So bizarre !

[Spamar]

Morning!
OH went through the not able to use cutlery bit, which lasted to the end, of course. Fish fingers and chips was a fav meal for a while. I didn't mind, TBH, better that he ate something rather than nothing!
Also the social situations. It came to a head at one if our parties when he didn't do any of his 'normal' jobs at a party. Get drinks, for instance. To be fair, it had been quite a year, very unsettling, which obviously didn't help. But it was quite early on, 2007 I think. I 'made arrangements' after that! One person on drink duty, one to look after woodburner if it was on, one to answer door if necessary. And OH ensconced in conservatory holding court!

Hope all is as well as can be, Slugsta and Grace. Thanks goodness I didn't have some of your problems! I think you are both coping do well.

Was meant to be off out this morning, but it's raining hard and blowing a hooli. Have to cross a river that was badly flooded last weekend, so may not go!

Have as good a day as possible, folks!

 

[Grace L]

Morning All....

jugglingmum.... The JL cutlery first picture is very similar to what I bought for my husband.

The £1 shop sells stainless steel plain cutlery in boxes, quality not bad considering its only a £1.
Tried my husband with that first, to see if he would accept smaller cutlery, then substituted a few weeks later with a much better JL set.

First time he used them, he picked them up, looked at them a bit quizzical, but got straight into eating.
He didn't realise (never said anything), and for a while it did slow his eating 'wolfing' down a little.

 

[Onlyme]

The Radford dessert teaspoon really good size. I used the desert fork and a side knife for children/ small adult. MIL couldn't cope with big cutlery and used to get into a flap long before she had dementia.

 

[Slugsta]

I'm glad to hear about the door bolt Ann, it sounds as if it will be much more difficult for MIL to go walkabout with that in situ. I'm also glad that the monkey program did the trick and calmed her down

Great idea about the smaller cutlery.We have both large and smaller knives and forks in our 'best' set and I far prefer to use the smaller ones.

It has been a vile day here, very wet and we also had the aforementioned hooly. Took Mum out for lunch at a local Toby carvery as it was convenient and we could get her inside fairly quickly. I had a beef baguette as roasts are really not my thing. Mum enjoyed roast beef and the trimmings and was disappointed there was not time for a pud - we had to get back as the physio from the Falls Clinic was coming. She has given Mum a sheet of exercises to do to try and strengthen her legs a bit. Does anyone want to lay odds on the chance of her doing them regularly??

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone,

Thanks JM - no JL at Broughton, so will try Sealand road as soon as I can - those sets in the link look much more age appropriate for Mil than the sets I found when I was out the other day x

R-Anne, what I do with most meals is serve up the meat pre-cut into smaller pieces for Mil - she has a lot of casseroles and stews as I suspect if she realised what I was doing, she would kick off and tell me she can manage to eat perfectly well by herself With chops and ribs (which she loves) because she tends to pick them up with her fingers, I stupidly thought that without her having to cut the meat into acceptable bite size pieces, she would just bite off manageable mouthfuls - but with the chops the other night, it was a case of how wrong can you be? I'll have to be more aware, and hopefully, when I get the smaller cutlery, that will both slow her down a little, and stop the rather large forkfuls/spoonfuls that she tends to scoop up and lessen the chance of any more choking episodes.x

The weather here stopped me heading out yesterday as well, Spamar - we also had the lashing rain and the wild wind - absolutely horrible day, was glad to stay indoors - even if it meant the most exciting thing I did was to tackle Mil's bedroom, lol.x

I'm hoping that as long as the only difference in the cutlery is the size, Grace, that Mil won't realise that its different and like your OH, will just accept it. Good idea about trying out sets from the £1Shop first - if I get near a £1shop before I get to JL, might try the same x.

