So Angry

[jude1950]

As I have posted before my darling Husband has had to go into hospital for assessment he was becoming very aggressive in the Nursing home so it was decided that his medication needed sorting out. When I visited on wednesday he was absolutely out of it, he could not stand was incoherant and obviously over medicated I spoke with his consultant and it was agreed that whatever medication they had tried was unsuitable so he would be taken off it immediately and other drugs tried it was also said that he had a vitamin B12 deficiency and would be having an injection to sort this out. Yesterday when I visited I was shocked to see him he was disheveled wearing Braces
something he has never worn and would not wear he would see it as a sign of old age! and he had food stains all down his shirt.
I am afraid I hit the Roof he was awake and quite alert so he knew me I took him to his room to change his clothes one of the staff was saying he had no other trousers I showed her four pairs hung in his locker she could see I was quite distressed and angry, Poor Jim just looked at me. Any how they changed him into some fresh clothes ...no braces and I spent the rest of the visit with him OK. It may seem trivial but just because he has dementia does not mean he should have his dignity taken away.He was always a smart clean man and also quite vain he would be mortified if he realised how bad he looked .

Rant over ..sorry ..
Judith

 

[Lynne]

Oh Judith - it's not so much to ask, is it?
To be kept clean, wearing one's own clothes (obviously the braces weren't his!) & for the medication regime to be monitored properly.

I seem to recall hearing somewhere a saying in connection with a doctor's duty - "First, do no harm." - one of the principal precepts all medical students are supposed to be taught in medical school.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Judith.

I`m so sorry you are going through such an ordeal.

I experienced similar when Dhiren was on the assessment ward so I know how you must be feeling.

But Judith,
Dhiren was also `over medicated`. He was tried with an antipsychotic which proved too strong for him, evven in the smallest dose, so was taken off it.
I imagine they are trying with Jim, but the effect has to be seen before the medication can be adjusted.

Dhiren was unshaved and wearing stained trousers when I visited.
A nurse came while we were there and asked him to go with her for a shave, he refused.
He once stood up and his trousers fell around his ankles because he was not wearing his belt.
I took him, as you did, and washed and shaved him, changed his clothes and put his belt on. One of the `wives` told me he had refused help.

It is in Dhiren`s notes that he is `self caring` and I suppose he had to be allowed to `self care`. The ward does not know him as well as I do, and I get it wrong too.

I`m not making light of it Judith, it`s heartbreaking, but sometimes it is not quite as bad as it seems. Jim is there for a reason and it`s not an easy problem to solve.

I do hope things improve.

Love xx

And Dhiren is now prescribed B12.

 

[jude1950]

Thanks LYnne and Sylvia for your replies . I did calm down and apologise to the staff concerned ..Jim had beenn very upset and aggressive when they gave him the B12 injection and they seemed to have been trying to dress him at the same time...perhaps they should have got him a little calmer before attempting to dress him? It appears that he has gone back to not sleeping during the night at all and this is adding to his confusion. The Ward have just rung to invite me to a case meeting next Wednesday the Consultant will be there as well as The Nursing Home team and his SS case worker who have all been very helpful since Jim became too ill for me to care for him at home. We are not out of the woods yet but I feel that we are being supported .
Thanks once again for your input and apologies for my earlier rant.
Judith

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Judith.

I`m so pleased you have an appointment to a case meeting. I found I was given as much time as I needed so I hope it`s the same for you.

Just bear in mind Judith, they need the beds. They want Jim out as soon as possible, but they need to explore all avenues of medication and care to try to control his behaviour.

It is the most upsetting situation to be in. You can`t have him home and you don`t want to see him on an assessment ward, so distressed and frightened.

So where else can you come to have a `rant`. Please don`t apologize.

Love xx

 

[Debby Short]

Judith,

I totally sympathise with your situation. Mum has been in hospital nearly 4 weeks now because she got too aggressive for dad handle at home. She is also having an assessment for medication and Continuing Health Care.

Things were great until Saturday, Dad went there to find my mum in her trousers, a PJ top, tissues wrapped around her feet for socks and odd shoes on. He took her back to her room to find all her clothes missing. He spoke to the staff and they were not interested.

Today when he visits he has to take new underware because her's has all gone missing. He has spoken to the Laundry staff and they are going to try to find her missing clothes.

This goes back to my Thread 'Why oh why'.

I hope you get things sorted, please keep us informed.
Debby
xxxxxxx

 

[Amble]

My heart goes out to all of you and all I can say is that I genuinely care about the pain and anguish you are suffering in this most heartrending of situations. Please be aware that although there is nothing I can say or do to help I stand alongside you.

 

[jude1950]

Oh Debbie .

I do feel for your dad trying not to get too annoyed with the Ward staff I don't want to be labelled a trouble maker or have staff rolling their eyes everytime I walk on the Ward.
BUT.....I understand from my step daughter that when she went to visit her father at the weekend some member of staff has mentioned the case meeting to her and asked if she would like to attend that may seem ok but there are reasons I do not want her there.
In the first instance when Jim became too much for me to handle on my own she was asked if she would like to share the caring role with me she is divorced no children and at the time could not find a job so I was offering to pay her. her response about her father (they were never close ) was quite venemous and she said "stick in him a home and forget about him he is not worth it"

Since him being in care she has visited but tends to antagonise him by arguing with him or making derogatory remarks about him to staff...such as " he has always been nasty it is not the Alzheimer's" You would think she would know better
she works as a carer in a local NH.

She is currently on suspension from work pending an investigation into abuse by her towards a resident, she was dismissed from her previous care home job for bruising a resident rough handling them .

I did ask when Jim went into Hospital that his case was not discussed with anyone other than me and if anyone were to make enquiries they should be told to ask me I shall ask today if this carer who took it upon herself to invite my step daughter to this meeting has also asked someone from the porters, kitchen staff, car park attendants, along too? The last time I included her in a case meeting she embarressed me by refering to one of the doctors as "don't know his name he is a P*k*" I could not apologise enough and perhaps you will understand why I do not want her any where near professional people that are responsible for Jim's care.

Tell your dad not to let the staff be indifferent when he asks about Mums clothes tell him to ask to see the ward manager and make sure they take notice of him .

take care

judith

 

[Debby Short]

Oh Judith I have just read your reply, I feel for you so much, I would like to give you a bit hug and make it better for you, but know that will never be possible.

I really don't understand your step Daughter, and will not even begin to. Thank goodness for TP.

My dad, like you doesn't like to make a fuss. We (that being me & my sister) have spoken to Dad's SW (who is lovely), and she was going to call dad and the hospital yesterday and help sort this out.

I can't wait to see my parents the first wkend of July (I haven't seen then since the middle of May, when I took mum into hospital the first time). Although I know mum has changed loads, so I am scared as well.

I know dad doesn't tell us everything, we are, of course, still his babies (there are 4 of us age ranges 46 to 33).

How bad of the hopsital to invite someone else to a meeting, when you have specifically told them no. My dad has a meeting this Friday my sister is going to try and go with him.

Sending you bit hugs (you sound like you need them) and loads of support.
Debs
xx