1. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    We have tiling (proper wet room at the moment). Very hard to keep the grout clean, especially as with travertine you can't use bleach or proprietary mould busters. I'm not house proud but I don't think letting black mould free run at a room is a good idea? So now we're having an ultra-low profile slate-effect shower tray instead. No grout lines to attract life-forms of whatever sort.
    I mention this because wet rooms are often posited as a good idea for the elderly/people with dementia.
  2. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Many thanks Red. I have shower tray, it's fine. When we did it, I suggested wet room to OH, but he thought not! In some ways I wish I had insisted cos he forgot how to work the taps, and they were right in shower! Wet arm, anyone? Don't think I'll change now, but if ever I moved house I would. I've used quite a few wet rooms on holidays and some of the really were wet room!! the whole floor!
    No,you really don't want mould growing everywhere. Not pretty!!
  3. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    NW UK
    Getting better every day :)
    I've always been a quick walker, but when my husband had his strokes (then VaD) we had to slow right down.
    It took him a long time to learn to walk again, then sadly by then dementia was diagnosed.
    We never were able to 'walk together' again... not at our old pace.

    I could walk at a steady 4.5mph for hours. I'm only tiny/ little legs.
    Used to dog sit a big old German Shepherd and she would come back home tired out.

    Been outside for a walk again, up the long drive, out the gate, across the front.....
    bumped into the Postman at the side gate, who escorted me home.
    We are lucky, our Postman is really chatty. I've seen him helping other people.
    I didn't ask, he just offered.
    He's only young, but I think her keeps his eyes open for anything going on in his roads.

    Physio will be impressed I've made it outside....
    I needed to sit for an hour when I came in. Knee started shaking when I sat down.

    I'll post MiL news in a few days. Northing major, just another 'stage'.

    Take care xxx
  4. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    North East England
    ....just done a little too much too soon......careful please.x.x.
  5. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    I have read back several times over the past few days - then ran out of time so couldn't post a comment :eek:

    Ann, I do hope that your first day has gone well and that your colleagues are nice. Hope you managed to sort out the washing in a way that sits easy with you.

    Grace, you are doing well but, as Cragmaid said, maybe did a bit too much with your walk, I'm glad your lovely postie was around to escort you back. Slow but steady wins the race.

    Well, not JM's kind of race! That's a great picture JM, I see more determination than anything.

    RedLou, wet rooms growing black mould do not sound conducive to health! I'm glad you have found a solution - and also found someone prepared to go the extra mile so that you could get it.

    I was out with my friend, as usual on a Monday, today and had a call to say that the staff where Mum lives were worried about her. She had several episodes of urinary incontinence and got stroppy with the staff when they tried to help. UTI suspected. Mum seemed quite with it when I went, was wearing pull-ups but - judging by the bag of wet clothes I was handed - had clearly been wet several times. GP contacted and agreed to treat as presumed UTI so I collected script and got the antib's then took them round to Mum and gave her the first dose. Asked carer to ring me if there was any problem with giving the future doses and haven't heard anything, so I hope that is OK.

    I need to phone DC and see if they want me to get some spare clothes over to them. The Tena pants I bought today had a little zipped bag for a spare, so I've put that in the basket of her walker - but don't know whether she will remember! I did buy some pull-ups online but the pad was so huge that Mum would have walked as if she had just got off a horse :eek:
  6. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Hello everyone - I survived and am back as you can see :D

    Thank you for all the good luck messages and words of encouragement xxx You'll be glad to hear that I did manage to banish the Mallen streak before I left - because 2jays comments about it being more Lily Savage most definitely applied to me too :D

    Grace, I'm so pleased that you are feeling better everyday, but take care and don't over-do it. You need to be 100% to deal with your move when the time comes, (and Oh - I wish I could see your in-laws faces when you drop that little bombshell :D ) so take it slow and give yourself time xxxx

    That photographs simply says 'Sheer determination' to me, JM! Well done to your son, as well as you, too. The washing up and clothes washing were done whilst I was away - they are about all that was flipping done, but better than nothing I guess :rolleyes: I can see a slightly stormy time ahead, not so much with OH (who will pitch in when he isn't on nights) but with youngest and the other two when they are home. The main thing I learnt from the last two days is that this job is full on, and whilst it might only be 4 days a week I work, I don't intend to spend all my time off playing catch up with the house, I am going to need some rest time!

