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So bizarre !

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
Red - we crossed posted, I think - I've only just seen your comments! Thanks hun, but its very much a forced 'positivity' at the moment (because I keep telling myself that its better than sitting in the corner brooding), and making the effort to try to be positive is pretty much inspired by the example of all who post on this thread, and elsewhere on TP, to be honest. So many brave, strong people, who I often think should be totally flattened by what they have been through/are going through - and they all just keep going and are all still sparing the time to bolster others when they need it, despite their own problems. It would be hard not to be inspired once you spend even a small amount of time on TP xxxx

Spamar, hope the soreness goes soon, and that your eyes feel better. Its still quite muggy during the day here, but some nights now you can feel just a little bit of a nip in the air - as I've said, I love the Summer - but cooler nights make sleeping a lot more comfortable for me x

Amy - yep, the 'reversing and repeating' ticks me off too!

Thanks Slugsta, quite often the terminology would throw me, and I'd end up wandering off down blind alley's and getting in a right pickle, probably missing a lot of pertinent information along the way! When Mil first went onto medication, it was just the lorazepam and resperidone, and I did spend some time looking them up - and found the connection between resperidone and 'Parkinsons', as well as warnings that it could increase the liklihood of strokes, very quickly. But I honestly don't remember seeing any reference to incontinence - it was actually a nurse at the incontinence clinic who told me about the connection, quite a while later. As the medication list grew, and then changed so frequently, it was harder to keep up with everything and check everything out, so I never did more than a quick search (unless tipped off by someone on TP that any particular drug was worth looking into deeper). And Mil has such a long list of other medical conditions, for which she also takes a shedload of medication - cross referencing the ailments and the drugs with the dementia meds would have been a full time job. The vast majority of her meds were dispensed in blister packs, up to the last couple of months she was home, so I didn't get the usual slips from inside the boxes/packaging that listed any side effects, either. Over and above all that, I thought that the various precribers would actually tell us if there was a particular issue we would have to look out for. It was only about 12 months ago that one of the many consultants we saw informed me that he wanted to stop the very mild anti-depressent that Mil had been on for about 10 years ( so pre-dementia diagnosis prescribed) because combined with anti-psychotic medication, it can actually intensify dementia induced delusions! Two GP's, numerous consultants both from the dementia field and from all the other medical fields that she saw over the 2 years since the first anti-psychotics were prescribed, and none had mentioned that connection. Its an absolute mine-field for the lay person - so we should be able to rely on the so-called experts giving us this sort of information when they hand out the drugs so readily :(

I think the notepad is a good idea - I was going to suggest that you add pages specifically for the purpose of leaving info for the carers to the care plan (most I came across were in the ring binder type folders, so it would be easy), but a separate notebook would work just as well, if not better as the pages couldn't be removed 'accidntally' :rolleyes: - as long as you made sure that the carers know that they need to check it at the start of each visit. How infuriating about the bank card! Can you not take your Mum to a bank to draw the cash out? Mil lost loads of cards pre her moving in with us, and I know several times OH took her to the local branch to get cash when she needed it, whilst we waited for the new card to be delivered - mind you, she had a cheque book at that stage, plus the staff in the bank knew her well.

Usual jobs this morning, followed by checking my messages on FB - discovered that I haven't been getting notifications when people have messaged me - there are several folk (my sister included) who must think I've been ignoring them! Mil this afternoon and then possibly taking youngest out to get the last bits and pieces she needs for 'back to school'. I've had an email from the B.O.G chair asking for a meeting - possibly they are now aware that I've taken the complaint to the LEA, hence the very polite request for this meeting, which is very different in tone from the extremely dismissive letter he sent in response to me sending him the formal complaint!

