should nursing assistant really ask "do you doubt that we dont care 4 g/dad prop"?


Registered User
Mar 11, 2004
hey everyone

just some help would be good, this is a bit long winded but will try my best.

here goes....

my grandad has alzhiemers and is currently in respite at the minute as he had a bad dose of pneumonia and we need him to gt his strength back up so he cam come home and we are making it more accesible for him. anyway, me and my mam are his main carers and in my opinion my role doesnt stop (i dont want it to) just because he is in respite. we visit every day for couple of hours because i miss him alot and it stimulates him because where he is they dont seem to bother much with the patients. anyway, i was out in town on an evening a couple of weeksago and i saw one of the nursing assistants from the ward my grandad is at and i have only seen her once before beacuse she normally works night shif but has now gone onto days so i dont know her that well. we were chatting about general stuff then she got chatting about grandad and then at the end of the conversation she put her hand up as if she REALLY wanted to ask this and if she had been wanting to for a long time and said "do you doubt that we dont care for fred (my grandad) properly?"

now i was so shocked and i said no why do you ask this?and she went on by saying well you visit all the time do you not trust us?

i have made a complaint to the charge nurse but he didnt seem interested all he said was "well you have to careful when you out in a pub"

it is not in herposition to be asking this though is it? am i right that she should not have said this?what i want to knoe is why is she saying it obviously i must be so popular on that ward that they have to talk about me when im not there!!

im ging round the bend and worrying about this

help help help

j xx


Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
Dear J

You are feeling very vulnerable at the moment and missing your grandad.

It's brilliant that you go to see him all the time, you enjoy it and he enjoys, you are family, what the hell does it matter what some insensitive eejit says, thinks or does? Most care homes welcome family with open arms as it takes a bit of the work load off themselves.

Go and see your grandad as much as you bloody like, wear a big sign saying I love my grandad what are you going to do about it?

Please don't give this idiot the power to cause you so much hurt and pain, believe me, there will be plenty of that ahead and wasting energy on the likes of her is a terrible shame. Block her out of your head, does her opinion really matter that much to you? From the sound of it you are a very caring lady, choose what's important to care about (grandad!) and forget the comments of a halfwit.

Feel sorry for her, she doesn't know what might lie ahead of her and what insensitive nutter will hurt her with silly comments when she needs support.

What goes around comes around.

Be proud for the way you support grandad and accept that you are going to meet people in this Alzheimers nightmare whom are not kind and sensitive. Just because they work in a carehome doesn't automatically mean they are angels, a lot of them are, but some are as thick as pig****, we have all experienced this to some degree. I cried my eyes out once with a silly comment made to me by someone in an assessment unit , I was livid for weeks, it was precious time and energy I wasted on a nobody when I should have been concentrating enjoying time with mum when she was still reasonably healthy and alert.

Be strong.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Janey

I always give other people the benefit of the doubt when they say things, unless it is absolutely crystal clear what they mean.

It is impossible for anyone other than yourself to know the tone the comment was made in, and the facial expression and demeanor of the nurse. Or whether the nurse was a bit tipsy.

There is just a chance that the nurse meant exactly what she said.

Take this situation: perhaps someone has made a complaint, rightly or wrongly in the past about the home/hospital/ward/whatever. In a situation where the home/hospital is ultra sensitive about the care it provides, it might well be a cause for discussion internally among the front line staff why one of the patients gets so many visits. Shouldn't be the case, but it may be.

I know from my wife's home that out of 24 residents and respite people, only 2 get a daily visit [my wife, from me; and another lady, from her husband]. We are unusual. Welcome to the club.

So, in this context, the nurse may have been wanting to find out if you believed there was a problem. Had you said "no, we just love him so we want to see him as much as possible" then that might have answered the question.

I'm not saying anything other than that this might have been the case.

Janey, we all get upset in these situations and our antennae can be picking up signals quite often that are not really there. I know because I've done it myself. Nurses come in all varieties, and like everyone else, they don't always express themselves clearly - especially when the subject is a sensitive one for them, and for you.

Please don't worry too much about this episode. Try and put it on a shelf somewhere and, if you get more bad vibes, then pull it back out.

For the moment, try to concentrate on Grandad, and yourself and Mam. You are clearly a very close and caring family, which is not always the case!

Take care,


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
don't give it a second thought.
Some of these care assistants think they are Florence Nightingale,a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!!
I would be angry about her using Grand dad's forename,has she asked what he wants to be called?Also she should not be discussing patients with anyone.
I think Magic is right sounds like an eejit.
Norman :(


Registered User
Mar 11, 2004
eejit is just what she is!!!

hello everyone

well i had a little meeting with the nursing assistant and also the charge nurse on the ward and guess what ????? she has denied that she said it. she said that i am lying and that i made it up but yet she was full of apologys that she upset anybody. i cant believe it!!!

i hate that place where grandad is they are so false and make you feel like that bad person when you are not. it is ridiculous the way they go on they make so much fuss over whether he needs some shower shower gel but yet when something important happens they dont care!!

and only to make matters worse and more annoyng the stupid physio guy has said that grandad wont walk again as he knee joints have seized up or something.


they have said this before and me and mam have prooved them wrong it is a good job that we are determined and will keep on fighting to the very end!!!!

anyway, sorry that i have had a bit of a rant but im a little angry and upset i just wished my grandad was back the way he was.

dont we all!!!