    Spamar, I am wilting with the muggy heat at the moment too though I usually love warm weather - it rained all day yesterday (despite the BBC promising sunshine!) but even so, everyone was in light Summer clothes because the heat was so humid and not at all comfortable :( Oh, and ROFCWL at you fitting your conservatory into the airing cupboard - because like 2jays, that's how I first read it too!

    Amy, got fingers and toes crossed that everything progresses smoothly for your Mum's move - and yep, totally get the not feeling great about it. Its another one of those horrible things that brings sharply into focus that the dementia is getting worse - we expect that to happen, I know, but that doesn't stop it making us sad and upset xxxx

    Red, I've been tempted to just say (especially now I have this job) that actually, it would be better if the hospital took over with the washing - but if I walked in there and found her dressed in the awful institutional pj bottoms that I see other patients sometimes wearing when they have run out of clean clothes, the guilt monster would beat me senseless, I know. Love the slate shower tray - looks really nice, and I agree - much better than having to try and deal with the mold!

    Slugsta, I hope it is just a UTI, and that the antibiotics help your Mum quickly. I would take spare kit to DC for her - I did that with Mil, and it came in very handy on a couple of occasions - worth doing x

    So - talk about hitting the ground running :eek: . Very intensive induction, but warned that it would take us at least a month or so to really get to grips with the IT systems and admin side of the job, let alone the actual hands on work. Lots of reassurance given that we would be supported every step of the way. A bit panicked by finding out that the four of us are all solo in different area's, with the other 3 being based in S Wales, but we are all to have a 'buddy', an experienced staff member who is doing the same role elsewhere, and there will be plenty of contact between us all. I'll have a few days 'shadowing' mine (in Manchester), and there will also be a lot more training over the next month - and a lot more travelling to come. So far, 2 trips to London, one to Newcastle, one to Wolverhampton and several to some not so distant locations too, are in the pipeline for just the next 2 or 3 months! My line manager is really, really , lovely - very approachable and down to earth, so enthusiastic about the work and very supportive. The rest of 'Team Wales' are at least 25 years younger than me, which I felt uncomfortable about at first, thinking I would be a bit of a dinosaur - but they appeared to find the whole two days as intense as I did, which made me feel a lot better about being able to keep up with the IT side at least :) The UK boss was also there, and whilst she was clearly very driven, very motivated and straight talking, she also came across as really supportive and though she talked about others across the UK who are also in this sort of role, she had nothing but positive comments to make. Its very clear that they take care of their staff. Two of the 'Team Wales' ladies already had experiece of working for the organisation, and also had absolutely nothing but good things to say. All my IT equipment should be here by next Monday, and then I have to get it set up. I have a budget for making sure I have everything I need in my 'home office' (which I was not expecting!) so the next few days, my working hours will consist of getting all that sorted, followed by more IT training and some time spent planning how I'm going to deliver the 'hands on' side of the role. I have a lot of ideas about that already, and am really looking forward to it.

    So - feeling overwhelmed by what I've taken on, but happy that there is obviously a lot of support given, and I really like the 'team' members, all of whom I found approachable and friendly and very enthusiastic :) I suspect that there are going to be a lot of blind moments of panic when I mess up with the IT side (because we have been told that we will mess up, its inevitable and expected!) and times when (especially in the first 3 months) I'm going to find myself working all hours to just get on top of everything. But once I find my feet, I think I am going to love it. OH, having heard all I had to say when I got home, told me that he couldn't believe how much the job 'suited' me - and he is right, I think. Once I get over the learning curve, it does offer everything that appeals to me and interests me and has a lot of aspects that I am experienced in. So - its now head down and get stuck in!

    Son going back to uni this afternoon - can't believe its the start of his last year already. I was planning on going with OH to drop him off, but youngest has been ill since the early hours of this morning with some sort of sickness bug, so that's now looking doubtful :( Oldest had been in touch, brimming over with enthusiasm about her new job, which was so nice to hear - she sounds on top of the world!

