So bizarre !

[Ann Mac]

Quick update - phoned ward and they are considering sectioning Mil already. She is determined to leave. She only agreed to stay one night, she is insisting - and they have now kept her there since Friday. And she is apparently getting angry. She's also been looking for her husband.

I can't say that hearing that was any great shock

 

[1954]

Oh dear I am so sorry. Did you discuss visiting MIL with the staff?


1954 x

 

[Ann Mac]

Oh dear I am so sorry. Did you discuss visiting MIL with the staff?


1954 x

Yep - they want us to come in today to see if (a) telling her we are coming helps and (b) actually seeing us helps. I have warned that i think she may go off pop when it comes to us leaving - they are prepared and if it does cause problems, then we'll talk again.

Does it sound awful that in my head, I have more or less accepted that at this point in time, Mil will be upset, no matter what - and that my biggest concern is sparing my husband as much upset as possible? I just don't want him to feel any more guilty than he already is.

 

[annebythesea]

Ann, so glad the bed has been found. It does not sound at all bad that you have concerns for your OH. Mil was already upset - at home, at DC, in the car, when you go out. She has to show this upset at the hospital in order to get the help she needs. And she is and will continue to do so. Good luck for your visit this afternoon.

 

[2jays]

You can't stop someone feeling guilty, all you can do is hold their hand whilst they feel guilty.

He needs to find his own acceptance I'm afraid.

Much as you would like to be all things to everyone..... You need to remember, you are a part of everyone, and now need to be an all thing to yourself

Sounds like you are getting some me time which you are enjoying. Good

Need to let go a bit now. Mil is in the right place, hard as it is to do xxxxxxxx

 

[RedLou]

In a way I hope she does go off 'pop' because a] the staff will see how she can be and b] it will be easier for you to say to OH that this proves why you are doing the right thing. If it's tears and the little whispery voice, it's going to play on the guilt monster.

So glad you've had a morning doing things for you. I swear it's so easy for women to schedule chores into every day and feel guilty if we don't. Just been fighting a clean-the-fridge-out prompt in favour of a learn-Spanish desire! I think we should all accept Celia's challenge!

 

[Ann Mac]

Red - I secdond your proposal I have done some 'household' jobs today - namely, sorting out a big roast before oldest goes back to Stockport this afteroon - but as I've actually enjoyed doing it, I'm going to argue thast it doesn't count

Sorted out a few zoo pics to share - starting with some of the trio of baby meerkats, and then some of the orang's, including 'Little Dude' which is my name for the youngest of the group.

 

[Ann Mac]

I was lucky enough to also catch the Tigers being fed, a nicly posing chameleon and some dwarf mongooses. Followed by two shots of the ghariels that I am really pleased with

 

[Ann Mac]

And to finish, my very favourite shot - this baby banteng was on public display for the first time on the day I took this photograph. You just know that he's saying 'Awwwwwwww Mum - gerrroffffffff!'

 

[1954]

When do you hope to visit MIL, Ann?


1954 x

 

[1954]

Fab pictures Ann


1954 x

 

[Ann Mac]

Thankls 1954

We'll be going this afternoon x

 

[1954]

Will be thinking of you and I will wait in anticipation for your update X


1954 x

 

[Onlyme]

Love the photos!

I also think your complaint got MIL the bed. You shouted loudest so they had to act which is a shocking state of affairs.

I think you will get little girl lost act followed by raging bull to get out when you leave. Once out of the unit run as you need to get your husband as far away as possible from the noise.

 

[LYN T]

Ann, I hope that I can offer a bit of advice re.your OH's feelings of guilt.

I am quite experienced in those feelings as my late Husband seemed to spend quite a bit of time in MHU's Perhaps OH could turn it round a bit and think of how he would feel if he insisted on keeping his Mum at home when he knew the help she desperately needs is at hand in the Hospital? Also tell him that Pete was always helped in a positive way after all of his sections. The staff HAVE to assess before they make decisions and that can take a while.

Saying all that, I do feel for all of you-but IMO your MIL is in the right place and it's long overdue.

Love

Lyn T XX

 

[CeliaW]

Glad you have taken the challenge! Great idea for OH to do it as well. However, much as we all avidly check for updates and read your posts, please don't feel you have to log in each day to update as a break from here or a lesser involvement may also be helpful.

Love the pictures, especially No 3 on the first lot!

Perhaps we need a thread on "What I did in my personal hour" - although a bit concerned that those that can't achieve it because of immediate caring demands will feel understandably disgruntled (always wondered what my gruntle is like when its not dis'ed!)

And of course I will do the same... well, once I have finished all the bits for this national meeting I am organising for the charity I volunteer for. Next on the list is finish setting up a Facebook Auction page - eek! Not used it for that before and, especially with anything related to finance, am apprehensive about problems that might occur....(Anyone reading this who knows about FB Auction pages please pm me!)

Hope the visit today is not too stressful - you have done the right and best thing for MiL - just keep that in your head.

Hugs xx

 

[tigerlady]

So glad you you got a bed for your MIL - its the only place they can sort her meds out and ease her torment, but I do know how traumatic it is for relatives when it finally happens - the guilt almost outweighs the relief, but as Lyn said - it would have been far worse to try and carry on as you were.

Absolutely great pics!! Love meercats and tigers.

 

[Lavender45]

If they are already considering sectioning it proves you have done the right thing by pushing for her admission. I read your post daily and to be honest I think the medical profession should have stepped up to the mark ages ago. When day care staff and staff in the respite home have all struggled to help your MIL I think its an absolute nerve to have left you, Mr Mac and your family to cope whilst they came up with every delaying tactic under the sun.

I have no experience here so I'm very likely talking rubbish, for which I apologise, but wouldn't it be best if the section or DOLS was in place before you visit? Its fair to guess your MIL's distress is likely to increase with you being there. Would it not be better to have had all the necessary paperwork and assessment done prior to family being there to minimise even just a little the distress for your MIL. Hope I've not offended, its just a thought.

Lavender

 

[Onlyme]

Why do I get to feeling you will have the "I don't know how you managed for do long" conversation with the staff.

I would ring again before you visit; if you go and do manage to calm her down then the section won't happen but she will go through the same agonising loop again tomorrow. They may be waiting for the staff to section her and not want her disturbed.

I've just had a thought - they can use section 4 (72 hours) which can be done by senior nursing staff. That would keep her there until a consultant etc can place a section 3.

 

[IzzyJ]

I'm seconding Celia's suggestion about taking MiL-free time as your own, and not trying to keep us sweet, much as we want to know how you are doing! Onlyme, that sounds so sensible, about checking whether a visit would actually benefit MiL at the moment.
I love the photos btw, particularly the smug-looking mongooses. 'Smile for the camera, chaps!'