So bizarre !

[Rageddy Anne]

Beats me that your MIL, Ann, seems to go to her room and stay there by herself so relatively willingly. I wish my husband would stay in another part of the house; he has to be with me constantly, following close behind everywhere, even hates it if I lock the loo door. He can unlock it from outside, and does! He wouldn't dream of going to bed unless I go too. Best time of day is the few minutes in the morning when I go down, telling him to stay in bed until the heat comes on, (it's on) but he still follows me down within five minutes!
Your family are so good at coping with such a disruptive lady! She's so lucky, if only she knew.

 

[Ann Mac]

Beats me that your MIL, Ann, seems to go to her room and stay there by herself so relatively willingly. I wish my husband would stay in another part of the house; he has to be with me constantly, following close behind everywhere, even hates it if I lock the loo door. He can unlock it from outside, and does! He wouldn't dream of going to bed unless I go too. Best time of day is the few minutes in the morning when I go down, telling him to stay in bed until the heat comes on, (it's on) but he still follows me down within five minutes!
Your family are so good at coping with such a disruptive lady! She's so lucky, if only she knew.

I know - we are really lucky that for the most part, although we have to firmly insist on many an occasion, that she will actually go. Maybe only for 10 minutes - but if that's enough to 'break the cycle' on whatever behaviour is causing her or us distress, then its good enough. We do get odd occasions when she is up and down, up and down every few minutes - but mostly, she will go. The need to stay so close for your husband must be so hard to cope with - not sure I could handle that

Not too bad this morning - until the mini bus arrived! She has been using the frame throughout the weekend, even managed to walk more or less under her own steam (though with supervision) round a supermarket. Handed her the frame as she got through the front door to go up the (short) drive to the mini bus - and all of a sudden, she couldn't use the frame! What a palava! Tiny, little steps, at one point almost marching up and down on the spot, lots of little yelps and exclamations. Picking the frame up and attempting to carry it as she took each little step. Not a clue as to whether that was all guenuine - or playing up, as she had already said she didn't want to take the frame and 'make a show' of herself. I'd just assured the driver how much better she was using it, too Will find out how she has got on tonight - hopefully, it was just her being silly and that she will start to use it properly when she gets there!

 

[Grey Lad]

I know - we are really lucky that for the most part, although we have to firmly insist on many an occasion, that she will actually go. Maybe only for 10 minutes - but if that's enough to 'break the cycle' on whatever behaviour is causing her or us distress, then its good enough. We do get odd occasions when she is up and down, up and down every few minutes - but mostly, she will go. The need to stay so close for your husband must be so hard to cope with - not sure I could handle that

Not too bad this morning - until the mini bus arrived! She has been using the frame throughout the weekend, even managed to walk more or less under her own steam (though with supervision) round a supermarket. Handed her the frame as she got through the front door to go up the (short) drive to the mini bus - and all of a sudden, she couldn't use the frame! What a palava! Tiny, little steps, at one point almost marching up and down on the spot, lots of little yelps and exclamations. Picking the frame up and attempting to carry it as she took each little step. Not a clue as to whether that was all guenuine - or playing up, as she had already said she didn't want to take the frame and 'make a show' of herself. I'd just assured the driver how much better she was using it, too Will find out how she has got on tonight - hopefully, it was just her being silly and that she will start to use it properly when she gets there!

It's always difficult to know who the performace is for and what's behind it. Time to reform the 'Old Tricks Team'? We tracked down the 'unmentionables' now we have to work out what our loved ones are trying to tell us. CIGL

 

[RedLou]

My dad used to pick up his frame sometimes. He found crutches easier for some reason, but obviously it wasn't as safe. When I get old and doddery I'm going to buy myself a silver cane and dye my hair purple so I can attack old age with two fingers up.
Glad you had a good day, Spamar.
Love the doggies, Ann. I'm a dog person and couldn't be without - although I did curse ours on Saturday night when she was taken sick with projectile vomiting in the small hours. Still have no idea what caused it.

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Jenny Joseph wrote that poem about " when I am old I shall wear purple, and a red hat...." Way to go!sorry, don't know how to include a link...

