Sleepless nights

[Nyanya]

Hi everyone
I’m new to this but am hoping to get helpful information.
My husband ,87, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in December 2020(over the phone due to Covid-19) I suspect that it has been around for a while but between July 2018-August 2020 he had sepsis 4times and each time became mentally worse.
He is very mobility disabled, very poor eyesight and does little more than sleep.
He has for weeks now not wanting to stay in bed but keeps getting into his chair near the bed and when I tried to get him back to bed he says he is in bed. I have been having very little sleep and am exhausted. He will be having respite in November.
My question is this.
Should we move 70+ miles to be nearer family? We have lived in our present home for 24 years, have all the necessary equipment.
Will the move be too much for him?
I’m also concerned that if we move and I loose him I will only have family to rely on and not our wonderful neighbours and friends
I know my family are trying to help me but I’m concerned about be able to get carers etc.
Please could I have some thoughts please. Thank you

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Nyana, welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll get lots of support and advice here, and its a very friendly community.
Managing without much sleep isn't going to do you a lot of good, so I'm glad you've got some respite planned. If it works out I would be inclined to make it permanent. I know no one wants their love one to go into a care home, but doing so doesn't mean you stop caring for them, it just means you can become a wife again rather than a frazzled carer.
I also think it would be best to stay where you are. I'm sure your family want to help, but they have their own lives to lead too and it sounds as though you need help 24/7. It would also mean you'd lose all the support network you have now and it would be more difficult to keep in touch with friends.
I'm sure others will be along shortly with their suggestions and experiences, but in the mean time do have a look round the site, as you may find some other threads helpful.

 

[Violet Jane]

I’d be inclined to stay where you are, particularly if you think that you might be approaching the point at which your husband needs to move into a care home. If you move you will, as you say, be entirely dependent on your family if you lose your husband or he moves into a care home. It’s a sensitive question but how much help do you think, realistically, you will get with caring for your husband from your family? If they have very busy lives with demanding jobs and caring responsibilities for children / grandchildren they might not be able to do much and you will have moved for very little benefit.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Nyanya
a warm welcome from me too

I think you've answered your own question (my bolding):

I’m also concerned that if we move and I loose him I will only have family to rely on and not our wonderful neighbours and friends
I know my family are trying to help me but I’m concerned about be able to get carers

trying is not the same as wonderful, and 2 concerneds !

I've no doubt your family want what is best for you both ... that 'best' is for you to define, though