Should I move my Gran nearer to her family from a care home she is content in?

[Tiddles]

Hello

I am new to Talking Point but have joined to get some help wrestling with a dilemma concerning my lovely Granny.

She is 94 and has been in a care home in Devon for the past 2 years after she was diagnosed with dementia. My mother was diagnosed with cancer at the same time and was unable to look after herself and her Mum. My mother has since passed away and I have become the sole carer for my Grandmother.

I try and visit her every week but it is a 5 hour round trip and I have 3 young children. I like the home she is in and she always seems content and well cared for and the staff are truly fond of her. She is always pleased to see me when I visit and although I sometimes think she may think I am her daughter we never fail to have things to talk about and she loves seeing her Great Grandchildren when they are not in school and I can bring them.

My question is should I risk upsetting her life to move her to a care home nearer to me so I can see her more often and take her out to see her family and on trips. She is remarkably fit for 94 and still climbs stairs and enjoys a sherry and a good pub lunch.

The owner of the care home advises me not to move her for "my benefit" as I have to consider how the move will affect her immediate world where she feels safe and secure. She forgets my visits within half an hour of leaving so would it matter if I went more times?

I go back and forth with pros and cons and would really appreciate some input.

Thank you for reading my post.

 

[AlsoConfused]

If it was my grandmother I wouldn't move her.

On another thread Skyping was suggested as a way of keeping in touch ... would this work for your grandmother? Perhaps Skype contact could replace much of the long distance journeys you're currently making.

 

[Tin]

I think the care home people are right. Although I am still learning about Dementia the one thing I am sure about is that a move for your grandmother would not benefit her she sounds really happy and content. My mum lives with me now, 150 mile move away from the rest of the family and I have found skpe to be really helpful, mum sometimes thinks the person we are skping was actually visiting us. any chance this could be set up in the care home? a member of staff could help if you Skype at a specific time.

 

[Kevinl]

Another vote for no I'm afraid. The stress of the move, the new surrounding and new faces would be a huge thing to do at her stage of life.
I think what you're doing going every week is above and beyond the call of duty and I admire you for it but I think a better solution would be reducing the number of visits you make and leave her where she's from the sound of it happy and well cared for, you don't know how rarer a situation that is, many on here will be envying you for having that. Too bigger risk of it all going horribly wrong for me I'm afraid.
K

 

[Adcat]

Evening Tiddles,

Firstly, what a nightmare for you to lose your mother and have your grandmother with dementia. I cannot imagine how awful it's been for you.

Secondly, my advice to you would be just as the others have said. Leave your gran where she is. If she is happy and content you really cannot ask for more. You have enough grief to contend with and you have little people relying on you too.

Take care

 

[Chemmy]

Another vote for no I'm afraid. The stress of the move, the new surrounding and new faces would be a huge thing to do at her stage of life.
I think what you're doing going every week is above and beyond the call of duty and I admire you for it but I think a better solution would be reducing the number of visits you make and leave her where she's from the sound of it happy and well cared for, you don't know how rarer a situation that is, many on here will be envying you for having that. Too bigger risk of it all going horribly wrong for me I'm afraid.
K

I agree with all of the above. There is anecdotal evidence that residents do not respond well to a move such as this.

Think about it. You move her and visit for, what, say five hours a week? That would still leave her in the care of complete strangers for the other 163, and that doesn't seem fair. The CH is her home and the staff are to all intents and purposes, her adopted family, and if she seems happy, then let her be.

I would have thought a visit every 3 - 4 weeks, given the distance, was perfectly acceptable. Leaving dementia out of it, unless your relatives live close, most of us visit family far less that that.