Hope you all have a good day xxxx

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
Went to visit Mil yesterday, a quite distressing visit The gunmen were back, and Mil was so frightened. Horrible to see. She was soaked in sweat, trembling, quite breathy and very tearful. Greeted us with a lot of agitation because she couldn't 'get everyone gathered up' , she 'needed' to get everyone together for 'safety'. It was her responsibility, she said, because she was 'over' everyone else and she needed to get them all 'out of here'. She clung to OH, who guided her to a quiet group of seats in the communal area, and we tried to reassure and talk her down - well, I say 'we', it was mainly OH - the more agitated she is, I've noticed that the more she tends to focus on OH and will only occasionally address me - I think when she is that upset, she clings because he must be the most 'familiar face' to her, poor thing. OH really tried to distract her, but a little like last week when I could do nothing to get her off the subject of the 'war' she was convinced was going on, she kept bringing the topic back round to these men with guns that were going to kill her and 'the others' yesterday. The big difference was the awful level of upset she was clearly feeling. One of the 'activity' staff was going off duty and came to say goodbye to Mil - and as soon as she went, Mil was panicking about would she be safe, and 'Oh - I hope she doesn't get shot!'. I tried the old trick of assuring her that it was just a 'really horrible dream' and telling her over and over that she was safe - that would occasionally work when she was at home, but it had no effect yesterday - she launched into a tale about 'This young chap' had told her that he had had to shoot and kill someone in self defence, because they were all trying to shoot and kill him - she kept emphasising to me that 'he had to do it, Ann'., that it was 'kill or be killed', and countered my assurances that it was a 'dream' with 'But he told me, I wasn't dreaming . . . '. This all soon led onto 'I'm going home' and the repeated comment that she was catching the 4 o'clock bus (only, with added panic, because she had to get everyone else together so they could 'catch the bus and get out of here' too!). Over and over, OH told her that she would have to wait to 'see the Doctor' - which she would reluctantly agree to, but add 'We should be safe waiting, shouldn't we? They will go to prison if they shoot us, won't they? They'll be locked up?'. He got her making a shopping list of things that he would pick up from the shops for her, ready for when she 'goes home' - that was a little more successful than anything else he tried, but even so, the success was limited as she was still referencing the gunmen and being shot, albeit in a slightly less agitated way, though their were repeated pleas not to 'leave me here by myself'. It was a sharp reminder of just how intense and dreadful it is when she is in the grip of such scary delusions like that. And also a sharp reminder that her behaviour has deteriorated, because at one point OH tried to joke with her that she needed to see 'Dr Doolittle' - and there was a flash of anger and she went to slap him. We stayed for about 45 minutes - longer than we have been able to stay recently, because she often makes it clear that she wants us gone after about 30 minutes - but it was hard work to get out, she was determined again to leave with us and we had to promise that we were just going to 'pick up your shopping and will be back in half an hour' in order to get out of the ward.

When we first arrived, the nurse who let us in had told us that she was agitated and that they had given her some medication, but it didn't seem to be having any impact - he confirmed it was respiredone when I asked. There really doesn't seem to be a medication that helps her when she gets into that state

Ann, your MIL is so like my husband in some ways. He's been in " respite" for a few weeks now, and the most challenging thing for the Care Home is his episodes of anxiety when he thinks he's responsible for organising protection for everyone in the home because otherwise " we're all going to DIE!" It's like he's organising the Great Escape. Last time he had to be taken into the office, away from the other residents, until his anxiety had faded. At these times he doesn't trust anyone, so it's difficult to cope with.

Like you, I realised after he went into respite just how drained I am, still keep falling asleep during the day, too tired to drive from mid afternoon onwards, but wide awake around 4am, worrying about finances etc....the GP prescribed a course of Vitamin B12, as he found I was anaemic. Waiting to feel better.

I hope you feel more positive very soon, you've just come to the end of a horrific journey, and it's still ongoing in many ways...doesn't end, does it, with the PWD going into a Care Home? Different worries arise!

Hang on there....xx
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Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
South coast of England
Evening all,

RAnne, it's very nice to see you again. Even nicer to know that you finally managed to get some respite care for your OH! As with Ann's MIL, your OH's anxiety sounds horrible!

Ann, when MIL was started on a new drug you were trying to find out whether there were anyknown problems. It is far easier for me to google 'respiradone' and 'incontinence' and see what comes up. It would be impossible to try and think of every potential problem and search separately for each one! Even then, it is still a case of benefit versus harm so it is not clear cut.

How does your daughter feel about going back to school?

We took Mum for our usual shopping + coffee trip this morning. Early afternoon we went to the GP surgery for a 'stroke check' with the nurse. I opted to stay for the 'sit and wait' surgery as I wanted to talk about Mum's nose bleeds. We waited for almost an hour (with just 2 people in front of us!) with Mum getting pretty fed up but managed to hang on for her to be seen. GP has referred Mum to community ENT with a view to cauterising the blood vessels that keep bleeding.

It's been raining steadily for much of the day here and is certainly cooler, although I note that many of us are hanging on to our summer clothes, reluctant to let them go for fear that it will be years before we can use them again!

I hope that everyone manages to find some peace and serenity during the weekend, love to all xx


Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
Hi Slugsta, it was blessedly cool here today, no sun, no rain, just cloud. Good after all the hot days we have had!

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
Morning all,

Ann, when MIL was started on a new drug you were trying to find out whether there were anyknown problems. It is far easier for me to google 'respiradone' and 'incontinence' and see what comes up. It would be impossible to try and think of every potential problem and search separately for each one! Even then, it is still a case of benefit versus harm so it is not clear cut.
Thanks Slugsta - that has put very clearly what I was trying to say - without going 'all around the houses' as I do, lol. As you say, just impossible to be able to find every potential problem that might arise, especially with other drugs and ailments and conditions in the mix. We need to be able to rely on the 'prescribers', who in my experience tend to stick to the potential benefits only, to be a lot more informative about the possible problems too.

Daughter not too thrilled at going back to school - she keeps saying that she only has this next year to get through, then she can leave for college - there is absolutely no way she will consider staying on for 6th form and A levels at the school - which I think is so unfair, because it limits her options. The meeting with the 'new' Chair is set for Thursday - at the start of the Summer, the LEA contacted me and said that due to the Summer break, looking at the situation would take longer than usual, but I could expect to hear from them after the holidays. I've said I'll attend this meeting - but very clearly added (in an e mail) that I will do so only on the understanding that it will not compromise, prejudice or halt the LEA's involvement - last thing I want is to be told that I have to 'go back' a stage or two simply because I've attended a flipping meeting!

