should i stop visits?

Jane05

Registered User
Mar 31, 2016
4
my 89 year old mother lives about 5 mins walk away from me.she is normally 85% self caring has alzheimers and other underlying health issues which make her very vunerable. Nirmally she is out at least 3 times a week at clubs and with a friend, and as well myself visiting regulary my two daughters go in with their children. She hasnt been out now for over 2 weeks and already i can see a slight deterioration in her mental state. My daughters and i decided only i should go in to see her with shopping to minimise the risk of infection. I am taking all precautions and only going to see her every 3 or 4 days but phone her daily and my daughters phone her every few days. I need to take her shopping in as physically she would struggle if i left it on her doorstep but i am concerned of the infection risk. I am also concerned what will happen mentally if she has no visitors for 3 months. If she should get it the likelihood is that i will have passed it on. what would others do? Thank you
 

Nerakx

New member
Mar 31, 2020
1
my 89 year old mother lives about 5 mins walk away from me.she is normally 85% self caring has alzheimers and other underlying health issues which make her very vunerable. Nirmally she is out at least 3 times a week at clubs and with a friend, and as well myself visiting regulary my two daughters go in with their children. She hasnt been out now for over 2 weeks and already i can see a slight deterioration in her mental state. My daughters and i decided only i should go in to see her with shopping to minimise the risk of infection. I am taking all precautions and only going to see her every 3 or 4 days but phone her daily and my daughters phone her every few days. I need to take her shopping in as physically she would struggle if i left it on her doorstep but i am concerned of the infection risk. I am also concerned what will happen mentally if she has no visitors for 3 months. If she should get it the likelihood is that i will have passed it on. what would others do? Thank you
Hi I have same issue. My mum doesn't have paid carers. She lives independently in retirement flats. I had the dilemma about visiting but really no choice she can't shop alone needs reminding about eating etc & company. I know its a risk but having weighed up the options really no choice. I have noticed my mum getting worse ad all activities at her flats have stopped. She just has visits off me and my brother. I have stopped other relatives visiting. You can only do what you feel is right in these very strange circumstances.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,219
Of course you must visit her - at least, that is how I would feel in your position. You have to assess the risks. As long as you are taking appropriate precautions, you are reducing the risks to a minimum, and your visits are very valuable to your mother. There is no perfect answer, but I think going to see her is considerably better than not going.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,130
Yorkshire
hello @Nerakx
a warm welcome to DTP

hi @Jane05

it's part of the advice that 'unofficial' ie family carer visits are not restricted ... I certainly would have continued to visit my dad at home, taking every precaution to keep the risk of unwitting transmission as low as possible

mind you, I live alone

so maybe leaving my coat and shoes at the door, even outside, wiping surfaces, washing my hands, possibly having overalls or a onsie to wear over my clothes, not greeting immediately, keeping a distance as much as possible ... I'd just try anything I could think of to keep us both safe
 
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formymom

New member
Mar 29, 2020
5
64
Florida, USA
I am in the same situation with my almost 93 year old mother. I haven't visited here in Florida as I don't want to take the chance of giving it to her or getting it myself as she was not being prudent at first and she lives in an apartment building. We also talk twice a day now to make up for our missing visits and her lack of going out much now and her normal routine. I told her that I will pick up groceries when she needs them and will deliver them to her when she needs them, most likely later this week. I understand the need to visit, but there are so many considerations: I have no insurance presently. If I get sick and need to be hospitalized it will be catastrophic financially. Plus I have 2 pets to care for and no-one who could help with them or with my Mom if I have to go in. For now, she is safe enough and managing, so while it's not ideal and neither of us love the situation, we must make it work because of these awful circumstances. I believe the biggest thing is to not beat ourselves up. It's tough enough with all the other stuff we need to worry about. xo