1. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,690
    My Mum 95 has been in her care home for 17 months and has settled well. Recently she's been eating breakfast in the dining room then going back to her bed to sleep. The carers wake her up at lunch time but after lunch in the dining room she goes back to bed. She's woken up again at about 3pm . Has dinner about 4 30 then goes back to bed. On my last visit she was sitting in the lounge but fast asleep and when I tried to wake her she just told me unpleasantly to go away. I stayed for a while and tried to wake her a couple of times but each time she told me to go away. I travel three and a half hours to see her so it's very sad when she doesn't talk to me. Is this a normal development . Should I just reduce the number of times I visit? They have taken a urine test and we are awaiting the result.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,896
    Kent
    I would reduce your visits. @Susan11

    It`s a long journey. I know you need to see your mum to make sure she is being well looked after but at least she is safe and contented if she is sleeping.
     
  3. Wildflowerlady

    Wildflowerlady Registered User

    Sep 30, 2019
    20
    Hi, Susan 11,
    Maybe mum is just sleeping so much due to her advancing age? I visit my dad 85 years regularly he is still in his own home with daily care visits. I live close just a few minutes drive but I must admit I am thinking of cutting visits down as he can be unpleasant, has started to question why I have come will say well you have seen me you can go now sometimes minutes after I have arrived. It makes me feel I should just leave him alone as I don't want him to feel harassed. It is hurtful but I am thinking maybe my dad will be happier to see me a little less. I am lucky he is close so can adapt visits if necessary, I can well imagine how you must feel when you have that far to travel. Not sure how often you visit perhaps ask CH to let you know if she perks up and starts to stay awake longer and when might be best time to visit in future?. Its a long way to go if mum isn't responsive to your visit.
    I send best wishes to you, I am finding dads Dementia so hard to deal with his changing personality is not nice as he can get verbally aggressive quite quickly but perhaps your mum is simply just tired and a bit worn out.
     
  4. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,690
    #4 Susan11, Nov 18, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2019
    Thank you. I go every other weekend and stay in a local hotel overnight so I see her on two days. It doesn't seem often enough but I can't do more and the driving is very tiring for my OH. It's three and a half hours minimum each way. Sometimes it takes over 4 hours.
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,966
    I do sympathise it’s a two an half hour journey each way to visit Mum, we can’t afford to stay in a hotel & staying at Mums isn’t an option ( mum believes she sleeps well but is up & down all night like a jack in the box! No one gets any sleep!!)

    mum promptly falls asleep when we visit, it just is what it is. I take a book & also have a cat nap when I visit. I try & get Mum to have a lie down on the bed so I can read aloud to her as she dozes off. It’s nice & companionable & comfortable.
    As the saying goes if you can’t beat them join them!

    when I visit Dad in his Care home & he inevitably falls asleep - I cuddle up with him on his bed! Precious times! I’m 51 & I don’t care what anyone else thinks- it give him great comfort & company.

    we have to make the best out of each situation, so I try & no longer worry about what others might perceive - after all my Mum & Dad night just connect with those precious cuddles & holding of hands. xx
     
  6. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,690
    Thank you for your messages. I thought my journey was bad enough up but DesperateofDevon your journey sounds much worse.

    I also wanted to know if sleeping so often and for so long is something people have experience of. Is this a normal development with dementia or down to Mum's aging . Mum has only just started doing this . She's been in the Care home for 17 months.
     

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