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Should I take Mum to a concert

CazaM

New member
Jan 9, 2022
3
0
Hi there, my Mum is coming up 82 yrs old and has Alzheimers, she was diagnosed in 2019 and I think she is currently at early middle stage. For her 80th Birthday I bought tickets for us to go to the Queen & Adam Lambert concert at the O2. The concert was postponed 2 years running due to Covid but is going ahead in June this year. The thing is, she would have been OK to go 2 years ago but I'm worried that now, she won't enjoy it as much. The seating will be quite high up (she has severe balance issues and very unsteady on her feet), it will be crowded with people and the music will be very loud. I have spoken to her about whether she would still like to go and she says she does want to. I told her I can buy some noise cancelling headphones so it won't be as loud for her. I am just really worried that she may not cope with the whole experience. I would be grateful for any advice as although I so want her to come and enjoy it, I'm not sure if she should go. Thankyou.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,303
0
Kent
Hello @CazaM Welcome. I hope you will find Dementia Talking Point helpful and supportive.

Two years is a long time with dementia. If your mum has balance issues and your seats are high up, that is a warning to begin with and I can see it is your anxiety too.

I would have misgivings about taking your mum to a concert in such a big arena. It might be different if the venue was a cosy theatre.

She has expressed her wishes to go but does she really know where she will be going and what she is going to?

I would try to get someone to stay with her and find someone else to use the ticket. It will be much less stressful for you and you will enjoy it more if you are not worrying about your mother.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,017
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @CazaM and a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point.

My mum loved theatre, specially musical theatre and during her seventies and early eighties probably went at least once a week. She took my son, who was then a teenager to all the big West End shows and the two of them had a whale of a time. By the time she was in her late eighties it was obvious she had some sort of dementia, as well as very poor eyesight. She didn't really get the plot of shows anymore, though she still liked big spectacular numbers. Then she started to behave a bit like a bored toddler. I had to take her to the loo during Craig Revel Horwood's big scene in a panto we went to, and she'd make a fuss about anything that wasn't to her liking. At the time I say she was mid-stages of dementia.

I've been to the O2 and I know how steep the seating is. I think it would be very scary for anyone with balance issues, so that alone would put me off taking your mum there, add in the dementia and I think it isn't a wise thing to do. My mum would say she'd want to do things, but when it actually happened it was obvious she wasn't happy.

I'm glad you've found Dementia Talking Point as this is a very friendly site, and a very supportive one too.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,843
0
South coast
OH and I regularly went to the theatre and we really enjoyed it, but then OH started not coping. He found the crowd overwhelming, couldnt follow what was going on, got bored, wanted to go and would get lost at the interval because he suddenly couldnt see me, panicked and rushed off looking for me.........

If you already have doubts then I think its probably best not to take her. Perhaps you could find something a lot smaller and more intimate for her birthday.
 

CazaM

New member
Jan 9, 2022
3
0
Thankyou all for your comments and advice. Deep down I know you are all right and that she shouldn't go. She will be very disappointed though as she loves Queen but I can imagine her being overwhelmed as it probably won't be how she expects it to be. I did also buy a ticket for my Auntie who is now in ill health herself so won't be able to go either. It's such a shame!
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
4,321
0
Midlands
Contact the O2, explain & see if you can transfer to the disabledsection, borrow a wheelchair if nessesary ( I dont mean to *look* disabled,, just to make the whole experience easier for you and for her)

 

CazaM

New member
Jan 9, 2022
3
0
JessBow, yes that's a good idea. Thank you I will phone them to see if they can help.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,182
0
North West
Hi there, my Mum is coming up 82 yrs old and has Alzheimers, she was diagnosed in 2019 and I think she is currently at early middle stage. For her 80th Birthday I bought tickets for us to go to the Queen & Adam Lambert concert at the O2. The concert was postponed 2 years running due to Covid but is going ahead in June this year. The thing is, she would have been OK to go 2 years ago but I'm worried that now, she won't enjoy it as much. The seating will be quite high up (she has severe balance issues and very unsteady on her feet), it will be crowded with people and the music will be very loud. I have spoken to her about whether she would still like to go and she says she does want to. I told her I can buy some noise cancelling headphones so it won't be as loud for her. I am just really worried that she may not cope with the whole experience. I would be grateful for any advice as although I so want her to come and enjoy it, I'm not sure if she should go. Thankyou.
I took my mum to see Ken Dodd which she really enjoyed and as a bonus the theatre had an organ which played before the performance which mum loved and brought back many memories before Doddy's satire. After that I took mum to the cinema even up to the last twelve months before it was obvious she could no longer cope with it. So depending on where you mum is at I would take her -you may not get the chance again. It will reuire some thought, but worth the try and effort for one last break out.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,399
0
High Peak
As well as the above excellent advice I'd also consider the duration of the concert. An hour? Hour and a half? (Add on getting in and out, waiting time, interval, etc, etc.) Is your mum happy to sit for that length of time in other situations, without getting bored or antsy?

