - OH and I both tried to calm her, with Mil insisting that if the woman went, then she was 'likely to murder someone'. She was tearful and rude by turn, whilst talking to us, lots of talk about seeing her Dad, her Mum and going home, and lots of half formed comments about people who we didn't know and her getting cross because we guenuinely couldn't follow what she was trying to tell us about them. A lot of 'whats that mans name?' and 'Oh what was that woman called? You do know her Ann!' - and though we tried guessing at possible names, every time we were wrong, and she was just getting naggier. At one point she slapped OH quite hard on the leg. We stayed for about 40 minutes, but were glad to leave.

    But, before we left I asked about the misisng clothes and possessions - none found. And about was Mil likely to be moving the next day? No mention of blood tests, this time we were told it was about ensuring that all the paperwork was done, that the SW was 'doing her best' and that they on the ward were 'trying'. Again, I felt like I was pestering, but lets face it - this paperwork should all have been done weeks ago, when we met with Mils consultant and we were told to start looking for homes for her. It really annoyed me that they were now acting as though we were being unreasonable that they were taking so long to sort things that should have been done ages ago.

    So - today, another day of waiting to hear what's happening. I'm so furious and think its totally unacceptable that this whole thing is such a shambles. Anmd more annoyed because of the attitude that we are somehow being unreasonable or a pain for wanting to be told whats going on. Surely this isn't the norm - is it?

    I've got an important meeting today, and a lot of work stuff to get through - I've been flat out working every day this week, more minor niggles with IT to sort, and I've completed some of the mandatory training. A ot of travel coming up this month, so trying to get ahead of myself - between that and Mil, I'm shattered :(

    Will try ande let you all know if the move actually does happen today - got an awful worry that if it doesn't, if the hospital havent finally sorted the paperwork, that we could well lose this place for Mil :(

    Love to you all, hope you have a good day xxx

    And Amy - here's the infamous 'melon brain' that I made for the pumpkin party, lol

    Attached Files:

  15. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    Hi Ann

    Just a pop in to see how things are going. Be careful the home don't charge you a months fees as you have now moved MIL's things in. The SW won't foot the bill as she hasn't rubber stamped it.

    Love the brain. :D
  16. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening bizarrites,

    Ann, I don't blame you for being so annoyed about MIL's belongings! :mad: AS you say, it doesn't matter that she can afford to replace it. It's still extra running around that you don't need.

    I expect the staff on the ward are getting fed up with your intervention. They are busy and have a lot of people to worry about. Which is not your problem! Your 'job' is to try and make things run as well as possible for MIL and it's very true that 'the squeaky hinge gets the oil'. I feel a similar thing about Mum and SS - I understand that they are busy and under-resourced but it's my job to try and get Mum the help she needs. For her sake I can't afford to sit back and wait for the queue to abate.

    I hope that, by the time you read this, concrete arrangements have been made for MIL's move. This constant to-ing and fro-ing must be utterly exhausting for you. It's still a full-time job for you trying to keep MIL's affairs in hand - the problem being that you now have a paid job to do too. It's totally wrong that the hosp, SW etc seem to think that you have nothing to do that is more important than fitting in with their meetings etc :mad:

    There was evidence of further faecal incontinence when we went to pick Mum up today. She had clearly done her best to deal with things, bless her. I think I now need to actually go into the loo with her, rather than just escorting her to the door. She goes in and takes ages but now doesn't actually seem to deal with wet pads etc :(

    We met one of the other residents today and she was quite upset. She wanted me to know that she would be very upset if Mum went away. We have not suggested to anyone that Mum might be moved - other than the staff (behind closed doors). I wonder if someone has been less than discrete? :rolleyes:
  17. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning everyone,

    Got up this morning to find that the pc won't turn on, so excuse any typo's as I'm on my kindle, and my butter fingers are too clumsy for the tiny keyboard! I can't seem to turn off the auto correct either - so this could get interesting!

    How odd for another resident to bring up your Mum perhaps moving, Slugsta! I would be wondering about loose lips too (and just spotted that auto correct had changed 'resident' to 'president' :rolleyes: ) I hope, for both you and your Mum's sake, that she is as calm about you helping her get to the loo as she is about the urinary accidents - it's obviously not nice to have to give or receive that sort of help, but hopefully it's easier for both of you if she isn't upset about it.

    Yesterday was yet another exercise in sheer frustration. I phoned the hospital just before lunch and spoke to the ward manager. He said he was just waiting for the 'green light' for Mil to be moved and would phone me back in 30 minutes. After 50 minutes, I left OH waiting for the promised call, and headed out to drop more of Mils things off (OH was STILL waiting for the phone to ring when I got back!) . I was worried that they might transfer Mil and only let us know after the fact, so had decided that I needed to have her room ready and nice for her, and I also wanted to take in some money for her so she would have funds for the hairdressers or whatever from the start.

