should I pull out?

lyndac

Registered User
Jul 15, 2008
1
0
bradford west yorkshire
my dad has been verbally agressive to me for 3 weeks now Im a nurse with a stressfull job to come home each day to be verbally abused is making me ill im a sole carer who lives next door but one to my dad today ive had to go off sick, i came home yesterday and the garden furniture I bought him was thrown in my drive I dont need to rant on because you all know what i mean, Ive been in touch with social services who are increasing their input (the home care girls love my dads visit) and for my sanity i think i need to take a back step now
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,454
0
Kent
Hello Lynda

When my husband is aggressive with me I let him know I will not speak to him or sit with him until he modifies his behaviour and I walk away. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn`t.

I know the cause of your father`s aggression might be totally different to that of my husband, but perhaps you could try something similar.

Yes take a back seat, try to be `distant` when you talk to him, avoid eye contact. In fact do all the opposites that are necessary for good social interaction.

Perhaps he might miss having you around. Perhaps he may be able to modify his behaviour to a more bearable degree. It doesn`t sound as if he is aggressive to his carers.

Just suggestions and my opinion.

Love xx
 

jbcharlie3

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
7
0
Inverness, FL
my dad has been verbally agressive to me for 3 weeks now Im a nurse with a stressfull job to come home each day to be verbally abused is making me ill im a sole carer who lives next door but one to my dad today ive had to go off sick, i came home yesterday and the garden furniture I bought him was thrown in my drive I dont need to rant on because you all know what i mean, Ive been in touch with social services who are increasing their input (the home care girls love my dads visit) and for my sanity i think i need to take a back step now

I do not know if this will help, but here in my facility on the Alzheimer's wing, the residents often act abusive to family members. We are told by nursing, doctors etc...that it is a tool the person uses to try to make family feel guilty for placing them in a nursing home. Your parent is still at home. Is he acting out because he is afraid he will be placed in a nursing home or is it fear that comes with realization of his memory loss? Nurses and doctors here tell staff that the beginning stages of Alzheimers are the hardest on the individual and the later stages more easy because the person has moved on to actually forget he has forgotten something. The later stages get harder on the caregivers, we are told, because the person with Alzheimer's forgets his loved ones and meaningful events. There is no easy time at any stage with Alzheimer's but I find it helps just to talk with people.
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
0
We are told by nursing, doctors etc...that it is a tool the person uses to try to make family feel guilty for placing them in a nursing home.

Hello jbcharlie3, I suppose we all want to try and make sense of aggression, but I think I have my doubts whether such a sweeping interpretation by those nurses and doctors is true for all dementia sufferers. Sometimes there can be a physical reason for behaviour changes such as a simple urinary tract infection causing confusion and aggression. To say that the person with aggresssion is scheming to make someone feel guilty sounds a bit too simple to me and brings the risk of overlooking other factors. I'd be inclined to be a bit sceptical about 'blanket' diagnoses, though of course it may be true at times for some sufferers I guess.

Lynda,in my humble opinion you definitely need to hold back a bit and take care of yourself. It's unlikely that things are going to get easier in the medium term and you need to stay sane and healthy and carry on with your work if that is what you want to do. Check out what support is available for your dad, get a community care assessment and perhaps start thinking about local care homes too in case the worst comes to the worst faster than you anticipate.
Good luck, Deborah
 

jbcharlie3

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
7
0
Inverness, FL
Hello jbcharlie3, I suppose we all want to try and make sense of aggression, but I think I have my doubts whether such a sweeping interpretation by those nurses and doctors is true for all dementia sufferers. Sometimes there can be a physical reason for behaviour changes such as a simple urinary tract infection causing confusion and aggression. To say that the person with aggresssion is scheming to make someone feel guilty sounds a bit too simple to me and brings the risk of overlooking other factors. I'd be inclined to be a bit sceptical about 'blanket' diagnoses, though of course it may be true at times for some sufferers I guess.

Thank You for pointing out the other reasons for aggressive behavior. I did not mean to make it sound like a blanket diagnosis but I do hear it used often especially after infections are ruled out and it was stated that lyndac's dad was liked by his care givers which is often the case in my facilty. Our unit holds 26 residents and it is not the only area with Alzheimer's residents. Often when families will cry to us as to why their loved one is acting a certain way after hearing from staff how wonderful the person is when the family is not around, the reason guilt & frustration for aggressiveness is given. I don't know....I only am saying what is told to me....I do not think our loved ones are scheming or anything...it is aweful to be robbed of your mind. If it happens to me I may do more than throw furniture in frustration.
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
0
london
I do hear it used often especially after infections are ruled out

You made a good point they , as when they a change in behavior with my mother they always put it down to urine infection, so when that rule out, a dementia specialist from the Memory clinic came out to do a mental assessment on mum , who said that it was due to changes in her dementia, mum was having delusion about someone, so became verbally aggressive to anyone that talk to that person




Ive been in touch with social services who are increasing their input (the home care girls love my dads visit) and for my sanity i think i need to take a back step now

When was the last assessment done on your father mental health ?
 
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