Siblings removing valuables from Mother with Vascular Dementia

Suecj

New member
May 23, 2024
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I am in disbelief that 2 of 3 siblings banded together to remove valuables from my Mum and made to mention of it.

Our Mother is diagnosed with Vascular Dementia.

Am in shock and saddened
 

maggie6445

Registered User
Dec 29, 2023
1,805
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Hello @Suecj , welcome to the group. I'm sorry you are upset by the actions of your siblings.

Have you asked them calmly why they have removed the valuables? You don't say what the valuables are but did they do it because they thought they may get broken or lost or that mum may give them away?

Sadly, people with dementia are prone to hiding things and not knowing what they have done with them. Are carers going in and did your siblings feel that the valuables might lead to a theft temptation or damaged by cleaners?

Before you fall out with siblings over this please try and find out what they have to say.

Incidentally my oh has taken a shine to his shaver. He tends to carry it around in his pocket . At the moment it is missing, His mobility is extremely poor so it can't be far but I can't find where he has put it and he now has three days growth on his face. Looks like I'm going to have to buy another. 😂
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
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South coast
I agree, find out why they have removed them.

My mum hid a lot of important/valuable items and when I cleared her bungalow I found things hidden in all sorts of strange places. Other things that I would like to have kept I never found at all and I think she must have thrown them out. It would have been better if I could have removed them for safe keeping
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,698
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Kent
It would have helped if your siblings had either told you what they had done or discussed with you prior to removing these valuables @Suecj

I would have been upset too.
 

JHA

Registered User
Aug 7, 2021
934
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I really think you need to talk to them. How did you find out that they had removed them? Could they have taken them to ensure their safety etc? Are you sure they have taken them - could your mum have put them somewhere?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,514
0
South coast
Are you sure they have taken them - could your mum have put them somewhere?
That is a good point if it's your mum that is saying that your siblings have taken things @Suecj
My mum used to think that people were coming in and taking things, so she hid them - especially items that she knew were important or valuable - then she forgot what she had done, couldn't find them and was convinced that someone had come in and taken them........

I found a lot of it all later, in some very strange places
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,698
0
Kent
Yes that could be the case.

It`s so difficult to know what is happening and so easy to jump to conclusions. [ which I have done ]
 

Springiscoming

Registered User
Feb 1, 2024
18
0
Both my granny and mother in law used to say that people had taken things, and now mum has started saying that as well , including accusing me of taking her nighties (I take them for washing and none have gone missing).
She also hides things, which is probably what’s happened to the nighties and a few other things. And mother in law persistently threw away lots of things, including very sadly all the family photos.
To add to the confusion, because we worry that items may get lost or thrown away, we do remove some things for safe keeping, mainly family documents and old photos.
It’s a difficult and sad situation but maybe try to establish the truth if you can x
 

TMH

Registered User
Nov 21, 2022
30
0
Hello @Suecj , welcome to the group. I'm sorry you are upset by the actions of your siblings.

Have you asked them calmly why they have removed the valuables? You don't say what the valuables are but did they do it because they thought they may get broken or lost or that mum may give them away?

Sadly, people with dementia are prone to hiding things and not knowing what they have done with them. Are carers going in and did your siblings feel that the valuables might lead to a theft temptation or damaged by cleaners?

Before you fall out with siblings over this please try and find out what they have to say.

Incidentally my oh has taken a shine to his shaver. He tends to carry it around in his pocket . At the moment it is missing, His mobility is extremely poor so it can't be far but I can't find where he has put it and he now has three days growth on his face. Looks like I'm going to have to buy another. 😂
Be careful with valuables. When dad went on respite I stupidly let him take his watch. Massive sentimental value and worth a bit as well. Care home can't find it and they're not even bothering to show any willingness to find it. It's definitely been stolen because it's been 5 months now. Everything he had went missing, clothes, wallet and cash, TV remote control, jacket, toiletries, mobile phone etc. all he came home with was 1 pair of mismatched pjs, 2 jumpers, 1 pair of undies (they didn't tell me he'd become doubly incontinent, I found that out myself the following morning)and his slippers. Care home absolutely do not give a monkeys and he paid £1000 a week for that privilege x
 

maggie6445

Registered User
Dec 29, 2023
1,805
0
Be careful with valuables. When dad went on respite I stupidly let him take his watch. Massive sentimental value and worth a bit as well. Care home can't find it and they're not even bothering to show any willingness to find it. It's definitely been stolen because it's been 5 months now. Everything he had went missing, clothes, wallet and cash, TV remote control, jacket, toiletries, mobile phone etc. all he came home with was 1 pair of mismatched pjs, 2 jumpers, 1 pair of undies (they didn't tell me he'd become doubly incontinent, I found that out myself the following morning)and his slippers. Care home absolutely do not give a monkeys and he paid £1000 a week for that privilege x
@TMH ,have you tried these labels ?https://www.nametags4u.co.uk/care-and-nursing-homes

Everything needs labels,even glasses
and hearing aids, when going in a home as other residents can take them or things get lost in the laundry system.

PWD are also prone to hiding things as well.

I haven't used a home yet for my OH but I'm in the process of ordering theses tags as the link was posted recently . I'm having them on standby in case he needs them .x
 

MarySpindleberry

New member
May 10, 2024
9
0
A few things have gone missing from my parents' house too. Nothing of any value to anyone outside the family. I asked if anyone knew where the missing ornament was but no-one, of course, knew - all kinds of daft theories. I know my parents haven't moved it - mother is beyond comprehending anything and besides is bedbound and dad has his capacity but just wouldn't think of moving an ornament. It wouldn't interest any of the carers and I'm pretty certain they are a lot more trustworthy than my siblings. One of two siblings has taken it - I know they both wanted it and both visited our parents, though seperately, when it went missing. A third sibling also liked it and wouldve liked to have had it after my parents demise. It was she who noticed it had gone and now she will never have the chance of "tossing for it". Horrid behaviour from some of my siblings.