Morning all,
I find it fascinating, but baffling, how logic just goes completely when the delusions arrive
When Mil tells me how she has been taking part in a 'sports day at work', how she ran the relay, did the long jump and did 'that big long race' I find myself thinking 'But you
do know that you can't walk 100 yards without puffing and panting - how can you possibly think you were running races all day?'. That's partly why, I guess, its so hard to reassure - I (and I think a lot of us) have a tendancy to reassure with obvious facts and logic, but in dementia world, facts and logic just don't mean a thing!
Not a good evening, yesterday. Picked her up from day care, clearly agitated, greeted me with huge relief, teary and grabbing me in a big hug. Told she had been 'fine till an hour ago', and then as usual, started to get upset about where we were and were we coming for her?. In the car not too bad, but back home sundowning kicked off within an hour, with a return to the fixation about OH being her boyfriend/husband. She's regularly confused about who he is to her lately - he can be her brother, father, friend, nephew, boyfriend or husband - but for a few months now we haven't had any major kick offs about the whole 'husband/boyfriend thing when we have gently explained he's her son. Last night she just could not/would not accept that he wasn't her partner in some form or another. It started when she went outside to sit in the sunshine whilst he cut the lawn, with her asking him if he thought their 'relationship' was working! He asked her who he was to her, so he could be sure where she was coming from, and she told him he was her boyfriend. He corrected her, reminding her he was her son - so she asked him if that was true, why was he sleeping in her bed every night ?
Firmly, he put her straight on that one, and she seemed to accept it - for about 5 minutes, then she started again. Again he explained, she seemed to be listening and accepting what he said (or so he thought) but as he finished speaking, she asked did him 'saying all that' mean he wanted a divorce, adding that if what he was saying was the truth, then didn't he realise that they couldn't 'be lovers' anymore ! That was a step way too far into extremely uncomfortable territory for poor OH and as nothing could sway her, he brought her indoors, hoping a change of environment and the presence of someone else would distract.
At first, she seemed OK, greeted me warmly as if she hadn't seen me for days and we both thought that was it. But when he went to put the mower away, she was off again, asking where was he, could she not go and see him? I told her he would be back in, in a minute and she asked who did I think I was was, trying to keep her from her husband? I called OH to get back indoors and again, he put her straight. Within minutes, she was off again, and this time he spoke to her really crossly - her response was to say that if he was 'going to be like that', she was going to bed! It was only 7.45, but OH said 'fine', got her her meds and off she went. I followed up after 10 minutes, got her into the pull ups and she was asking me why he was 'being so awful' with her. Again, I explained and got an 'Alright Ann. If you say so. Obviously you're in on it too!'. Oddly, the one thing she didn't do was accuse me of being the 'other woman' or his 'bit on the side', as she has done so often before - even when he had firmly told her that he was married to me, it was almost like she blanked that out as soon as he said it, making no reference to it at all. I said 'goodnight' and she surprisingly thanked me for 'all the help you give me, Ann' and I left the room thinking she would sleep off the mood. Nope, 10 minutes later, back downstairs, that horrible fixed, mulish look firmly in place on her face, demanding that she be allowed to 'speak to her husband, right now' - I said that she was confused and tired and needed to go to bed and sleep, that we would talk in the morning - not a chance, so I called OH back in from the garden (he was trying to finish off the mowing). He came back in, went to refusing to discus and ordering her back up to her room - she argued, tried every trick in the book to get him to continue 'discussing' the issue with her, finally called him a 'B*****d' for treating his wife 'like this' and went back up - only to come down again, a few minutes later, saying she wanted to talk to me about the way he was treating her. I told her to go back upstairs, refusing to engage in any discussion, again she went - but son came down a few minutes later, saying she had spoken to him saying that I just 'didn't understand how much she loves that man' - son tried pointing out his dad's age and saying that as she was 74, didn't she think that we might be telling the truth about her being OH's Mum? She was very offended, saying how dare he say she was 74 when she is only 52? But, she went into her room, and thankfully, that was it for the night!
I really, really hope that this belief that he is her husband, not her son, doesn't become a regular thing with her again - I'd forgotten till last night just how horribly uncomfortable it is when she starts down that road
Usual Saturday stuff on today, so hoping she is in a better mood when she wakes this morning!
Have a good day everyone xxx
