sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'
- Thread starter Palerider
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Well as one door has closed on a job closer to home another door has opened. Today I have applied to do a doctorate with full funding and also I will be able to remain clinical. My doctorate proposal is around dementia care in acute hospitals -something I have long had a passion about and I am hoping the proposal is accepted. I can't say much more about it because I may ask TP if I can do some research on the forum.
I wasn't going to mention this...but on reflection I need to rant for a few lines at least. I noted that my brother has stopped calling and now isn't going to visit mum. It was quite pathetic to see only my Mother's Day card and the staff confirmed there was no one else who has sent anything on Mother's day or visited since my last visit. I think after such a long battle with mum and my brothers attitude that my assertions about him have become proved, he was only ever interested in the estate mum leaves, which of course is now diminished having paid for her care and now she has resumed paying for her care. I honestly cannot believe that my brother is such an *******, but then he didn't see his sister when she was dying nor did he come to the funeral. Its the final straw with me having been piggy in the middle for years between him and my sister. At least mum gets her wish, her eldest son can't taunt her anymore after what happend when dad died with his antics.....meh family! A sad and sordid affair, but frankly I am done with him and haven't spoken to him since last year when mum took a turn for the worse
I am sorry that you have a useless brother and your assertions have been proved. I have a similar brother and I am pretty much done with him too. It is just very sad and I know my parents would have hated a rift in the family but I can't see an answer to it.
So sorry to read about your brother - however, you are not alone! If I may rant - my sister is the most selfish person I know - not been in touch with my myself or mum for nearly five years. As soon as she had to help or take some responsibility in any way she was off! On my own I had to move mum into care 18 month's ago and sell the family home. My only shard of light is that the money from the house is being spent on mum's care so hopefully there will be nothing left for my sister to inherit. Rant over.
wouldnt it be good to have an island where unhelpful or just plain horrible siblings go to and are made to work in a care home for a certain amount of time and can only leave if theyve earned it by doing well in the care home. my sister and daughter would be the first candidates. bit of a fantasy that one.
Yeah I was the same, did pretty much everything on my own -my sister was in the background but she couldn't do much to help having a child with LDs at home. But my brother has had many opportunities to help and point blank refused even though over the years he's had the most out of our parents
Yes you probably have, it also features in an episode of Endeavour -Anne Hallenberg is the singer
That made me laugh. My brother was almost apoplectic when I said that I would not be able to look after dad 24/7 and I do mean 24/7 unless dad helped me out a bit, not a lot, just a bit. He said 'that would eat into his part of the inheritance' This coming from someone who couldn't help look after dad because 'I do go to work' I didn't want a lot of help, just a bit. My parents bailed my brother out many times when he got married, they gave him the deposit for his first house because he was incapable of saving anything and they didn't want him to end up on council estate which sounds snobbish but it was true.
They did show up on dads last birthday but only for a few minutes because they were going out to another birthday. My mum used to call my brother 'the minute man' because he could never stay for more than a couple of minutes. They would breeze in making an awful lot of fuss and then breeze straight out again. It's very sad and I can't forgive them for the way they treated dad because he was a very good dad.
Hmm my brother had similar things done for him by our parents. Mum in the end before her dementia kicked in was fed up with him, as he was always after something, rarely visited her and to be honest in the last few years before dad passed mum didn't really want to know him. My dad when he was close to the end was worried about how things would pan out when he died with the brother, he said he only ever see's £ signs -sure enough he was right. I've moved on now and I can't say I have any forgiveness for his behaviour or antics and the stress he caused on a number of occasions. I've also stopped trying to understand the situation, because it drives me to depsair when I think about it too long.
managed to get another visit with mum tomorrow. I feel that time is running out and after discussion with the BIL who went through the same thing with his mother we both think that mum has months left. Its always hard to predict and mum rallied after her last close encounter, but looking at her now I don't think she will have the ability to rally again. I've bought her some new trousers and of course will take her some cake and a Costa coffee (in a flask) and some flowers. Its hard to know what to take really as she can no longer express anything in that way.
On Friday morning I got up for work and before my commute I had a feeling something was wrong, so checked my phone to see if I had missed any calls overnight. I got to work and at 08:50 I got a phone call from the home, mum had been admitted to hospital again at about 5am. The care home had found her on the floor. Its not surprising after I saw mum trying to mobilise that this is going to happen -sadly. Anyway, I couldn't get through to the emergency department and on two occasions the phone was picked up and put down again cutting me off. In the end I contacted their PALs team and asked them to speak to A&E and inform me of what is happening with my mum -is it just a fall or was there another episode of cardiac syncope? I finally got updated later in the afternoon and I have to say I was not best pleased. I know its busy, but answering the phone takes a couple of minutes and if the person answering doesn;t know the situation all they have to do is say 'sorry I don't know at the moment but your mum is stable and we will contact you when we have a plan.
Anyway mum is back in the care home with a splint on her arm as she has fractured it. These falls are increasing as she becomes more frail, but equally she is very determined that she wants to mobilise and move around, I guess her urge to wander has not diminished unlike other aspects of her health.
Anyway mum is back in the care home with a splint on her arm as she has fractured it. These falls are increasing as she becomes more frail, but equally she is very determined that she wants to mobilise and move around, I guess her urge to wander has not diminished unlike other aspects of her health.
My mother`s bed was lowered at this stage and a mattress put on the floor next to her bed.
I know this might not have been safe if she had tried to stand on the mattress but she didn`t. She tended to roll out of bed and had previously sustained carpet burns.
I don`t know whether or not this would be suitable for your mother @Palerider
I know this might not have been safe if she had tried to stand on the mattress but she didn`t. She tended to roll out of bed and had previously sustained carpet burns.
I don`t know whether or not this would be suitable for your mother @Palerider
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