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sicut animam suam : 'it's just life'

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,286
0
North West
Mum is back at the care home, her nurse is pleased she is back, but she is very tired and in bed sleeping -normally she's up ny now pottering.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,318
0
So glad your mother is back in the care home. I guess she won't remember anything about her stay in hospital.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,286
0
North West
Not a great few days to be honest. Karens death is now registered, that was a worry but the BIL has got it done. I'm having to help finanically as there was no funeral plan and its difficult because obviously I have to whittle everything back on cost -which is causing some animosity, but as I have said its either this way or no way. I feel guilty but I can't afford huge funeral fees :(

On another matter I have submittted evidence to parliament:
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
548
0
Your brother in law should be able to claim a bereavement support grant if he is under pension age .It gives a lump sum and a monthly payment for 18 months. I claimed it when I lost my husband and it was very helpful. Could be worth checking out and from what I remember it wasn’t difficult to make the claim and was paid without hassle.
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
525
0
South east
So sorry that you’re having to help with the funeral too. Definitely find out about bereavement support payment. i think my dad got a lump sum when my mum died.
I assume wakes are not allowed under lockdown.
Wishing you strength and no more stress.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,286
0
North West
Thanks eveyone, I will look into the bereavement support payment.

I have arranged most of the funaral today and set the date and had a long chat with the BIL about the plans. I am pleased to say after some shifting things around I have managed to plan pretty much what he wanted for the day so we are all happy with the arrangements -thank god. Setting the date is important as many people find this difficult, but its done now and he's accepted it. I'm glad I have managed to keep it together and get on with things otherwsie we would be in a mess, as this time of year is one of the worse after Christmas and New Year to make arrangements.

Steve also asked for some ashes for a jewellery keepsake which I have also arranged.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
716
0
I am pleased that your mum is back in the care home @Palerider and hoping you will get to see her.
It's always a heartbreaking task to plan a funeral of someone special, and I imagine so much worse to do this in Lockdown. Sending you hugs and strength to get through the difficult times ahead X
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,286
0
North West
Well today is the day I finalise everything. Never thought I'd be doing this for my sister especially so soon. I have a final chat with the BIL to confirm everything but there has been a spanner in the works as a relative on dads side of the family who died on the same day, also rather uncannily has her funeral on the same day at the same time, so Aunt Ruth has asked if we can change the time so she and our cousins can attend both -of course I will see if there is a later slot, fingers crossed, otherwise they will split up and some will come to Karens -you just couldn't make it up could you?🧐
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
905
0
Hi @Palerider, I can only say that you have done Karen and the family proud by taking everything on at such a difficult time with your Mum to support too. For what it's worth I did not see the point in mentioning your sister's passing to Mum - it serves no purpose.

You must be feeling absolutely exhausted physically and emotionally it has been several absolutely stressful, and heartbreaking weeks - my heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself too through all of this.

All the best
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,286
0
North West
All done, date and time set. Not much more to organise now. Sorry to keep posting but I don't have anyoone to talk to and not sure if Rhi can visit now we are in national lockdown
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
548
0
I know I have been through it myself and I don’t know where I found the strength to do it and we had unfortunately a lady at the undertakers who was hopeless....not booking the church was one of her biggest errors (luckily I did find out before the day). I had my first panic attack that day and will never forget it. You do need to talk about it though as it gives you strength for the actual day. If you have practised writing and talking then you will be able to face kind and well meaning enquiries from others without becoming a blob. Apparently although I felt like one I didn’t give the impression of one!
Good luck with your planning and I’m sure your friend will get up when they can
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,328
0
South coast
You dont have to apologise for posting!
Organising a funeral is incredibly stressful, just at a time when youd like to go away and hide.
We are all here for you
xx
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
1,869
0
Southampton
if it helps, this is what TP is all about and its hard to talk through something on your own. i may not post very often on your thread but have read every post and wonder how you got through everything and still getting through it with your mum and the test.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,257
0
South East
No need to apologise at all @Palerider , we are here to listen and want to support you . You have done so well to take this hard task on as well. Sorry Rhi can’t visit just yet but hope she can soon 🤞 Take care of yourself .
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,286
0
North West
Thanks

Almost done. I've organised a humanist celerbrant who will be meeting the family on Tuesday, just order of service after that and that's it. I'm relieved because the way how the BIL was I thought we'd never get this sorted -its helped him come round a bit as well. Just wait now till the 21st January :(
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,257
0
South East
It is a lot for you all to adjust too , makes it a little easier that Bil is a bit more helpful , thinking of you all . Are you back to work before the funeral ? Take care , hope you are getting some sleep . X