I can imagine that was a long two hours, waiting to see your Mum's GP! A 10 miinute wait (or less) would have been enough to set Mil off. Oldest daughter has always suffered from nosebleeds - triggered by mild hay fever, colds, even just a bunged up nose! I hope the cauterisation helps stop them for your Mum x

A lot cooler hear too, Spamar - not unpleasant during the day, still around 17 to 18 then - but at night, starting to feel quite a nip in the air!

R-Anne, we've said before about the similarity of these horribly intense delusions that plague both your OH and my Mil. So horrendously upsetting to see - and I can't begin to imagine what its like to actually be experiencing them. Mil is on a ward where the staff-patient ratio is unbelieveably high ( yesterday, 2 'activity' staff, an OT, 6 nurses or nurse support staff, and a senior nurse - with 11 patients, almost one to one) and yet Mil is still 'difficult' for them to manage at times because of these damn delusions and the level of anxiety and agitation they cause her. If they find her 'difficult', and the staff at the home find your poor OH 'difficult', is it any wonder that you and I are feeling so drained ( And I at least had good day care and my OH around to help) . Like you, I'm still doing the early morning/middle of the night wake-up-and-worry - but thankfully, I don't have to worry about Mil's finances, as her costs are covered by the 117, plus she has savings - mine whirls around things that I know I am being silly about (like why would I think I can take on my new job when I feel like this, or when I had to throw in the towel over caring for Mil at home? Please don't tell me off guys, I do know that that is rubbish, but try telling my stupid brain that at 3a.m.!) . Last night it was worrying about finding an EMI Nursing home for her - can we find one that isn't miles away? If it is miles away, how often are we going to be able to visit? How will we be able to keep an eye on things? Will we find somewhere that is really decent? How long is this going to take? How are we going to find time to sort it anyway, with new jobs and night shifts and family and everything else? I gave up and got up at just after 5 - and thats pretty much the norm at the moment. Its as you say, Anne - it doesn't end - its just different worries. Sending you big {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}, because I know you also have concerns about the home that your OH is in - and I can imagine that is adding to the load and making it harder to recover too xxxxx

OH and I visited Mil yesterday - and I returned the 'mystery persons' washing when we arrived. I explained that I hadn't realised that I had someone else clothes at first, because as everything was mixed up and urine soaked, I had just put it all straight into the machine rather than try and sort it whilst it was in that state - said with a smile and I hope, very tactfully, bringing to their attention that wet clothes really need to be properly separated! Shortly afterwards, they brought me another bag of laundry and inside it were 3 more bags, each tied with a piece of pink plastic. Unfortunately, all contained wet clothes and the bags weren't sealed enough to stop the smell escaping - we drove home with the car windows fully open :(

Mil greeted me, but intially didn't even acknowledge OH - when one of the activity staff said to her 'And who's this?', gesturing to OH, Mil told her it was her brother. We went into the dining area, which was quiet. Mil was again pretty sleepy, but still proceeded to spin us some wonderful confabulations - all of which kept heading back to the theme of 'gangsters' - she had written a story for the priest to read, about OH - but she hadn't used his name, because it wasn't safe to do that - in case the 'gangsters' read it. She hadn't gone on the trip that morning, as it wasn't safe to be out - not with all the gangsters around. She had been finding and sorting out all her Mum's papers and letters, and now she had to read them - she had to find out what went on, she said, because she 'has to live with it'(?) When we asked 'live with what?', she said she had to live with knowing that her Mother tried to kill her - because she was a gangster! . These flipping 'gangsters' have been a feature of the last 2 or 3 visits, and yet again, nothing we said could distact her. OH tried to joke her out of it, reminding her with a laugh that we are in North Wales, not bloomin' Chicago - she agreed at first that 'gangsters' are 'only in America' - but then added straight away that "some have moved over here, you know!". She was yawning and looking heavy eyed throughout and after about 25 minutes, she pretty bluntly told us to go because she needed to sleep. So we went. She wasn't off the scale agitated about these 'gangsters', but she was clearly worried. They have cropped up several times before, sometimes the 'gunmen' are also referred to as 'gangsters' - but it just seems an odd term/idea for her to fixate on, IYKWIM - referring to I guess what you could call 'bad guys' as gangsters isn't something that was ever part of her volcabulary in the past - so I just wonder why that word crops up so often now.

Today, its shopping to get youngest the last of the kit she needs for the next school year - do say a prayer for me, won't you all? School trousers and white blouses may seem like a straight forward enough shopping list - but add a teenager, and it becomes the stuff of nightmares :( Next week is going to be fairly hectic - I have my last physio treament of the course, I have the meeting at the school, dau back to school, son preparing to go back to uni, and me preparing to start work! I've also been told to expect the delivery of 'equipment' from my new employers throughout the week - I was slightly stunned when I saw the list of stuff they intend to provide me with - between that and the lovely warm emails and correspondence I've had from them over the last week or so, it seems like they are going to be a really nice place to work for. I'm still nervous - but starting to feel excited about it all too :)

Hope you all have a lovely weekend xxxxx


Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
Morning all

Good luck with school stuff Ann, I've still got stuff to sort for son. The main one being school shoes, which we've tried Clark's in the outlet, and none in correct size, his feet have grown half a size every 6 weeks since March so I'm thinking I might get slightly too wide ones as he'll need new ones before half term.