Not only will the concert be Very Loud, you'll also have half the audience standing up, joining in, dancing and waving their arms about too. Maybe she'll be happy and join in... but maybe it will all be too much.

If you really think she'd love it then by all means take her, particularly if you could get into the 'accessible' area at the front. Otherwise, maybe tell her it's been cancelled again and watch the film together instead or play the greatest hits for her...

I hope you'll let us know what you decide!
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,182
0
North West
Oh @Jaded'n'faded your a real joy killer! There are two options try and go and see and if doesnt work leave and have plan B in place ;). My mum loved going out to the cinema and was able to cope until the last twelve months when I had to re-think, but by then she couldn't focus on the TV -so maybe judge whats happening in the home to help you decide if a concert is going to be workable -god knows at least you are trying to accomodate an old lady I have to say with good taste:cool:
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,399
0
High Peak
Oh @Jaded'n'faded your a real joy killer! There are two options try and go and see and if doesnt work leave and have plan B in place ;). My mum loved going out to the cinema and was able to cope until the last twelve months when I had to re-think, but by then she couldn't focus on the TV -so maybe judge whats happening in the home to help you decide if a concert is going to be workable -god knows at least you are trying to accomodate an old lady I have to say with good taste:cool:
It's not that exactly. But I am a 'glass half empty' sort of person so I tend to think of all the things that could go wrong rather than how good it could be.
 

Jo McGee

New member
Mar 2, 2022
5
0
Hi there, my Mum is coming up 82 yrs old and has Alzheimers, she was diagnosed in 2019 and I think she is currently at early middle stage. For her 80th Birthday I bought tickets for us to go to the Queen & Adam Lambert concert at the O2. The concert was postponed 2 years running due to Covid but is going ahead in June this year. The thing is, she would have been OK to go 2 years ago but I'm worried that now, she won't enjoy it as much. The seating will be quite high up (she has severe balance issues and very unsteady on her feet), it will be crowded with people and the music will be very loud. I have spoken to her about whether she would still like to go and she says she does want to. I told her I can buy some noise cancelling headphones so it won't be as loud for her. I am just really worried that she may not cope with the whole experience. I would be grateful for any advice as although I so want her to come and enjoy it, I'm not sure if she should go. Thankyou.
Hi, could you liaise with the theatre about the situation and request different seats/ seats that has easy access to get up/down from and walk outside if it all becomes too much. That way she may tolerate the concert better with regular breaks outside/in the bar but with the ability to go back in when she wants to xx
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,399
0
High Peak
It's not that exactly. But I am a 'glass half empty' sort of person so I tend to think of all the things that could go wrong rather than how good it could be.
Also, going to the cinema is totally unlike going to a Queen concert! Apart from the auditorium being huge with thousands of people, the volume will be deafening and there'll be a light show (probably excellent!) with lots of flashing lights and effects too.

If @CazaM 's mum is used to going to rock concerts then fine, but if she's not it might be a shock to the system.
 

Marler19

Registered User
May 16, 2021
96
0
Hi @CazaM - my mum in theory would LOVE to go to the theatre and still talks about it, but I have had to accept she wouldn’t cope with it. The last time I tried it was Phantom of the Opera (a show she knew and loves the tunes) in July and the trip was pretty disastrous as she couldn’t follow it, didn’t know where she was, didn’t remember the show, was confused by the number of people, her back hurt etc etc. We left at the interval and she was loads happier when we got home! Another sad staging post on the dementia journey as I know she now couldn’t enjoy going to anything else like that. We still listen to Classic FM a lot though! My guess is that you have very good instincts around your mum to know whether the Queen trip will work at all - for me I sort of knew that Phantom was the last chance saloon and it didn’t work, but ultimately no harm was done apart from ME having a stressful and miserable day and spending £160!!! I coped though!!
 