 

[CeliaThePoet]

Leaning to the left, while common in many dementias, is frequently seen in LBD and Parkinson's. This page talks about it under Falls.

http://www.alznc.org/index.php/alzheimers-similar-diseases/77-lewy-bodies

 

[Spamar]

Afternoon!
Ann, Definition of luck, made me think a lot. I don't say you're lucky looking after mil, but you're lucky cos she will go upstairs and break the cycle. Hmm.

OH used a stick for several years. He had intermittent claudication for a few years before it got worse and he got foot ulcers, then he ended up in hospital having stents ( in his leg) then a vein graft, which cured it. I and daycare tried to get him to use a rollator. What a battle!! Just about got there when we had a new respite carer. I said, take the rollator and make sure he uses it. He didn't use it, and from what I gathered, she did no persuasion at all. When he was with me and wouldn't use it, after saying when we went out that he would, I left him in the car! I must admit, that carer didn't last very long!!

At various times he didn't want to go to day care, so wouldn't get in the minibus, he didn't want to come home and wouldn't get out of the bus, he wouldn't get out of the respite car. It's so wearing! Fortunately the day Carers were very good and didn't take no for an answer! He wasn't as rude to them as he would have been to me!

I love that poem,btw.

Have as good an evening as possible, folks!

When he came home once, he wouldn't take his coat off, a big heavy one. Not a battle worth fighting. I just went on with my job of lighting the fire ( woodburner), before stacking it high......... So when he said, why have I still got my coat on? You wouldn't take it off was my answer!!

 

[canary]

Jenny Joseph wrote that poem about " when I am old I shall wear purple, and a red hat...." Way to go!sorry, don't know how to include a link...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cACbzanitg

 

[Slugsta]

Evening,

Ann, that sounds utterly exhausting, I really don't know how you hang on to your patience for so long! Cute little dogs, I like them rather larger - something that I don't have to bend down to stroke is my ideal

I don't know whether Mum was veering to the left particularly with the walker but she was certainly complaining that it was 'useless' because it would not go straight. I suspect that might be something to do with pushing slightly harder with one (dominant?) hand until one has got used to it. When we saw Mum yesterday she seemed happier with it, I'll have to see how she is when we are out tomorrow. It really does sound as if your MIL 'plays to the gallery' Ann!

Red,I progressed from stick to crutch several years ago. I have a pair of blue ones and a pair of red ones, the red are much more comfortable as the hand grips are padded and they have special ferrules. Mum actually had a purple streak put into her hair earlier this year, her friend instigated it. Having never worn make-up or 'done' her hair it was a bit of a shock - and she hated it.

I wish you all peaceful evenings and a quiet night.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

I am pretty sure it was a performance, GL and brought about because about half the time when we have mentioned her having a frame, or this past weekend when we have asked her to use it, she has objected that she is 'too young and will look stupid'. At the moment I've been getting round that by implying its just a temporary 'aid' whilst she's having trouble walking and pointing out that people of all ages have to use crutches, walking sticks, frames and even wheelchairs if they have an illness or injury that affects them walking. But I think once the driver was there, it was straight into the wonderful 'act' we can all see from our loved ones, when they behave differently in front of someone they think they have to impress. Mil was insisting that she walks fine without the frame, that she couldn't 'walk properly' with it (and determined to demonstrate that she couldn't walk 'properly' with it) , the whole time we were getting her off the drive and into the waiting car

Hope your doggie is beter now, Red - our older boy especially has a sensitive tum, thats the main reason why I'm so strict on the not feeding him food or snacks meant for humans. Its rare he gets a bad stomach now, but when he does - that projectile vomit is just horrendous!

That link is briliant, Celia - thank you! Apart from anything else, the mention of falls and delusions as symptoms that usually precede the memory loss is interesting. Looking back I reckon I can pin point the first signs in Mil as occuring maybe 5 or 6 years before she was diagnosed as having dementia in the first place! If she has had the 'paranoid' type delusions from the off, it would explain the personality changes and the changes in the way she would behave, usually to me, occasionally to OH, when she often (we thought) mis-interpreted something we had said or done and seemed to go through phases of being cross and offended by us. At the time, we thought it was depression - now I am wondering!