Dau still fits all her stuff from last year, her school rules are very strict, only official items which you buy from the school, they are a sensible price and as she has grown out of stuff I order on line, and she collects it from school office 2 days later - a brilliant system, which I guess only works with a small 'nice' school.

I hope school meeting goes well, but they may still be presenting a fait accompli.

I've kept thinking about your hospital meeting, I've been to meetings like that where errors have occurred, and the person running it has kept pushing through without letting objections in, and they had an agenda to follow and I'm not sure it wasn't wanting to admit errors, but just pushing forward with the new, so the meeting didn't' get sidetracked anywhere, and when past things were raised they were dismissed as well that was the past. Very frustrating, let's hope that things will go forward OK.

I can't say I've found it hot at all since we got back from holiday, felt like it had gone cold last night and raining now, which is due to be set in for the day.

I got grass cut last night before it got dark, as cycled in day and dau needs tent put up on sunday for a sleepover - she doesn't go back to school until Wed.

I think Amy mentioned some time ago about when schools go back in UK and I think most go back this week across England and Wales, most at work go back on Monday, although son is Tue, Scotland are different and went back at the start of August.

Amy - did you say it was a holiday weekend? Hope you are having a good time, and your plans worked out. I hope you have managed to progress your Christmas plans, I used to hate the negotiations for Christmas, with different sides of family, trying to balance everything. Advantage of not talking to brother much anymore is we just worry about us. I had always planned when kids were older to walk up a mountain type of thing for Christmas day, but now they are the right age we need to have my mum for Christmas day, a well mum would have happily let us do that and volunteered at the local soup kitchen, she did always say that she wanted to do that once the kids no longer believed in FC.

Nice to see you Red.

Hoping that Grace has had her op and all has gone well.

Slugsta - bank card is frustrating, but if they are removing card as she no longer has capacity then that is frustrating, and as for OH handing card in, there would have been words!


Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
South coast of England
Hello everyone,

Ann, I'm glad that your nerves about the new job are turning to excitement :) I hope these people turn out to be as nice - or even nicer - than they seem. If so, you will fit in well.

I do hope the school meeting is fruitful and that things change enough for your daughter to be able to enjoy and benefit from her final year. My friend is a school governor and they (school in general, HoD, head, SENCo and my friend) are all bending over backwards to try and resolve an issue with one particular student. When I compare it to what you have said about your situation, they are in a different universe!

I do hope that your gentle comment brings about an improvement in MIL's clothes situation. Apart from the money and extra work, the cost of all the things you have had to replace over the past few years must really add up :(

JM, I do hope that your weather is better than ours, otherwise a tent sleepover will be a trifle damp! It rained a lot yesterday and also on and off today. I have been determined to hang on to my summer clothes for as long as possible. However, barring an Indian Summer, I think the time has come for me to accept the inevitable.

Amy, I do hope you are enjoying your holiday in the way that pleases you. It's high time you and OH had a bit of time to enjoy yourselves.

OH has mentioned Christmas several times already :eek: I don't think we can make any arrangements just yet though. I wouldn't want to go away but, other than that, I simply don't know how Mum will be in 3+ months time! Last year she came here for a couple of hours over the lunchtime and son was here for several days. I can't see that anything will have changed that much for Mum, it will just be a case of what son wants to do and whether any out-laws want to join us (eldest SIL and her hubby came for lunch last year).

I'm currently on our bed. Sky is alongside me and Alf is at the bottom :)

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
Good morning/afternoon, everyone.

Hope everyone with the allergies is feeling better. The autumn ones have started here, as well, and although we are having lovely weather at the moment (cool at night, not too hot during the day, sunshine and clear blue skies) it's feeling more like autumn is right around the corner. My DH steadfastly maintains he doesn't have allergies, and won't take any medication, but has been sneezing and rubbing his eyes a lot. I am grateful for over-the-counter antihistamines!

Grace, if you're out there, we are thinking of you and hoping all is well and sending you very good wishes. Please look after yourself.

Ann, you do have a lot going on with going-back-to-school, and uni, and work! I send all of you, who have to do the back-to-school shopping, very good wishes and my sympathy. DH and I don't have kids but I've done that sort of shopping with nieces and nephews (honourary and related) several times and no, it's not easy (whether it's uniforms or just "regular" clothing). Teenage hormones don't make it any easier!

In addition to clothing, here in the States most schools have a list of other supplies needed for the year (pens, rulers, fancy calculators for higher level maths, notebooks, binders, it goes on) so there's always one more thing to buy, it seems.

Ann, hope that school meeting on Thursday goes as well as possible. I'm sorry your daughter feels unhappy about the school, but of course I can understand why.

