I've been looking after mum since lockdown began. She had Vascular Dementia which had plateaued and she was fine at first, then got a UTI and probably had a TIA as a result. She suddenly got very much worse. The UTI had now been cleared but she remains very confused especially at night and had quite a few toilet accidents. We were very lucky to be offered a respite bed at a local care home at short notice. I feel a little bit of a fraud about that as reading on here I know people have had to deal with things for so much longer, but I know she needed the care I couldn't give her. She has now improved physically though we have to face that the mental capacity may be a permanent thing. I find that hard, as she was fine before.
Previously we had discussed options of getting in more care at home ( don't think that is any longer viable) or a care home up where I live which is some distance away. However the respite placement has now rather forced a quicker decision. Is it best for her to leave her be in the home longer term or move her to another home? We sort of built up the respite a bit by saying it would be like a holiday but the home is far from being a hotel. It looks a bit shabby from the outside and not many pictures on the website of inside. COVID has meant that we couldn't go in with her so I can't see inside. She says it's dingy and horrible and everyone ignores her. I appreciate it is common for loved ones not to settle, I am just not sure if it is the right place long term. It does have an excellent report where the assessor was unannounced and the GP gives the placed a glowing report. The online reviews are also good. Mum just seems bored and unengaged.
I am just in a bit of a spin as to what to do. I promised mum she could come back after 2 weeks and we could make a decision (foolish in hindsight I know). As it is evident she will need more care would it be too stressful and cruel to take her out, only to go somewhere new afterwards. I thought it would be good for her to have somewhere I could visit and take her out for days, but heaven knows when that might be viable given curent conditions.
When she was here I was desperate for some breathing and thinking space but Saturday is hanging heavy and all I want to do is see her. I could go and wave at her from the window but that might unsettle her. I don't know ☹.
Previously we had discussed options of getting in more care at home ( don't think that is any longer viable) or a care home up where I live which is some distance away. However the respite placement has now rather forced a quicker decision. Is it best for her to leave her be in the home longer term or move her to another home? We sort of built up the respite a bit by saying it would be like a holiday but the home is far from being a hotel. It looks a bit shabby from the outside and not many pictures on the website of inside. COVID has meant that we couldn't go in with her so I can't see inside. She says it's dingy and horrible and everyone ignores her. I appreciate it is common for loved ones not to settle, I am just not sure if it is the right place long term. It does have an excellent report where the assessor was unannounced and the GP gives the placed a glowing report. The online reviews are also good. Mum just seems bored and unengaged.
I am just in a bit of a spin as to what to do. I promised mum she could come back after 2 weeks and we could make a decision (foolish in hindsight I know). As it is evident she will need more care would it be too stressful and cruel to take her out, only to go somewhere new afterwards. I thought it would be good for her to have somewhere I could visit and take her out for days, but heaven knows when that might be viable given curent conditions.
When she was here I was desperate for some breathing and thinking space but Saturday is hanging heavy and all I want to do is see her. I could go and wave at her from the window but that might unsettle her. I don't know ☹.