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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
207
0
Im afraid that dementia destroys so many bonds. Im still at home with OH, but I no longer feel like a wife. We used to be soulmates, but now Im just a carer/housekeeper/general dogsbody and all he can see are his own needs wants and comforts. Every day is groundhog day.

I hope you can work everything out, I value your input on here
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Canary: It must be so very hard for you when it's your OH. You sound so strong in your replies and posts. I admire you. Take care of yourself. ((((((((0))))))))))) big hugs to you x
 

Scarlet Lady

Registered User
Apr 6, 2021
213
0
@Palerider , I’m so sorry about your experiences with the care home. No one wants to point the finger, but this does look like theft, perpetrators unknown. When my aunt was discharged from hospital to a care home for assessment, the home told me what she had arrived with, or rather hadn’t. Her spectacles (all three pairs of them) hadn’t arrived with her, indeed they didn’t know she wore spec! Enquiries to the hospital proved fruitless.
My aunt died during the assessment period, so I retrieved her possessions from the home. This was a bit of a torturous process because they were closed because of COVID, so all her possessions were placed in a bag at the door. It was only when I checked her handbag later that I realised £120 in cash was missing. I’d forgotten she had it and I’m sure she had, too. I asked the home if they’d put it in the safe and they denied all knowledge of it. This money was in a secure back pocket of a capacious bag. No one could have accidentally stumbled on it, it would have required a thorough search of the bag. So this wasn’t opportunistic. Someone stole this money and I have no idea if it was someone in the hospital or the care home. I will never know and there’s nothing I can do.
There are a number of questions surrounding her death at the care home that don’t add up, but I’m not proposing to pursue things because what would be the point? But like you, I feel a bit sickened that we have to place our trust in caring for our loved ones with people in whom that trust is utterly misplaced.
I do hope you get some answers with your mum's treasured jewellery.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,151
0
North West
Canary: It must be so very hard for you when it's your OH. You sound so strong in your replies and posts. I admire you. Take care of yourself. ((((((((0))))))))))) big hugs to you x
@canary is an amazing member of TP but I think you kinda posted on the wrong thread, but anyway posting that for @canary on here is a testament to her continued support on TP x
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,151
0
North West
@Palerider , I’m so sorry about your experiences with the care home. No one wants to point the finger, but this does look like theft, perpetrators unknown. When my aunt was discharged from hospital to a care home for assessment, the home told me what she had arrived with, or rather hadn’t. Her spectacles (all three pairs of them) hadn’t arrived with her, indeed they didn’t know she wore spec! Enquiries to the hospital proved fruitless.
My aunt died during the assessment period, so I retrieved her possessions from the home. This was a bit of a torturous process because they were closed because of COVID, so all her possessions were placed in a bag at the door. It was only when I checked her handbag later that I realised £120 in cash was missing. I’d forgotten she had it and I’m sure she had, too. I asked the home if they’d put it in the safe and they denied all knowledge of it. This money was in a secure back pocket of a capacious bag. No one could have accidentally stumbled on it, it would have required a thorough search of the bag. So this wasn’t opportunistic. Someone stole this money and I have no idea if it was someone in the hospital or the care home. I will never know and there’s nothing I can do.
There are a number of questions surrounding her death at the care home that don’t add up, but I’m not proposing to pursue things because what would be the point? But like you, I feel a bit sickened that we have to place our trust in caring for our loved ones with people in whom that trust is utterly misplaced.
I do hope you get some answers with your mum's treasured jewellery.
Thanks for your response.

Having narrowed the whole thing down to +/- 5 hours with the same people on shift I think there is a case to be investigated and even if I am finally circumstantially proved wrong that there has been a theft I feel that it still needs to now become a police matter and I will be making it so. Hard evidence in these circumstances is difficult to come by however the bracelet can be traced to any pawn outlet. Having managed care staff myself I know by experience it does happen and as a manager to then to involve the police.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
888
0
It is certainly worth reporting.
It is also worth remembering that in some cases a clear DBS check is simply because an offender has not yet been caught.
Also, there may have been cases involving the same staff on duty (at the home or elsewhere) where something has been noted but there is insufficient evidence to proceed; this might give the police further evidence to question those involved.
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
980
0
I’m wondering whether your mum isnt the only one to have personal items go missing recently. The fact that no one has contacted you about it & the ‘suspicious tone’ of the ops manager ( how does she know your mum so well & why was your call passed to her?) raises my suspicions of a serious incident which they may be trying to keep under wraps in case a person of interest has been identified. At mums care home the ops manager was there a lot when there was something serious going on.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,151
0
North West
Thanks everyone. I am so frustrated after everything over the last few years at the turn of recent events. It just feels as if no matter where you turn there are problems that don't need to be problems. I'm off to visit mum today and have a Costa on the way. I have to prep for my interview tomorrow so I need to crack on. Hopefully no more isues will arise. I'll speak to the care home manager in the morning.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,151
0
North West
Thanks @Sarasa

Mum is ok but certainly different than how she was pre-episode last weekend. She was doing her usual walk around today and would not stop and have a chat with me or eat her cake -she was it seems on a mission. I chatted with F and exchanged the pics of mum I have in the care home wearing her jewelry to help identify it. I wish sometimes I could wrap her up in cotton wool, but we all know that just isn't possible -there are always risks in whatever we do.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,208
0
High Peak
Unfortunately, no one (iincluding myself) could work out exactly when mum's jewellery had last been seen, so it could have been missing a few weeks when I noticed. A fleece jacket always covered the bracelet and the necklace chain was covered by whatever top she was wearing. So it was even harder to work out who might have taken them.

The manager did interview all the staff and I'm pretty sure she had her suspicions who the thief was. Trouble is, it's impossible to prove.

In the end, I accepted it as there was nothing I - or anyone else - could do. I could have removed the items but chose not to. (Of course, you never imagine anyone is ging to steal them!) Fortunately she had given me her wedding rings to look after when she was in hospital, before moving to the care home so at least I didn't lose those.

Mum quickly forgot and lost awareness of such things but I think the worst thing for me was thinking that somewhere in the home (if that person was still there) was a horrible person who had taken advantage of my vulnerable mother and stolen from her. Mum wasn't easy to manage and spent a lot of time alone in her room. It made me wonder what else such a person might do when no one was looking and I found it harder to trust the staff after that :(
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,151
0
North West
Well today I interviewed for a position at a very well known hospital in the North West and was successful. I have accepted the offer, so finally have managed to get over the last few years of limbo. I am excited and can't wait to move on, but equally will find it hard to leave behind so many great and supportive colleagues and friends. Change is never easy, but I couldn't carry on as I was.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,447
0
Well today I interviewed for a position at a very well known hospital in the North West and was successful. I have accepted the offer, so finally have managed to get over the last few years of limbo. I am excited and can't wait to move on, but equally will find it hard to leave behind so many great and supportive colleagues and friends. Change is never easy, but I couldn't carry on as I was.
Well done @Palerider . Change is often difficult but you can keep in touch with friends and colleagues. I am sure that you will also make new friends through your job . I am sure that you will embrace this new stage in your life.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,852
0
Nottinghamshire
So glad to hear your good news @Palerider . It will be a wrench to leave so many good friends and colleagues behind, but it sounds like a positive move, and the commute should make things easier for you.
 

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