I too love that poem, Red and canary

I don't think I'd trust Mil with a stick, Spamar - not that she would deliberately hit as such (or at least, not at the moment she wouldn't !) but she has a habit of poking and prodding to get your attention - I suspect a stick would make a handy 'poker' for her!

I always said I preferred bigger dogs, Slugsta - Busta I'd type as 'small to medium', but there is no getting away from the fact that Seamus is quite simply tiny. Don't much have to worry about bending to stroke him by the way - I think that somewhere in his ancestral mix is a hefty dose of kangaroo - or perhaps a bit of 'Tigger'? He bounces up to even my 6ft 4" OH's hand height - no problem

Went to collect MIl last night and she came walking down the hall towards me - carrying the blummin' frame! *sigh*. We then had a bit of an argument over whether it was hers or not - she insisted it belonged to 'work' and she was leaving it there. That was followed by her being unable to get her coat and bag until she had raised the urgent matter of did I think she should give up the job in Manweb!

But after that, other than the odd and not at all intense series of little delusions ("Did I leave that meat in the pan? What time are we getting the train, Ann? Where did that bobbin I was folding go?") it was an amazingly calm evening. I did think - just once - she was going off on one of the 'nagging loops', when she suddenly started asking daughter to 'promise you won't smoke in your bedroom', and repeated it several times despite daughters indignant response that she didn't smoke anyway - but as soon as I stepped in and told her firmly to stop, she did - wonders never cease! She did seemed dreadfully tired and asked for bed before 8.30.

This morning, I've now put her back to bed 3 times since just after 6a.m.. Same old insistence that she is going to be late for work, very 'mulish' expression and hefty sighs when I've ordered her back to her pit. It simply is asking for trouble if she gets up this early - we've now started a new regime where OH is getting up earlier to have his shower before she uses the bathroom, hopefully leaving less time for the 'coat loop' or similar, once she is up, dressed and fed. It seemed to work yesterday, very little time for her to get fixed on the 'loop', so I want to stick to it.

Hope you all have a good day today xxxx

 

[Grey Lad]

Who's Been Sleeping In My Bed?

I have just had a performance. Apparently I didn't sleep with Maureen last night. No matter what I say she is insistent she slept alone. I must find out who that affectionate woman was beside me last night and see if I can get together with her again very soon!

 

[Ann Mac]

I have just had a performance. Apparently I didn't sleep with Maureen last night. No matter what I say she is insistent she slept alone. I must find out who that affectionate woman was beside me last night and see if I can get together with her again very soon!

Its so hard not to respond when our loved ones announce something that we know is completely false. If its possible, in response to something like 'you didn't sleep in your bed last night', I'll respond with 'Really?' or 'Oh dear - would you like a cuppa?'. Where I find it hard is when she will say 'Why didn't you sleep in your bed last night? Because you didn't, that man was able to come into my room and steal my shoes!'. The non-committal responses won't cut it with her then (and neither will an 'I'm sorry - it won't happen again'). She wants to know WHY and generally have a go at me for whatever it is she thinks I've either done or not done. And no matter how I try love lies or distraction, she won't accept it. When its like that I stick to 'I'm sorry you feel like that, but you are mistaken. I didn't (insert whatever the accusation is) . . . and as you are being rude, I am not discussing it any more'. I'm guessing you have had a similar situation to the second example with Maureen this morning - and I feel for you Its so frustrating and upsetting having to defend yourself when you have done nothing wrong

I forget to say - Piph - the manuka arrived yesterday, so even though I did her dressing yesterday morning, I did it again last night so I could start using it. The wound is very slowly shrinking in size, but there is still a large area that is 'gaping' and oozing that horrible 'yellowy' stuff - I know that will eventually form a scab, but at the moment, that just isn't happening, and any slight bump or even touch to the area is starting it bleeding again. Fingers crossed that the manuka honey will speed up the process for her - while its as it is, I am worried about infection

Not a good start to the day. When i went in to finally get her up, she was in the process of pulling up her pull ups, (I'd had to put fresh on at just before 6, as she had stripped them off) saying she was 'going to get dressed' but then thought she had better wait . Although the bed was dry, it was heavily smeared with poo - which was also smeared across her bottom, the backs of her legs and her fingers. She hasn't got an upset tum, just she appears to have tried to clean herself with her hands and in the process, distributed it over several other area's. In the bathroom, I asked her to take the pull ups off and put them in the bin - and had to ask her six times in total as she either argued or blanked me. Once I'd got her clean, dressed, breakfasted, done her meds and her hair, it was 8.45, so I thought too short a time left for her to really get into the coat loop. Typical Mil, though, she made the most of every second of the time left 11 demands for her coat in the space of 15 minutes doesn't beat her previous record - but its still flipping annoying, lol!

