Hello Dotty
You don't say what the fallout is or did it start only after your parents death. I'm guessing sibling problems are common after posts I've read on here. There seems to be problems with 'absent' siblings, dominant siblings, or just siblings disagreeing on the best way to help their parent with dementia.
I have 'problems' with siblings. Three brothers. We had always got on, mum never 'needed' us to look after her. When she did I feel we failed her. At the start of mums dementia I tried to 'organise' them to particularly cover weekend visiting so she saw us all and the responsibility would be shared as we all work. That was a disaster. They wouldn't do it. They would never let me know. I lived the closest to mum, tho we're all local, I just wanted to know that I didn't have to go in on a certain day. It all became very resentful. I found it upsetting as I wanted a united family front but they just wouldn't conform. Over 3 and a half years this got worse. They did see mum but I could never trust that they had gone so I felt the weight of everything on me.
Mum died nearly 4 weeks ago and the funeral is at the end of this week because one of my brothers had a weeks holiday booked. I feel resentment at this and so it goes on!
One of my brothers has been great and the two of us have organised the funeral and done everything. One brother has asked what's happening, which is Ok, the third, the holiday one, not a thing!
I found the whole experience incredibly depressing. I feel mum deserved better, she was 92, had always been there for us. On the other hand I take comfort that they all did see her and I know they loved her. It's me really, I have felt alone, depressed and feel they haven't cared about me trying to do everything.
The funeral is this Friday, nearly a month on. I don't know how we'll all be afterwards. Sort of feels I lost my mum and my family.
So Dotty yours is probably a different story. I wanted a loving family, and that as a shock to me didn't work out.
Sweet x