    I won't be going to see Mil till tomorrow - and I need to let them know that for the next few weeks I am going to have to cut the visits back to just once or twice a week - not ideal, but I have to think long term and I am going to be up to my neck in the new job, plus we have to fit in visits to at least some of the EMI nursing homes that are on the list that I have finally been given. I've told myself that I have to be practical - unless I want to crash, then I have to pace myself. I'll be shouting out for the big stick to bash the guilt monster with on a fairly regular basis, I reckon :eek:

    Hope you all have a good day xxxxx
  7. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Wow, that has left me breathless! No, that was the wrong word, cos I have been struggling for breath the past few days, even had to go and lie down yesterday! I just don't do things like that! A friend, who visited in the pm, did practically everything herself, like getting drinks and nibbles.
    However, I'm just so glad you, and your family, feel this is your jobs. Made in heaven! And so good there's lots of support. It makes such a difference. Hope all continues to go well.

    I'll try and go over the more recent bits on the thread this pm, hopefully can comment then!
    BYW, Blue sky, sun, hot here at the moment!
  8. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Hi all -- just quickly to say Spamar and Grace, take it easy. Slugsta - I sort of hope it's a UTI not because I'm wishing illness on anyone(!) but because at least that way it can be cured!
    Ann - job does sound like it's made for you and glad your line manager is so nice. We have every confidence that you will cope brilliantly -- frankly, hun, if you can cope with MiL with such resilience and resourcefulness, you can cope with anything - you will never have a harder job than that one!! re: MiL and visiting - it crosses my mind that your visits are now perceived by her to be some kind of disruption in the routine that she can't quite handle, as if it shifts her space-time continuum of something (have watched too many sci-fi programmes thanks to OH/daughter) - been thinking that her comments along the lines of 'it's time to go' may indicate her need to return to routine. So in an odd way, you being able to visit less may suit her more. SO absolutely no guilt monsters allowed! You spot one, you send it here to be shrunk to mouse-like proportions! :)
  9. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User


    Ann, it's great to hear that everything went so well! As RedLou says, anything you take on now, after looking after MIL so well, should be easily manageable. It's nice to know that your colleagues are so nice and that those who are 'in the know' speak so highly of the organisation.

    It does sound as if you are going to be very busy for a while and, given how low you have been feeling, IMHO it is important that you rest when you can. Do your wages allow you to pay for some help with the domestic side of things?

    I think RedLou is also right in suggesting that visits might now be causing MIL some unease. Maybe her belief about who you are jars with her idea of where she is? Whatever, it certainly suggests that shorter and fewer visits would suit her as well as you. So you can poke that GM in the eye with a sharp stick!

    How lovely that your eldest is enjoying her job so much. We spend such a large part of our lives at work, it does help if we can enjoy it! I hope that youngest is soon feeling better and that your son manages to both enjoy his final year and get decent results.

    (((Spamar))) sorry that you are still struggling with your breathing :( I do hope that you are soon feeling much better. It is still very hot and humid here, despite a cracking thunderstorm yesterday!

    Amy, I am thinking of you and hoping that everything goes well with your mum's move.

    Mum had been wet twice before we picked her up this morning :( It seems that pull-ups are not being worn - so I have brought her proper knickers home as she clearly found where I had put them at the weekend! Let's hope she put the pull-ups on and there are no further episodes of her wandering around the communal areas with nothing on her bottom half :eek: DC said that they already have some spare trousers and knickers that they washed out previously. I didn't think to ask what she went home in if they had her clothes!

    I have asked the carers to get into a habit of offering to help Mum with a shower every visit - in the hope that she will eventually say 'yes'! It really seems that they are accepting her first refusal - probably with a sigh of relief so that they can hurry on to their next visit. I do understand that they are often not given enough times for the visits, let alone travelling between them - but I can't let that become Mum's problem.