You just can't get a break on the laundry situation, it seems. I wonder what sort of containment solution we can think of, for it to not smell up your car on the way home. That can't possibly make your visits any more enjoyable. Sorry to hear MIL was suffering again from the gangster/gunmen delusion. As you say, better to just be upset than full-blown anxiety, but it must be unimaginably upsetting and I wish there were something that could be done.

JugglingMum, yes, it's a holiday weekend here in the States. It's Labor Day on Monday, so everyone has off from work and school Monday (it is a national holiday), giving us a three-day weekend. It's sort of the traditional "end" to summer, as Memorial Day weekend in May is the "start." Once upon a time not too long ago, most schools all over the States didn't start until the Tuesday after Labor Day, and even though many now return in August, it still feels to many people as though it were the end-of-summer, back-to-school holiday.

It's meant to honor the labor movement but has morphed into a long weekend filled with barbeques, home improvement work (not sure why we do that to ourselves over a "holiday" weekend, but we do!), and for some, family gatherings. If you live in an area where the weather gets cooler sooner, and you have a boat, this might be the weekend where you take it out of the water and get it ready for winter. Or if you have a cabin or camp (a holiday cottage) you might invite all the family there for a family get-together, grilling out (a barbeque, but we mostly say "grilling" or "cooking out") and a good clean and whatever winterizing needs to be done.

Normally my husband and I, and my cousin and his wife (who live in the same city as we do) would head to the city where my cousins and I grew up, and where my aunt and uncle still live, and we'd stay with them and cook burgers and brats on the grill and help with some yard work and so forth. This year, my aunt and uncle are having a bathroom remodeled and don't want houseguests, so my cousin is hosting and they will come here. My other cousin is coming in from out of town today and we will all get together tomorrow. We are bringing the dessert, which might be trifle as the cakes keep falling!

JM, you are kind to ask about family and "the holidays," as we say in the States. We do have our plans for Thanksgiving (end of November) sorted as a kind and understanding friend called this week and invited us to go to them. We don't see enough of these friends (they are at some distance, an airplane flight or a 12-hour drive) and as this particularly appealed to my husband, we accepted with pleasure. We will have to figure something out for Christmas, but when my husband's family calls and importunes us, last-minute, to go to them for Thanksgiving, we will already have other plans. (This has happened three out of the last four years. They do not plan well. One year we drove a turkey the four hundred miles to his parents' house. Never again!)

I have spent most of my adult life negotiating various holidays and generally traveling to make other people and various sides of the family happy. It does get tiresome. I shall be very happy to be with close friends for Thanksgiving, and allowed to help plan the menu and cook it!

Enough about that, I am not finished responding to people, but have to go. DH and I are headed to my mother's care home, to measure her new room and, if we can manage whilst she is at lunch, to measure her current furniture so DH can figure out what will fit. I did have a meeting yesterday and saw the memory care unit and met some staff and all that. Miss T's family is agreeable to the nurse manager's plan (which will be like a military operation; I will tell you more later) and we will move them into rooms next door to each other, at the same time, while they are safely on an outing. Also my cousin from out-of-town arrives late this afternoon and he will stay with us, so I need to find some clean sheets and towels and tidy things up a bit.

Hope you're all well, and more later, and best wishes to you all.


Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
Gosh, you have a busy life! I do very little now, but it takes me so long to do anything, that's probably just as well!
I know I'm an ignoramus, but what are 'brats'? In this country, they're naughty children! Which conjures up an interesting thought!
Have a good time, one and all.
Grace, ((((hugs)))), hope things are going well!

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
Oh, rats, that was vague. Yes, brat with a long a sound is shorthand for bratwurst, you are correct. Brat with a short a sound is a rotten, unruly, spoiled child.

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
Hi everyone :)

I have to ask - is anyone else having problems logging on to TP early in the mornings? For the last couple of weeks, I've had several days where it just loads and loads and eventually I get the 'connection timed out' message - I've only just got on after nearly 2 hours of trying, today. No issues with any other sites I use, so I don't think its a problem with my pc or my internet connection :confused:

Youngest back to school tomorrow, JM - I think most of the schools return then, round here. We ended up in Birkenhead shopping yesterday, and I did hear one youngster there reminding his Dad that they weren't back to school till Tuesday, though. The holidays seem to have really flown this year. I feel for you with the shoes and your son - my son also went through a rapid growth spurt like that - from a size 6 to a size 10 in just over one school year! Thankfully, his feet at least stopped growing after that! Jumpers, sports kit , blazers and tie can be only be obtained from the school at dau's school, and to be fair, when I need to replace anything from there, she brings home an order slip, I fill it in, send the money - and she usually brings the item(s) home the same day. She had new school jumpers at the very end of last year, she doesn't need anything else from the school for this year, her shoes were sorted, so it was just the usual stock up on undies and socks, plus the new blouses and the trousers - the trousers are the headache - she is 5' 7", but only a size 6. The 14 - 15 age range is often too short in the length - but way too wide on the hips and waist. We have actually discovered that often, boys trousers are a better fit on her! That turned out to be the case yesterday - and they don't look odd, so though I will keep searching for girls trousers to fit her, at least she has something that fits well for school tomorrow. Last years school trousers are barely worn, but she has shot up, so the hems were flapping round her ankles !