I had to grin (just a little) Slugsta, at the physio leaving the instruction sheet for exercises. Mil had quite a collection of them, as she had a bad fall (after diagnosis, but pre moving in here) and damaged her shoulder. She was still getting appointments when she moved in and we took her to a few. We would explain that she found it hard to remember to do exercises, or that she might think she had done them when she hadn't (so they wouldn't get done at all) and we encountered a couple of physio's who listened to us, then proceded to talk to Mil, loudly and slowly, explaining how she MUST do the exercises and Mil would smile and agree that she most certainly would do them (of course). The physio's seemed to believe that this routine would somehow ensure that Mil would remember and cooperate - I mean, she had just said she would, so as far as they were concerned, they had solved the problem Glad your Mum enjoyed the carvery x

Not a good night last night. I picked Mil up, as OH in work till 6. Went into DC, no sign of Mil - walked towards the main room and office, there she was, shuffling rapidly towards me from a corridor that leads to the back of the building, no frame - when I asked where the frame was, it turned out she had left it with the staff in the office . . . who had apparently said nothing when she dumped it there and set off on her travels. I swear that if she has a fall there and needs to go to A&E, I'm going to refuse to accompany her to the hospital and let one of the staff there take her instead. Perhaps when they have spent several hours dealing with the distress that causes Mil, and the resultant behavior, they will start making more than the minimal token effort they seem to employ now to encourage her to use the flipping frame!

I kept my temper, said something pointed along the lines of 'You must use it - I'm sure the staff here would be too busy to want to spend hours at the hospital with you if you fall', and left. Seconds into the drive, Mil started to tell me that she knew I could sink to low levels, but she didn't think 'That you could be this mean, Ann!'. I then got a convoluted tale of how she had heard on the radio that my youngest (who she was adamant was her niece) was singing at a big 'do' with her school, and how awful it had been of me to neither tell Mil about it or arrange for her to go. How did I think she felt, she demanded to know, when she was sat with all the girls from work and that came on the radio, and she knew nothing about it? Obviously not one actual fact in any of the tale, after 5 minutes of her ranting, I went to not discussing whilst driving, and she did stop. Only to start again 5 minutes later with she had changed her mind and wanted me to give her back the £10 she had left on the dash board for petrol - right now! Nope, she hadn't given me £10, or put it on the dash and I had come out without my purse, so I couldn't even give her £10 to calm her down. On and on she ranted, and when she started trying to take off her belt, I was (fortunately) at a place where I could pull over and had to resort to really telling her off to get her to stop. Silence for the rest of the journey home, then (hoping to forestall any upset) I decided to fuss round her, geting her sat all 'comfy' with a cuppa and the 'magic' monkey programme, to try and calm her down. It seemed to work, all quiet till just after tea, then from zero to 60 in the space of a few seconds - she was going home, and was heading for her coat. She had left a little boy in her house, he was there alone, she had to go NOW. Banging at the front door, calling OH some horrible names, shouting, swearing - the works. Fair play to OH, he was extremely patient with her but absolutely nothing he said calmed her - obvious the only thing she would accept was if he took her back 'home' right now (BTW - we have tried the taking her for a drive round then landing back here saying that we are 'home now' - doesn't work!) . In the end she was told to go to her room to calm down, she spent 10 minutes trying every other bedroom door before heading into her her own room - then was back down stairs with her arms full of clean pj's from her drawers, demanding a bag to pack them in. On and on about how this little lad ('His name is Steven, no I don't know his last name or who his Mum is, but I looked after him at my house last night and I only left him because I thought I was only popping in here for 5 minutes. I didn't know you would keep me prisoner' ) was all alone, asking how OH could be so heartless and asking me how I could 'sit there and say nothing' whilst OH 'tortured her'. Back up she was sent, more rattling at the other rooms, more banging about in her room, then back down now crying that she couldn't find the little lad she had brought with her and where had he gone? Looking for the phone to call the police, telling us that she wasn't going to work tomorrow, she would go to the police station instead, calling us 'evil' and 'cruel' - and all the usual stuff really!

Another hour of up and down and banging round, the little lad rather abruptly morphed into a 'little girl' that Mil was sure she had brought here for a visit during this time, and then she came down, approached youngest asking anxiously if she was 'All right' and telling OH and I that there was a 'woman upstairs' who was planning on killing youngest! OH tried to reassure, but she was adamant and in the end, flounced back upstairs, still in a temper. After 20 minutes of quiet and as it was now 8.40, I asked OH to sort her supper and meds whilst I went up and got her changed for bed. Found her very child like and cooperative - she had totally worn herself (as well as us) out - got her changed, brought her down in her pj's and gown, gave her porridge and meds and got her back up again. All quiet - thank the lord - after that. Just hoping for a stress free morning getting her off to DC - allweek she has objected to getting up and going, some days worse than others, but could definitely do with no hassle this morning.

No idea what I'm doing today - might try to cach up with a mate who's having a rough time at the moment, pop in for a coffee if she isn't busy.

