1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    38
    South Devon
    I contacted a private sitter service the other day to try and get a few hours a week respite. The lady I spoke with was very nice and agreed to come to the house to discuss our needs. When I mentioned this to my husband a few days ago he was fine with it but now he is going off in one of his rages saying that he doesn't want strangers in the house and that there is nothing wrong with him .. I am at my wits end, any suggestions would be gratefully received !!
     
  2. malc

    malc Registered User

    don't fore warn him of awkward events or situations,let him meet the person on the day also works well with hospital and dentist appointments.
     
  3. WirelessPaul

    WirelessPaul Registered User

    Feb 10, 2012
    52
    Leeds
    Agree with malc. It would be better to do the discussing away from the house and then sort things out for the carer to 'drop in' maybe a short time at first then get longer while you remember something and pop out to see someone etc.
    Paul
     
  4. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Probaby better if you could find a male companion for him, perhaps they could do 'mens things ' together - bit of gardening or even go out for a drive. or a walk.

    Does he perhaps have a male friend that you could approach- fit and retired probably that could amuse him for an afternoon or so, perhaps every other week?
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,853
    Female
    Scotland
    I have had a few male sitters recently. When husband said he didn't need his hand held I replied that it was to give him male company instead of always talking to me. He seems to have accepted that.
     
  6. malc

    malc Registered User

    sorry about short reply,i was trying to sort friends problem on phone and sell a car all at the same time,i did home care for a while and these type of sitting calls were beneficial for carer and caree alike,i took the chap's pub for a shandy,cafe for food,walks and sat in the garden discussing gardening etc,well worth a try.
     
  7. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    Fred had a male sitter who was excellent. They played dominoes and cards interspersed with walks round the garden to check the greenhouse, shed, garage, etc. We had a woman on occasions but I dont think he related so well to her.

    Sent from my GT-N5110
     
  8. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    290
    London
    I have a 'friend' who stays with my dad when I'm at work or just want to go out and do something. The 'friend' is from a care agency. I particularly wanted a male friend for dad so they could do what men do; watch football, look at the races etc. there was one teething problem initially as dad didn't like the sound of his laugh but he got over that thankfully. Persevere and take care
     
  9. Amber 3

    Amber 3 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2015
    38
    South Devon
    Thank you so much for all your replies and suggestions, I will take all your comments on board and see which works best. One thing for sure.. I do need a break !!
    When John was working he was a sales rep. and used to love going out meeting and talking to different people every day but since the dementia he has become more withdrawn and seems to have lost interest in everything. Does see some of his old work mates occasionally but there is no one I could ask to sit with him....
    From your replies I think a male sitter would be best, it's just getting John over the first hurdle of admitting he needs someone with him if I am not available 24/7!
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,531
    Female
    South coast
    No, dont go down that route - its never going to work. Now is the time for "love lies". Come up with some other reason why he should have the company, other posters have suggested some excellent ideas
     
  11. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Whilst it would seem ideal to have a male carer in my experience they are not as easy to come by as females. My OH has only ever been offered one male carer from the four agencies I use and he was about 22 and although quite competent not on OH's wave length. I am lucky inasmuch as B isn't bothered if they're female as long as he has someone with him. He gets on with some better than others but that's to be expected. I think the suggestion to introduce one and then remember that you have to pop out for a while is a good one. Good luck but do persevere, and don't forget you can ask the agency for a different carer if there's a personality clash.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     

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