I've also added a link to the blog I've started to keep about Mil, to my signature - not sure if it will help anyone, but it was suggested I add it, on the off chance

 

[Grey Lad]

Its so hard not to respond when our loved ones announce something that we know is completely false. If its possible, in response to something like 'you didn't sleep in your bed last night', I'll respond with 'Really?' or 'Oh dear - would you like a cuppa?'. Where I find it hard is when she will say 'Why didn't you sleep in your bed last night? Because you didn't, that man was able to come into my room and steal my shoes!'. The non-committal responses won't cut it with her then (and neither will an 'I'm sorry - it won't happen again'). She wants to know WHY and generally have a go at me for whatever it is she thinks I've either done or not done. And no matter how I try love lies or distraction, she won't accept it. When its like that I stick to 'I'm sorry you feel like that, but you are mistaken. I didn't (insert whatever the accusation is) . . . and as you are being rude, I am not discussing it any more'. I'm guessing you have had a similar situation to the second example with Maureen this morning - and I feel for you Its so frustrating and upsetting having to defend yourself when you have done nothing wrong

I forget to say - Piph - the manuka arrived yesterday, so even though I did her dressing yesterday morning, I did it again last night so I could start using it. The wound is very slowly shrinking in size, but there is still a large area that is 'gaping' and oozing that horrible 'yellowy' stuff - I know that will eventually form a scab, but at the moment, that just isn't happening, and any slight bump or even touch to the area is starting it bleeding again. Fingers crossed that the manuka honey will speed up the process for her - while its as it is, I am worried about infection

Not a good start to the day. When i went in to finally get her up, she was in the process of pulling up her pull ups, (I'd had to put fresh on at just before 6, as she had stripped them off) saying she was 'going to get dressed' but then thought she had better wait . Although the bed was dry, it was heavily smeared with poo - which was also smeared across her bottom, the backs of her legs and her fingers. She hasn't got an upset tum, just she appears to have tried to clean herself with her hands and in the process, distributed it over several other area's. In the bathroom, I asked her to take the pull ups off and put them in the bin - and had to ask her six times in total as she either argued or blanked me. Once I'd got her clean, dressed, breakfasted, done her meds and her hair, it was 8.45, so I thought too short a time left for her to really get into the coat loop. Typical Mil, though, she made the most of every second of the time left 11 demands for her coat in the space of 15 minutes doesn't beat her previous record - but its still flipping annoying, lol!

I've also added a link to the blog I've started to keep about Mil, to my signature - not sure if it will help anyone, but it was suggested I add it, on the off chance

Good idea to blog as it is another way to deal with caring for someone who has dementia. Think I have lost the phone number of who I slept with last night!

 

[Amy in the US]

Think I have lost the phone number of who I slept with last night!

Grey Lad, you must keep better track of these things. You might want to ring her sometime!

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon,

GreyLad, as Ann says, it must be terribly hard to be blamed for something you didn't do! I suspect there is a sense of your heart asking 'don't they know me better than that?' even though your mind knows it isn't like that.

A while back, Mum accused me of usually arriving late and that really made me cross because punctuality is one of my obsessions! After an inward struggle I was able to let it go - which shows that I am learning. Slowly...


Ann, I hoped that the quiet evening had continued into today but I see I was wrong. I remember you trying to keep MIL up for longer so that she didn't wake too early, it really does seem that you can't have 2 good periods on the trot Sorry you had a clean-up operation this morning, are the DC still showering MIL at all?

Seamus sounds a little darling, perhaps his bottom is made out of spring?

