Siblings and Ateendance Allowance

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Annie55, Feb 24, 2017.

  1. Fullticket

    Fullticket Registered User

    Apr 19, 2016
    Chard, Somerset
    Siblings and Attendance Allowance

    Money seems to bring out the worst in people doesn't it? I think you have had some good advice from other posts here so won't develop that thread except to say that AA is a right and is not means tested.

    Do you think the other siblings are in denial? My mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia and money had been haemorrhaging out of her bank accounts, she was not paying her bills, she frankly stank because she was not washing and had lost half a stone because she was not eating - yet he still maintained that she was 'just a bit forgetful' in her old age and if we put a calendar on her wall with all her appointments on it, she would be fine. Of course, if you forget to read the calendar or you don't realise it is on the wall... Some years on and he still does not want to face the fact that his mother has dementia.

    We have POA between us but he has turned on me numerous times accusing me of all sorts of fraud, theft, etc. As a result I thought about abandoning mum and just letting him get on with it. But I knew he wouldn't - so I make sure I keep meticulous books on what she spends and what I spend on her behalf (and why) and also ensure that I keep books and have enough money to keep me and my family should it ever be queried.

    For what it is worth, you have my support and sympathy.
  2. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    AA has no effect on Blue Badge eligibility
    P5 in
    lists the automatic qualifications (England only, PIP scoring is not restricted to the mobility component in other countries of the UK)

    In England it is down to 'how far can the applicant walk?" with some other conditions which are unlikely to apply to a PWD .

    Some LAs are stricter than others, I had a major punch up with mine which I solved using a letter from a consultant psychiatrist.

    Attached Files:

  3. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    Dear Annie55,

    If you read my posts you'll find that I'm fighting to get AA for my dad and whilst I was annoyed with the elder of my two brothers the other day he is definitely on my side and we all love our dad. I have never held of siblings like this before and I would also say that the solicitor is also either ignorant or he/she has not been told the truth. Can't you recommend that his siblings look at these pages. Also I feel sorry for your mother-in-law with children like these!

  4. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    It might be an idea not to mention any other benefits to your husband's siblings.

  5. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    What I am wondering is:

    I would have thought that if POA has been removed from your husband by arrangement with solicitor, there should have been a letter of notification from solicitor. Has your husband been notified by solicitor? Solicitors normally want everything in writing! If there has been no such notification, could it be just bluff on the part of the other siblings trying to oust your husband. In other words, are you sure that your husband really is no longer POA?
  6. Grable

    Grable Registered User

    May 19, 2015
    I really don't think your husband should - or, indeed, could - be forced to stand down as PoA for this and can't see how a solicitor could have come to that conclusion. The AA is a right for all. Not claiming it or claiming it does not show that you are acting against the good of the donor. Thus, I'm with Lilac Blossom in wondering if this is all bluff?
  7. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hi Annie55
    as I mentioned before, I too am concerned about the current status of the POA
    you said on your other thread
    Power of Attorney and Attendance Allowance
    Is this that your husband has followed the official lines as set out in nitram's post on the other thread
    or has your husband just told his siblings that he's leaving acting under the POA to them ie he is still an Attorney but will agree with whatever they decide to do; decisions to be acted upon by his sister as the other Attorney
    it's not that we on TP need to be clear about this - your husband and his siblings need to be sure that whatever has been done doesn't invalidate the existing POA, which will leave his mum's affairs vulnerable (I'm not sure anyone would, in that situation, have any legal right to manage her affairs) - and your husband needs to be clear whether or not he is still an Attorney and so still responsible for overseeing his mum's affairs
    best wishes
  8. fortune

    fortune Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    I agree with the other points made - think very carefully about standing down as attorney. If you are the people actually doing the caring I think you'll find the only thing worse than having the PoA is not having it! Unless things are very different in Scotland either the solicitor is completely incompetent or somebody is lying. There is no way that applying for AA could in any way be the basis for criticism of an attorney. Not applying could be seen as a dereliction of duty as it is so obviously in the interests of the PWD. And I for one am not remotely surprised by the behavior of your siblings. It is not uncommon, it always revolves around money and it can get quite nasty.
  9. Georgina63

    Georgina63 Registered User

    Aug 11, 2014
    Hi annie55,

    I just wanted to add words of support, as someone who has fallen out with a sibling over the care of my parents. We can only guess the reasons for the behaviour of your husband's siblings, but it does seem bizarre that they would want to deny your MIL what she is entitled to and what can be used to help toward her care. The only advice I can give is to largely ignore them as you are able, and continue to do what is right for your MIL...and to do this your husband will continue to need POA.

    So sorry you are having to deal with this,but sadly it seems to be a very common occurrence on TP. Best wishes, Georgina X
  10. Annie55

    Annie55 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2017
    Thank you so much for your reply.
    It's awful to be accused of fraud by your own siblings. My husband filled it in the best he could, it's not the easiest form to fill in.

