Shrinking world

[Justmary]

As the dementia years have slipped by, the number of activities that my OH and I can do together has diminished. Going abroad stopped 2 years ago, holidays here stopped last year. Next to go were evenings out, then day trips. Now I do not think he could sit through a film or even lunch. At home he doesn't sit through a whole meal, not even breakfast. He gets up after 5 minutes and wanders around. So my little world is becoming even smaller very quickly. I suppose one day I'll be able to do any of these things again - will I want to? I know that many of the lovely people who post here are finding it hard to get back into "normal" life and I can see how this would happen. Never mind, tomorrow I'll be back to dealing with the pull-ups, leakages, showering - that'll take my mind off it.

 

[Bunpoots]

The world is there waiting for when you're ready.

Could your OH go to a daycentre so you can do something normal?

 

[Izzy]

Like @Bunpoots I wondered if you could arrange for your husband to go to a Day Care Centre. If this won’t work perhaps a befriender could sit with your husband to allow you time to do something for yourself.

You could check out local services using this link -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you#!/search 

 

[PalSal]

Yes, that sharing of your life with another person goes....So, perhaps you can accept the advice given above and get some other care for him so you can begin to the build the bridge to the next phase of things. Difficult but possible. Good luck

 

[Grannie G]

I found just a need to accept what was happening through illness.

The sharing of information and activities went but there was still the sharing of presence, even if it was sometimes a physical presence only. The alternative was too difficult to imagine.

I`m now in the position of being able to please myself. I find it nothing to look forward to. There is little to beat a close relationship however much it is flawed by illness.

Day care is always an option and there is a new development called side by side which might be available to you @Justmary

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/your-support-services

 

[marionq]

As the dementia years have slipped by, the number of activities that my OH and I can do together has diminished. Going abroad stopped 2 years ago, holidays here stopped last year. Next to go were evenings out, then day trips. Now I do not think he could sit through a film or even lunch. At home he doesn't sit through a whole meal, not even breakfast. He gets up after 5 minutes and wanders around. So my little world is becoming even smaller very quickly. I suppose one day I'll be able to do any of these things again - will I want to? I know that many of the lovely people who post here are finding it hard to get back into "normal" life and I can see how this would happen. Never mind, tomorrow I'll be back to dealing with the pull-ups, leakages, showering - that'll take my mind off it.

Your life was my life until three months ago when my husband died. Yes it is possible to pick yourself up and start again but if you’ve had a good marriage in the past then it’s hard to let go of that memory.

I am an enthusiast for daycare and groups. It is true that as time goes on these may be too much for the PWD as they lose mobility and tire easily but if you possibly can then find a way to carve out some time for yourself.

 

[Splashing About]

@Justmary I watched this happen with Dad and found it very hard. Try to keep a little part of normal life going if at all possible. Consider sitters, daycare etc even if only once a month to go and do something you miss. I used to go out with dad which I now look back on

As soon as mum went down hill and was then admitted...now bed bound I found myself mourning the time with her that I had previously felt frustrated by. This is a horrible horrible illness affecting everyone including carers...stealing life from everyone. X

 

[Justmary]

Thanks folks for your sympathetic replies. I tried day care last year, but he wouldn't stay. I think he may have been too aware at that point. He was also physically very strong and mobile. Now he is much weaker and much less aware, so I think I will give it another go. And then - what shall I do? I'm getting a little excited now. Go swimming? Have my hair done? I think I 'll stop counting my chickens first. Mx

 

[Donkeyshere]

Thanks folks for your sympathetic replies. I tried day care last year, but he wouldn't stay. I think he may have been too aware at that point. He was also physically very strong and mobile. Now he is much weaker and much less aware, so I think I will give it another go. And then - what shall I do? I'm getting a little excited now. Go swimming? Have my hair done? I think I 'll stop counting my chickens first. Mx

I would try day care again the MIL (PWD) was against day care last year but now as she has got a little worse enjoys going (3 years ago it would have been deadpanned as only dippy people went to that sort of thing) - gives the OH a day off from making tea and hot water bottles! (not sure his hair needs doing though!)

 

[White Rose]

Thanks folks for your sympathetic replies. I tried day care last year, but he wouldn't stay. I think he may have been too aware at that point. He was also physically very strong and mobile. Now he is much weaker and much less aware, so I think I will give it another go. And then - what shall I do? I'm getting a little excited now. Go swimming? Have my hair done? I think I 'll stop counting my chickens first. Mx

Hi @Justmary my partner is so happy with the male carers who come from a local care company, they take him out for walks and visits to places. Early days but he has a big smile on his face when one of them arrives, so happy to go out and then animated when he gets home. And I get chance to do lovely things like housework in peace!!