Mum and I went out for coffee this morning and she used the rollator without any problems (other than that it's a bit heavy for me to get in and out of the car). In fact, we are back to me having to ask her to slow down and wait for me

 

[copsham]

Person with dementia thinks they are "on the otherside"

Posted in wrong place.

 

[Grey Lad]

Grey Lad, you must keep better track of these things. You might want to ring her sometime!

I'm not sure she left her number. Is that significant? G L

 

[Mrsbusy]

Whoever she is GL I'd ask her to make you breakfast tomorrow morning and have a rest!

 

[Slugsta]

Mum has just phoned me 'Weren't you supposed to be taking me out today?' I explained that we had been out (I don't see that I could have done otherwise?) and asked if she is OK (she said 'yes'). It's the first time, to my knowledge, that she has forgotten something like this the same day that it happened


On another note, I am really enjoying your blog Ann. It is educational and interesting but you also have a turn of phrase that makes it enjoyable to read.

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

GL - have you found that phone number yet?

No matter how much you prepare yourself for what could get forgotten, and the speed at which it can happen, Slugsta, I think the first time especially that you experience or realise it first hand is a shock. Mil wasn't even living with us the first time I experienced her forgetting by the evening, something that had happened in the morning - like you, we had been to see her, taken her shopping - and we got an irate phone call that night, where she asked in a very sarcastic manner if she had done anything to 'offend' us - being as we hadn't been to see her for days! It was an instinctive response to indignantly reply that we had only been there that morning, and I well remember the sense of disbelief combined with outrage and frustration when she then insisted that we hadn't. I completely mis-handled it, sticking to my guns and crossly insisting we HAD been to see her, while she more or less called me a liar. The call finished when Mil said something along the lines of 'Well - OK - if you say you've been down, I suppose you have - I must have been out at the shops when you got here' - and she put the phone down on me. Now we are at the stage where it seems that things can be forgotten in about 3 seconds - last night, she rose from the table after taking her meds, took a couple of paces away from the table, turned round and asked where her meds were, as she has to take them before bed. Despite OH being stood there, still holding the half empty water glass, her two inhalers and the now empty bowl that we put her meds in, she clearly wasn't convinced we were telling the truth when we assured her she had just taken them.

At the moment, because of the wound on her leg, she is just having thorough strip washes I tried putting a plastic bag over her lower leg, just once, and she kicked off, saying it was too tight and it would make her leg 'bad'. And every time I looked away, she was pulling at it - there wasn't a hope in hell of keeping the area dry. Until the wound 'scabs' over, its less hassle to just go with the strip washes. I know she is completely clean (years of giving bed baths means that I'm well practised in making sure the job is done well, lol) but in my head, there is no substitute for a bath or shower to leave the person feeeling really nice and fresh. My problem, not Mils - she doesn't seem bothered at all

Glad you're enjoying the blog

Last night was pretty much a repeat of the night before, with Mil - two reasonable nights on the trot She was a little more determined about getting into the kitchen (that is really a 'stuck' thing with her at the moment!) with reasons ranging from 'making the lads some supper' to her being sure she had 'left the gas on under that pan' (we're all electric in the kitchen), but between OH and I, we kept a lid on everything. Getting her ready for bed was the most 'difficult' part of the evening - another loop is developing over getting her to change her pull ups for bed. She will insist that she 'changed them earlier', that they can be washed and she isn't taking them off for me to put them in the bin, that her Mum has told her she only has to change her knickers every morning - not twice a day; that she can't afford to keep throwing pants away and even when I've played along about not chucking them and pretended I need to wash them, she will say that she washes her own underwear ('thank you very much!') and no she isn't giving them to me to sort out. I don't think its modesty at stripping off in front of me - she has become very unconcerned about anyone seeing her starkers - in fact, most mornings I find her exiting the loo or her room and crossing the landing either semi-naked or mostly, with her PJ jacket open and 'everything on show and swinging freely' . Its just one of those things she has fastened onto at the moment . Odd thing is, on the occasions when she has taken them off in the wee small hours, only once has she put them 'away' in her bedroom drawer - mostly, she puts them in the bin herself - albeit the bin in her bedroom, rather than the bathroom bin

Not a lot on today - might see (if the weather holds) if I can nip out with pups and camera later

Hope you all have a good day xxxxx