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singing wife

Del24

Registered User
Aug 17, 2014
67
Hertfordshire
I take my wife out daily in her wheelchair around the shops and if she is happy she sings while we walk around the shopping centre.
She does not sing a song as such just a la la la tune that she remembers.
It is the attitude of the public that surprises me some turn and a look of horror is written across their faces or shock although a minority do smile and even talk to her.
Has anyone else had this problem.
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,036
71
Durham
I take my wife out daily in her wheelchair around the shops and if she is happy she sings while we walk around the shopping centre.
She does not sing a song as such just a la la la tune that she remembers.
It is the attitude of the public that surprises me some turn and a look of horror is written across their faces or shock although a minority do smile and even talk to her.
Has anyone else had this problem.
My husband does this all the time and he makes the words up as he goes along, some people look surprised especially in waiting rooms or when I push him in his wheelchair when we go for walks but I have never really thought of it as a problem, It sounds as though she is happy and it is the problem of the people who look in horror not yours, there is nothing you can do really so don't worry about it ,
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,837
England
Ignore the ones who stare or scuttle away. They are just frightened of strange behaviour. It's a natural instinct. We have to learn to be comfortable with other people doing unusual things. The instinctive reaction is to find it threatening. It's not rational.

I hope you don't find this too flippant, but you reminded me of when I first saw someone using a modern type of mobile phone (not the clunky brick type but one that you couldn't actually see). When someone walks towards you with a hand over their ear, carrying on an animated conversation with someone who isn't there, you tend to swerve away. This happened to me 3 times in one day until I realised what they were doing. :eek: That's an example of how an instinctive reaction to perceived threat can be removed by gaining greater understanding.

However, I don't think you need to bother about educating strangers in the street. Just enjoy the chats with the friendly ones. Smiles are good. Smiling at a stranger who looks shocked might reassure them, if you think it's worth it. Your wife won't notice their reaction. I'm glad to hear that she enjoys your shopping trips. She wouldn't sing if she was not content. :)
 
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Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,855
69
Dundee
It sounds as though she is happy and it is the problem of the people who look in horror not yours, there is nothing you can do really so don't worry about it ,
I agree totally. Music can be such an important part of the life of someone with dementia. I know it is a very important part of my husband's life. He doesn't sing all of the time like your wife but he will sing at the drop of a hat. When he refuses to get out of the car it's me kneeling down beside him in the street singing something like 'She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain When She Comes'! I'm sure I must have had weird looks but I don't care!:D
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
My husband sings or hums doesn't remember the words, sometimes people stand and stare, l say my husband isn't drunk he just has Alzheimers, then they feel embarrased, l tell them don't worry its not catching, happy days ♡♡♡
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,855
69
Dundee
My husband sings or hums doesn't remember the words, sometimes people stand and stare, l say my husband isn't drunk he just has Alzheimers, then they feel embarrased, l tell them don't worry its not catching, happy days ♡♡♡
I like it!!:D
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
My husband sings or hums doesn't remember the words, sometimes people stand and stare, l say my husband isn't drunk he just has Alzheimers, then they feel embarrased, l tell them don't worry its not catching, happy days ♡♡♡
I like it too!

I would be so happy if my mam was singing - just ignore the people who look shocked and rejoice that your wife is happy, so you are obviously taking very good care of her. Pat on the back for you, Del24 :).
 

Callandergirl

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
96
Music

I've been looking at an American site similar to this but newly started. It was recommended by my American friend. The site is called "Dementia Heroes" and they have a discussion group talking about music and dementia. One of the ladies is a nurse in a care home and she recently did a little experiment playing music to the residents for about 20 minutes BEFoRE eating. Everyone ate willingly and usually more! I think music is very important to people with the disease, and what a pleasant medicine!!
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,031
London
I've been looking at an American site similar to this but newly started. It was recommended by my American friend. The site is called "Dementia Heroes" and they have a discussion group talking about music and dementia. One of the ladies is a nurse in a care home and she recently did a little experiment playing music to the residents for about 20 minutes BEFoRE eating. Everyone ate willingly and usually more! I think music is very important to people with the disease, and what a pleasant medicine!!
I think this is why the Alzheimer's Society have their Singing for the Brain sessions!
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
You could always wear a T Shirt saying " I'm with Happy"....:D:D
Tell her from me, my sister sings all the time, well hums and lalas.... and she can't even claim an excuse;);)

My Mum, blind, CH and all the sadness that Dementia brings, lay in her bed singing the songs from The Sound of Music last week........I cried.:rolleyes::D
Sing out Sister:D:D:D:D:D
 

Callandergirl

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
96
I think this is why the Alzheimer's Society have their Singing for the Brain sessions!
Yes and they are very valuable but how many care homes do it, and how many of us use it in our own situations???? I don't think up till recently or perhaps not even yet, has training placed much importance on the use of music.
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,668
My mum used to sit up in bed and softly hum a little tune to herself. It was quite lovely, made me smile! She's in a care home now so I'm not sure if this still happens.

She still loves music, they have a singer who comes to the CH each month to entertain all the ladies and it's very popular. There is a lady of 101 who likes to stand up with her Zimmer frame, there's a photo of her in the hallway of the home!

Music seems great therapy and it's amazing how mum remembers lyrics!

Let your wife sing, nobody else matters :) xxx
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
2,668
Gosh Izzy that made me smile and cry at the same time! I suddenly want to be with my mum :(

Thanks for sharing that xx