I suspect that its going to be another fob off at the school - which is why I have stipulated (in an email) that I will only attend on the understanding that they won't be able to turn round and say that my going there means that the progression of the complaint with the LEA will be stopped or otherwise affected.

You could also well be right about them wanting to push through 'with the new' at the meeting at the hospital - I just felt the very dismissive attitude and responses to anything I said were really rude. And that a little more by way of explanation, for things like how the changes made by this 'Dr A' were completely overlooked for so darn long, wouldn't have gone amiss. However, I don't see the point (and as said, I don't have the energy) to rake it all up and demand those explanations at this point - the priority is, as you say, to move forward, for Mils sake x

It sounds as though Skye and Alfie are co-habiting nicely now for you Slugsta :D I'd quite like a kitty again - but both my dogs seem to suffer from O.C.D (Obsessive Cat Disorder!) - think the younger boy learn't it off my old fellow, who has hated cats with a passion since we had him, sadly :( He has never hurt one (and I don't think he would) - but boy - does he 'shout' when he see's one!

Yep - I think I have fallen on my feet with this job - the actual work really appeals to me, its going to be varied and interesting. To have my new 'employers' seeming to be so considerate and so on the ball is (in this day and age) a heck of a bonus. The latest has been an email confirming my train tickets to South Wales and the hotel booking. With the added information that the hotel has a luxury health suite, spa and pool, access to them all included in my booking and the advice that I should try them out and 'enjoy' whilst I am there! Not sure that there will be time - but how nice is that! I looked up the hotel hotel (as, of course, you do) - OH spotted the images and is a bit miffed that he won't be coming with me :D

Christmas is going to be different this year here, that's for sure! Its been hard work with Mil, I know, over the last 3 or 4 years, but for the last 26 years, she has spent all but 2 Christmasses with us, she's a big part of our Christmas, and despite the hard work it is going to be very strange not having her here for the pressie opening and the rest. There is no getting away from the fact that she can no longer cope with usual family excitement, that to have her here would upset her and cause stress all round - so I'm just going to have to suck that one up. I had also thought that oldest would want to spend Christmas with her partner, now that they have their 'own' place - was dreading it, but could completely understand it, so was prepared to suck that one up too. But when I made tentative enquiries, she was scandalised at the thought of not coming home - she has it planned out! She'll be home for a few days over Christmas day, her partner will go to his parents - then the two of them will spend New Year together, combining it with their own 'mini' Christmas, including a Christmas dinner and presents! So - bonus :D

Bank Holidays seem to be a time for DIY here too, Amy! Like you, I have no idea why - but the DIY stores are generally heaving with people on a Bank Holiday Monday. Your plans for this holiday weekend and Thanksgiving sound busy - but fun, and (more importantly) just what you and your OH want to do. I hope you enjoy both - and that Christmas can be sorted for you with no stress at all!

Dau had a long list of stationary to get as well - however, she actually has a real 'thing' about nice stationary, and I've been able to let her just go off and sort herself, safe in the knowledge that she won't miss a thing that she needs. In fact, she probably has far more than she needs, she loves 'nice' notebooks and has also bought and filled 4 pencil cases, which she has organised precisely into 'colours and art stuff', 'Maths', 'general pens, pencils, ruler, erasers' and 'other' - other being tipex, spare staples, post its and the like! She was even eager to go out and buy and organise stationary that she thought I might need for this induction - I politely declined, because heaven only knows how much stuff she would have considered 'essential' and I would have ended up with half my little case filled with her choices!

I am so glad that Miss T's family are in agreement about the move to the memory unit - I'm sure that will make it a much less stressful experience than it might otherwise have been for both ladies, as well as for you and Miss T's family. Fingers crossed that it all goes really well - is it going to be soon?

Well guessed on the bratwurst, Angelface - like Spamar, I was wondering :D

As I said, we ended up in Birkenhead yesterday. Not only to get the uniform sorted, but also to find a coat for me. I think I've said before that I hate clothes shopping - with a passion - and I am so uninterested in fashion as for it to be a family joke. In uni and for the 3 years since, I've settled into a nice comfortable rut of jeans, leggings, long length tops and the odd maxi dress for weddings and the like. OH did force me out to buy some smart-casual clothes when I started to apply for jobs - and there was of course the stress filled (for me) shopping trip for an interview outfit. But, what I haven't found is a coat that I either like or feel comfortable in! It needs to be long enough to cover the longer length tops I prefer, it needs to go with everything from jeans & trainers (when I said this job is varied, I meant it - I could find myself involved in projects where jeans would be very apt) to smart trousers, and from leggings to long skirts. Waterproof would be a bonus - I'll be out and about an awful lot, and I do live in Wales - and obviously, reasonably smart. I thought about a long length mac type coat - can I find one? - can I heck! So today, as well as a supermarket shop, coat shopping is once again on the agenda - YUCK!

If I have a successful (and please - let it be brief) shopping excursion, the plan is to visit Mil on the way home. I have to go to the hospital again on Tuesday for physio, so as I'll combine that with another 'Mil visit', I won't be going tomorrow as well.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend - Grace, thinking of you xxxx

Grace L

Registered User
Jun 14, 2014
Hello everyone, I'm back ... on TP.