    Seemingly one brother said he didn't recognise his mother at all by the description on the form another said 75% was fraudulent. Writing this wants to make me cry. They wanted to pay every penny back! What they don't is any monetary assistance from the government as they think there are too many scrounges out there. I'm on pip and esa for mental health reasons ( bipolar, depression and anxiety disorder) this situation isn't helping.

    I feel sick at the thought of the ultimatum my husband was given, resign po or we'll proceed with taking you to court for fraud. One sblig went into her mother' online bank and downloaded 7 years of bank statements without permission. That is called breaking the Data Proctection law
    , I could go on......
    It's good to know we're not alone. Thanks
  11. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    It's just hot air Annie so try not to worry. If it really was a fraudulent claim then it would be the DWP taking action rather than your husband's siblings taking him to court. That's just nonsense.

    And there won't be a DWP investigation because the forms were filled out as they should have been, describing the worst scenarios, and for very good reasons. Many, indeed most, people have good days or good moments, but it's the bad moments we need to be prepared for and to have strategies in place for. And that's what the money is there to help with.

    Like I said in another thread, your husband had a duty to make sure all the benefits were being claimed, and he did it. It doesn't matter a bit what anyone thinks of benefit claimants. If they'd been sat in the PoA chair they would have been obliged to make the same claim and not making it would have been acting against her best interests.

    Lastly, accessing bank statements as they did puts them on a sticky wicket, but how did they get online access? No one but your husband should know the login details.
  12. Peirre

    Peirre Registered User

    Aug 26, 2015
    If your struggling to fill out the AA application form, contact AgeUK and make an appointment to see one of their people, as they are well versed in knowing how to fill out the form.
  13. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hi Annie55
    I think this sentence begins to explain the other siblings reaction, which is partly denial of their mother's situation and needs; not uncommon in those not providing the hands-on daily care as they aren't faced with the reality
    When I filled in the form for dad, I too was shocked at seeing his condition described in detail; it was a moment of realisation just how real are the effects of dementia. I knew I'd filled in the form accurately and honestly; seeing it all in print, I wanted to run away and not have to accept it was all true.
    I wonder if this is also, sadly, partly behind their response
    they aren't coming across as a sympathetic pair

    With regard to the bank accounts. The sister has some 'right' to check them as she is also an Attorney and so has the same duties and responsibilities as your husband - I guess her mother at some point shared the login details - though if their mother still has capacity, the daughter should be helping her and only acting with her permission
    I assume the daughter will find nothing untoward, so looking will only confirm that the finances are in order

    unfortunately the other siblings bluster seems to have had the effect they wanted, and may have confirmed to them that something was wrong - if your husband has officially stepped down from the role of Attorney - that would probably leave the sister with the legal authority over their mother's finances and your husband with no legal right to deal with them - so do be certain that whatever he has done does mean that he is no longer an Attorney, it may be that he still is - it may also be that the POA is invalidated - check with the Scottish OPG

    best wishes
  14. oilovlam

    oilovlam Registered User

    Aug 2, 2015
    South East
    I don't think this is about AA. For whatever reason the sibling's don't want Annie's husband as POA.

    If they have got hold of bank statements then they presumably want to check that things are being done correctly. The AA issue would be the tip of the iceberg and a clumsy attempt to get him to give up his POA.

    Sounds like they all need to sit round a table and figure out what are the real issues (assuming the siblings are reasonable....not always the case). As a POA I would be happy to explain what I do for my mum to my siblings (they never do ask). I could see that some of the things I do - moving quite large sums between bank accounts - could look suspicious and it would be perfectly reasonable for them to question me. But I guess I'm 'lucky' that they leave me alone.

    I expect families fall out over money than anything else. Sometimes they are more interested in the money that the PWD.

    I was in hospital and the woman in the next bed had fallen in the street and broken her leg. Son came to visit her and within 30 seconds he was making plans to sue the council.
  15. fortune

    fortune Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    Re: access to bank accounts - in my (English) experience the right of access to financial information relates to the issue of mental capacity. If the PWD has lost capacity then the bank accounts etc are formally managed by the attorneys. I operate my mum's accounts and they are officially in her name but additionally in the name of the attorneys. The cards are in my name. This was all done with careful legal advice and discussion with the banks etc. If the PWD has lost capacity they have no right to see any financial details. The attorneys effectively take the legal place of the PWD. If the PWD has not lost capacity they can manage their finances as they wish and that presumably would include giving log-in details to a third party.
  16. morgaine42

    morgaine42 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2014
    Just wanted to send you and your husband a huge hug. Caring for a parent in this situation is hard enough without other family members giving you grief, ( going through something similar myself), while it can be understood and even accepted that not everyone is going to be exactly on the same page, it is heart-breaking when family are actively obtrusive in such a way. I wish I had some wise words or a magic wand, but all I can offer is understanding and empathy, think we need to find the place in our hearts that knows we are only trying the best for out loved ones, no matter what others may try and show. Be true to yourselves, think how you will want to look back on this and try and enjoy the time you have with her, wishing you all much love, joy and peace, Judith xxxx

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