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Should we move Mum?

concernedofengland

New member
May 24, 2019
7
Hi
Mum has alzheimers. She moved into to a care home a few months ago. I can see her every day as the home is nearby but my sister wants to move Mum to somewhere in between our homes (we live a couple of hours apart) which would make my visiting every day impossible. Mum seems content and well cared for and I'm not sure moving her is a good thing. My sister disagrees and is insisting on the move. I believe that if she is moved, the UTIs and problems with delirium could return and speed the progress of her illness. Can anyone help please?
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,533
Bristol
Welcome to the forums concernedofengland. I'm sorry I can't really advise on the specifics of your problem, but family disputes over care are always tricky and moving someone with dementia can certainly cause problems with disorientation, so can offer sympathy for a hard choice.
Others with more experience are always around.
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
430
Hi
Mum has alzheimers. She moved into to a care home a few months ago. I can see her every day as the home is nearby but my sister wants to move Mum to somewhere in between our homes (we live a couple of hours apart) which would make my visiting every day impossible. Mum seems content and well cared for and I'm not sure moving her is a good thing. My sister disagrees and is insisting on the move. I believe that if she is moved, the UTIs and problems with delirium could return and speed the progress of her illness. Can anyone help please?
Hi, my husband was moved because his son wanted him nearer him, it has led to a massive decline and the home he is in at present has said that they can’t cope with this decline. SS and our memory matters team have become involved and I have got the original home to reassess him and they are able to cope with his needs and are happy to take him back, I just have to convince the SW that this is the best thing that can happen. His son said he would visit everyday but is only going once every three weeks which is particularly galling when at his insistence his father was moved. My advice would be not to move her.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,481
Kent
If your mum is being well cared for in her current home then it is not in her best interests to move her simply to make it more convenient for your sister.
 

silversea2020

Registered User
May 12, 2019
81
I think you have to look at things as they currently are, if your mum is settled then that is a very good thing, just because your sibling wants her moved it may not be in her ‘best interests’ and of course, your mum, if moved may well go downhill - it’s a fact that this can & does happen. Are you able to say this to your sister & ask her exactly why she thinks it necessary to cause such an upheaval? In any case, your mum cannot be moved without your agreement - my husband had a similar situation with his mom with a sister who really hadn’t shown any interest until their father died, social services had a best interest meeting & my MIL stayed at current care home. You just have to wonder why people want to undo things when they are good.
 

concernedofengland

New member
May 24, 2019
7
Hi, my husband was moved because his son wanted him nearer him, it has led to a massive decline and the home he is in at present has said that they can’t cope with this decline. SS and our memory matters team have become involved and I have got the original home to reassess him and they are able to cope with his needs and are happy to take him back, I just have to convince the SW that this is the best thing that can happen. His son said he would visit everyday but is only going once every three weeks which is particularly galling when at his insistence his father was moved. My advice would be not to move her.
 

concernedofengland

New member
May 24, 2019
7
Hi, my husband was moved because his son wanted him nearer him, it has led to a massive decline and the home he is in at present has said that they can’t cope with this decline. SS and our memory matters team have become involved and I have got the original home to reassess him and they are able to cope with his needs and are happy to take him back, I just have to convince the SW that this is the best thing that can happen. His son said he would visit everyday but is only going once every three weeks which is particularly galling when at his insistence his father was moved. My advice would be not to move her.
Thank you so much. I am obviously concerned and want the best for Mum. It's interesting to hear other people's experiences. I hope your situation sorts itself out and things improve.
 

concernedofengland

New member
May 24, 2019
7
Thank you. Mum is fine. Yes, I think it is for my sister's convenience more than Mum's wellbeing. My sister complains about the home but Mum is well and seems happy. I really appreciate you replying.
 

concernedofengland

New member
May 24, 2019
7
I think you have to look at things as they currently are, if your mum is settled then that is a very good thing, just because your sibling wants her moved it may not be in her ‘best interests’ and of course, your mum, if moved may well go downhill - it’s a fact that this can & does happen. Are you able to say this to your sister & ask her exactly why she thinks it necessary to cause such an upheaval? In any case, your mum cannot be moved without your agreement - my husband had a similar situation with his mom with a sister who really hadn’t shown any interest until their father died, social services had a best interest meeting & my MIL stayed at current care home. You just have to wonder why people want to undo things when they are good.
Thank you. Yes I'm happy that Mum is settled and I believe that it's in her best interests that she stays. My sister has a few complaints against the care home, including it being a bit shabby and dirty (I disagree) and the care not being good (again, I'm in there most days and it seems good to me). Mum gets on with the staff, knows her way around, eats well and doesn't have any behavioural issues. I know the home has limitations, they all do, but I think the general effect is good and Mum is stable and well, which is more than she was before she went there.
 

concernedofengland

New member
May 24, 2019
7
Welcome to the forums concernedofengland. I'm sorry I can't really advise on the specifics of your problem, but family disputes over care are always tricky and moving someone with dementia can certainly cause problems with disorientation, so can offer sympathy for a hard choice.
Others with more experience are always around.
Thank you nae sporran, Mum's advocate tells me that she feels it is in Mum's best interests to stay where she is. I have to say, I'm inclined to believe that she knows more than we do in this situation. I just have to convince (or upset) my sister.
 

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