Finally got my new knee :)
I only was in hospital 4/5 days, and they pushed me out before the Bank Holiday Weekend.
I've been home a week or so, and feel good. Pain is slowly easing.
Sleeping is proving difficult, I cannot get comfy, keep waking myself up, tangled in sheets.
Tried putting pillows in the bed to lift duvet/ sheets ... but still waking up every hour or so.

My Sister stayed several days, which I was soooo pleased, but I've been home alone since.

Physio (assessment) is coming to visit tomorrow, I think they give me 1 hour time slot.
Not sure (funding?) how many visits they will allow. Depends on my recovery.

Not been outside (alone) for a walk, its been raining a lot here, but my flat is huge, so I can get a lot of exercise/ walking practice inside.
Hall is > 30' , just walking to and from the front door several times , is a good start.

Our lovely gardener has power washed all the paths and steps around the garden/ grounds.
He usually does this 2 x year, but said they were getting a little slippy, so did them early for me.

Soooo.... after a long wait, its over. I just need to recover.
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. xxxx
I though about posting last week, but gave myself a week longer so I could rest.

Wow.... I have a lot to catch up on with you all. I've been thinking of you too.

I'll give you all a MiL, and family update in a few days time ...:eek:

Take care everyone xxx


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
"have to ask - is anyone else having problems logging on to TP early in the mornings? For the last couple of weeks, I've had several days where it just loads and loads and eventually I get the 'connection timed out' message - I've only just got on after nearly 2 hours of trying, today. No issues with any other sites I use, so I don't think its a problem with my pc or my internet connection "

Yup - me too.

You are sounding much brighter and positive again Ann, I do hope you are feeling that way too. Im sure I would make time to sample the hotels facilities :D

Glad your op went well Grace - I have been thinking about you - as has everyone else too. I think the standard block of physio sessions is 6, but check on this.


Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
Just shouted 'yay' out loud when I read your update Grace :D:D:D:D

Ann - not many people who don't live in Birkenhead shop there through choice, or even admit going there! I lived for 5 years in an old terrace in just about walking distance of the shops up on the hill. I certainly don't miss the kids in nappies playing out in the street at 10am, the never ending police helicopters flying over at 2am on yet another car chase, and the crumbling fabric of the house. It was in one of the better areas of Birkenhead though so did have some really nice hard working neighbours as well. The market, which I've had to go to a couple of times recently is fantastic though. There is a uniform shop in the market which does daus' uniform as well as the school. Son's uniform official bits are from a stall in Birkenhead market, I managed to get his shirts and trousers from Sainsbury's.

Don't all girls love stationery , dau likes to get hers from paperchase. Son was quite happy I had got him what he needed.

I have terrible issues with clothes sizes for dau, she is a 4 to 6 on top half, and an 8 on trousers. The 8 mainly being due to her thigh size with cycling, her waist is definitely a 4. School skirts are all the same length, and so go on waist size, with the inevitable rolling up of the waistband. Trousers are not permitted, so the muslim girls wear leggings underneath.

Amy - glad room move is going ahead, I think from reading TP that moves at each stage are always easier if progressed sooner rather than later, I hope I get my mum's move from sheltered extra care to care home timing right. Although if she doesn't start wandering they have stated to me, the care manager and the carers, that they will do everything in their power to keep her there as long as possible, as she is a character (old East End type) funny, and cheeky and they really like her. I think that she will be better company wise to move to a care home earlier but the cost of course will be a lot more.

Edited to add - no problems logging on early but then I'm a night owl, not an early bird.


Registered User
Jan 22, 2011
Can sympathise with you grace. Had an almost wisdom tooth out and the pain has been excruciating. That was Thursday and I'm still having trouble sleeping.
I'm sporting a massive bruise on my jaw and neck.
Thought of you Ann when you had that injection and mil was in hospital.

Nursing home had a problem with mum on Thursday and just couldn't go to her because of the state I was in.
Saw her Friday and going tomorrow.

It's so hard when the carer has health problems and I'm hardly a carer but my gawd it's knocked me for six.
I think I had 6 needles full and three attempts to get it out.

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
Morning all,

Yay, Grace - so pleased you've had the op at last and are making a good recovery, by the sound of it :) I hope that Mi's family are leaving you in peace at the moment, and that it won't be long until you are feeling 100%, and able to start thinking about moving closer to your sister xxxxx

At least I know now its not just me, or an issue with my pc, Canary - though this morning, logged straight on with no problems. I wonder what's causing it though? Yes - I think I am starting to buck up now - not sure if its the tablets or the focus on the new job or just that I've cut down on visiting Mil, which has somehow made me feel less pressured. I get odd times during the day when I seem to 'fold' - suddenly so tired and feel 'bleurgh' - and still not sleeping brilliantly, but I'm not brooding and going over and over and worrying about things 24/7 now xxx