    We (hubby, Mum and I) went to a new-to-us garden centre today. It's very nice and I think hubby and I will try to go back there on our own to look at the pond and wildlife garden. Not so long ago Mum would have been interested in these but now she doesn't really care as long as she gets her hot chocolate and cake :(

    Here's hoping that everyone gets a cooler, comfortable spell of weather.

    Love to all xx
  10. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Morning all,

    Spamar, I'm so sorry to read that you are still having problems with your breathing in this heat. Yesterday, we hit 27 degree's around here, and whilst it was sunny, it was still (despite the rain of the day before) incredibly muggy. It must be really horrible for you, so I hope that you get some relief soon xxxx

    Hiya Red :) You are probably right, as is Slugsta, about Mil and visiting. Its as though, after a very short time, we unsetttle her - and the disruption to whatever routine she has (or even just believes she has, depending on what her reality is at any given point!) when we visit is just something that she isn't able to cope with at this point. She often greets us with "Hello - how did you know I was here?" in a tone of huge surprise - she never seems to be expecting to see us or fretting to see us, which is a good thing for her, I think. It feels like, a lot of the time now, she is emotionally disconected from the family feelings she used to have (if that makes sense) - I mean that whilst she will still often identify us as family members (though not necessarily get the relationship right), there is rarely any sign that there are any emotions attached to that identification. When she tells a passing nurse that 'this is my brother' (pointing at her son) she may as well be saying 'this is a newspaper' - explaining myself very badly here, but I hope you all get what I mean. And I guess that when the feelings that she used to have for us as family are forgotten, then there is no compensation for her in dealing with the disruption to her routine, so its not surprising that she generally wants us to leave fairly quickly.

    Slugsta, I ended up putting Mil's hidden knickers firstly in our room (which we can lock) and then in the bin - she too was awfully good at finding where I had hidden them, at first. You are spot on with the carers hoping for/expecting the refusal to shower - I have had home care managers tell me - when I've asked how on earth I am supposed to pack in all the visits on a list I have been given, without an allowance for travelling between calls - that I don't need to worry, that 'Mrs So-and-so gets a 45 minute call so she can have a shower, but she always says no, so you can get away 15 minutes early there' :( Its completely wrong, and as you say, that cannot become your Mum's problem - the answer is, sadly, as it always seems to be when it comes to dealing with home care - you have to really shout and demand and make a fuss in order to get yourself labelled as someone that is going to make life tough for them if they don't deliver. So, so wrong that its like that :(

    I spent yesterday morning on the house, dealing with numerous emails, and going over my notes from the 2 days induction. A bit stymied until I get all of my IT stuff delivered, and can sort out the last of the bits of office stuff I need. Daughter was much better after sleeping most of the morning, so as she seemed fine, I went with OH to drop son off. Today, dau is going back to school, OH is going on a training course, and the plan is to - well, basically, plan! And research. So that when the equipment gets here, I can get stuck straight into delivering the service that I hope to provide. This evening, I will visit Mil, with some clean laundry - and presumably pick up a load of washing :rolleyes: I also need to start arranging to visit some homes - but slotting that around OH's shifts and work, and the house and visiting is really not easy. Still no word from Mil's SW - who I was told 2 weeks ago, would be 'getting in touch shortly'!

    Hope you all have as good a day as is possible xxxx
  11. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Still very hot and muggy here, though we are promised rain tomorrow. Had to break my cardinal rule earlier this week and get some of the shrubs watered!
    My breathing still not very good though, didn't help that 'agriculture' was going on two fields away ( couldn't see what they were up to) kicking up a lot of dust.
    Another physio appt, he's signed me off, though to ring if I got a problem. He also gave me an exercise to help my shoulders. I can also have a day off from exercises once a week! Bliss!
    Hope things are going well for everybody!
  12. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Spamar, sorry to hear you are still having heat and humidity and dust and resultant respiratory problems. Hope you are looking after yourself as much as possible. A day off from the physio exercises does sound good!

    Ann, glad your daughter is feeling better and can go back to school. Sounds like you are making more than reasonable progress getting ready for your equipment and the new job. We are confident in your ability to deal with it! It's also very good to hear that your eldest is happy with her job and her flat and so forth.

