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Sick with guilt

Not coping

New member
Nov 16, 2019
5
0
This is the first time I've used the forum.
My husband is in hospital and has just been sectioned under the mental health act as he was refusing food and medication was hallucinating and becoming agressive.
This is a complete change from his usual ways but I cannot get the guilt feeling to go away because I've had to have him put into hospital. I feel sick with guilt as I promised him if never abandon him in this way but at 77yrs I just could not cope with him wandering round day and night and never getting a rest
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
697
0
Mid Lincs
Welcome @Not coping, Having him go into hospital is not abandoning him. It's where he needs to be to get the help he needs. No-one is sectioned lightly.
Please don't think you are a failure in anyway. Keep posting everyone here understands.
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
585
0
If your husband had had a heart attack you would have been happy for him to go to hospital. It's the same situation here. Your husband needs treatment because he is ill and that treatment needs to be given in a hospital setting. You have certainly not abandoned him.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
11,304
0
Yorkshire
hello @Not coping
a warm welcome to posting on DTP

the dementia has resulted in the sectioning, it is in no way down to you, your fault or any other wording
actually you have agreed to what your husband needs right now, which is the best you can do .... to have tried to carry on as you were wouldn't have been fair on either of you, you both need for your husband to be assessed and for you to get some rest

you are keeping your promise, just sadly not in the way you may have expected ... you are allowing others to support you both and far from abandoning your husband you will be visiting when possible and continuing to look out for him, more as his wife than his exhausyed carer
be gentle with yourself
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
2,420
0
High Peak
I agree with @Violet Jane . Your husband is seriously ill. That's why he is in hospital not because you put him there.

He needs specialised, appropriate care (probably needing the assistance of several people), 24/7 and you simply can't give him that.
 

Not coping

New member
Nov 16, 2019
5
0
Thank you so much for the reply and good to know people don't judge me as having let my husband down
 

Not coping

New member
Nov 16, 2019
5
0
If your husband had had a heart attack you would have been happy for him to go to hospital. It's the same situation here. Your husband needs treatment because he is ill and that treatment needs to be given in a hospital setting. You have certainly not abandoned him.
Thank you for your kind wordd
 

Not coping

New member
Nov 16, 2019
5
0
hello @Not coping
a warm welcome to posting on DTP

the dementia has resulted in the sectioning, it is in no way down to you, your fault or any other wording
actually you have agreed to what your husband needs right now, which is the best you can do .... to have tried to carry on as you were wouldn't have been fair on either of you, you both need for your husband to be assessed and for you to get some rest

you are keeping your promise, just sadly not in the way you may have expected ... you are allowing others to support you both and far from abandoning your husband you will be visiting when possible and continuing to look out for him, more as his wife than his exhausyed carer
be gentle with yourself
Thank you for your kind words
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
616
0
No you have definitely not let your husband down, in fact I would say it is the complete opposite, because you love/care about him so much you have done what is best for him and that is to have him hospitalised where he can hopefully get treatment/meds etc.

Be kind to yourself and dare I say take advantage of this "break" and do something for yourself. Sending many hugs your way
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
585
0
Yes, please use this time to recharge your batteries and focus on yourself for once. If you have friends or family you could stay with or go away with why not consider a little break?

Your life is equally important as your husband’s.
 

Mudlark

Registered User
Jan 13, 2020
60
0
Dear Not coping - my stepfather was in your position, aged 81, caring for my mother. We were all so worried as she would accept no other care and he was very, very stressed.

On Monday he had a heart attack and is now in hospital. So is my mother.

Please don't feel guilty. I know how hard my step dad worked and I am only sorry it took him having a heart attack to get my mother into the system so she can get the help she needs. Your own health is important too. Please try and remember that you have done your very best and look after yourself.
 

Dunroamin

Registered User
May 5, 2019
171
0
UK
I think this is a reminder of never make a promise you cannot keep. None of us can look into the future and life takes unexpected and often unwelcome turns. o

Do not feel guilty @Not coping . Your OH is getting what he needs.
 

Not coping

New member
Nov 16, 2019
5
0
No you have definitely not let your husband down, in fact I would say it is the complete opposite, because you love/care about him so much you have done what is best for him and that is to have him hospitalised where he can hopefully get treatment/meds etc.

Be kind to yourself and dare I say take advantage of this "break" and do something for yourself. Sending many hugs your way
Thank you so much for your reply it has helped me realise it was the best thing for him although my heart breaks a little more each time I see him