    I was introduced to the senior manageress when I got there, and I apologized for all the messing about. She was lovely! And very straight talking - which suits me! She said that firstly, I wasn't to worry about Mil's room - even if it took another 2 weeks, it would be held for her. Without me asking, she went on to add that payment for it would start only when she moved in - not before - so, Lemony, that's one less hassle because I was certain that you would be right about them charging once we brought Mil's belongings there.

    She very bluntly went on to say that the delay was nothing to do with Mil being ill, but rather that it was about them arguing who would pay! She has seen this before - the NHS wanting Social Services to pay, and vice_versa - and while they squabble, people like Mil are left hanging and messed about. And she was disgusted and had in fact just contacted the health board to complain about the situation. Because it wasn't just Mil who was involved - there is a resident in the home who is waiting for admission to the hospital under a section - and the home had been promised that as Mil arrived, the ambulance that brought her would be taking this other person back. It was basically a 'swap' - the other person can't be admitted until Mil leaves and free's up a bed (which could pose more problems - because the hospital are still insisting that Mil will be released on leave, not discharged completely - and if her bed on the ward is to be taken by this other person, what will happen if - God forbid - Mil has to return?)

    She reassured me several times that I had nothing to worry about, that it wasn't my fault - I must admit, I left there feeling a lot of relief that at least Mil's place is secure.

    Back home, and as I said, still no word from the hospital. I phoned at 4.30 - assistant ward manager answered, and again the rather exasperated attitude that indicated that I was being a nuisance - they were 'doing their best', they were 'flat out trying to sort it' - she would phone me back in 15 minutes - yeah, right!

    Over an hour later, the ward manager finally rang. And he was very sorry, but Mil couldn't now be transferred to the home until next week. At which point all manners, patience and tact went flying out the window, at least where I was concerned. He said that it wasn't the wards fault, that it was because there had to be a 'dispute' meeting with the 'higher echelon' of social services and the NHS over funding - I told him to stop talking rubbish, that of course it was the wards fault, because if they had followed the proper procedures weeks ago, when we were told to start looking for a home for Mil, then the DST meeting, the best interest meetings and everything else, including this 'dispute' meeting would have been done already. He continued to try and wriggle out of responsibility, claiming that it was very 'unusual, quite extraordinary in fact' for this sort of dispute to happen - and when I said that it being 'unusual' had nothing to do with the fact that it could have happened sooner, he then claimed that it was only recently that this particular procedure had been introduced. Which I think is total bull! Because both the SW and the nurse at the DST meeting told me that situations like Mil's always go to 'dispute' - mind you, they also told me that it going to dispute wouldn't cause any delays with Mil moving, too! And I said all that to him too, throwing in that whilst I felt that the hands on staff on the ward were amazing, that those who were supposedly responsible for following their own procedures and dealing with administration and communication were an absolute joke. I pointed out just how many times they had messed up, going right back to Mil's admission and told him that unless he could give me a date - and actually stick to it this time - that the home wouldn't be the only one complaining to the health board. I said a lot more besides, none of which was at all flattering. He was stuttering and stammering by the end of it, and though he was very reluctant to commit, he agreed that if it suited the home, Mil would now be moved next Monday.

    I got off the phone to have OH inform me that I was 'bloody scary' when I lose it and that he almost felt sorry for the ward manager. :eek: But I don't think that I said anything that wasn't well deserved, and OH agreed. I was - and still am - absolutely livid. Not just at the complete and utter shambles, but equally at the less than truthful excuses and attempts to pass the blame.

    Next week, I have a trip to South Wales, a trip to Prestatyn, and 3 college/uni open days/events to attend - I'll be working well over my usual hours, and Will now also have to try and fit in whatever needs doing to settle and sort Mil. OH is back to work, a run of consecutive night shifts as usual, so it's going to be a nightmare:(

    Incidentally, in the midst of all this, the ward manager, in the first phone call, also informed us that they had had a rather bizarre episode with Mil, the evening before - she had apparently sat herself down next to one of the male patients - and proceeded to 'snog' him - in the words of the ward manager! The male patient apparently declared that it was the best thing to happen to him in years, and both he and Mil were apparently very chilled and full of smiles afterwards. Me - I honestly don't know what to say - other than 'GO MIL!

    Will keep you all updated - love to all xxxxx
  18. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    PS- auto correct kept changing Mil to militant - was so tempted to leave it :rolleyes::D
  19. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    Ann, it beggars belief that the system for dealing with people like Mil is so broken.

    I hope Mil's latest antic keeps her happy until the move. :D
  20. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    Go autocorrect!

    Having sat in a meeting while NHS and LA played funding table tennis I was totally expecting this. I got so flipping mad I could have slammed their heads into the table. :mad: They seem to have lost sight of real people being effected by this and see it as a goal scoring exercise. I had the double wammy that after all of this they then thought they might want to conduct another capacity test. :eek:

    I really hope you scared the **** out of the ward manager; he totally deserved it.just think how much NHS money has been used up keeping MIL in hospital already.

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