    Slugsta, it was probably smart to remove the regular knickers completely and try the "out of sight, out of mind" approach. I hope your mum will wear the pull-ups, for everyone's sake!

    I see a lot of mentions here on TP, from the UK residents, about going to garden centres. We do have a few of those here in the States, but not as many as you seem to have there. That is to say, there are plenty of places to purchase plants and garden things, but not many that have a cafe and toilets, at least not where I live. I wish we did, as it would be a good outing for my mother. I think we need to be more and more careful about where we take her, and for how long, as she is getting more easily overwhelmed. She's not yet incontinent but I have seen evidence of some minor accidents and feel we might arrive there sooner than I think.

    RedLou, your comments about the space-time continuum shift made me laugh, but that is sometimes how it feels with dementia, isn't it? There are times when I see my mother when she's very firmly "here and now" and then other times when I have no idea "where" or "when" she is.

    At any rate, what I meant to say to Ann was: please try not to feel guilty if the visits are less frequent and/or of shorter duration. You might even arrange just to exchange laundry without seeing MIL, sometimes.

    Thank you all for the continued kind wishes and support about the move. DH is trying valiantly to figure out how to arrange her furniture in the smaller space in a way that will work. Thank goodness he is good at that sort of visual-spacial thing, as I am definitely not. Of course we won't be moving all her furniture but the room is quite a bit smaller and the wardrobe is shockingly tiny.

    The nurse manager (we could call her Nurse S!) agrees that it's fine to get rid of her telephone. My mother hasn't made any phone calls at all for at least four months and the last time she called, she needed help to dial. I had also hoped to not deal with her little refrigerator but Nurse S STRONGLY advises us to find a way to make that work, so another challenge for DH.

    I have been ordering some new bits for the new room. First up is a wall mount thingy for the television, so we don't have to worry about finding a piece of furniture to put it on. That's on its way from A----n, the company like the river. Another retailer has already delivered the new wall cabinet that will go in the bathroom. She has one in her current room and I foolishly assumed they were standard issue. No, they are not, but they will install it (and the TV mount) for us. We also went to the hardware store and bought a shelf to go under the bathroom mirror. Again, there is one in the current room but not the new room and it was, frankly, easier to just buy one than to ask them about it. Plus I got a bigger and nicer one than what she has, it's deeper so maybe her stuff won't fall off of it, and I got one with rounded edges.

    I have to go and google a "Mallen streak." Of course I know what you're talking about, from context, but it's not a term I've heard before. I'll also ask my hairdresser when I see her (soon, I hope, my hair is a mess).

    Grace, hope you're recovering well and sleeping better and keeping the in-laws at bay.

    Greetings to JM and everyone else and hope you're all as well as possible!
  13. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Evening all,

    Amy, I don't know whether your googling turned up the fact that 'The Mallen Streak' was a book (and TV series) by Catherine Cookson about a family with this hereditary feature? Mum always used to have one and that is how I always think of her - although her hair is now completely silver. I seem to have missed the gene, my hair is a general 'salt and pepper' shade!

    Ann, it sounds as if you have an awful lot of planning to do in the immediate future! I know you will want to do this to the best of your ability, as is right. However, please remember that you are not Superwoman and cannot do everything single handed if you want to be able to cope long-term. Accept help and take short-cuts wherever possible, including paying for help with the housework if necessary.

    (((Spamar))) do you need a 'tweak' of meds while there are so many nasties in the air? I hate to think of you struggling for breath! :(

    I had a call from the Continence Nurse today - she had gone in to assess Mum,. not knowing that she would be at DC. The staff gave her a good idea of the problems and I was able to fill in the rest of the details. She agreed that pull-ups seem to be an acceptable option for Mum and will order some for us. They will take 6-8 weeks to arrive.

    This afternoon I got a call from the staff where Mum lives. Please would I go over and try to get her to wear the pull-ups? She had been wet about 3 times in the time she had been back from DC and the other residents were getting fed up of the communal seating being weed on (don't forget that this is supported housing, not a care home)! When I got there I found that Mum did have the pull-ups on, it was just that they were clearly not up to the job :( I was too late to speak to the Continence Nurse again and I must admit that I really don't know what to do next! I think this is the one problem that would result in us being asked to move Mum if it continues.

