Six years on

[Canadian Joanne]

Today is the 6th anniversary of my mother's death. She was only 79 when she died and she had been in care for over 15 years. She was diagnosed a day and a month after her 64th birthday, although we are confident she had it for several years before diagnosis. She fought very long and very hard. At her funeral, the poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas was read, as I felt it was very appropriate.

About a year after she died, we moved and I found letters she had written me in the 70s and 80s. It was bittersweet but the lovely part is that when I reread them, I can hear her voice clearly.

My mother was beautiful, intelligent and reserved with most, although she was a very civil person. She simply wasn't a super sociable woman. For me, she was a rock. I always felt loved and cherished, although I'm afraid I disappointed her many times. The song "Loves Me Like A Rock" by Paul Simon reflects how I feel.

I was very, very lucky to have her as my mother.

 

[Grannie G]

That`s so lovely @Canadian Joanne

I doubt you ever disappointed her. If she was reserved, she wouldn`t have been able to tell you. It`s how many of her generation were.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@Grannie G Although she was reserved with others, she certainly wasn't reserved with me. She was very frank with me and could be hilariously politically incorrect.

 

[Helly68]

@Canadian Joanne - so much here resonates with me.
My mother too "raged against the dying of the light". We never had an easy relationship, but I was proud of her determination, fighting severe mental illness all her life.
Love that Paul Simon track too.

 

[Cat27]

Your mum was an amazing lady Joanne. 6 years has gone in the blink of an eye xx

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@Cat27 it certainly has.

 

[Izzy]

@Cat27 it certainly has.

I feel that way too Joanne - your mum and my Bill died around the same time I think.

 

[jaymor]

2016 was a sad year for us, myself, Izzy, you Joanne and then @Cat27 lost our loved ones.

 

[Izzy]

2016 was a sad year for us, myself, Izzy, you Joanne and then @Cat27
lost our loved ones.

??

 

[DreamsAreReal]

@Canadian Joanne Your mum sounds very similar to mine. Usually preferred her own company but we were a little team of two. I'm sorry your Mum got dementia so young, that's absolutely tragic - for both of you. ?

 

[nita]

2016 was a sad year for us, myself, Izzy, you Joanne and then @Cat27 lost our loved ones.

My mother died just before Christmas 2016. I still miss her a lot

 

[Arty-girl]

Lost my mum July 2021 and although I think I'm coping with it, if I think about her too often, I get teary. After all the arrangements (funeral and giving the house back to the HA) I grieved for some time but about 10 months after her death I took a summer job, which I had done for several years. I'm OK with that as the position I get is like working on my own and I am happy with that. At the moment, due to the economic climate, I'm having to job search again. As I don't particularly like Christmas (haven't done for years) I'm dreading having to do the "excitable person" thing. At the moment I'm putting in applications but the last two years of my cv, I was caring for mum and this is not what you're supposed to have on a cv. I'm finding it difficult. I wonder how others cope with getting back into work.

 

[Moggymad]

I guess it depends on what job youre applying for but I wouldn’t expect prospective employers to see it negatively. It’s a sad world if devoting your time to caring for a loved one is looked down upon or considered a “weakness” on your application. I guess leaving it blank is not an option but it could be explained at the interview stage. I assume the employer would need reassurance that any care duties wont interfere with your job but they cannot discriminate.

 

[Pork Pie lady]

Lost my mum July 2021 and although I think I'm coping with it, if I think about her too often, I get teary. After all the arrangements (funeral and giving the house back to the HA) I grieved for some time but about 10 months after her death I took a summer job, which I had done for several years. I'm OK with that as the position I get is like working on my own and I am happy with that. At the moment, due to the economic climate, I'm having to job search again. As I don't particularly like Christmas (haven't done for years) I'm dreading having to do the "excitable person" thing. At the moment I'm putting in applications but the last two years of my cv, I was caring for mum and this is not what you're supposed to have on a cv. I'm finding it difficult. I wonder how others cope with getting back into work.

If you want an excuse not to join in with family or freinds you could try looking into volunteering over Christmas. There are often opportunities to do 'backroom things' like helping with preparations or clearing up if you prefer to have some distance between you and the celebrations. Try your local volunteer bureau if there is one or any of the charities, hospitals or care homes that operate locally.
Also doing some kind of volunteering on a regular basis would help keep your mind off the grief, give you an up-to-date reference and show that you want to do something positive with your time.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Lost my mum July 2021 and although I think I'm coping with it, if I think about her too often, I get teary. After all the arrangements (funeral and giving the house back to the HA) I grieved for some time but about 10 months after her death I took a summer job, which I had done for several years. I'm OK with that as the position I get is like working on my own and I am happy with that. At the moment, due to the economic climate, I'm having to job search again. As I don't particularly like Christmas (haven't done for years) I'm dreading having to do the "excitable person" thing. At the moment I'm putting in applications but the last two years of my cv, I was caring for mum and this is not what you're supposed to have on a cv. I'm finding it difficult. I wonder how others cope with getting back into work.

@Arty-girl Regarding your CV, caring for someone involves many skills apart from the actual hands on caring. Arranging appointments, managing finances, contacts with various bodies, people skills and negotiations etc. Would it help to include these in your CV, depending on the job you are applying for.

 

[Sofum]

@Arty-girl Regarding your CV, caring for someone involves many skills apart from the actual hands on caring. Arranging appointments, managing finances, contacts with various bodies, people skills and negotiations etc. Would it help to include these in your CV, depending on the job you are applying for.

Exactly. Plus it is moral patience that a person needs.