should i tell my mum (who suffers from Alzheimer) that my dad is dead?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by M_M, Mar 15, 2015.

  1. M_M

    M_M Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    12
    Hi all,
    just a piece of advice ... my dad died of cancer yesterday.. before falling ill he was my mum main carer.. he is her focal point..she always looks for him.. I now don't know whether we should tell her is dead or keep on inventing is out .. any of you have had a similar experience?
    thank you
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,550
    Female
    London
    My condolences. This comes up quite often. The general consensus is to use love lies instead of telling the truth and thus making her go through grief over and over again. There is really nothing gained by it.
     
  3. Raggedrobin

    Raggedrobin Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,432
    I would say tell her, once, that he is gone, and then after that when she thinks he is still alive, to start using the love lies then, perhaps.
    It is a terrible situation and I am sorry for your loss. The other side of the distress of loss is I notice my Mum quite often revives people who are dead, thinks she sees them or whatever, i just go along with it.
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,693
    Salford
    Couldn't have put it better myself, totally agree with ragged.
    K
     
  5. M_M

    M_M Registered User

    Apr 12, 2013
    12
    thank you all
     

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