    The carer this morning had stripped the bed and put the things in the washing machine - but not actually put in detergent and switched it on. So, it would have sat there until my routine visit tomorrow if I had not called in! Their office told me that they would do all the washing for me if I wished, I said I was happy with the routine stuff if they would do the wet things, so I was particularly unimpressed to find it sitting there festering. Especially as Mum is supposed to have 30 minute visits and there was nothing else to be done other than give her meds! :mad:

    I guess I will try toe Continence Nurse again in the morning. Might the Admiral Nurses be able to advise about this (if we have anyone in our area)? I just don't know what to do but accept that being wet several times an hour is not good for anyone/thing concerned!
  14. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    Hi Slugsta. What is the liquid capacity of these pull-ups? They may not be high enough absorbency. Also, how often do they get changed? They may also leak if they are too big or loose around the leg. Another possibility is that she's got clothing tucked inside the pull-ups, which would cause wicking.
  15. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Hi, slugsta, already on two meds for sinus problems. I think what has happened is that I used to have sinusitis all year round with peaks for pollen, etc. Now the background allergens have gone-OH smoked a pipe and we have a wood fire- the spikes of pollen and dust etc are that much worse. It's never been so bad as this year. I think it started about 20 years ago when I had a lot of dried plant material to sort. It took three months! All the while I must have sensitising myself to the dust, or probably a certain size of dust. Will have a chat with gp before next summer! The weather hasn't helped either! It's nearly 1:00 am and I'm sitting in the living room bathed in a light sheen of sweat! Rain tomorrow, I'll be bathed in something different then!

    Amy, I don't know what we would do without our garden centres with a cafe in them! Funnily enough I was trying to remember when then became common earlier this evening. Many of the smaller ones dont have them, but practically all the bigger ones do. Brings the customers in, I suppose. Many have good access for people who can't walk very well as a bonus. I'm lucky in that I live in a holiday area, so there are a lot of cafes around! I have my favourites, mostly easy access, but with a friendly manageress/owner. I managed to go to one last week and forgot to take my purse! Just had to go back two days later!
    Right, will go back to bed and try to sleep!
  16. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Spamar - is it worth looking at one of those Dyson fans, which are supposed to be quiet so you don't wake through the noise? Hugely expensive for what they are but if they work...??
    Slugsta -- :eek: Maybe it's the UTI making her wee more?
  17. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013

    Good news on the one day off from the physio, Spamar - not so good on the misery from the hay fever/allergies :( Last night was again realy humid here, I slept (or tried to!) with no covers and the ceiling fan whirling at top speed. I thought yesterday evening, that we were in for a good old thunder storm, the sky had that gorgeous dark blue 'storm light', but no - it just stayed hot and oppressive. This morning it does feel a little fresher and is overcast, but its still unusually warm for this time of year.

    I love 'mooching' round a good garden centre, Amy, and there are a lot in this area - but we have one that is quite near to us, Chester way, called the Grosvenor which is especially fabulous (though it can also be a little bit on the expensive side!) This one sells not only plants and general gardening equipment and furniture, but also a lot of other 'nice things' - candles, organic jams (jelly, I think you call them), books, lovely bits and bobs for the home, it has an aquarium and at Christmas, a huge area there is turned into the most amazing sort of grotto, absolutely beautiful - we like to go just to look, even if we are not buying (though we usually end up doing that too :eek: ). Mil used to love going to places like that, though like Slugsta's Mum, it eventually got to the stage where it was just the cafe and the cake that she showed any interest in. It sounds like you and OH are working hard to get your Mum's new abode sorted for her - I hope you are able to overcome the issues with fitting the essentials into a smaller space. When Mil moved here, obviously there wasn't room for most of her furniture, but I struggled to know what I should keep or throw of the 'small stufff' - ornaments, keepsakes, her collection of china plates, ect. At the moment, they are all packed into two 4-drawer storage units, plus a couple of very large plastic storage boxes, and in what will be my office. They will have to be moved - but I have no idea where to at the moment. For some reason, I am not comfortable with the idea of just getting rid of them - I have no idea what, if anything, they would mean to Mil now, but they are things that she must have collected and kept for a reason, and it feels wrong just to throw away or donate them to a charity shop.

