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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

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Sarasa

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Apr 13, 2018
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I’m sorry to hear that @Palerider but glad the home didn’t send her off to hospital. My mother in law collapsed in a similar fashion last weekend and ended up stuck in an ambulance outside a hospital for hours. She seems to have recovered pretty well, though it is a worry. We’re hoping the home will just keep her comfortable if it happens again.
Thinking of you and your mum.
 

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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Thanks everyone for your responses.

I had left my phone down stairs overnight but I can tell you when it rang I woke instantly from sleep. I think on reflection it shows how subconciously I am aware of my mums now frail state.

Mum is still sleeping and I have decided not to re-visit but let her be for today as she is no doubt exhausted from night after night of not sleeping, but there is more to this now I have all of the information and it seems this is more about mums heart failure plus her progression with dementia. Its all down to mums constiution and whether she can rally and if this last episode is too much for her. I'm going to visit mum tomorrow first thing and see for myself how she is. Its quite a sudden change in that only last week she was quite content and doing her usual thing.

Its funny how we end up in this state of limbo, having once pre-determined what we thought we would do, think and feel, but when we finally arrive here its feels completely different not really having any one thought or hope, but a mix of views -it all begins to fold into shades of grey.
 

Lynmax

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Nov 1, 2016
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I am sorry to hear about your mum, it’s a very difficult time for you waiting to see if she rallies. It’s only two weeks since I was in a similar situation wondering how I was going to cope when my mum suddenly began to fail but I just went into auto mode. I don’t really remember driving to her care home after the doctor phoned me, just that I was shaking and felt sick. It’s surprising how well we can cope at the time but the constant worry does pay a toll on our own health.

I hope the doctor is understanding and that you can agree the most appropriate plan for your mums care, I certainly found it reassuring to talk to my mums doctors who were really understanding and considerate. The one who assessed mum and phoned me had not met her before but he took the time to phone me the next morning to offer his condolences for her death after he read it on the surgery online notes.

I will be thinking of you

Take care

Anne
 

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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Again thanks everyone. I visited mum this morning and she had rallied but not the same as before. I drove over to my informal visit pre interview and on the way back again popped in to see my mum. She had done her usual shuffle and was in a recliner when I visited. I got her to drink about 600 mls as she is bone dry after having bumetanide twice a day (a diuretic). I spoke with F who was on duty today and she told me the GP had not visited which instantly got my back up. F was saying she feels its a mix of things but mums falls are occuring more and more recetnly. I corrected and said that these are not falls that she is collapsing due to the water tablets drying her out too much and when she stands up her BP drops suddenly so she collapses. F said she felt it was more than that so I asked if the GP has reviewed all of this to which see said the GP said it was not an urgent matter :mad:. Seriously, the GP prescribes a drug they know can cause falls and they don't review when there are problems??? Meh watch this space! I know my mum is frail and likely to pass at some point, but this is not acceptable by any means!!!
 

GillP

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Aug 11, 2021
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Again thanks everyone. I visited mum this morning and she had rallied but not the same as before. I drove over to my informal visit pre interview and on the way back again popped in to see my mum. She had done her usual shuffle and was in a recliner when I visited. I got her to drink about 600 mls as she is bone dry after having bumetanide twice a day (a diuretic). I spoke with F who was on duty today and she told me the GP had not visited which instantly got my back up. F was saying she feels its a mix of things but mums falls are occuring more and more recetnly. I corrected and said that these are not falls that she is collapsing due to the water tablets drying her out too much and when she stands up her BP drops suddenly so she collapses. F said she felt it was more than that so I asked if the GP has reviewed all of this to which see said the GP said it was not an urgent matter :mad:. Seriously, the GP prescribes a drug they know can cause falls and they don't review when there are problems??? Meh watch this space! I know my mum is frail and likely to pass at some point, but this is not acceptable by any means!!!
Sorry to read this especially the bit about lack of response from GP. It is shocking - so difficult to get response from docs at the moment. Just shocking especially when linked to meds’ they have prescribed.
 

Palerider

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Aug 9, 2015
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A long week, not helped by the fact I swapped with a colleague to help them out.

I finally spoke with mums GP on Thursday and set things straight over recent events, as by the time the GP was told the history by different staff it had changed some what from the original events -in that moment the penny dropped finally! I wasn't pleased that the GP had still not visited and it turns out there was another resident more unwell than my mum the GP had also refused to visit. I don't like making formal complaints, but I can feel one coming on PDQ! On top of this mums wedding ring and gold bracelet have vanished without a trace :mad:. The bracelet had a steadfast/robust clasp on it so it must have been undone to remove as it is too small to slip over mums hand. As for the wedding ring this is the big one for me and the most upsetting -my mum has never in all her married years taken it off, not even in the throws of dementia. I don't know what to do for the best, but the CH are being very quite about it all and I can't help feeling with so many new agency care workers (some of who seem dubious) it may well have been stolen.
 

