My husband is in the midst of tests now but it's clear that some kind of dementia will be diagnosed. It's just a matter of exactly what kind. I've known for some time now that this was going to happen; I've been keeping notes for a few years now. They started as an effort to be objective about his sometimes worrying behaviour - was this just 'ordinary' cognitive decline and was I being melodramatic about it? It's now clear that I wasn't. His short-term memory is often devastatingly bad now. Other kinds of memory are better and his verbal (and mathematical) skills remain high.
Thing is that apart from my sister (who doesn't live nearby) no-one else knows that this diagnosis is imminent. It has been possible to paper over his bad memory failures (though I do sometimes wonder whether some people do have inkling).
I would welcome advice from everyone about how public to go on this when the diagnosis comes through? My instinct is to quietly tell people immediately - his sons, family, friends, almost anyone we have to deal with really, in order to be honest and to avoid problems or distress when people assume he is the person they knew or someone who is 'normal' and will remember things (occasionally he will but much more often he won't). And to maximise support for us both. (Thankfully I organised LPA some time ago and I can formally take over whenever I must. Informally I handle everything now anyway.)
But part of me wonders if being open will mean that people shun him and us more, because they are afraid or embarrassed or they just want to distance themselves from unpleasant knowledge. Once the 'cat is out of the bag' we can't get it back in. What's your experience on this?
Thing is that apart from my sister (who doesn't live nearby) no-one else knows that this diagnosis is imminent. It has been possible to paper over his bad memory failures (though I do sometimes wonder whether some people do have inkling).
I would welcome advice from everyone about how public to go on this when the diagnosis comes through? My instinct is to quietly tell people immediately - his sons, family, friends, almost anyone we have to deal with really, in order to be honest and to avoid problems or distress when people assume he is the person they knew or someone who is 'normal' and will remember things (occasionally he will but much more often he won't). And to maximise support for us both. (Thankfully I organised LPA some time ago and I can formally take over whenever I must. Informally I handle everything now anyway.)
But part of me wonders if being open will mean that people shun him and us more, because they are afraid or embarrassed or they just want to distance themselves from unpleasant knowledge. Once the 'cat is out of the bag' we can't get it back in. What's your experience on this?