1. Justmary

    Justmary Registered User

    Jul 12, 2018
    77
    Female
    West Midlands
    As the dementia years have slipped by, the number of activities that my OH and I can do together has diminished. Going abroad stopped 2 years ago, holidays here stopped last year. Next to go were evenings out, then day trips. Now I do not think he could sit through a film or even lunch. At home he doesn't sit through a whole meal, not even breakfast. He gets up after 5 minutes and wanders around. So my little world is becoming even smaller very quickly. I suppose one day I'll be able to do any of these things again - will I want to? I know that many of the lovely people who post here are finding it hard to get back into "normal" life and I can see how this would happen. Never mind, tomorrow I'll be back to dealing with the pull-ups, leakages, showering - that'll take my mind off it.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,606
    Nottinghamshire
    The world is there waiting for when you're ready.

    Could your OH go to a daycentre so you can do something normal?
     
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,133
    Female
    Dundee
  4. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Yes, that sharing of your life with another person goes....So, perhaps you can accept the advice given above and get some other care for him so you can begin to the build the bridge to the next phase of things. Difficult but possible. Good luck
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,093
    Kent
    I found just a need to accept what was happening through illness.

    The sharing of information and activities went but there was still the sharing of presence, even if it was sometimes a physical presence only. The alternative was too difficult to imagine.

    I`m now in the position of being able to please myself. I find it nothing to look forward to. There is little to beat a close relationship however much it is flawed by illness.

    Day care is always an option and there is a new development called side by side which might be available to you @Justmary

    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/your-support-services
     
  6. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,954
    Female
    Scotland
    Your life was my life until three months ago when my husband died. Yes it is possible to pick yourself up and start again but if you’ve had a good marriage in the past then it’s hard to let go of that memory.

    I am an enthusiast for daycare and groups. It is true that as time goes on these may be too much for the PWD as they lose mobility and tire easily but if you possibly can then find a way to carve out some time for yourself.
     
  7. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    348
    @Justmary I watched this happen with Dad and found it very hard. Try to keep a little part of normal life going if at all possible. Consider sitters, daycare etc even if only once a month to go and do something you miss. I used to go out with dad which I now look back on

    As soon as mum went down hill and was then admitted...now bed bound I found myself mourning the time with her that I had previously felt frustrated by. This is a horrible horrible illness affecting everyone including carers...stealing life from everyone. X
     
  8. Justmary

    Justmary Registered User

    Jul 12, 2018
    77
    Female
    West Midlands
    Thanks folks for your sympathetic replies. I tried day care last year, but he wouldn't stay. I think he may have been too aware at that point. He was also physically very strong and mobile. Now he is much weaker and much less aware, so I think I will give it another go. And then - what shall I do? I'm getting a little excited now. Go swimming? Have my hair done? I think I 'll stop counting my chickens first. Mx
     
  9. Donkeyshere

    Donkeyshere Registered User

    May 25, 2016
    405
    channel islands
    I would try day care again the MIL (PWD) was against day care last year but now as she has got a little worse enjoys going (3 years ago it would have been deadpanned as only dippy people went to that sort of thing) - gives the OH a day off from making tea and hot water bottles! (not sure his hair needs doing though!)
     
  10. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    231
    Hi @Justmary my partner is so happy with the male carers who come from a local care company, they take him out for walks and visits to places. Early days but he has a big smile on his face when one of them arrives, so happy to go out and then animated when he gets home. And I get chance to do lovely things like housework in peace!!
     

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