Pots and Pans

Registered User
Jan 13, 2020
293
0
You know your mum well but I definitely wouldn't go to steep seating ... you certainly wouldn't enjoy especially if she suddenly needs a loo in the middle of a big number ( I speak as someone who had to take OH to loo 3 times during James Bond movie, including at the very final fight scene. Luckily we had wheelchair slot at front but I couldn't imagine doing this down from steep seats. Not just difficult but really unfair to others too ). As others have said worth contacting venue about accessible area near an exit but you might have to leave very early! One suggestion might be to try instead - or as a trial run - taking her to a local concert before June, in a smaller venue and see how she copes. I'm about to do this with OH to a standing only venue for about 300 to see a band. Venue has disabled parking, disabled loo and level access or ramp for wheelchair. We can be at the back bear exit and I don't mind if we only get to see half the set. If your mum loves rock this could be good compromise and not so distressing if it doesn't work and you leave early. The other concert could easily be ' cancelled,' then.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
7,960
0
Essex
Sometime ago I heard about venues in London that cater for people with dementia. I'll just try and look them up
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
7,960
0
Essex
Just looked them up and a number of symphony orchestras have special concerts for people with dementia (we've had people with dementia in our audience). I think you should do as @Jessbow says and phone the O2. Ask about disabled accessibility and you still want to go you should be entitled to concessions anyway.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
7,960
0
Essex
Just looked them up and a number of symphony orchestras have special concerts for people with dementia (we've had people with dementia in our audience). I think you should do as @Jessbow says and phone the O2. Ask about disabled accessibility and you still want to go you should be entitled to concessions anyway.

MaNaAk
Also is there another event that you could take her to locally where the seating isn't steep just to see how she is?

MaNaAk
 

slim-jim

Registered User
Sep 6, 2020
78
0
Hi there, my Mum is coming up 82 yrs old and has Alzheimers, she was diagnosed in 2019 and I think she is currently at early middle stage. For her 80th Birthday I bought tickets for us to go to the Queen & Adam Lambert concert at the O2. The concert was postponed 2 years running due to Covid but is going ahead in June this year. The thing is, she would have been OK to go 2 years ago but I'm worried that now, she won't enjoy it as much. The seating will be quite high up (she has severe balance issues and very unsteady on her feet), it will be crowded with people and the music will be very loud. I have spoken to her about whether she would still like to go and she says she does want to. I told her I can buy some noise cancelling headphones so it won't be as loud for her. I am just really worried that she may not cope with the whole experience. I would be grateful for any advice as although I so want her to come and enjoy it, I'm not sure if she should go. Thankyou.
I understand your dilemma as deep down you want your mother to enjoy the concert. My wife has Alzheimer's and she was heavily involved with Gilbert & Sullivan before the Alzheimer's started around 4 years ago. If I asked her if she wanted to go to a G &S concert she would immediately say yes. It would however be fraught with any number of problems both before with anxieties leading up to it on her part also her balance is really bad and toilet needs are so unpredictable, she also no longer always recognises a play like she used to. I would suggest doing what I do and have a CD of as close to what you were going to see explaining maybe with a little white lie why you could not attend. If your mum is like my wife she would enjoy the CD as much as the show. Hope i have't gone on too much.but it is like all decisions related to care of dementia sufferers , no easy answers.
 

su3anne

Registered User
Aug 30, 2021
11
0
Hi there, my Mum is coming up 82 yrs old and has Alzheimers, she was diagnosed in 2019 and I think she is currently at early middle stage. For her 80th Birthday I bought tickets for us to go to the Queen & Adam Lambert concert at the O2. The concert was postponed 2 years running due to Covid but is going ahead in June this year. The thing is, she would have been OK to go 2 years ago but I'm worried that now, she won't enjoy it as much. The seating will be quite high up (she has severe balance issues and very unsteady on her feet), it will be crowded with people and the music will be very loud. I have spoken to her about whether she would still like to go and she says she does want to. I told her I can buy some noise cancelling headphones so it won't be as loud for her. I am just really worried that she may not cope with the whole experience. I would be grateful for any advice as although I so want her to come and enjoy it, I'm not sure if she should go. Thankyou.
My dad loves music and we have been tk alot of concerts he usually complains . about noise everywhere but when it's music he likes he loves it x our only issue now is the other patrons as my dad likes to clap and sing along which would be great if he had rhythm and new the words x he loves it but we don't add any other stress on that day so he is not tired or overwhelmed. It's q memory and the worst that will happen is mum will want to leave early if she not happy so if ur fine with that make a memory x