IzzyJ - I have been thinking about you, Hun - hope you are OK xxxx

Hope you all have a good day xxxx

 

[Ann Mac]

A bit fed up

Mil refused to get up on the grounds that the 'street party or whatever it was' kept her awake all night, but eventually got her sorted. Usual breakfast and coat loop routines, driver arrives and once again, I am told about just how bad Mil is getting at DC. Its not that I mind being told - I'd rather that, so I can give the consultant and CPN an accurate answer when I'm asked - but what he (and just a couple of the other staff) tell me is so different from the 'fine' both OH and I tend to get when we pick her up. The driver is in and out of DC all day, is driver and escort when there are trips, runs residents to appointments and so on, so I think he does see quite a bit of what happens and has been there a while, so I doubt he is unfamiliar with the sort of behaviour and incidents that are typical of dementia EMI residents/clients. Yesterday he describes Mil as being 'upset as usual' till about 3pm, when he said she saw him and started to demand that he take her home. She shouted, cried, banged on doors, got quite 'nasty' verbally and 'really kicked off'. He said it was sad, because she was clearly 'getting worse by the week'.

I have no idea if he is prone to exaggeration (though what he says tends to be backed up if we encounter a particular one or two of the other staff there) and I don't know why the rest of the staff give such a different account. What he says ties in more with the very sweaty, hot and breathless state we often find Mil in when we collect her too. I'm also concerned that if she was so bad yesterday, why did they not keep a closer eye on her using the frame - its when she is very agitated that falls can happen especially. I don't want to drop him or the other staff who give similar accounts into any trouble - apart from anything else, there is also that I wonder if their accounts are the only factual accounts I'm getting, and so don't want them to stop telling me - so what can I do? It feels to me that as soon as you say anything that sounds at all like a critiscm or questions them in any way, then you are labelled as 'fussy' or 'awkward' and it strains the relationship

 

[CeliaW]

Difficult one Ann. Maybe you could turn it around and in a subtle way, find out the issues? I am thinking of a conversation something along the lines of "I know you must have the same or similar problems with MiL, we used to be able to calm / avert X by doing Y or Z but both of those rarely work now How do you deal with it, any hints and tips? ☺ Just wondering if we adopted the same or similar approaches to things like this it might reinforce it or be more effective? "

In this way you are giving a positive working together / acknowledging their skills impression -which I am sure you already do but maybe not as overtly.

It could also work if you emailed that sort of message - maybe prefaced with "Its impossible to have a decent conversation when I pick MiL up (giving them the opportunity to realise they aren't sharing clearly with you / can acknowledge that as the reason ☺) and I have been meaning to ask this for a few weeks now. " A possible advantage of the email version is that they would have the chance to discuss it together and, one would hope, would email you an open, honest and helpful reply!

Good luck!

 

[Essie]

Oh Ann, what a dilemma! I like Celia's idea of contact by email for all the reasons she lists and you are very articulate so a well worded opening gambit might yield good results but I do feel for you with the 'not rocking the boat' issue - the feeling that by drawing attention to Mil's decline and greater needs you risk pushing DC into a position of potentially saying 'she's too much for us now'........... And that doesn't bear thinking about...

Except of course you do have to think about it, really, in spite of all the issues involved because I think part of your 'tension/stress' (calling it that for want of a better word) looking after Mil is that at present there is simply no viable alternative to the way things are now and so you are under huge pressure, not just from simply coping with Mil but also with not rocking the boat at DC or re respite as everything is balanced on such a knife edge.

I know that's two issues out of the one you were asking about but I think both are important - do as Celia has suggested and draft an email to DC because it is important that the care Mil gets there is adequate, if not she risks upset and distress which are far from ideal for her physically and mentally and the risk of falls and all the misery that may bring is vastly increased but you somehow need to work out a back up plan, IMO , because you can't keep feeling as though you are walking on eggshells over MIL's care - and I think you hate it because you feel as though you are sometimes selling Mil short by not querying/complaining etc. and that leaves you sad and adds to your stress.

I wish beyond all measure that I, or someone, could come up with a solution for you and I know so far there is nothing (although I do seem to recall you mentioning something recently about a new home opening locally?) but I do think you have to plan out something to have as your 'if we have to we'll.....' - whether it's employing live-in care at your house, a home a way away from you or whatever because without a viable back-up plan for 'what if...' you constantly feel compromised over the problems and issues you encounter over Mil and that's not good for any of you.

