I am new to this site, but hope it helps as don't know where else to turn. My Mum is 77 and was diagnosed with dementia at 68. She now has advanced stage and needs 24 hr care. My Dad was with Mum for 60 years before he died of cancer 3 years ago which was the worst thing that has happened to our family, until now. Mum was suicidal at the time and just got through the next year with the support of family and friends. 2 years ago, one of Mum And Dads friends came to stay for the weekend at Mums house and never left. Despite the fact that Mum was advanced stage by then, they soon were sharing a bed and having a sexual relationship. We all found this confusing at the time, but Mum seemed happy and it worked for a while. We were grateful to this man as we knew that if he wasn't there she would have to go to a CH, so we did not ask for a penny from him for house bills or food or anything else. The main thing was to keep Mum in her home that was familiar and she loved. However, over the last year things started to deteriorate. The house got really dirty, there was always rotting food around and worse, Mum always looked dirty with sores and cuts and lived in filthy bed sheets that the man would not allow me to change. If I tried to suggest clearing things up it would end in battles with Mum who defended everything her new partner wanted. More worryingly than that, I would get frequent night time phone calls from Mum saying her partner was being so verbally aggressive that she wanted him out or she wanted to leave and was scared of him. I challenged him about this and he admitted losing his temper out of frustration on several occasions. Much as I know it's such a frustrating illness, I was getting increasingly worried about the decline in the situation. Every time these arguments happened I would tell Mum I would talk to her partner about it in the morning and sort things out, but when the morning came Mum would have no recollection of any fighting and get angry at me for even suggesting such a thing was possible! Things limped on for a few months until Mums partner suddenly took to his bed as he claimed his legs no longer worked and he needed to admit himself to hospital. I took time off work to go and look after both of them as neither could get food for themselves and also organised for a private carer to come in for when Mums partner was away. Mums partners view at that time was that I should give up my job and come and look after them both which is not a financial option for me and my family. He was permanently in bed and peeing into bottles which I had to empty and exposing his genitals to me at any opportunity then laughing when I complained. Meanwhile I told the whole sad tale to the local Adult Care team who said that there was a safeguarding issue for Mum and advised that I needed to get this man out of Mums house and the opportunity would be after he was admitted to hospital. Once he was in hospital I contacted the adult social care team there and they told him that he was to be discharged the following day back to his home and not to my mothers house. By the way he had very little wrong with him and was walking around the ward with a little effort despite telling us this would have been impossible at home and should never have been sent to hospital in the first place. We also found out that he was not feeding Mum and hadn't given her medication to her for the last 6 months because she didn't want it. So now he is at his home many miles away and Mum is living with the carer, very expensive, but looking to see if we can get some help from the council, but what choice did we have? Every day my Mum demands to speak to her partner over and over, she rings him constantly. She is very angry at me because he told her it is me keeping them apart. He does not think he did anything wrong, she calls him the love of her life and frequently screams the house down trying to find him, smashing the walls and throwing things about. The carer is amazing and mum is clean and healthy, washing properly, eating well, taking her medicine, but totally obsessed with getting back with her "lover". He keeps ringing me saying they had a relationship and he should come back as his home is not suitable for his care needs and he would be much happier at Mums. With every decision I make about Mum I think about what she would have wanted me to do when she was well, what I promised my lovely father I would do for her ie keep her in her home as long as the money lasted and she was safe. It is so hard and I fear that the stress of all this will take me down the same road as Mum. Her dementia began shortly after her mother died from dementia and all the stress that involved so I know it could happen to me too. I have three brothers but they have done very little over the last few years. I have POA and so do pretty much everything for Mum despite having a full time job and children. My brother seems to be more worried about the cost of this and his inheritance, but I really don't respect that view. My other brother keeps saying that we shouldn't split up my mum and her partner as they are a couple, but he is not the one on speed dial when she is hysterical or wanting to run away from this man. Sorry to drone on, but it's been a horrible few weeks and, despite all my friends and mums friends saying I did the right thing it doesn't feel like it when Mum is screaming at me for her man. Has anyone else had a situation like this? I couldn't find anything like it and I really would like some advice on whether I am doing the right thing, how long this nightmare may last and is there anything else I can do to make it better?