Sidney refused to get out of the car !! Who can I call?

JayGee

Registered User
Aug 23, 2009
362
0
kilmarnock ayrshire
Hi Everyone
yesterday was the second time in 3 weeks Sidney got angry in the car and refused to come indoors.the weather is much colder here in scotland now and I was very worried. Nothing would budge him he was adamant he was staying put. Our home of 6 yrs is in his short term so he doesnt recognise this as home I asked neighbours to try , our son from england and my daughter from work 20 miles away both went on speakerphone on my mobile . no use! The first time I just watched from the window and after 2 hrs while I was ringing the surgery for advice he got out of the car confused not knowing he had been there all that time. last night the same thing my sister (who he loves came down) but he slammed the car door on her -it was nearly 3 hrs later he got out dazed so I said to him thats the shopping indoors now shall we go in and have a nice cup of tea. He saw my sister and said how lovely to see you!! I know this is not as major a problem as others he has but who can I ring? Would the police help?
I have just got back online today after changing internet providers I felt quite alone without access to TP
thanks June
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
Hello:
Sorry you have such a problem. I think you are doing fine just leaving Sidney there until HE is ready! The only other thought is to ring a CPN (if you have one) or a Social Worker. The problem is no one can force him as 'human rights' become an issue. Once he becomes a danger to himself or others then it is a sectioning situation, which I am sure you do not want.

Have you discussed this with your GP or Consultant? It will be interesting to hear what they have to say.

Good Luck Jan
 

Val_B

Registered User
Oct 27, 2009
109
0
Scotland
I don't know if it is worth saying "Let's go visiting" when he won't get out of the car, and driving round the block to your house again and seeing if he'll get out then?
 

JayGee

Registered User
Aug 23, 2009
362
0
kilmarnock ayrshire
hi Jan
thank you
what is a CPN please?
the first time I was talking to a GP (not mine)at surgery
and he said well he wont get hypothermia as long as he has his coat on but I had to run as he was leaving the car and going away.

thank you Val also
I have driven round for ages trying different people's houses
to no avail. he is incredibly stubborn -a previous trait
June
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Hello June

A CPN is a Community Psychiatric Nurse and I, too, think it would be worth being referred to one. It might be a good idea to get this ball rolling as soon as you can because it is important that you have the right kind of support.

With winter setting in this seems very worrying especially if Sidney is tending to leave the car and wander off!!

It is good that you are now back online and that you know Talking Point is here for you:)

Love
 

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
801
0
Buckinghamshire
Dear June,
there is no easy answer to your problem, a) because your husband can't be forced, as already stated, and b) because you cannot reason with someone who may just not understand what is required.
I experienced similar episodes with my husband, he just could not understand the 'mechanics' of getting into and out of a vehicle - in fact, he forgot what a car was for, what we were doing, and the more we tried to coerce him, the more "stubborn" he became, only I don't think he was necessarily objecting to upset us, but out of an urge to protect his own identity. After all, he was the one who used to be in charge and make decisions....... And just as you describe, if left alone to get on with it, he would (eventually) calmly alight and get on with it.

Similar problems happened with sitting down to a meal at a given time - he just failed to translate situations into appropriate actions.

All these observations are, of course, no help to you at all. I am afraid we were forced to give up car journeys in the end, because cold winter conditions and other problems outweighed the limited pleasures of outings or shopping trips. If a journey could not be avoided, we used a wheelchair taxi and made sure he was safely and comfortably tucked up in the wheelchair well ahead of the arrival of the taxi.

I wish you well. Please let us know if you discover a solution, this may be of help to someone else in a similar position.

C.
 

lesmisralbles

Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
5,543
0
I am afraid we were forced to give up car journeys in the end, because cold winter conditions and other problems outweighed the limited pleasures of outings or shopping trips. If a journey could not be avoided, we used a wheelchair taxi and made sure he was safely and comfortably tucked up in the wheelchair well ahead of the arrival of the taxi. Quote: Nutty Nan

I agree.
That is what I have to do now.
Barb X
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
0
70
East Midlands
Hello June,

It's a strange one, certainly..!

I'm trying to imagine what I'd do in your shoes. I know that Eric at one point could not be forced to do anything against his will..(as time has marched on and the disease has progressed he has become more biddable..)

What about giving him a blanket,telling him it's ok, and taking him out a cup of tea..as if it's the most normal thing in the world to do.

Keep it calm...try to think of something that may entice him inside..a favourite TV programme,meal,but don't push it. He will sense your panic, I'm sure.

Sidney did come in eventually...but if you're really concerned about his well-being and he absolutely refuses I'd dial 999 and ask for the paramedics to visit.

love xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,442
0
Kent
What about giving him a blanket,telling him it's ok, and taking him out a cup of tea..as if it's the most normal thing in the world to do.
I like this idea. It`s worth a try. Non-confrontational but helping him keep warm.
 

magenta

Registered User
Feb 16, 2009
95
0
wales
keeping calm

Hi
I think a CPN may come up with ideas but if you live a long way out it would only be phone support.

I would go first for the 'I have to pop in to visit here would you like to come.' If that did not work then go for the tea and blankets. Add to that warm hat and hot water bottle if that is likely to be safe.

Take care of yourself

M
 

JayGee

Registered User
Aug 23, 2009
362
0
kilmarnock ayrshire
Thank you everyone
I will try all of your sound ideas.
I originally had thought that if I rang 999 then 2 nice young policemen would gently bring him indoors for me. I am sure in days gone by that would have worked.
June
 

MJW

Registered User
Sep 24, 2009
154
0
East Sussex
Desperate measures

I know this sounds daft, but have you tried putting a large blanket or tarpaulin over the car so that all the windows are blacked out and it is dark inside? Then you could say it's time to go indoors to bed.

Alternatively, the devil in me thinks how about playing some kind of music that your husband really hates on the car radio? I bet a blast of heavy metal would get him out of there like a shot!

Calling the police is wasting their time (which is an offence of course). On the other hand, getting one of your neighbours to wear a police hat and play the part might be just as effective...
 

foxhound

Registered User
Jun 26, 2008
187
0
All the ideas (with the exception of the tarp!!) are pretty sensible - nothing to add there.

What I would add is that I know how terribly upsetting seeing someone you love just not seeing sense at all can be. All my sympathy - just work on keeping yourself calm and easy, rug him up with a whole heap of downies and let things sort themselves out.

That's very easy to say, but actually quite hard in practice - good luck!
 

milly123

Registered User
Mar 15, 2009
896
0
England
hi june i had same problem with my husband he went to day centre sometimes i would have to ride around and go back and try again sometimes it worked other times he would get out for one paticular carer not always the same one.when i turned in our drive he would say why are we coming hereand refuse to get outso many times i left him till he decided try coacsing him with adrink or sweets ect i know how frustrating it is for you milly
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,442
0
Actually, I don't believe calling the police when all else has failed would be considered wasting their time - they are the people you would call if he was at risk and if it was bitterly cold he would be at risk. In fact, someone in uniform telling him to get out of the car might well trigger him to get out. On the whole, though, I agree that the blanket idea would be best.
 

JayGee

Registered User
Aug 23, 2009
362
0
kilmarnock ayrshire
Thanks everyone
I will be less frantic next time as he does eventually come in after 2 and 3 hrs respectively and I will do the blanket thing over his knees and a nice cup of tea.
June