DreamsAreReal

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
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That’s dreadful. I hope you get them back and it turns out be a misunderstanding or something. If you can’t trust them not to rob the vulnerable residents, what else are they up to? So upsetting 😭
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
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That’s dreadful. I hope you get them back and it turns out be a misunderstanding or something. If you can’t trust them not to rob the vulnerable residents, what else are they up to? So upsetting 😭
Thanks @DreamsAreReal . I'm just catching up on online advice as this seems odd to happen now at a time when there has been a flurry of new faces in the care workers. Reading some horror stories and thinking that its odd the bracelet after all this time and lots of things happening has suddenly vanished. I think I am going to have to raise this on Monday as a potential theft. I also called to see how my mum was on Tuesday and ended up with the Ops manager on the phone and she was quite suspicious in her manner when she asked why I was calling and said 'I know your mum very well, can I help you?' err no I said I want to speak to her nurse not you! I found that quite inetresting when the Ops manager doesn't work in the home or have anything to do directly with residents
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,044
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Nottinghamshire
So sorry to hear about the bracelet and wedding ring @Palerider . It certainly seems like something to raise, specially as neither of them was likely to accidently fall off. As for the GP not visiting, why not? Not everything can be done remotely.
 

Jaded'n'faded

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Jan 23, 2019
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High Peak
A long week, not helped by the fact I swapped with a colleague to help them out.

I finally spoke with mums GP on Thursday and set things straight over recent events, as by the time the GP was told the history by different staff it had changed some what from the original events -in that moment the penny dropped finally! I wasn't pleased that the GP had still not visited and it turns out there was another resident more unwell than my mum the GP had also refused to visit. I don't like making formal complaints, but I can feel one coming on PDQ! On top of this mums wedding ring and gold bracelet have vanished without a trace :mad:. The bracelet had a steadfast/robust clasp on it so it must have been undone to remove as it is too small to slip over mums hand. As for the wedding ring this is the big one for me and the most upsetting -my mum has never in all her married years taken it off, not even in the throws of dementia. I don't know what to do for the best, but the CH are being very quite about it all and I can't help feeling with so many new agency care workers (some of who seem dubious) it may well have been stolen.
Oh dear. My mum's gold bracelet and necklace disappeared suddenly too, after she'd been in the care home a couple of years. Again, it was a time when there were agency people coming in. Just as with your mum, I had to discount any reasonable explanation: the bracelet had a strong clasp and mum could not undo it herself. She never took it off, or the neck chain - they were her 'permanent' items.

Sadly I had to put it down to theft, as did the manager who was genuinely horrified to think she had someone on the staff she couldn't trust. I asked about any similar instances and she was a bit vague... Of course, we're always told that any valuables should be removed before the person enters the home which makes sense, but you should not have to protect your loved one from theft in a care home. Mum's bracelet was supposed to come to me - the only bit of her jewellery I actually liked! It matches the necklace of hers she gave me umpteen years ago (and which I wear all the time) and we always joked I'd get the matching bracelet when she popped her clogs.

It's just horrible to think someone could steal from a vulnerable person, but it must be extremely easy. My mother was forgetful, suggestible and paranid at the time, plus she was asleep a lot. Anything would have worked, e.g. 'Would you like me to put these in the office safe for safe-keeping?' Done in the residents room there are no witnesses so no proof of wrongdoing, and the fact the person has dementia just muddies the waters so the thief can get away with it.

I'm really sorry, Simon.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
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North West
Oh dear. My mum's gold bracelet and necklace disappeared suddenly too, after she'd been in the care home a couple of years. Again, it was a time when there were agency people coming in. Just as with your mum, I had to discount any reasonable explanation: the bracelet had a strong clasp and mum could not undo it herself. She never took it off, or the neck chain - they were her 'permanent' items.

Sadly I had to put it down to theft, as did the manager who was genuinely horrified to think she had someone on the staff she couldn't trust. I asked about any similar instances and she was a bit vague... Of course, we're always told that any valuables should be removed before the person enters the home which makes sense, but you should not have to protect your loved one from theft in a care home. Mum's bracelet was supposed to come to me - the only bit of her jewellery I actually liked! It matches the necklace of hers she gave me umpteen years ago (and which I wear all the time) and we always joked I'd get the matching bracelet when she popped her clogs.

It's just horrible to think someone could steal from a vulnerable person, but it must be extremely easy. My mother was forgetful, suggestible and paranid at the time, plus she was asleep a lot. Anything would have worked, e.g. 'Would you like me to put these in the office safe for safe-keeping?' Done in the residents room there are no witnesses so no proof of wrongdoing, and the fact the person has dementia just muddies the waters so the thief can get away with it.

I'm really sorry, Simon.
Like your experience there is no way the bracelet could have 'just' come off and mums wedding ring never moved even after her weight loss it still stayed in place given her knuckle was the problem in removing it due to arthritis. My mum would never have removed her wedding ring and she had never attempted to and like your mum there is no way she could have removed her bracelet full stop.

I spoke with F today and she was shocked that no manager has called me about this after a week nearly. I told her that I do feel that this is theft, even if it had got lost in the laundry the girls are so used to checking the washers and dryers for anything it would have turned up by now after one week. When mum had her turn at the weekend it was the last time she was witnessed to have being wearing her wedding ring and bracelet, so I can conclude that they did not 'fall off' and were not removed by the paramedics. The biggest clue is the bracelet, the only way that could have been removed is by someone else undoing it or snatching it at such a force it was torn off.

I think in the scheme of things and after one week its time to report the incident to the police as I have had no contact from the care home management about anything which also concerns me. I was assured today that all agency staff are DBS checked, buts thats only the word of the CH and not the agency who employ staff and then assign them on a sub contract to care homes
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,190
0
North West
Just spoke with my old housemate who is also a barrister Rhi, she said its narrowed down to the 24 hrs on Sunday, because on the Monday in the morning both affects were noticed to be missing and they were acknowledged to exist in the early hours of Sunday morning. What happenned after that is likely to be when things went missing -well my mum slept and didn't move by the records so I am confused.com
 
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