JM, I haven't been to Birkenhead for years and years and years, up till Saturday and I really liked it. I loved the market, a 'proper' old fashioned indoor market, similar to what we used to have in the town here, before the recession more or less killed it off. Don't like shopping, but a place like that, filled with such a mix of small stalls, I love to wander round. I wished I'd taken my camera too, because although I'm useless at street photography (not bold enough to shamelessly take pictures of people without feeling self concious), I saw so many little scenarios I would have loved to capture - the little tot who slipped Mum's hand and managed to run and jump in a rather deep puddle - the look of joy on her face, and the look of horror on her Mums was priceless :D And there were two ladies, in their 70's maybe, actually wearing head scarf's - I haven't seen them worn in years - and they were arm in arm, laughing and chatting 19 to the dozen. They looked such a pair of characters, as though they would be a really good laugh to know - would have really liked to have photographed them. I did look at a stall selling uniforms there - but as I said, no joy with trousers for youngest.

I think making the call for the time for a care home, or for more supported living, is so hard. Its basically acknowledging that the disease is getting worse, and even knowing that its the right decision, its so flipping sad :(

Ouch Dotty! That sounds extremely painful - I really hope that it eases for you very soon. And yep, so hard when you're carer and you are unwell. I think the time that sticks out for me as one of the 'darkest' times of Mil being here was early on this year when I had a really bad chest/throat infection - and initially I just couldn't get respite for her. I really didn't know how I was going to cope, I felt so ill. Since she has been in hospital, I've had a couple of very minor colds, and I've felt guilty not visiting then, too. Never mind after that awful injection when I was in so much pain, couldn't weight bear - and they wanted to discharge her anyway!

I had a brain waggle yesterday and gave my good friend 'H' a call, and asked her to come looking for coats with me. Unlike me, she does love to shop - and she has a great eye for what looks nice. Off we went, and within half an hour, found a mid-thigh length black coat, which will work well over skirts or any sort of trousers, looks smart and is comfortable. I probably would have walked right past it, left to myself - 'H' spotted it and insisted I try it on - so thankfully, that is sorted. However, she is a bad influence, because I also ended up with a top and trousers too :rolleyes:

Just given dau a shout to get up for back to school - oh the enthusiasm (NOT) that she greeted me with :rolleyes: Housework today - I can't seem to get motivated to keep on top of it at the moment - and a visit to Mil, as with having H with me yesterday, I didn't go. A bad nights sleep last night - couldn't nod off till gone 12, awake of and on from just after 3 - so perhaps a 'Nana-nap' later.

Hope you all have a good day xxxx


Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
Grace - so pleased you've had your op. Sending you lots of get-well-soon and absent-in-law wishes, too!
Ann - I hate clothes shopping, too. I buy online. What transformed my closet was the house fire. Buying again to replace almost everything I stuck to a capsule wardrobe, quality over quantity, and shapes that suit me. I have half a rail of clothes and a small chest of drawers and I swear I never have 'nothing' to wear. :cool:
I notice how style and grooming and stuff alters around the country. In London you would be frowned on if you wore heavy make-up. (Not that I do.) When we last went to Liverpool for the footie I felt very under-made-up by local standards. Is it still like that on a Saturday night?


Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
South coast of England
Evening all (it certainly feels like 'evening' here rather than 'afternoon'),

Grace, I'm so glad to hear that you have had your knee done and are on the mend :) I think I am looking forward to an in-law update :eek:

Amy, it's lovely to hear that you are making plans for something that you want to do at Thanksgiving! I hope you are able to do the same for Christmas too :) I am also glad to hear that your Mum's friend will be able to move rooms at the same time and hope that the process will go smoothly.

Gosh JM and Ann, your daughters are teeny!

RedLou, it's interesting to hear how pleased you are with your 'capsule wardrobe'. I have been in the habit of buying things rather too often, usually cheap and cheerful, and have loads of things that I hardly wear. I have to stop now that neither of us are earning!

Ann, I'm glad that the coat shopping was successful! The kind of shopping I enjoy is general browsing and buying something that takes my fancy. Having to get something for a particular purpose is often far less rewarding. What a good idea to take your friend with you, it sounds as if it saved you lots of time :)

How lovely that your new employers seem to be genuinely nice people and interested in your welfare. Do try out the hotel facilities if you can, it would be rude not to ;)

I do hope that this year goes well for your daughter and she ends up with the results she deserves. I always used to hate the first day back but soon settle, I hope the same can be said for your daughter.

How lovely that your oldest daughter wants to come home for Christmas :) My son used to spend the day with his girlfriend's family - she didn't want to leave her mum as her father had died just before she started at Uni. The gf's mum had her birthday on Dec 31st, so I never got them for New Year either. I will admit that I used to wonder whether it would ever be my 'turn' but, as it happens, they are no longer together so it is not an issue.

I'm afraid I can't comment about logging into TP early in the morning, my 'lark' days are over :eek:

It's been very grey here today but still rather humid. It makes it difficult to know what to wear! Did my usual aquagym session (this has the usual type of gym equipment - strider, climber, cycle etc - bolted onto the walls of the pool so that everything is low impact) and then out for coffee and lunch with friend. I rather enjoy being 'a lady who lunches' :D

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