Sorry this was meant to be a helpful post! In short, email to DC good idea!!

 

[Slugsta]

I agree with Celia and Essie that an email to DC would be a good approach. I also like the 'please tell us how you deal with it' tactic as there is no hint of criticism there.

Essie also has some very wise words about long-term arrangements and the added pressure you have of feeling that there is simply no alternative but to carry on, no matter what - and the fear of rocking the boat in any way.

On a different subject, is it time to get the seat belt 'lock' now?

Mum phone today to ask why hubby hadn't picked her up for shopping but was perfectly happy when I pointed out that today is Thursday not Friday. TBH, I'm not particularly upset about it as it is very easy to get the days mixed up when you are not working. Yes Ann, I think mum will either forget whether she has done her exercises or, as is her usual custom, to decide that they are rubbish and refuse to cooperate!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all.

Thanks Celia, Essie and Slugsta - I think that the approach of an email, and wording it as though I'm asking them for 'advice' is the best way to go. Essie has summed it up well - there is a worry about rocking the boat because we are so reliant on the daily break of DC and the occasional respite, managing without those breaks would be a nightmare. And yep, I think we both beat ourselves up about feeling like we have to accept some things that we actually don't feel are acceptable in order to avoid risking losing what we have. Which of course, does make us feel like we are selling Mil short. I have been told that there is a new home being built, Essie, but from what I've been told, its just another private home, so I don't think that increases the potential for either respite or for there being more EMI nursing beds.

In sharp contrast to the previous night, Mil was quite calm last night. When she came in, I set her up with her current favourite 'monkey' series and a cuppa. Barely a peep out of her whilst I got tea ready, ate well as usual then back to the living room. From about 6.45-ish, she was asking to go to bed every 10 minutes or so, seeming convinced it was 'late' and you could see she was getting a bit fed up with me asking to to wait till a 'bit later', but no kick off from her, other than by about 8pm, she was most definitely back to 'blanking' me when I spoke to her I got her porridge and meds sorted just before 9 and went up to help her get ready for bed, but other than barely speaking to me and the occasional glare, the only hassle was her very deliberately walking into the bathroom and then trying to shut the door in my face! And that was it! Wish I knew what the difference was between last night and the night before, when she was sundowning so badly and so upset. .

Again, no plans for today other than I have to phone and make the appointments for a couple of health reviews for Mil, and the usual chores. I've checked and she is also overdue the annual review at DC, so I think I'll get on to the CPN about that, especially as that gives me a good 'opening' to send that email.

Hope you all have a good day xxx

 

[Spamar]

Good luck, Ann. I think the email idea is good. I only hope it will work.

I forgot to pass on this gem to you all. I was trying to renew a membership recently. I pay it yearly, not on DD, as things have been 'a bit fluid' recently.
Me. Hello , I wish to renew my membership, please, as a single senior.
Them. Hello, your membership is joint senior, that will be £x.
Me. No, I only want membership as a single senior.
Them. But yours is a joint senior.
Me. I only need single senior. I'm not in the habit of taking a pot of ashes around with me.
Them. Oh...I'll pass you on to another department...........

Fairly long wait until I get the ' other department' who seem to be talking v e r y c a r e f u l l y!

Why can't they just do it first time? I can think of several reasons why my membership could need changing.

Anyway, have a good day, everyone. I've had my plans changed for me, but hope everything will get done this weekend, just in a different order than I expected!

 

[Onlyme]

Ann is the 'fine' coming from the fully qualified experienced staff in which case 'fine' means 'seen it all before, coped, no hospital admission, no fall, seen much worse in my time'.

To untrained or semi trained staff someone in a full blown dementia episode is very frightening. I spent a lot of time in Mum's nursing home and saw a lot of people kick off and it all got rather normal. New relatives to the situation used to be really shocked when a nice old lady became a raging bull.

 

[Slugsta]

Ann is the 'fine' coming from the fully qualified experienced staff in which case 'fine' means 'seen it all before, coped, no hospital admission, no fall, seen much worse in my time'.

To untrained or semi trained staff someone in a full blown dementia episode is very frightening. I spent a lot of time in Mum's nursing home and saw a lot of people kick off and it all got rather normal. New relatives to the situation used to be really shocked when a nice old lady became a raging bull.