    Slugsta, I think that I need to follow your advice, especially over the first few months when I'm settling into the job and there is so much to do. Things will ease - at least I hope they will - when we get Mil settled somewhere, and I've also had stern words with the rest of the household about pulling their weight - the trouble with being 'at home' for the last 3 years is that I've fallen into the habit of doing the bulk of the household jobs and its now just 'accepted' that 'Mum will do it'. That will have to change!

    Katrine is probably right about the liquid capacity of the pull ups - it varies so much, and when I was buying them for Mil, some brands were MUCH better than others. I was able to tell the clinic that Mil needed 'super-absorbency' (which she definitely did at night) but even then, as I believe is often the case, the ones the clinic supplied were not always up to the job and still left us with some nights when Mil managed to 'flood' the bed :( I would speak to the continence nurse asap, if only to ask for high absobency pull ups on your Mum's order. I'd also be pretty fed up over the washing machine not being turned on - for goodness sake, surely common sense would have told the carer that it needed doing? Not good :( Red has a good point about a UTI maybe making the incontinence worse at the moment - mil always had far more 'accidents' when she had that sort of infection.

    And talking of washing, I'm not happy with what happened when we visited Mil yesterday, as regards her washing! OH and I had decided to go see her just after 4pm, but just as we were leaving, I got a phone call re the job and it lasted about 35 minutes (it was very helpful, so I'm definitely not complaining!). Once it was over, we never stopped to consider the time, just headed down and it wasn't till we were let into the ward that it struck us that we had arrived just as tea was being served. We apologised profusely, were assured it was OK and that they would set Mil up with a table in the 'lounge' area, so we could stay with her while she was eating. That was really nice of the staff and we did appreciate it. However . . . as Mil was tucking into her sausage and mash, one of the staff walked over with one of the 'laundry' plastic carrier bads, and dumping it at my feet, announced it was Mil's washing and walked away. It wasn't sealed in any way at all and the smell of stale urine was awful - and there was poor Mil, eating :mad: I was fuming - I know OH had a point when he said that it was our fault that we had arrived at such a busy time and that it was probably just an 'oversight' on the part of the staff, but personally, I really didn't think that was acceptable at all :( I rather obviously made a point of tying up the handles of the bag to try and seal it - though I honestly don't think that the staff concerned even noticed!

    Aside from that, poor Mil wasn't in a good place at all - she was already tearful when we went in, whispering something about 'Its not the daughter, its the mother that does it' (?) - hard to catch what she was trying to tell us as she was very paranoid that the 'bosses' might overhear what she was saying and was speaking so quietly. Once again, there was something about her sending off 'the stuff to enroll in college' - but again, she was clearly worried about that issue too, though we couldn't work out why :( She jumped through several abrupt changes of conversation, with no apparent link of subject between one sentence and the next, but everything she said was something she was worried or upset about. It didn't help that some of the other patients were also entering sundowning time, and that two ladies in particular kept coming over - one determined to take Mil's tissues or (for some reason) pulling at the fabric of the dress I was wearing, and the other repeatedly coming over and quite belligerently asking a variety of nonsensical (to us) questions, interrupting Mil or us speaking, and both ladies were really ticking Mil off. For once there was no 'Isn't it time you went?' comments, and we were able to stay for about 45 minutes - however, we had a lot of upset when we tried to leave, with Mil pleading couldn't we take her and 'drop her off at 'S*** and Ann's house, please?' and her insisting that she didn't want to stay 'here', she was going 'home'. When the second lady came over to again interrupt at this point, Mil told her to 'go away' (in no uncertain terms!) and that sparked her starting to get quite cross. It took us about 10 minutes, and OH having to firmly tell her that she had to stay (so her medication could be sorted by the doctor, an explanation she usually accepts) and us basically walking away as she was still calling out to us - really not nice and quite upsetting :(

    It was a sad day for us anyway, as news came that a chap that OH has supported off and on for years had passed away. We knew he was very ill, OH had visited him in hospital, and his death was expected - but he was such a character, very lovable and it left us both (because I knew him quite well too) feeling a bit down.

