Should I move him to another CareHome?

[TriciaBee]

My husband is still very unsettled in his C.H. even after a year. He is incontinent and very uncooperative with the carers. Consequently his room often smells really bad.
He is chair/wheelchair bound as a result of a stroke but recently he has become convinced that he can walk and he often falls. His bed/chair/wheelchair are all alarmed but by the staff arrive he is already on the floor. He hasn’t been injured yet but it’s only a matter of time.
My daughter says that he is ‘at risk’ and that I should move him to another smaller C.H. where he could be supervised all the time. The C.H. where he is, is large and modern, with 3 floors and lifts Inbetween. He has the freedom to move around and see different people.
I feel that in a smaller place he would be stuck in a lounge surrounded by people who are asleep most of the time, just so that he can be watched all the time.
My daughter is a strong personality and she is expecting me to do as she says. Help please!!

 

[jenniferjean]

Have you spoken about your concerns to the person in charge of the care home where he is now? My husband is still at home with me so I'm not in a position to comment on different care homes.
But I do totally understand what you say about your daughter's strong personality. My daughter is the same and can be quite bossy. She is convinced she knows more about everything than I do. I find I have to be so careful how I deal with her without upsetting her. I expect you have the same concerns there.
Speak to someone at the care home and then decide yourself. Don't be bullied.

 

[Bunpoots]

I doubt that moving your husband to a smaller carehome would stop the falls @TriciaBee. It only takes a second or two to get up and no-one can stay that alert all the time. Is there a lap belt on the wheelchair that can be used or does that constitute deprivation of liberty?

 

[Ernest]

My husband has been in his CH for almost 2years. Every time I visit him he wants to come home. As I've posted before on here this is not possible, for several reasons, especially the urine incontinence. He is becoming incontinent and more uncooperative. He refuses help, refuses personal care, sometimes refuses to get out of bed for it to be changed. Often when I get there he's sitting on the bed waiting for me and he's sitting in wet clothes on the wet bed. When I read his care folder the bed might have already been changed twice. Yesterday afternoon when I arrived in his room it was just that. This time even the quilt was wet and the room stank. A few minutes later the owner of the CH came and asked to have a chat. He told me that there were serious concerns over my husband's uncooperative behaviour and that there had been complaints from other residents about the smell. (His room, which he rarely leaves, is just down from the dining room) I have to say before I go any further that all the carers do their very best with OH. He is just so independent, or thinks he is, and stubborn. He hates being told what to do especially by women. Anyway, the owner came back to OH and he persuaded him to have a shower. He told him straight the situation. The smell, the risk to his health etc. I just hope that somehow OH will not be asked to leave. I don't know where I'd find another one like this one which is close by and in beautiful grounds. The CH is very supportive and after I spoke to the owner again today, he said that they would work out a solution somehow and I wasn't to worry. In my case I certainly wouldn't move OH voluntarily. His mobility isn't good. He's refused to have a falls mat so just wears a fall alarm pendant. He has been found on the floor. If your husband is like mine TriciaBee, he doesn't seem unsettled to the care staff. I still feel incredibly guilty that it's come to this. I wouldn't want to go through all the upheaval of moving somewhere else which might not be any different.

 

[TriciaBee]

Have you spoken about your concerns to the person in charge of the care home where he is now? My husband is still at home with me so I'm not in a position to comment on different care homes.
But I do totally understand what you say about your daughter's strong personality. My daughter is the same and can be quite bossy. She is convinced she knows more about everything than I do. I find I have to be so careful how I deal with her without upsetting her. I expect you have the same concerns there.
Speak to someone at the care home and then decide yourself. Don't be bullied.

Thank you jenniferjean.Sounds as though your daughter is very much like mine. They call it Role Reversal! I’m not ready for that just yet!

 

[TriciaBee]

I doubt that moving your husband to a smaller carehome would stop the falls @TriciaBee. It only takes a second or two to get up and no-one can stay that alert all the time. Is there a lap belt on the wheelchair that can be used or does that constitute deprivation of liberty?

Yes Bunpoots. Apparently using a belt is not acceptable in Carehomes these days.

 

[TriciaBee]

My husband has been in his CH for almost 2years. Every time I visit him he wants to come home. As I've posted before on here this is not possible, for several reasons, especially the urine incontinence. He is becoming incontinent and more uncooperative. He refuses help, refuses personal care, sometimes refuses to get out of bed for it to be changed. Often when I get there he's sitting on the bed waiting for me and he's sitting in wet clothes on the wet bed. When I read his care folder the bed might have already been changed twice. Yesterday afternoon when I arrived in his room it was just that. This time even the quilt was wet and the room stank. A few minutes later the owner of the CH came and asked to have a chat. He told me that there were serious concerns over my husband's uncooperative behaviour and that there had been complaints from other residents about the smell. (His room, which he rarely leaves, is just down from the dining room) I have to say before I go any further that all the carers do their very best with OH. He is just so independent, or thinks he is, and stubborn. He hates being told what to do especially by women. Anyway, the owner came back to OH and he persuaded him to have a shower. He told him straight the situation. The smell, the risk to his health etc. I just hope that somehow OH will not be asked to leave. I don't know where I'd find another one like this one which is close by and in beautiful grounds. The CH is very supportive and after I spoke to the owner again today, he said that they would work out a solution somehow and I wasn't to worry. In my case I certainly wouldn't move OH voluntarily. His mobility isn't good. He's refused to have a falls mat so just wears a fall alarm pendant. He has been found on the floor. If your husband is like mine TriciaBee, he doesn't seem unsettled to the care staff. I still feel incredibly guilty that it's come to this. I wouldn't want to go through all the upheaval of moving somewhere else which might not be any different.

Thank you Ernest. I have decided now that I won’t move him. I hadn’t really considered that they might not keep him there. It’s a purpose- built Care Home so I don’t think that will happen. Heaven help me if it does!

 

[andreasss86]

I hope I'm not too late to offer an opinion on this topic... I've read the other replies too. You said that your husband is in a large and modern care home, so I suppose you could afford a live in carer maybe? My family have hired a carer from Guardian carers for my grandmother. She has dementia. It's not extreme just yet, but she does neet 24 hour care. I suppose the reason why he is unsettled is because he wants to be home? Have you and your daughter considered this option?

 

[Jale]

I think with the best will in the world someone cannot be supervised 24 hours a day, there are always carers around (and a nurse) on mum's floor of her nursing home, but they cannot stay with someone permanently. If this is what your daughter expects then she will be disappointed (sorry that sounds rude, don't mean it to be). It is sad to watch a loved one causing problems that we cannot always find an answer to. Best wishes