I suspect you have hit the nail on the head Onlyme!

 

[Essie]

Ann is the 'fine' coming from the fully qualified experienced staff in which case 'fine' means 'seen it all before, coped, no hospital admission, no fall, seen much worse in my time'.

To untrained or semi trained staff someone in a full blown dementia episode is very frightening. I spent a lot of time in Mum's nursing home and saw a lot of people kick off and it all got rather normal. New relatives to the situation used to be really shocked when a nice old lady became a raging bull.

Yes that occurred to me too. As you say Lemony, to untrained staff or relatives lots of scenarios can seem really bad but to trained nurses (and even carers) they have seen it all and dealt with it all before so there can be a chasm of difference between one person's 'fine' and another's.

Hopefully Ann the email will give a definitive, and clinical, assessment from the nurse in charge which will at least quantify the situation for you.

Wish I knew what the difference was between last night and the night before, when she was sundowning so badly and so upset. .

Oh Ann, that is the $64,000 question isn't it - if only we knew, what a difference it would make for so many.

 

[RedLou]

I forgot to pass on this gem to you all.
Me. I only need single senior. I'm not in the habit of taking a pot of ashes around with me.
Them. Oh...I'll pass you on to another department...........

Fairly long wait until I get the ' other department' who seem to be talking v e r y c a r e f u l l y!

You tell 'em, girl! Lovely to hear from you.
Wishing you all a peaceful/happy/enjoyably-filled weekend. (With good weather for JM and the cyclists!)

 

[Onlyme]

Sometimes Mum lived the last 12 hours, sometimes the last 48. For some strange reason I never could work out she would remember part of yesterday but not today. She would get upset about an event that had happened the day before but that was often not understood so she wouldn't be making any sense with her comments. She was commenting and reacting to the day before but we would be living and reacting to our present day which didn't arrive with her until the next day or even a day or two later.

It was like living on a mind bending drug trying to work out where in the week my mum thought she was. She would make strange comments that seemed like a confabulation only for me to hear or see something around the NH that explained her belated comments. Perhaps she just needed longer to process information do ended up with a 24 hour delay?

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

Glad you got the membership changed, Spammar - just sorry you had to deal with an imbecile first! As you say, lots of reasons why people might want to change something like that - why not just accept what you had said, rather than pushing the way she did? Hope - despite the change in plans - that you have a lovely weekend x

I have wondered the same, Lemony. One of the staff who tends to be rather 'candid' with me is in her late 20's, I would say, and has been there since before Mil started going. Another staff (who now seems to work more at the home that offers respite) is in her 40's, and again seems to be have been around since before Mil started going. One other is a younger girl who I don't think has been there from when Mil started, and I have no idea if she worked in care prior to her starting at DC. The driver has been there for quite a long time, I believe, not a hands on carer but it appears that his role brings him into a lot of contact with the residents and DC attendee's, so I would imagine he see's a fair bit, even if it isn't his exact 'job' to provide care. I just don't know. I've started to put together an email, but it seems like our CPN is off every Friday, so wasn't able to speak to her about a review yesterday, as I think that would give me a 'natural' opportunity to send an email and a quick way to follow it up.

I honestly don't know if its some sort of 'mental time slip' with Mil remebering things from a day or so ago, or what, Lemony - I honestly haven't noticed any pattern or evidence of that, that has 'jumped' out at me - but I'll bear it in mond, and see if it is possibly what's happening x

I was about 15 minutes early to pick up Mil yesterday - had shopping to get en route that didn't take me as long as I thought it would, plus had allowed extra time for the current spate of road works, forgetting it was Friday, and the crews all seemed to have packed up very early!. Despite the early arrival, as I went up the path, I could see her stood right behind the glass panelled door, coat on and actually with her frame for once, and as I approached I could hear her shouting 'Its Ann. Ann's here. Open the door, Ann's here. Its Ann, its Ann', obviously quite 'excited'. Staff let me in, and there she was, hair plastered to her head with sweat, panting a bit and clearly agitated. 'Can we go now, lets go now, I want to go' and grabbing for the door. Then an abrupt announcement that she needed the loo, which gave me chance to ask the staff how she had been. Fine, I was told, it was only in the last 'few minutes' she had started to get 'like that'. In the morning, if she puts her coat on before the driver arrives, as I've said, it triggers her demanding that I open the door so she can catch a train/bus to work and she gets very wound up - I wonder if its the same in DC, because usually she has the coat on when we get there? Even so, I would think that it taken more than just a 'few minutes' for her to get as hot and bothered as she was.