    I had planned on today being my first 'full' day off since starting work - I am contracted for just 28 hours pw - but some of the planning and stuff I did yesterday has left me waiting on a couple of emails that I'll have to keep an eye open for, and deal with if they arrive. One of the things that I absolutely have to do is sort out regular days 'working' and days 'off' and stick to them - it would be very easy to find myself working at least part of every day in the week if I'm not careful! At the moment, my plan is to work 4 x 7 hour days a week, from either Mon to Thurs, or Tues to Fri - its a routine that I absolutely need to get into asap!

    Hope you all have as good a day as is possible :) xxx
  18. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    I've lots to say and not enough time to ty0pe it all.

    Amy - as Ann describes most garden centres not only have a cafe, but large quantities of other items for sale, effectively a series of small mainly craft shops, Grosvenor which Ann mentions is near me and I think very very big. In many cases the actual plant bit is now an add on to everything else. There is one very good plant one near me, which does have a cafe, but none of the other shops, and it's plan area is very big with many of them grown on site. I have certainly being going to garden centre cafes on my bike since before the kids were born - so in the 90s. One client with a garden centre is opening a cafe to include a menu aimed at cyclists.

    You seem to be progressing your mum's room move, I hadn't realised it would take so long to sort out. :(

    Slugsta, nothing to say to help you. Not sure if I've commented on the raptor trip, sad when concentration levels drop but we do need to aim things at their 'new' level all the time. Kids play snakes and ladders that they have grown out of with my mum.

    Grace - you are doing really really well - don't overdo it. I think the physio will be shocked at your progress. Hope in laws and MIL are not troubling you.

    Spamar - not sure what you take for sinuses - I use a steroid spray in my nose daily and it is fab, I used to take it in the morning, but I started snoring a few weeks ago and have used it as I went to bed since, which cured the snoring. I have hayfever/allergy triggered asthma and your breathing issues may be this - worth a GP/asthma nurse appt? Even if it is short term in the heat that you use an inhaler. I always get a tight chest when i get in the parked car at the station on a hot summers day which I know is asthma related (I think I inherited asthma off my mum but she isn't diagnosed - and as only certain situations trigger it not obvious).

    Ann - your job updates sound fab, hope you are coping. I think you need to log your hours carefully otherwise you will end up doing full time for part time pay, so maybe allow an hour on your day off for email checking and work 6 hours on another day. I agree that maybe you need to collect laundry without visiting some days. I know the washing is irritating but sometimes letting the small stuff which you are unlikely to change go will be easier. I hope you manage to start looking at some homes soon. I am thinking you want any prn medicine to have been proved to work before MIL is moved though. I have always tried to get kids to help as whilst I work part time with all the cycling I do it just wouldn't happen otherwise.

    Meanwhile - think I didn't mention that dau was off sick last Friday, we think related to her low iron, we had hoped the chronic exhaustion had passed, but getting up earlier with school routine and not having time to have a nap after cycling int he evening have taken their toll. We are wondering if she is on a high enough dose of iron (currently on 400mg) so have had a phone appt with GP and blood test ordered, but as she is under 16 this can't be done same day at GPs but has to be at our local hospital. As she is at school nearly an hour from hospital the first late pm appt is next Wed. Think I didn't post before as trying to process it all in my head.

    PS cat walked across keyboard and deleted post - but as I regularly 'copy' part way through typing to prevent losing posts I could restore it
  19. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    "I regularly 'copy' part way through typing to prevent losing posts"

    No need to do this, replies are autosaved at regular intervals.

    To get lost post back start again and wait for the 'retrieve' message to pop up at bottom left of screen, then just click on it.
  20. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    This works when I have clicked stay log in on phone, but not when I get logged out as I have deliberately not clicked stay log in on home computer.

    No idea what cat did as he took me back several pages.

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