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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
623
0
I think that’s a really good move for the secondment. If things don’t work out or if it’s too daunting a task (bearing in mind you have had a rough time for the last couple of years), you can return.
I hope you enjoy the task
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,028
0
Congratulations @Palerider. The secondment sounds an excellent idea. I did that once when I wasn't sure that the role I was moving to was really what I wanted. It turned out to be a good move. Not so much that job, but the fact it lead on to a job where i stayed until I retired and was very happy.
My husband and I were talking yesterday about how we moved where we are now to shorten our commutes to work, and how neither of us could have managed the long commute for much longer. I hope being nearer to home will be a good move for you too.
 

CardiffGirlInEssex

Registered User
Oct 6, 2018
280
0
Excellent news @Palerider , and very wise of you to negotiate a secondment to start with. it’s great that other professionals recognise the extent of your experience and professionalism. I wish you all the very best.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,628
0
Suffolk
Glad to hear the good news! This changing jobs is a bit of a pain in the neck! Just glad the times I’ve changed jobs it was all so much easier. However, last few years were working for myself and now I’m retired. No more jobs!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,537
0
North West
I caught up with the BIL last night on the phone, he is still feeling the pain of Karen’s passing, but there is not much I can do other than lend an ear. I was not great myself yesterday, so said I would visit next bank holiday weekend. Its hard because as I walk in everything triggers those last few weeks.

Today is a beautiful day and I went out for a drive passing by some old spots and driving down some of the roads mum took her last epic wander on -it still amazes me how she got so far, and she was heading in the right direction to where home used to be until she got stuck. I think its fair to say even now the tears well up in my eyes from time to time as I drive past.

So, this is it, pretty much. This is how it all panned out. Its funny how we have ideas about how our lives will be as our families get older, but of course they do not come to fruition sometimes. I do feel a sense of yearning to wind the clock back, but then I would have to relive it all again.

It is only when we arrive at this space in life do, we realise how important it is to treasure those we are close to and to make the most of the time we have.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
810
0
Have just caught up with your thread @Palerider . Congratulations on the new job!
I am sure your BIL appreciates you being there to listen to him.
It's surprising what triggers our memories, and how we wish we could turn the clocks back, but we'd have to live through the bad, as well as the good, again. Yes, we all must make the most of being with those we are close to, and building memories.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,537
0
North West
Well, the situation has changed on the job front and the new place are saying they can't offer secondment, so I have had to come to a decision whether to accept or decline the job. I have decided to decline on this occasion, purely because they were too vague aorund the project and also the expectations. I have since had an email asking if I would be interested in applying in a few months once they have got themselves sorted and started -I have of course said yes, but of course in time other jobs come up ;)
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
786
0
@Palerider - politics in the NHS - well I never! Sounds like a good time to wait a bit and see how things turn out. I can't believe how the NHS messes people about during the recruitment process. I hope things work our for you. It's a funny old time in the NHS at the moment. I am being made redundant and looking for a job. Temp work available, relating to Covid but perm jobs is more difficult, though I am non-clinical so a different world.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,028
0
Hope something that is a better fit comes up soon. I think your wise, I really regret moving jobs just to be nearer home. I left something I really enjoyed with lovely people for something I was extremely unhappy in.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,537
0
North West
Thanks everyone. I was hoping that this may be have been the opportunity I needed to settle down finally, but its wasn't right and I know it wasn't. I'll keep on looking -eventually something will come along, it always does.

On the home front, the legal case is movong forward around the CHC funding, I suspect it will be a couple of months before all the facts are gathered in order to proceed.

I am still having to book to see my mum which is dissapointing given new evidence that two vaccinations means low risk of transmission of SARS-CoV-2. Its wrong very wrong but I feel so beaten down by the whole system I have little left to fight with. However, onwards we must go, dementia care in the UK is dire, ad hoc and level of support fragmented and its important we don't forget the experiences we have faced and how it badly needs to change. If anything please consider again sending a letter to your MP -please sign this:

 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,537
0
North West
Today I woke and the world felt different. I drove to do some shopping and sat in the car watching the rain and the world go by for some twenty or so minutes, sipping a Costa cappuccino. Today I felt different, and it all feels different -like an awakening I did not expect.