She was quiet on the journey home, and OK when we first got in, though she was very puzzled at me stopping at our house as she was sure I'd told her I was taking her to 'Flood Street' (her childhood address in Ireland). Got her settled with a cuppa and the Chase, got tea done quickly as she had told me she was 'starving' and all was good, till just after tea when I settled her in the living room with another cuppa. Then she started on 'What time are the buses Ann? I'm meeting Auntie Peg (not heard that name before) in Chester, we're getting the bus to Limerick'!. I tried everything I could think of, explaining that it was after 6 and the buses had stopped running for the night and no, I couldn't take her in the car as it 'kept breaking down on long journey's', all the while denying any advanced knowledge of her plans so I couldn't be suddenly lumbered with demands for 'the tickets I gave you to look after' or accusations that I'd promised a lift. As always, all that happened was she became more and more fixated and the story grew in detail. Its as though she thinks the more detail she provides, the more likely I (or anyone else) will be convinced of the urgency and importance and therefore agree to what she wants? So she said that she had arranged with Auntie Peg to meet her (Mil's) Mum, that it had been set up by 'Your daughter Ann - the oldest one, she has been ringing me on my mobile with messages from my Auntie and my Mum', and how my daughter had phoned her when she was at 'her house, last night' and told her that the last bus wasn't till 9, etc., etc. For over an hour, she went on and on, not making any move to fetch coat or shoes, or head for the door, just basically 'nagging' me to sort out her getting to Chester, right now. Finally, I tried 'I just want to watch this programme and then I'll phone my daughter to sort it out for you - she won't be back from work for another hour' - and I put on another of the Monkey World programmes. And it worked - talk about 'Monkey Magic'! 10 minutes in and the nagging stopped, by the end of the first programme, she was chuckling away and I just kept playing her episode after episode till 9 and bed time, no more mention of Auntie Peg, or Limerick or her Mum.

No problems getting her to bed - other than she had several stumbles, though no actual falls, between coming through for her porridge and actually getting into bed - and all quiet since.

Usual Saturday, daughter to theatre, Mil to her mates (if she wants to go - finding these days that about every other week she is refusing ) . I want to spend some time with youngest, as after several weeks of her reporting certain issues that she (and apparently the rest of her class) are having with a particular teacher, yesterday there was an incident that has me both really worried and furious. From what I can gather, I'll only be one of several parents who will be contacting the school on Monday, but I want to be sure I have the facts exactly right before I go in there - because I have no intention of being diplomatic over what's happened, I'll be going in with all guns blazing!

Hope you all have a good day xxxxx

 

[RedLou]

Oh Ann - that sounds stressful and concerning: daughter comes first - hope OH can look after MiL to give you two girly time together.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning everyone x,

Absolutely dau comes first at the moment, Red - I need to sort out the school situation as a priority - and I will! Then I'll move on to sorting out what I need to for Mil (again!).

Horrendous day yesterday and nope - wracked my brains, can't pinpoint why. Mil got up before 8, wanting to tell me that she 'wouldn't need the room for another night' so could I have her bill ready for when she 'comes down for breakfast?' ! I said that we would sort it later, she trundled back off to bed, getting up again just after 10 wanting food and no mention of a 'bill'. OH mentioned her going to see her friend 'later' and she instantly refused - she is doing this a lot lately, saying she 'doesn't feel like it'. That's fair enough, except we then sometimes get her claiming that we have stopped her going to see Shirl, later in the day. OH suggested that she should speak to Shirl herself, this time. So he dialed the number, handed the phone to Mil - who told Shirl she couldnt visit because she had been very ill with a really bad cold! (She has been fine!). We said nothing and once brekkie was over, Mil headed off to bed again.