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”
Ernest Hemingway

Life does break us, as our hopes and aspirations change, and we learn that in some things we have no power or control. I once wrote about waves coming in succession as things went from bad to worse trying to keep mum at home and reflecting on days of absolute despair in how we are set up to fail, no matter how hard we try. How I wished it would not happen and how I tried so hard to hang onto a disease that shows no mercy for the person it holds in its propensity or for those who care. But the waves get bigger and stronger as they toss us around and, in the swell, we swim pointlessly, till the next wave comes, until we reach deep water and the depths below -the abyss.

Just as one moment of time see’s us through one loss, so the sea of life drags us out again only to endure another and then another.

“Marooned in a well of grief, I felt alone in a world surrounded by people, a place where I was unable to articulate the wound that clutched at my soul.”
Tina Zarlenga

Today was different for once and the wound at my soul has closed, that what has happened over the last five years or so has moved into the accepted part and parcel of life, closed only to reveal a scar -a feint reminder of where I have come from and where finally I am going to. I have not had so much clarity for so long, that I had forgot what it felt like to feel again instead of being just numb. I am sure countless others have experienced this, but today for the first time in a long time I started to see again, to awaken to the day and the moment. It takes a long time to heal, but I think today I felt whole again and that is a good thing.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,665
0
So lovely to read your post and how well you've expressed things. Really glad that you are feeling a bit better. You've had a tough time.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,537
0
North West
Today I visited mum, the now normalised routine of LFT and by appointment, but I was finally allowed to visit in her room, which was tidy -yes that is something that has never left mum even now I have say. She was much better in her room and much more responsive although she did eventually start to get the urge to wander afetr 20 mins or so. I plyed some seekers songs and took my mask down so she could see me and to my shock she said 'ah its nice to see you Simon' and then within in a few seconds that clarity had gone again. Anyway she somehow got off her wheelchair and I was shocked at how bad her mobility is now, having not seen her mobilise for over a year. She no longer takes steps, but takes tiny shuffles in a sideways direction, and it seems to take her forever to walk a metre. I noticed as she ate the cake I took her that she was aspirating at times, but this is all part and parcel of this vile disease. Overall a better visit, but with a few surprises to be had -clear deterioration in many ways, bless her:(
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,420
0
Kent
It`s lovely your mum knew you immediately you removed your mask @Palerider. I dread to think how my husband would have reacted.

I`m sorry you are seeing a deterioration, no matter how you know it is to be expected but glad at least you are able to have a better face to face visit.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,000
0
Bedford
I am pleased to hear that you got a visit in your Mum’s bedroom. As you say a visit is so much better in a LO’s bedroom. I too am glad she recognised you but sorry to hear about the deterioration. It’s hard to see even when expected.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
783
0
Mum has been in her care home for exactly one year and we have still not been in her room or in any of the communal areas! It’s odd having no idea of how she spends her time, where she sits or eats or what activities they do. Hopefully one day we will be able to see her in her own environment.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,537
0
North West
It`s lovely your mum knew you immediately you removed your mask @Palerider. I dread to think how my husband would have reacted.

I`m sorry you are seeing a deterioration, no matter how you know it is to be expected but glad at least you are able to have a better face to face visit.
Yes its good to see her finally and she is different to when she was being brought downstairs out of her environment. I was shocked at her mobility (gait ataxia) plus she now has curvature -all classic of dementia. But as she struggled to get off the wheelchair (my heart was pounding) she shuffled to me, put her hand on my face and smile right at me and then she was off on a wander or should I say shuffle -she seemed ok in her bubble, though clearly late stages now. I think its more important than ever now to make an effort to be with her and just make the most of what is left -thank heavens the care home have finally eased visiting