40 minutes later she was back down, and straight into one delusion after another, and in a really cross mood to boot. Started with her quite angrily wanting to know what I was doing in her Mother in Laws house ? No one in their right mind, apparently, would have invited me round! And I needn't stand there looking as if I didn't know what she was talking about - I know 'fine well' why I am not welcome . She wanted to speak to 'Mrs Mac' (which is how she has always referred to her MIl) right now - no excuses were acceptable (not even the truth, that 'Mrs Mac' has been dead for nearly 24 years!) and it very quickly went to me being called some not nice names and me calling OH from the garden to deal with her. Upstairs she stomped, back down after 10 minutes, determined she was getting the 'packet of biscuits' she said she had bought, from the kitchen. She got nowhere with that, back up, only to come back down 10 minutes later demanding that I open her wardrobe because she was getting dressed and going out. I offered to help her get washed and dressed (citing as always her 'sore legs and shoulder' as an excuse for me helping) and got told where to go. Up she went, then down again, with more delusions. And this carried on till about 12.30 when coming down again, she seemed less angry so I offered a cuppa, we thought she was calming down and OH suggested that when youngest got back from theatre, we all headed to Ellesmere for a run. Yes, she liked the sound of that. I had just made OH and I something to eat (we hadn't had anything up to that point) so I said that as soon as I'd finished my toast, I'd help her get ready - cue 15 minutes of her nagging me to get her her clothes, NOW! OH jumping in and told her to let me at least eat in peace - her response was 'Well tell her to hurry up!'.

Went up with her and by the time I'd persuaded her that she really needed to wash before getting dressed, she was back in a foul mood. Dau had arrived home from theatre, so I made her and Mil some sandwiches for lunch, and once they had finished eating, Mil - still very grumpy - got her shoes and bag, ready for us to go out. Shoes on, rooting through the bag as she generally does, she took out her purse and on opening it she instantly accused youngest of stealing the £7 she claimed she had put in her purse earlier (Obviously, she hadn't). No reasoning with her and after 10 minutes, we abandoned all idea of getting out, and Mil was so nasty she was ordered to her room by OH.

Then it was an afternoon of her up and down the darn stairs, demanding biscuits, looking for 'that box that I need', demanding that we phone a taxi, etc, etc. Youngest and I went out for an hours walk around a local beauty spot and came back to find that OH had had to remove the catch from Mil's window to prevent her opening it - it only opened so far anyway, as a safety precaution, but whilst I was out she had apparently been shouting for 'help' through it, and calling out that she was starving and no one had given her anything to eat all day - and a relatively new neighbour from a few houses down had heard her and come knocking at the door to see if she was all right! OH was not happy.

For the rest of the day, it was a never ending cycle of her coming downstairs, and either straight into accusations and swearing and being sent back up, or her siting down with us as if calm but back to the nastiness within a few minutes. We hoped that food at tea time would settle her - nope, she was polite and fine till she finished eating, then announced that she would save us the trouble of 'banishing her' and that she had no intention on staying in the same room so we could carry on 'tormenting' her - and she stormed off back upstairs. The evening was spent with her - having undressed - appearing at the door, wearing only her pull ups and a dressing gown which she would neither would fasten properly herself , nor allow us to fasten for her - and both OH and I telling her she needed to at least put her pj's on, that she couldn't wander round semi-naked. I had put her clean p'j''s - as always - on her chair in her room, but she swore blind that she hadn't brought any nightclothes with her when she 'came to stay'. Twice I went up, pointed them out to her and left her to put them on, twice she came back down without them, still in the unfastened gown and flashing at all and sundry, insisting that she had none - it took OH going up (where he found the PJ's tossed in the corner of the room) and ordering her to put them on before she complied. And then at least we weren't treated to an eyefull as she carried on coming downstairs to chuck out a few nasty remarks, before heading back to her room, slamming doors on the way, then spending 10 minutes going round all the other bedroom doors and trying to get into them.

It wasn't till just before 9, when OH called her down for her porridge and meds, that she then finally settled, and we got some peace.

OH in on a 12 hour shift today, and I'm quite frankly dreading it! I'm lining up the 'Monkey' show (though we tried it yesterday and it didn't work, sadly) and going to do my best to placate her - but if its another day of demands for things I can't deliver or accusations, then I doubt that anything I say or do will help. Just have to ride it out

Hope you all have a good day xxx

 

[RedLou]

Oh Ann! I'm so glad you got the hour with youngest in the midst of all that nastiness. The last thing you need is MiL demanding attention, sapping energy atm. What happened to the extra dose of lorazepam (?) -- as and when needed? Does it not work at all?
There's a little chorus of us on TP chanting 'Ann, you're a bl**dy miracle!' Just imagine us in the corner of your sitting room when she's calling you all-sorts - your personal cheerleading team! (Though best not imagine us in cheerleader gear, at our respective ages!)